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Open Relationship quetions. - 10/10/2008 8:21:23 PM

seekingaSir

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/1/2008
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For those of you in open relationships or have had open relationship.

My Dom does not want a "commited" long term relationship in his life right now. He like his freedom to see others. I am okay with this, but my concern is that he doesn't feel that I should be allowed the same respect. I think that if one is allowed to see others, then both should be. I do understand that I am His, and that He of course has control. But feel it's unfair for me to not be allowed to see others, when he can. He and I don't see each other very often, and we only meet for "sexual" encounters, we don't date, or spend time together socially. Am I wrong to think that I should be allowed too see others also? I am honestly and open-mindedly seeking others thoughts, too see if I am missing something in the way I look at it.

Post #: 1

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/10/2008 8:32:09 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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Hmmm My answer might be different depending upon how long you have been in this relationship, what it apparently promised at the start and how deeply devoted you are to submitting to Him.

Essentially there are 2 ways of looking at this:
1) IF this relationship otherwise satisfies all your needs and you are happy submitting to Him and believe you will be happy to do so long term ... then fair enough, His rules stand and if He says you only see Him, that's your answer
2) However, IF this relationship does NOT satisfy all your needs and you can't foresee it doing so because of His unwillingness to commit ... then why are you following His rules? Why submit to Him and be used for free sex? Because that's what it sounds like from your post. It sounds like He wants to have His cake and eat it too, and I don't think it's fair in that case to bind you with rules that don't allow you to seek fulfillment.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Post #: 2

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/10/2008 8:35:25 PM

mbes

Posts: 465
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Sounds like those are the requirements for a relationship with him. Either you can live with them without resentment, or you can't.
"Fair" doesn't really enter into it. Getting everyone's needs met does. If yours aren't being met, it's probably time to look elsewhere.

(in reply to seekingaSir)

Post #: 3

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/10/2008 8:37:58 PM

MAMandSlave

Posts: 110
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline

I would have to say that whether or not you choose to see others is based on the relationship you have negotiated with your dom. If this was not a subject of your initial negotiation, you might bring it up and renegotiate it. If it is a dealbreaker for you, you should be prepared to leave the relationship. If not, the be prepared to sit waiting for him to make use of you.

(in reply to seekingaSir)

Post #: 4

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/10/2008 8:38:37 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
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I would, personally, not agree to quit seeing others in a relationship that could not possibly meet all my needs. If it is basicly occasional play or sex or whatever, then I would, personally, NOT feel that I was 'His'. To me, belonging to someone is a two way street - a lot of commitment and work and sacrifice on BOTH sides. Not simply someone claiming me, then using what they want and telling me what I will do. Does He meet other needs in your life?
There is nothing wring with a play only or sex only relaitnship, but, for me, I would never consent to abandon my search for that kind of relationship, because I know what my needs are and that could never meet them longterm.

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Post #: 5

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/10/2008 8:38:47 PM

JumpingJax

Posts: 155
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mbes

Sounds like those are the requirements for a relationship with him. Either you can live with them without resentment, or you can't.
"Fair" doesn't really enter into it. Getting everyone's needs met does. If yours aren't being met, it's probably time to look elsewhere.

I pretty much agree with this. As they use to say at my last job... "You always have a choice".

(in reply to mbes)

Post #: 6

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/10/2008 8:45:14 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

I would, personally, not agree to quit seeing others in a relationship that could not possibly meet all my needs. If it is basicly occasional play or sex or whatever, then I would, personally, NOT feel that I was 'His'. To me, belonging to someone is a two way street - a lot of commitment and work and sacrifice on BOTH sides. Not simply someone claiming me, then using what they want and telling me what I will do. Does He meet other needs in your life?
There is nothing wring with a play only or sex only relaitnship, but, for me, I would never consent to abandon my search for that kind of relationship, because I know what my needs are and that could never meet them longterm.

What tsatske said, play or sex only is not a real relationship for me. I need more.
Do you? If so, then why did you agree to settle for crumbs? If you didn't agree, and he's changing the rules unilaterally now, you don't have to accept it.

