Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too?

Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (Full Version)

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SassySarijane -> Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/29/2008 5:31:41 AM)
I'm curious to know if others have experienced this. I'm known as a heavy masochist in the group(s) I'm in locally. I find a lot of times that because of that, I don't get lighter sensations given to me. It seems like because I'm known as someone who can take a lot that I must not want or need the "lighter" stuff. I absolutely love a good beating that leaves lots of marks and leaves me worn out and sated and flying high, but sometimes I really want some different sensations like hot wax, fire, flogging, light massage touches, etc. The best for me is a mix of light and heavy with a good warm up and yeah more to the heavy usually, especially after the warm up. I'll be honest, most of what I enjoy and generally want is the heavier impact play, but I still want/need a little lighter stuff mixed in. At a recent event when I was negotiating a scene with a top friend, I made comment on it and how I love floggers, but don't get them used on me much anymore and how I missed that. He said he'd be more than happy to use floggers on me and would use only them on me if that was what I wanted. I didn't want just floggers, just wanted floggers too and told him so, and I got them as well as a number of other things, including 2 new experiences for me and it was fantastic. Maybe I should speak up more often, but I generally trust the tops I play with to use what they wish to on me and I very much enjoy what they do. It's usually a win-win situation. I am also very shy and it's very difficult for me to speak up on things unless it's very important. Do other heavy masos experience this too? What have you done to try and change it? Do you miss lighter sensations if you don't get them sometimes?

AMaster -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/29/2008 9:37:50 AM)
You are not unique in your desire for variety. Yes, you should speak up more. Even in an environment like you are playing in there MUST be communication.

SassySarijane -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/29/2008 10:01:58 AM)
There is communication, just sometimes not always enough of it. Most of the time it's great, it's just that sometimes I want the softer things too and it's hard to speak up. The incident I cited in my OP began as general conversation and led to the request to play with me and I made the comment in continued conversation that I'd really been missing having floggers used on me and some of the softer touches. That led to the offer of floggers and everything was great. Another step forward in overcoming shyness for me. It's made me curious to see if others have had similar happen and how/if they dealt with it, or just take what they can get.

softness -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/29/2008 11:24:05 AM)
If the masochist is also submissive - especially if they are in a dynamic where play is to please the D more than the s ... then asking for personally satisfying types of play is not always what they want to or feel comfortable doing I play heavily within the local scene .. and therefore when I play with a new Top they usually want to play at the heavy end of the register because having me as a partner gives them the opportunity to do so. Thats great .. I enjoy the heavy play so its all good. When I play with a heavy Top ... they are usually rather more experienced or are certainly less in the "something to prove" club. Not needing to be a proving ground for a Top is a welcome relief and as such more creative, sensual varied play comes out. I am learning to be less backward at being forward in asking for this. Have been for some time now planning a foray into skin embroidery with a Sadist friend of mine ... certainly wont be heavy play ... but it wouldn't be for the faint hearted. Heavy masochist does not always equal = always enjoys getting thumped like a barn door in a gale

IvyMorgan -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/29/2008 11:36:33 AM)
I hate it when they skip the warm up bit, my head has to adjust, and that's not an instant process. As, other said, communication is good, even if handing over a shopping list for play isn't something you're comfortable with. Yes, I love the heavy hitty stuff, but I also like the quiet ropey stuff, and the gross out humiliation stuff, I do different thing with different people, and sometimes I'm on top too. For me, a variety of partners and a variety of roles means things are never completely the same/get stagnant.

tweedydaddy -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/29/2008 11:50:58 AM)
Sex is a buffet with everything from spanking with carpet beaters to a six session with a single tail, we are all the same, only different.

beargonewild -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/29/2008 12:03:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SassySarijane I'm curious to know if others have experienced this. I'm known as a heavy masochist in the group(s) I'm in locally. I find a lot of times that because of that, I don't get lighter sensations given to me. It seems like because I'm known as someone who can take a lot that I must not want or need the "lighter" stuff. I absolutely love a good beating that leaves lots of marks and leaves me worn out and sated and flying high, but sometimes I really want some different sensations like hot wax, fire, flogging, light massage touches, etc. The best for me is a mix of light and heavy with a good warm up and yeah more to the heavy usually, especially after the warm up. I'll be honest, most of what I enjoy and generally want is the heavier impact play, but I still want/need a little lighter stuff mixed in. At a recent event when I was negotiating a scene with a top friend, I made comment on it and how I love floggers, but don't get them used on me much anymore and how I missed that. He said he'd be more than happy to use floggers on me and would use only them on me if that was what I wanted. I didn't want just floggers, just wanted floggers too and told him so, and I got them as well as a number of other things, including 2 new experiences for me and it was fantastic. Maybe I should speak up more often, but I generally trust the tops I play with to use what they wish to on me and I very much enjoy what they do. It's usually a win-win situation. I am also very shy and it's very difficult for me to speak up on things unless it's very important. Do other heavy masos experience this too? What have you done to try and change it? Do you miss lighter sensations if you don't get them sometimes? IMO, you're like the majority of people who want and desire variety n the type of activity to engage in, whether it's flogging, caning, paddling, etc. Quite often our minds and bodies alert us to the fact of wanting a specific amount of pain or craving one or more types of play. It's the verbal communication of asking or letting the top know that you desire more of this, less of that or shake things up and surprise me!I may be wrong in this but I believe that many of us submissive bottoms have difficulty in asking for what we want. Either it's because we feel it's "not our place" to ask or we are fearful of appearing to be too demanding or other life experiences which prevent us from being more vocal in our wants/needs/desires.

