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Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 12:53:22 PM   
Lairaimmortelle


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline 		My question is simple enough I think. Should a Dom rely on a sub. slave to do all the work? Not just house chores, but pay all the bills, buy all the groceries, extra needs and wants? Sure this is a form of financial domination, but when is it going too far? 
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RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 12:56:26 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's gone to far when the sub or slave refuses to do it anymore. That would be the first indicator.

Personally I would not be with a Dominant that did not atleast contribute financially to the household. I'm not working 3 jobs so some lazy ass can sit at home and drink beer and do nothing. But hey to each there own.

I'm very lucky. Master works, he insists jobs like yard and garbage are solely his domain, and he's willing to help out around the house too. We both work fulltime and have a child at home. I can't do it all by myself and he's man enough to pitch in when needed.

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RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 12:56:37 PM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		When youre not having fun anymore

(in reply to Lairaimmortelle)
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RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 12:58:59 PM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		I don't know if there is a "should" or not but I'm with akisha.  No way am I bringing home all the $$$ AND doing all the work.  Let's get realistic.  Why would anyone want to do that?  Rhetorical question...don't really want to know why.

(in reply to Lairaimmortelle)
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RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 12:59:14 PM   
Lairaimmortelle


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you for the replies. Isn't that not being a dom though, if she, as in myself is pregnant and working to keep food on the table?

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RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 1:00:46 PM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Doesn't sound like financial domination to me.  Sounds more like a free lunch!

(in reply to Lairaimmortelle)
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RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 1:01:03 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		In every and any relationship, you accept what you are willing to accept and beyond that you decide to eitehr make things change or walk away.

Only you can decide if something is right for you or not. No one can do it for you.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

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RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 1:01:29 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lairaimmortelle

My question is simple enough I think. Should a Dom rely on a sub. slave to do all the work? Not just house chores, but pay all the bills, buy all the groceries, extra needs and wants? Sure this is a form of financial domination, but when is it going too far? 



I am of the belief that we should all do what fulfills us and what we are happy with. If the amount of work expected by a dominant creates stress and unhappiness for the sub to the level that life satisfaction suffers, then they need to talk about it. If the dominant cannot change expectations then the submissive should consider options... like leaving the relationship. Stress shortens our life when it reaches unhealthy levels, and it is an individual thing as to when stress becomes unhealthy

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RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 1:03:05 PM   
Lairaimmortelle


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline 		^_^ then it's good the bastard is gone. tis a shame he's now living with my ex best friend doing the same shit. 

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RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 1:07:31 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Well okay then! Next!



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RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 1:09:33 PM   
Cuffkinks


Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lairaimmortelle

^_^ then it's good the bastard is gone. tis a shame he's now living with my ex best friend doing the same shit. 


You're better off. Sounds like he needs to work on being a MAN before he even thinks about being a Dom.

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RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 1:22:10 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FRSguy

When youre not having fun anymore


I think this is far too simplistic an answer. There are many things that come with getting into or staying in the place to which one is most suited that are absolutely not fun. It doesn't matter how much one loves what one is doing. In my case, I can reference writing books. I love telling my stories, but I -don't- always like having to write x number of words or x number of pages a day to make a deadline. I also don't like having to -market- my books... to me, that is SOOOOOo not fun... but if I didn't do it, I wouldn't be able to be an author in the current world in which I exist.

In the same way, there are many aspects of servitude that one may not particularly like, but they still have to happen.

For me, the telling factor here is "What did you agree to when you took this position?" If someone agreed that xhe would take on everything -- earning the money, cleaning the house, paying the bills, buying the groceries..., then xhe can't be too surprised or upset if the other party accepts that offer and makes use of the whole kit and caboodle... however, if the agreement included the D-type having to handle some of those things, and that has changed, and the changes are unacceptable, then the best recourse, IMO, revolves around re-negotiating the terms to ones that are acceptable, and, if that doesn't work, re-considering staying in the relationship.

The OP doesn't mention -why- the s-type in the example is doing all of this, either. Is it possible that the D-type has become disabled, or is it just a lack of will to work. Is the D-type suffering from depression? Is there something else going on that isn't mentioned? All of these can be factors in dealing with the negotiation process or -re-negotiation process in a relationship where the workload seems unbalanced in a way that is other than what was originally agreed on.

IMO, if both parties agreed that the s-type would carry the load, then there is nothing wrong with it. Some folks wouldn't be happy in that situation, but I've known some who were, and more power to them.

Calla Firestorm


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RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 1:22:13 PM   
MrHarsh


Posts: 56
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline 		In every relationship there is an exchange.  Each provides for the other's needs.  The Dom(me) has obligations to the sub as well ... it's not just a one way street.  For example, the sub agrees to obey the Dom(me), but the Dom(me) must agree not to abuse that power, and make sure that the sub remains safe.  In some sense, Dom(me)s need to be caregivers and providers.  The definition of "caring" and "providing" can change from relationship to relationship, but the Dom(me) shouldn't be a worthless parasite.

