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Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 1:32:43 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

Heres a vanilla cone question for the veterans of the board....

When is the right time to throw down and take the plunge when dealing with long distance or dare i say it, online relationships? When do you say, "enough is enough, im committing myself to this person, despite time and distance and whatnot."
Is it after meeting?
Is it after playing?
Is it when you realise that you are spending more time on the phone with this person (or online) than you are with anyone else?
Is it when you turn down a date with someone who is obviously local, because you like the other person better?

Dominants, please address at what point you would wish that the sub in question stop dealing with whatever non committed, but regular "activities" they may be involved in....of course, only if addressing it pleases you...eyes lowered.

Submissives, when do you decide to stop what youre doing "in the meantime" and deal with what you believe may have potential?

Consider this as well, the time distance and cost of travel will be keeping you from actually seeing this person for a significant period of time...perhaps months...maybe longer.
Consider also that this would not be strictly long distance or mostly online forever...just for the time being.

When is it appropriate for one or the other to expect a certain level of commitment and when is it not...where do you draw the line?

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

Post #: 1

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 1:40:56 PM

cravesdom

Posts: 5219
Joined: 3/28/2008
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I think it is when you realize that this person, no matter how far away they are, has potential to become someone very special in your life. In my case, my Bob lives over 1200 miles away from me, but within a few days of our starting to talk I knew that there was something very special about him and that he was worth an attempt to see if it would work. It took us 2 months to meet in person and the wait was well worth it. He never asked me to stop seeing other people or to devote myself only to him, but because of how I felt about him it was something I wanted to do.

_____________________________

Finally home where I belong.

"A lot of disappointed people have been left standing on the street corner waiting for the bus marked 'Perfection.' " Donald Kennedy

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 2

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 2:02:30 PM

silkncarol

Posts: 318
Status: offline

Excellent question....i'm pondering the possible answers. Part of me wonders how/why an online relationship can become so important, especially when you've never met the person real time.....another part knows that when it feels so right, you have to take the chance and pursue the possibilities for a good solid TPE with the person you've been looking for. Is it right to lead some "local" on, when you know someone else already is in your head and heart? hummmm............i'll have to get back to ya on this.

_____________________________

We attract hearts by the qualities we display. We retain them by the qualities we possess.

Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

(in reply to cravesdom)

Post #: 3

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 2:05:59 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Hey hun *mwah*

The answer is probably going to be different for everyone.
Only YOU can decide when it is right.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to silkncarol)

Post #: 4

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 2:25:30 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Hey hun *mwah*

The answer is probably going to be different for everyone.
Only YOU can decide when it is right.

No fair....not my situation....

...its a "friend of mine's" issue.
im saying...when do you think that you would eschew a realtime non committed thing for a virtually mental situation (no fair flaming that....im not knocking it, im reporting a physical fact)...
What feelings might cue that sort of decision for you personally...as in...."ok, im thinking of X even though Y is right in front of me...wonder what that means?"
What would you do, misst, if you were finding yourself pulled toward someone who is so remarkably far from you that you just dont see a meet within the year? you and i have yet to meet but i think we live our lives relatively similarly in this realm anyway,...would you personally turn yourself over emotionally to someone you couldnt touch for a significant period of time?

And im looking for what the different answers are and why. i think that i could do that...but there would have to be soo much communication that i wouldnt feel the distance so much...seems kind of cumbersome compared to realtime...but i betcha i could do it.

xxooxx
perse

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 5

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 2:31:13 PM

tweedydaddy

Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

No online for us, sorry. Not at all.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 6

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 2:33:13 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: silkncarol

Excellent question....i'm pondering the possible answers. Part of me wonders how/why an online relationship can become so important, especially when you've never met the person real time.....another part knows that when it feels so right, you have to take the chance and pursue the possibilities for a good solid TPE with the person you've been looking for. Is it right to lead some "local" on, when you know someone else already is in your head and heart? hummmm............i'll have to get back to ya on this.

i hope to hear from you soon. i have been thinking about this for a while now as a lot of my friends find themselves in this type of dilema and i used to feel that local was the only way to go...but i have seen some things work out in ways i didnt expect.

And to be clear on the "leading someone on" part...no one is being led on...its simply that im hearing from a lot of other sources that a regular playpartner who has no chance in heck of progressing to more might make a dominant with more relationship potential take a person less seriously due to this pre-existing relationship....hope that clears things up a bit.

And im still sticking to the "its a friend of mine" story.

perse

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to silkncarol)

Post #: 7

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 2:34:46 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

Thanks craves...that sounds so sweet. i wish you both well.

perse

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to cravesdom)

Post #: 8

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 2:51:59 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

If you have already met, the next step has been taken. If I met someone that I was in an online relationship with, I'd expect certain behavior from her later if we both thought it had gone well.

But I mean the key is if the two of you intend and have plans to move closer physically. If you do and you have met and played then staying in the relationship longer seems reasobable to me. When it becomes apparent that you will never be living in the same locale, it could be time to move on. Good luck to both.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 9

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 2:55:05 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I would not give committment to someone whom I've not met in real life. I can't see the value in it.