persephonee -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/29/2008 12:34:55 PM)
~FR~ hehe...finally something good...cracks knuckles....ahem. Ok...yes, you need to communicate this. Sounds odd, but if you sincerely cant seem to bring yourself to ask directly, try this. Have a conversation with someone else in the same physical proximity, and involving the new top...and by all means find the top you play with most and ask him if hell be your spotter with new ones...they generally speak at some point prior, as your spotter will be in the vicinity of the scene and will prolly feel the need to explain that, or you can introduce him yourself....etc...however is the polite way to introduce the idea...you figure it out. i call it owned by proxy. It gives you a touch of security if youre literally playing with someone who has never scened you before. Also, you really just need to visit with your regulars and just let them know exactly what toys you love/hate/wish he would leave home/you are in danger of stealing simply so you never see that one again....blahblahblah....you know what im saying...do an educational inventory seminar on how you work. If you have one specific regular partner, by now you should be able to just visit with him...and if you feel shy, just remember, you and he have already shared more intimacy than a lot of folks out there...so just tell him. They dont want to literally kill you...but shhh...dont blow the smoke off that one. They may not remember what youve said, they may not choose to heed your likes and dislikes...but in a top/bottom situation they really should be more interested in that than the D/s part...remember, you havent submitted to them and playing is a fun thing for them too, so they want to make you happy there too. Another thing...in my situation, i usually get the chance to see the new top playing before i decide whether i want to do a scene with him in the future...if this is the case with you, maybe its easier to approach the new one casually in conversation about the more sensation based toys he just used or has used in the past...ask if he can show you that side of things in the future should that ever come up...that sort of thing. There are all sorts of ways to communicate...these are the more convoluted ways....but i fully understand how too much talk beforehand takes you out of your headspace too....kinda makes a girl feel like she just ordered something online or at the drivethru. Before i get all the topping from the bottom comments....im not topping...im communicating to someone i have not submitted to. In the future if i were in a position of playing with my Dom i imagine that he would already know my ins and outs through all the many conversations and getting to know me thingies...what are those again?? Oh yeah..dates. In the end, you are going to have to learn to be comfortable communicating your wishes...i know it is counterintuitive to you, but in any situation in life, youre going to need to learn to do this.

BlackPhx -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/29/2008 12:37:41 PM)
Try laying out the toys you are hungry for that night. You should be playing with your own instruments even with different tops so you can offer them a selection, a buffet if you will, of sensations from your kit that will suit you. Lay out the floggers, the canes, the candles the whartonburgs, the sjambok, the cuffs, collars, clamps etc that your body is calling for and enjoy, remembering that not every Top is conversant with each implement, they do have their specialties. Now..have you tried MIXING sensations simultaneously? Two Tops at the same time using different instruments in different or the same area. That is Always fun if they hit the right cadence. Oh and Ivy I agree... Warm Up is ALWAYS a good thing. Go for the Gold before I am warmed up and I will fight the pain instead of converting it. poenkitten

persephonee -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/29/2008 12:47:44 PM)
poen.... heres a question for ya...i recently added a new crop and some sort of leather/metal reinforced slapper law enforcement dohicky....and i cant stand em. i know im all masochistic and whatnot....but what happens when youre so afraid of your new toys that you dont want to pack them at all as that would require looking at them or touching them? Anyone want a "gently used" (not bloody likely) crop and dohicky?....im about to accidentally let them become absorbed into the dungeon's collection.... i dont know how i got the crop from hell....i tried it on my arm and all....shouldve seen my face when i screamed and opened my eyes only to see that it was my own crop killing me. How do i end up always handing over the weapons of my own ass destruction.....[:D]

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/29/2008 1:01:35 PM)
It's really very unfair of you to expect ops to know what you need. People are not mind readers. Not discussing things like this, then complaining that you don't get what you want is passive aggressive behavior. Your experience shows that if you express yourself, you are much more fulfilled. If you approach all your experiences like this, your life will improve! Master Fire

marieToo -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/29/2008 1:14:08 PM)
I'm not in a frame of mind to tell my dom what to use on me. Part of the fulfillment for me is yielding to his choices in how he's going to use me. Yes, sometimes I miss lighter sensations, and sometimes I miss harder sensations, but I don't usually voice what I want. My reason is because it's not that important to me. But that's just me. I don't think there would be anything wrong however, in you asking for what you want if you are in the situation that you describe above, which sounds like a negotiation type of thing. Just take responsibility for your desires and clearly ask for what you want.