(in reply to Cuffkinks)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 2:09:19 PM   
Lairaimmortelle


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline 		There wasn't an agreement for me to carry the entire load. At first I took it with no complaints,it made me feel useful, needed, and such. That was up until April when I knew that things would start to get difficult financially, and told him that I was going to need his help, and expected as much. He FINALLY got a job the last two weeks we were together, but by that point it was too late. Does he suffer from depression. no.I think part of it is my fault for allowing him to get used to not having any responsibility... I thought that me being pregnant would have put some fire under his ass to become more responsible and help support me, becauseI can't work and be in labor at the same time. 
quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

quote:

ORIGINAL: FRSguy

When youre not having fun anymore


I think this is far too simplistic an answer. There are many things that come with getting into or staying in the place to which one is most suited that are absolutely not fun. It doesn't matter how much one loves what one is doing. In my case, I can reference writing books. I love telling my stories, but I -don't- always like having to write x number of words or x number of pages a day to make a deadline. I also don't like having to -market- my books... to me, that is SOOOOOo not fun... but if I didn't do it, I wouldn't be able to be an author in the current world in which I exist.

In the same way, there are many aspects of servitude that one may not particularly like, but they still have to happen.

For me, the telling factor here is "What did you agree to when you took this position?" If someone agreed that xhe would take on everything -- earning the money, cleaning the house, paying the bills, buying the groceries..., then xhe can't be too surprised or upset if the other party accepts that offer and makes use of the whole kit and caboodle... however, if the agreement included the D-type having to handle some of those things, and that has changed, and the changes are unacceptable, then the best recourse, IMO, revolves around re-negotiating the terms to ones that are acceptable, and, if that doesn't work, re-considering staying in the relationship.

The OP doesn't mention -why- the s-type in the example is doing all of this, either. Is it possible that the D-type has become disabled, or is it just a lack of will to work. Is the D-type suffering from depression? Is there something else going on that isn't mentioned? All of these can be factors in dealing with the negotiation process or -re-negotiation process in a relationship where the workload seems unbalanced in a way that is other than what was originally agreed on.

IMO, if both parties agreed that the s-type would carry the load, then there is nothing wrong with it. Some folks wouldn't be happy in that situation, but I've known some who were, and more power to them.

Calla Firestorm


(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 2:20:08 PM   
Stroke


Posts: 109
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline 		It sounds like he was just looking for a free lunch. You say that your arrangement was not supposed to be where you were doing all of the providing. Then he was simply shirking all responsibility and it is well that you ex friend will now learn that for herself.

(in reply to Lairaimmortelle)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 2:20:21 PM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lairaimmortelle
My question is simple enough I think. Should a Dom rely on a sub. slave to do all the work?

By this are you saying the Dom does NOTHING at all? 
That would not last very long with most folks..  at least not with me.. there is just too much to do.. however, as the slave i do more of the house chores, and that frees him up to have more free time to build stuff, time to spend on hobbies, computers and have more date time.

quote:


Not just house chores, but pay all the bills, buy all the groceries, extra needs and wants?

Well...I do most all house chores and I do pay all the bills and buy the groceries,, BUT... his pay check is direct deposited into our joint account..  and i budget and pay and budget some more and  pay and squeeze a little extra out of that last nickel...

quote:


Sure this is a form of financial domination, but when is it going too far? 

When the sub/slave decides it is no longer in his or her best interests to stay..

(in reply to Lairaimmortelle)
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RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 2:22:43 PM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		I think if you put the words:

"Next on Jerry Springer..."

in front of your post, it would finally make sense...

Sounds like you are well rid of him. 


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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 2:28:09 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		It goes too far when someone forgets the difference between a Dom and a pimp.

(in reply to Lairaimmortelle)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 2:37:41 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		In my view, it depends more on what the Dom is doing with your help than in how much you provide.

The idea of working for a lazy slob is distasteful to just about everybody. But if you're doing more than you'd be able or willing to alone, and more importantly the Dom isn't using you as an excuse to rest on his laurels, then it's all good.

It's not necessarily required that She or He is doing the housework or paying the bills. (Or the sub, for that matter, but that's a different story.) They do need to demonstrate, in some fashion, that they are exerting themselves to improve the quality of life of you, them, and/or society. For example, consider the case where the sub is doing the housework and the Dom is writing a novel. Subbie's doing most of the housework and they share expenses, but subbie's doing the lion's share. As long as Dom's not lying to subbie about that novel, I'd say it's a fair deal if she is ok with it. If, however, he sits around all day and plays Xbox, then the sub is actually causing harm to her 'Master' by allowing this to continue.

Another instance would be when the sub helps the Dom through school. Using a he/She for this example, the sub has an income that far exceeds hers, is inclined towards housework, and the Dom is trying to get her diploma. Fine by me, I respect both of these people. When she graduates and gabs on the phone all day with her mom, friends, ex boyfriends, etc., I'd say that there is now a problem, regardless of whether or not the sub is happy with this arrangement. Because of the slow descent this allows the Dom.

< Message edited by DMFParadox -- 10/8/2008 2:57:41 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Should a Dom... - 10/8/2008 2:40:08 PM   
mangle


Posts: 19
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lairaimmortelle

My question is simple enough I think. Should a Dom rely on a sub. slave to do all the work? Not just house chores, but pay all the bills, buy all the groceries, extra needs and wants? Sure this is a form of financial domination, but when is it going too far? 

It really depends on what you agree on within the relationship. I have known couples who split all that down the middle, couples in which the Dominant took care of all financial obligations; and couples where the submissive took care of everything.
It all comes down to what the parties involved have decided between themselves.

_____________________________


“If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't follow. I'd be at the bottom to catch them when they fall.”
Unknown

(in reply to Lairaimmortelle)
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