If after a real life meeting, we felt that things might progress into something I would have no problem with an agreement to not see others, as long as it was reciprocated. It would be important to me that we have mutual agreement regarding where we think the relationship is heading, and the steps needed to get it to that point.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 10

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 2:57:50 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I do not think anyone can answer those questions for anyone else... so my answer should be meaningless for other people... even being a "veteran" of this board...

For me it depends on the person involved and how I feel... nothing else to consider except how i feel about them and the particulars of the situation.

I would need to meet someone before committing to them...other than that, when I was looking I had no limits on when it was ok to commit

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 11

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 3:10:48 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Hey hun *mwah*

The answer is probably going to be different for everyone.
Only YOU can decide when it is right.

No fair....not my situation.......its a "friend of mine's" issue.
im saying...when do you think that you would eschew a realtime non committed thing for a virtually mental situation (no fair flaming that....im not knocking it, im reporting a physical fact)...
What feelings might cue that sort of decision for you personally...as in...."ok, im thinking of X even though Y is right in front of me...wonder what that means?"
What would you do, misst, if you were finding yourself pulled toward someone who is so remarkably far from you that you just dont see a meet within the year? you and i have yet to meet but i think we live our lives relatively similarly in this realm anyway,...would you personally turn yourself over emotionally to someone you couldnt touch for a significant period of time?

And im looking for what the different answers are and why. i think that i could do that...but there would have to be soo much communication that i wouldnt feel the distance so much...seems kind of cumbersome compared to realtime...but i betcha i could do it.

xxooxx
perse

Ok, ok. I spoke to Sir online, two days later i arranged to meet him for a weekend the following weekend. I met him and committed that very weekend. Honestly *warning cliche* he had me from hello.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 12

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 3:14:06 PM

EmlyKate

Posts: 52
Joined: 1/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Heres a vanilla cone question for the veterans of the board....

When is the right time to throw down and take the plunge when dealing with long distance or dare i say it, online relationships? When do you say, "enough is enough, im committing myself to this person, despite time and distance and whatnot."
Is it after meeting?
Is it after playing?
Is it when you realise that you are spending more time on the phone with this person (or online) than you are with anyone else?
Is it when you turn down a date with someone who is obviously local, because you like the other person better?

Dominants, please address at what point you would wish that the sub in question stop dealing with whatever non committed, but regular "activities" they may be involved in....of course, only if addressing it pleases you...eyes lowered.

Submissives, when do you decide to stop what youre doing "in the meantime" and deal with what you believe may have potential?

Consider this as well, the time distance and cost of travel will be keeping you from actually seeing this person for a significant period of time...perhaps months...maybe longer.
Consider also that this would not be strictly long distance or mostly online forever...just for the time being.

When is it appropriate for one or the other to expect a certain level of commitment and when is it not...where do you draw the line?

While I am in no way a "veteran of the boards," I have found myself in a long distance relationship with someone I originally met online. As far as when did I decide I was committing? Somewhere between talking every night and the first meet. As in, I knew that if the first meet went well, this was it, I was going to take that big jump. There was a significant level of committment before that meet though, I decided to not pursue other opportunities, and to focus on building what was developing between us. And... we waited 5 months to first meet, at least 3 until the next... hopefully shortly after that there'll be no more of this "flying over the pond" business.

And that concludes my rambling, mostly coherant response.

_____________________________

Emlykate

~~~~ Insert Something Witty, Profound or Insightful Here ~~~~

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 13

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 4:05:34 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

hehe....awwwwww

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 14

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 4:14:28 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

Ex...

Thats kind of where i sit on it...once they have met it would be only fair to decide what they wanted to do...and i suppose one could stretch that out to only phone and internet connection...but that would have to be a pretty intense phone/internet connection. And there would have to be a meet coming soonish too i suppose. Thanks for the thought and answer.

perse

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 15

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 4:15:24 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

i went to an event he was teaching at, it was magical, i fell in love, i have been his ever since....it was not the same for him, he had to put me through the bounce test...but we have been togeather a year, and its just getting better.

you ask the question how do you know when..i dont think you ever do some times you leap and there is a nest of feathers waiting at the bottom and somtimes is sharp rocks...

i am one that would say just jump.....the joy is in the leaping not the landing....

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 16

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 4:16:22 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

katy and julia....

yep, i tend to agree with both statements.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 17

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 4:17:04 PM

MistresseLotus

Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline

When you know for sure your S.O. doesn't have a spouse.

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 18

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 4:20:33 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

Thanks Amy....

You know youre a jumper....i always thought i was too...and btw...how hard was it to fall in love in Hawaii for goodness sake? Just joshin....feelins are feelins.
(Nothing more than feeeeelingsssss....)

-okay, okay, ill stop now.

peace

perse

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 19

RE: Going to the mattresses... - 10/12/2008 4:30:45 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

When I realize I can't just say no...I won't do long distance.
When I am overpowered with thoughts of him and I'm constantly in anticipation of our next meeting.
When I have come to the conclusion that I don't want to be with anyone else but him.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 20

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