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Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 12:42:00 PM   
missturbation


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There are many here who give good, sound advice but i have to wonder........... how many people actually take their own advice?

Someone asking how long they should wait before meeting someone from cm. I would advise getting to know them as best as they can before jumping into a meet. Do i follow that advice? Hell no.
Someone asking about play on a first date. I would advise not playing on a first date. Do i follow that advice? Hell no again.


I can openly admit that most advice i give, i don't follow. Do you follow your own advice?

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 12:46:59 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		I generally follow my own advice. But, you have to remember, that no piece of wisdom is going to be correct in all cases. I always swore I would never pick up a woman while on a business trip.... just too cliche for me. Guess where I met my wife *laughs*

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 12:52:28 PM   
lemmebeYourMine


Posts: 136
Joined: 11/7/2007
Status: offline 		sometimes yes, More oft, probably not. To start with call it human err; it is way easier to be a hypocrit than to actually mean everything we say to someone else. It is easy to be wise, harder to act wisely.

I'm guessing that your post bears significance more than just curiousity though. Are you thinking some of the advice as per the examples given, would be good to also follow rather than just pass on?

Also I think we always assume we are smarter, better at making "snap" judgements, and better equipped to deal with maybe disappointments than the person(s) we offer our advice too. (be that a true or untrue notion of self).

Lemmebe.

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 12:53:48 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		misst...

i do follow my own advice, which is in line with yours on meeting and whatnot...but i do tend to reserve the right to override. Its so much easier to deal with my friends issues than my own.
More to the point, i tend to not only ignore my own advice, but most days i discard my friends advice as well....
im unruly, as you can clearly see.

perse

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And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 12:54:11 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


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Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Actually, I pretty much follow my own advice, and there are times that I find myself -far- too pragmatic for my own good. To use the examples that you gave, I typically advise planning a 'coffee meet' or 'brunch meet' in a public place, relatively quickly -- within a couple of weeks if possible... and that is typically what we try to do. (This month, our 'coffee/brunch' meets will actually be a communal affair, since we've invited some of the s-types who have indicated that they'd like to get to know us better to come up and help us out with our relocation. *grins*)

As far as 'play'-- I don't recommend playing on the first meetup, and for the most part, I don't. The meetup is strictly for establishing parameters and figuring out whether or not we're going to be a good fit -- then we plan to meet according to how our schedules match up after that.

In general, I try not to give advice that I haven't tried and tested through my own experiences, or that hasn't been tested through people that I know intimately and whom I have helped through their similar circumstances. Otherwise, how would I know whether or not it might prove to be useful information, if I'd never experienced it (or something like it) myself.

Calla Firestorm

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 10/12/2008 12:55:12 PM >

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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 12:56:16 PM   
NuevaVida


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Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		It's funny you ask this. For the most part, yes, I try to follow my own advice. But then, every so often, the way I live is WAY off from what I might advise...

For example, recently a friend of mine (non-D/s) chatted with a man on Match.com. A day later, he invited her to visit him at his home, 2 hours away. The next thing I know, she's emailing me all his contact info, saying she's on her way out the door to go see him (late on a Thursday night). I was with friends that night, but gasped and called her. My friends were shocked she would do that, and immediately after I said, "I would never do something like that" we all burst out laughing...and I had to follow it up with, "No, I'd just fly to LA to meet a man for the first time, entering his hotel room wearing a blindfold."

Sometimes our gut feelings about our own well being motivate us to take risks we would never advise someone else to take. For example, that blindfold thing?? Yeah, I wouldn't advise that...but I knew it would work for me that one time.

So I guess it's circumstantial, eh?

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 1:04:39 PM   
BitaTruble


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Yeah, I pretty much walk my talk, actually. I consistantly advise communication as a key tool in developing and maintaining solid relationships and Himself and I do that in spades in all the important areas of life. Other than that, my general advice is to use your head, trust your gut and follow your heart and I try do that as well.

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 10/12/2008 1:06:10 PM >

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 1:14:08 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If it's beware of meeting him at Starbucks info, I tend to mention what is usually recommended, and what I believe in, and if applicable the fact that I didn't do any of that and I'm still with him.

Well, sort of with him. He wont be home till late tomorrow the rat. After sending me an incredibly hot email that is keeping me humming. I'd try straddling the washing machine but he's ruled that out till he feels like satisfying me.

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 1:18:36 PM   
cravesdom


Posts: 5219
Joined: 3/28/2008
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I have very purposefully tried to never give advice not to play on the first "date" or not to meet within days of first talking with someone because I know that there have been situations I have done both of these things and it worked out just fine. When I give advice, I try to really think through the situation and how I would feel if I were in that person's shoes and respond accordingly. But even then, there is no guarantee that I am right.

When my love flew here from Pennsylvania, we had been talking for 2 months. There was absolutely no way I was going to let him be here for a week and not play with him, even though he told me he did not expect that. I picked him up at the airport, so yes we did meet in a public place. And I did have a safe call in place, but only because a friend of mine insisted. I personally did not feel the need for one. And to be honest, if I could have met him much sooner, I would have. The distance was the only thing that really made me wait as long as I did.

I think every situation is different and every person is different so it is difficult to have a hard list of rules and say I must follow these no matter what. There is no "one size fits all" in this lifestyle. Each person has to decide what works for them, keep their eyes open for red flags, and listen to their intuition when it tells them something is wrong. No matter how much advice you are given, it is up to you to make the final decision.

