I'm an idiot. (Full Version)

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Lynnxz -> I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 1:10:59 PM)

I feel like a jackass... talk about overstepping boundarys...

C and I were at a club yesterday for DomCon, and happened to poke our head in on a needleplay scene that was going on. This particular club happens to have little semi-private rooms off to the side of the main room, kind of nice, and it was in one of these rooms that a few people had gathered to watch the scene.

Anyway, I made eye contact with the man standing by the subs head... not the top conducting the scene, and the man invited us in with a wave. Great scene, BEAUTIFUL corset piercing, gorgeous bottom... but later we overheard her saying all the people in the room ruined the scene. I think there were maybe 8-9 people total who came in and out.

I feel like an ass! I am horrible at public protocol, because we never go out to the public scene. I thought perhaps the girl was with the man who invited us in, but apparently not. [:(] I try hard not to be the creeper in the corner, (We had one during our scene) how do you avoid being "THAT person"?




NuevaVida -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 1:14:17 PM)

You were invited in. If she wants to be upset about people entering, she can direct it toward the one inviting other people in. A misunderstanding does not make you an ass, although I can imagine you feel awkward. But I'd suggest letting it go - you did not intentionally interfere, and took it upon good faith that the man beside her, who invited you, was authorized to do so.



softness -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 1:19:38 PM)

nodsnods .. especially if the accepted protocol at that club is that its ok to enter the semi-private rooms to observe other players.

If I am ever in any doubt I always make sure I stay where the bottom cannot see me ... I would do the same for the Top but often that is impossible because they are having to remain aware of the space around the scene as well as what is happening inside it.

I wouldn't beat yourself up about it ... I would just be more cautious in future and think nothing more of it hun.



colouredin -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 1:23:04 PM)

Yeah to be fair these are 'semi-private' rooms they arent out of bounds, and if you were welcomed in its really not your fault at all and certainly not something to beat yourself up over. In fairness and maybe I am wrong here but I would have thought that if she wanted the scene to be totally private she should have asked for it not to be done in a public club



kiwisub12 -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 2:28:47 PM)

Semi-private means that it isn't a no-go situation. If the door wasn't shut then what-the-hey - you weren't loud, rude or obnoxious ( i assume [:D]) so don't worry about it.



SimplyMichael -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 2:36:35 PM)

I think Lynx meant a BYSTANDER waved them in, not an actual participant in the scene.

Public play has its plusses and minuses, it is great being around all the positive energy but sometimes other people can be a problem.  I for one have no trouble turning around and politely asking people to shut the fuck up and or give me enough space. 

Lynx, it wasn't your job to read the bottom and decide if your entering the room was good or bad.  It was the bottom's job to convey that to the Top and a good top might pick up that it was interfering with the bottom's headspace and then dealt with it.



IvyMorgan -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 2:47:36 PM)

If you were really disturbing their scene, you'd have gotten caught in a backswing.  Such is my experience of public play, at any rate.  (I'm a bitch with the back swing)

I hate making a spectacle of myself, to the point where I barely make a noise during play, have to be pushed to scream, even when told to, etc.  But, I play in public, I know I will be watched, I know people will come up to me afterwards and say they saw me, what they thought, and so on.  If I were not comfortable with this, I would not play in public.  If I could not deal with this (and people coming up saying negative things), I would not play in public.

If she didn't want to be watched, she shouldn't have played in public.  If she was uncomfortable with people in the room, she should have said something, if someone were inviting people in, she should have told him where to shove it if that wasn't what she wanted.



littlewonder -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 2:51:28 PM)

If she didn't want people to watch then she shouldn't be playing in public..simple really.

Public=people, not private.




faerytattoodgirl -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 3:06:11 PM)

but your a HOT idiot... [8|]



PlayfulOne -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 3:15:48 PM)

What do you know about the people involved in the scene?  The top may not of wanted as private a scene as she did and she had to deal with it.  Maybe the top who waved you in was actually her dom and someone else was doing the session.  I would think they if they had really wanted it to be private they would have arranged it as such. 

K



Evility -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 3:36:17 PM)

Someone playing in public said all the people ruined the scene.