scarlethiney -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/29/2008 1:31:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SassySarijane I'm curious to know if others have experienced this. I'm known as a heavy masochist in the group(s) I'm in locally. I find a lot of times that because of that, I don't get lighter sensations given to me. It seems like because I'm known as someone who can take a lot that I must not want or need the "lighter" stuff. I absolutely love a good beating that leaves lots of marks and leaves me worn out and sated and flying high, but sometimes I really want some different sensations like hot wax, fire, flogging, light massage touches, etc. The best for me is a mix of light and heavy with a good warm up and yeah more to the heavy usually, especially after the warm up. I'll be honest, most of what I enjoy and generally want is the heavier impact play, but I still want/need a little lighter stuff mixed in. At a recent event when I was negotiating a scene with a top friend, I made comment on it and how I love floggers, but don't get them used on me much anymore and how I missed that. He said he'd be more than happy to use floggers on me and would use only them on me if that was what I wanted. I didn't want just floggers, just wanted floggers too and told him so, and I got them as well as a number of other things, including 2 new experiences for me and it was fantastic. Maybe I should speak up more often, but I generally trust the tops I play with to use what they wish to on me and I very much enjoy what they do. It's usually a win-win situation. I am also very shy and it's very difficult for me to speak up on things unless it's very important. Do other heavy masos experience this too? What have you done to try and change it? Do you miss lighter sensations if you don't get them sometimes? After the first couple of times that Master and I played together I asked him to take more time with me, slow it down a bit. I particularly loved having him very gently and slowly rub his hands over my welts after he'd hit me particularly hard with a belt or crop. I loved the difference in sensations and it excited me even more. I realized I looked forward to that stroking as much as the stinging searing pain of the belt or the crop. I've only been involved in one scene in a public setting and I was very uncomfortable being watched by so many. I think I was more worried about not being to able to take what was given and disappointing the Master who was in charge so much so that I didn't really enjoy all the sensations. And yes I would miss the lighter sensations if I didn't get them. scarlet

BlackPhx -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/29/2008 4:55:04 PM)
Hmmm Persephonee this could be it's own thread...how to get rid of the toy from hell. Feed it to the dog or play fetch with it. Accidentally drop it down the garbage disposal when it is on? Include it in the recycle bins for pick up? I think all of us at one time or another find a toy that we can't stand and that gravitates to the back of the closet until we move. Truth is, nothing is going to please our senses all of the time..and what is todays hell toy may be tomorrows delight and vice versa. Unless you have an owner who enjoys that toy it never has to see the light of day until you are ready for it. poenkitten

persephonee -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/29/2008 6:16:55 PM)
good thinkin...closet....why didnt i think of that....click....there you go crop from hell...now what do i do with that spline flogger?

SassySarijane -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/30/2008 4:53:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness If the masochist is also submissive - ... then asking for personally satisfying types of play is not always what they want to or feel comfortable doing Being submissive is another part of why it's difficult and uncomfortable for me to outright ask for something specific, but I think shyness is the bigger part of the why.

SassySarijane -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/30/2008 4:56:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IvyMorgan I hate it when they skip the warm up bit, my head has to adjust, and that's not an instant process. One of my local friends is quite a heavy masochist and she hates warm up. She prefers to be hit full on from the start. Warm ups just make her impatient to get to the good stuff. For myself, I do need warm up, granted not usually a lot of it, but some at least. Just another little thing that shows not everyone is the same even if they wear similar labels.

SassySarijane -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/30/2008 5:00:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: beargonewild IMO, you're like the majority of people who want and desire variety n the type of activity to engage in, whether it's flogging, caning, paddling, etc. Quite often our minds and bodies alert us to the fact of wanting a specific amount of pain or craving one or more types of play. It's the verbal communication of asking or letting the top know that you desire more of this, less of that or shake things up and surprise me!I may be wrong in this but I believe that many of us submissive bottoms have difficulty in asking for what we want. Either it's because we feel it's "not our place" to ask or we are fearful of appearing to be too demanding or other life experiences which prevent us from being more vocal in our wants/needs/desires. You're right, Bear. I do love a good variety and most of the time I like that variety on the heavy, evil side. It's only occasionally that I find myself wanting some of the softer touches. Like I said in reply to softness, some part of my difficulty is being submissive and the bigger part is because I'm very shy. It's something I battle constantly to overcome.

SassySarijane -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/30/2008 5:06:12 PM)
There are actually 4 specific tops I generally play with and I saw each of them play before I ever bottomed to them. There is trust built up with each and friendship over 1-3 years. It's pretty rare for me to play with other than one or more of them. In casual conversation, I can bring up things like that as a part of just chatting, but it's different when I try to specifically ask for something. Call me weird.

SassySarijane -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (9/30/2008 5:09:48 PM)
I always have my toy bag with me if I'm going to play and my stuff does get used along with some of theirs. Yes I've had the mindblowing experience of being both double and triple topped before and always by those I trust. I only get to play at events right now and there are always trusted friends there who help watch out for me because they are friends.

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