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Finally home where I belong.

"A lot of disappointed people have been left standing on the street corner waiting for the bus marked 'Perfection.' " Donald Kennedy

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 1:36:58 PM   
missturbation


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quote:

I'm guessing that your post bears significance more than just curiousity though. Are you thinking some of the advice as per the examples given, would be good to also follow rather than just pass on?

Most probably i should follow my on adivce sometimes. However i probably never will and accept any consequences of not doing so.


_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 1:42:48 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Yes and no!

Yes, because I have a strong sense of integrity that drives me to live by and put into practice everything I say on these boards.

No, because I am still learning and growing and sometimes do things or make decisions that later in reflection I then realized were wrong or contrary to my own ideas and principles.

There is education on an intellectual level and then education on an experience level. Understanding a concept on an intellectual level is easy. Putting it into practice on an actionable level is a whole different ballpark and something you mostly learn from experience and hard knocks.

It's really easy to understand on an intellectual level that making decisions based on your ego is not a strong leadership practice. Putting that concept into practice, figuring out when your making decisions based on your ego and when your not, and avoiding that is a bit harder.

Making mistakes isn't hypocrisy. It's learning.

It's one of the reasons why when I really extend myself and give a lot of advice I try to write it as someone who who is prone to those kind of mistakes and doesn't always practice what he preaches as opposed to a pontificating portrayal of perfection.

Edited to Add : It makes the fall a little easier when people finally meet me and realize that I am not a guru of masterful dominance as all to easily for really anyone to portray themselves on an Internet message board.

Edited One More Time to Add : This is mainly the reason why I respect SimplyMichael and a few other male dominants on these boards, because he openly admits to his mistakes, is completely honest about where he is and how he got there, and what he is doing to fix it.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 10/12/2008 1:48:00 PM >

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 1:51:01 PM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		@op

If you are in a situation an outside view or advise is a good thing, because you loose your overview.
But if you are not in such situation, you can give a clear advise to the ones in it.


A shrink that helps you not to be jealous, can still be jealous herself in times.
She advises you in this example, but still can forget her own advise..because emotions are hard to control...they push away common sense.

I try hard the last year to learn from my own advise.
Also from the quotes I post and like. They contain lots of information...but I used to forget them when I needed them  ;)

< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 10/12/2008 1:52:34 PM >

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 1:55:19 PM   
NorthernGent


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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Do i follow that advice? Hell no.



A vision is one thing; the wherewithal to follow this vision to its conclusion, is another.

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I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 2:03:14 PM   
missturbation


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Do i follow that advice? Hell no.



A vision is one thing; the wherewithal to follow this vision to its conclusion, is another.


Ohhh i have the wherewithal to follow my advice. I just choose not to.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 2:04:04 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		I stay to my indian teachings my spirit guide always tells me what to do   sometimes i do not pay attention or are to stuborn  do the right thing

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 2:07:11 PM   
silkncarol


Posts: 318
Status: offline 		I agree with BitaTruble on this one...........in fact, it may be the answer to my ponderings on another thread...."going to the mattresses" 

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

~FR~

Yeah, I pretty much walk my talk, actually. I consistantly advise communication as a key tool in developing and maintaining solid relationships and Himself and I do that in spades in all the important areas of life. Other than that, my general advice is to use your head, trust your gut and follow your heart and I try do that as well.


_____________________________

We attract hearts by the qualities we display. We retain them by the qualities we possess.

Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 2:17:39 PM   
Tamora


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/12/2008
Status: offline 		I can honestly say that I dont follow the advice I give .. and I have a simple explanation for that ... the people who ask for such advice (how to deal with a first meet, how to negotiate a relationship, how to blah blah ....) are usually asking from a position of inexperience in things I have enough experience in to be able to wing it.

Do as I say ... not as I do .... Doing as I say , is the safest option. Doing as I do .. not so safe ... but it works for me.

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 2:20:10 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		As a rule, I don't give advice much.  If I read here on the message boards about a situation and it resonates with me, I might share my experiences and what I did.  I really try to speak from my own experience so its not likely that I'm going to say much that isn't grounded in what I've done in the past or would be likely to do given my personality and patterns of behavior.  I'm just not big on telling people what to do or how to handle their lives and its challenges.

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 2:20:38 PM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline
quote:

omeone asking about play on a first date. I would advise not playing on a first date. Do i follow that advice? Hell no again.




I could be wrong but it sounds like you are conflicted in terms of what you feel is safe and right for you and your fear of offering others advice that may lead them to a dangerous situation or leave them somehow harmed, either physically or emotionally. It is one thing to do something yourself and another to condone and encourage it in another. Nothing wrong with that.

I do think that when we are conflicted about a given behavior the honest thing to do is to offer both sides of the coin, or offer nothing at all.

In the end, we are not children here and some things just have to be left to individuals making adult decisions, so perhaps the best advice in cases where one is conflicted would be to recommend some reading material and an open mind, and leave the rest to the individual.

Of course I may be totally misreading your post.


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Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin

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RE: Practicing what we preach - 10/12/2008 2:23:41 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		I would say that to truly advise yourself could be proof positive of advanced shizophrenia.

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