I love it.





CallaFirestormBW -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 3:36:22 PM)

I think that if they wanted a completely private scene, or invitation only, they needed to either make that clear by setting someone to 'shield' the perimeter (or have the d-type stay connected enough to what was going on around that xhe was able to motion people away), or they needed to pay for or otherwise arrange (according to the dungeon rules) a more private space to scene.

I am someone who does blood-scene... and there -is- a time where it can feel too 'crowded' with observers, though I understand that blood-scene isn't something people get to see as much as, perhaps, a flogging scene, so it is a curiosity. I always have a 'limit' in mind, and make sure that I monitor the environment.

One other matter that seems to affect scenes that don't have a swinging whip or flogger or whatever is the tendency of people to 'crowd' the scene, trying to get in close to see what is happening. This can be really problematic, but again, it is the top's responsibility to stay connected enough to the environment to be able to let people who are milling around know that they're too close and to back off and give the scene some space.

If the person guiding the scene didn't step up and say "ok, give us some space, folks.", then you have -no- reason to feel like an ass. The burden lays on the person controlling a public-play scene to manage the environment -- and public play is kind of a show... if people don't want to be on display, they need to be really clear about that when using public or semi-public dungeon space.

Calla Firestorm



marieToo -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 4:05:21 PM)

I'm with the rest of the posters here in that it WAS at a play space where others come and go.  I've never been to one of these places, but I would think that "Semi-private" kind of means off to the side, but not really out of bounds for possible on-lookers.  Maybe some general rules about protocol should be posted in the place.

I would think common sense would tell these people that if they don't want possible on-lookers entering, they should be doing this in the privacy of their own home.  

Another thought---When the bottom later mentioned that all the people watching ruined it for her, it could be possible that she didn't realize that would ruin it, until she had actually experienced it.  In other words, maybe she went into it thinking she'd be cool with it, then later realized she would have enjoyed it more if it had been completely private.  Furthermore, the top didn't chase anyone out.  You're not an idiot.



Celene -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 4:14:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

Someone playing in public said all the people ruined the scene.

I love it.



It is amusing.... but I can relate because the first time I'd been to see public play was at the DomCon here in Los Angeles in May. While in a very crowded room at the play party, a sub came over to me to ask (tell) me to move because she couldn't throw the whip. Okay, that's not what he said, but it was clear that she couldn't and he felt a need to protect people. (Better believe I was not standing where I was going to get hit.) Every room was crowded and if she's not proficient, then she should get all dressed up and stay at home to practice some more. It was just soooo L.A.
It was almost funny -- but IMO having a sub feel the need to control the scene was a lot closer to pathetic.
Take it with a grain of salt. The new kids come out to play at these large scale events.   
Hope you didn't let it ruin the rest of your fun.

Edited to include a favorite smile inducer:
The DomCon was held in the Hilton next to LAX on Mother's Day weekend ... the Mother's Day brunch was ... uh, quite a sight to say the least.



sublizzie -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 4:17:09 PM)

When you've mastered mind-reading *then* I'd worry about having watched a scene you find out later the submissive wasn't happy about having been watched. If you aren't told, you can't know.



OneMoreWaste -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 5:01:43 PM)

Was there a door on the room? [:-]



mztresn0w -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 5:12:23 PM)

You did nothing wrong. If it was a private scene then it should have been done behind closed doors or there should have been someone there to keep people out. If you play in public then you should know people are going to watch. It is a shame she forgot that.



azropedntied -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 5:17:26 PM)

lynn i can only echo what others have already  put it so well ,YOU did NOTHING wrong .[:)]



sailorfrank -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 5:39:40 PM)

    Yea dont sweat the small stuff. You did nothing wrong but observe a scene going on in public yes public!  The only one that ruined the scene was her immature attitude!

Dont let others that dont have the smarts to tell public from private ruin your fun okay?[;)]



PanthersMom -> RE: I'm an idiot. (10/11/2008 5:49:19 PM)

i wouldn't worry about it, if they didn't close the door, they were not looking for privacy.  one of them might really enjoy showing off. 
PM



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