RE: I could use a bit of advice

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: I could use a bit of advice

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: I could use a bit of advice

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: I could use a bit of advice - 10/9/2008 8:11:24 AM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

~hugs~
Let me please suggest something a little different. If he's in stage four, chances are he's very, very sick. It may indeed upset him for people to see him. It may be hard to see the pain on the faces of his family, let alone those he hasn't been close to in a long while. This is about the both of you, but err on his side, it seems to me, because he should be allowed to control the few things left he is able to.

What did his wife say? Might she give you true insight into what he would want in his heart?

May I suggest writing to him first and saying this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Irishknight

It was my own battle with illness that started me looking for my old friends. I guess I still have a heart under all this armor after all.
I want to let him know that I'm here for him but I'm afraid I'll upset him if I say it the wrong way. I know that I couldn't stand people worrying and fretting over me when I was sick. It made me sad that they were upset over me.
[snip]

I'm so sorry and send you my best thoughts

tee

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to Irishknight)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: I could use a bit of advice - 10/9/2008 3:09:26 PM

Irishknight

Posts: 2016
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

His wife is trying toset up a time between medicated fogs for us to talk. I had thought about gathering asmall group of friends and going down to see him. It would be about an 8 hour drive for me but it would be worth it to show that we're there for him.
I remember that there were five of us growing up who were always at each others birthday parties. Strangely enough, I am now in touch with all of them. I had thought of getting us all together for a road trip to deliver some happy memories but I have to clear it with his wife first. He is VERY VERY sick right now and is down to 130lbs from 200+.

Edited to say, "Thank you all for the advice and the kind words."

< Message edited by Irishknight -- 10/9/2008 3:10:46 PM >

(in reply to subtee)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: I could use a bit of advice - 10/9/2008 3:10:37 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

I'm so sorry. It's not here, is it?

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to Irishknight)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: I could use a bit of advice - 10/9/2008 3:31:40 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

~hugs~
Let me please suggest something a little different. If he's in stage four, chances are he's very, very sick. It may indeed upset him for people to see him. It may be hard to see the pain on the faces of his family, let alone those he hasn't been close to in a long while. This is about the both of you, but err on his side, it seems to me, because he should be allowed to control the few things left he is able to.

What did his wife say? Might she give you true insight into what he would want in his heart?

May I suggest writing to him first and saying this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Irishknight

It was my own battle with illness that started me looking for my old friends. I guess I still have a heart under all this armor after all.
I want to let him know that I'm here for him but I'm afraid I'll upset him if I say it the wrong way. I know that I couldn't stand people worrying and fretting over me when I was sick. It made me sad that they were upset over me.
[snip]

I'm so sorry and send you my best thoughts

tee

Hiya Sub, I wonderred the same thing. You chose the right words.

If it were me, I would leave it up to the mans wife as to what is recommended. Being that the OP has been away for a long time, it means he is a stranger to his recent life. His presence may or may not be welcome - for any number of reasons.

Now in the mean time, postal mailing a card, candy, magazines, maybe old pics of youns ..something to let the guy know he is remembered.

My 2 best friends from high school have no interest in knowing me again. So I would be a HUGE intrusion.

Some people are more sensitive to friendships, more loyal.

I would definatly get some kind of package into the mail. even a card and brief letter...

(in reply to subtee)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: I could use a bit of advice - 10/9/2008 3:49:38 PM

Irishknight

Posts: 2016
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

I'm so sorry. It's not here, is it?

He's down in Dallas/Ft worth.

And, I am most certainly going through his wife before doing anything. She wasn't someone I was close to in school but we wereon good terms and I would like it to be that way again. After all, she is taking care of Bill and that means a lot to me.

(in reply to subtee)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: I could use a bit of advice - 10/9/2008 5:39:43 PM

PanthersMom

Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline

go and see him, call him, write a letter, but do it and soon. let him know you were thinking of him and the great times the two of you had. bringing that up may give him some happy memories he hasn't thought of in awhile. just do something and get back in touch. you'll regret it forever if you don't.
PM

_____________________________

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast

I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!

(in reply to SoulPiercer)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: I could use a bit of advice - 10/10/2008 8:09:33 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

Initially could you maybe send a tape to him....a sort of spoken letter. This will be less taxing on him if he isn't up to seeing people but more personal than a letter.

When I was really unwell a couple of years ago the friends I most appreciated were the ones that came to visit, gave me a hug and told me they cared and then left after a short visit. There is nothing worse than feeling you have to entertain visitors when you feel awful.

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to Irishknight)

Profile

Post #: 27