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RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/10/2008 8:54:35 PM

monywildcat

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Joined: 2/26/2008
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To me, this does not sound like an open relationship, it sounds to me like you are a booty call. Harsh, but that's just my opinion. An "open relationship" would imply that both parties are able to find others to fill needs that aren't being met in the existing relationship. If you feel that you are getting the short end of the stick here, and this type of situation is not what you are after, then you have a choice to make, either remain on-call, or find someone that is a better fit for you.

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Post #: 8

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/10/2008 9:04:04 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

There is NOTHING wrong with his wanting you not see others and there is NOTHING wrong with you thinking it is bullshit.

Now you have to decide what YOU are okay with, simple as that. Don't couch it in terms of what is and isn't "right" learn to know what YOU can and cannot deal with.

If you are content with being owned by someone who rarely has time for you but wants you to do nothing while he does everything, you should stay, if not, well then you know the answer, don't you?

(in reply to monywildcat)

Post #: 9

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/10/2008 9:15:41 PM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingaSir
I am okay with this, but my concern is that he doesn't feel that I should be allowed the same respect. I think that if one is allowed to see others, then both should be.

I agree with you. If both parties are not allowed the same leeway it isn't really an open relationship, now is it? I was in an open relationship for about 4 years and I can't imagine it being one sided like that.

(in reply to seekingaSir)

Post #: 10

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/10/2008 9:28:59 PM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingaSir

For those of you in open relationships or have had open relationship.

My Dom does not want a "commited" long term relationship in his life right now. He like his freedom to see others. I am okay with this, but my concern is that he doesn't feel that I should be allowed the same respect. I think that if one is allowed to see others, then both should be. I do understand that I am His, and that He of course has control. But feel it's unfair for me to not be allowed to see others, when he can. He and I don't see each other very often, and we only meet for "sexual" encounters, we don't date, or spend time together socially. Am I wrong to think that I should be allowed too see others also? I am honestly and open-mindedly seeking others thoughts, too see if I am missing something in the way I look at it.

You're not missing anything. You're being used, plain and simple. I ran into two doms like this when I first started dating on lifestyle sites. It didn't take me long to realize that they were the only ones benefiting from the arrangement. My advice: Don't waste anymore time on this one unless you're an emotional masochist.
Mistress Scarlet
edited because I forgot to mention that I was often in an open relationship by my own choice

< Message edited by MstrssScarlet -- 10/10/2008 9:31:20 PM >

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Post #: 11

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/10/2008 9:29:06 PM

masterforRT

Posts: 176
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline

What's that saying? Oh yeah! "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free!"

Got it?

(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 12

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/10/2008 9:45:52 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

i would leave him. find someone who can commit and give you the love, care and needs you deserve. plenty are out there.

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Post #: 13

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/11/2008 12:49:52 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mbes

"Fair" doesn't really enter into it. Getting everyone's needs met does. If yours aren't being met, it's probably time to look elsewhere.

25 points.

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Post #: 14

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/11/2008 5:28:26 AM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
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Sounds to me like it is NSA just for HIS sexual benefit only. You are young and deserve better but only you can make the decision if he is satisfying your needs and the next steps based on your answer.

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 15

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/11/2008 5:31:26 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

we only meet for "sexual" encounters, we don't date, or spend time together socially.

Personally, I would not blow my monogamy wad on that sort of situation. If you are looking for an on-going relationship with a dominant where you spend time together, among other things (D/s, kink), perhaps you should date until you find a match, not promise monogamy to someone who can't offer you more.

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Post #: 16

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/11/2008 5:45:39 AM

lusciouslips19

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Joined: 9/8/2007
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Yea, what she said and they said.

Lots of sound opinions here.

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Post #: 17

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/11/2008 6:36:37 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

That is unacceptable as far as I am concerned. Is it the old double standard where males are allowed multiple females but the female can have no one but him. Tell him respectfully that an open relationship means just that, you both are open to see other people.

~Lashra

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Post #: 18

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/11/2008 7:02:00 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

for a fuck buddy to tell you that they will play with others while you should sit around and wait for your pussy to dry up is laughable at best.

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Post #: 19

RE: Open Relationship quetions. - 10/11/2008 7:26:37 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

um yeah what she said but might i add dont get married do not get deeply in voled with people that wnat more then one cause you will end up with none just that simple

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 20

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