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tsatske -> RE: Do Other Heavy Masochists Experience This Too? (10/1/2008 3:32:24 AM)
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Sassy,
This is not an insult, I am hoping it does not come across as one. But I think it may be a special problem for you because you are playing with a variety of playmates. There is nothing wrong with that, but it does change the dynamic.
Master owns me. He knows what I like and want and need. I mostly want to please and serve him, but I know I can trust him to incorperate my desires into that, in the right time, in the right way.
Part of that happens, not because he is a mind reader, or that collaring him gave him special psychic powers, but that we are together all the time, talking, i blog for him (yea, no i don't, but i am supposed to, and every now and then i actually do), ect. He gets feedback from playing me, he gets feedback when i watch others play, he gets feedback about what I read here and on simular places - lots and lots of feedback.
In our group, I am known as the heaviest maso. Not only do I like it hard and heavy and lots of it, I don't like warm up. Many light sensations, as you said, I just love - others drive me absolutely fucking bats. I don't mean tickling - which I hate, so he does it anyway - i mean gritting my teeth 'are you fucking hitting me back there?' which is - never mind, it is too hard to explain. But group members have seen how we play, have heard stories like that, so - they have a much more limited set of information than Master does.
Master is aware that the danger of letting others play with me is therefore that they will play MUCH too hard, to try to compensate, without understanding what else he might do to make it all work. From the outside, observing, it looks like - pick up the heavest bat you can find and wale away at full force.
All I am saying is, if you are playing with someone that you are not in a steady constant relationship with, then, yes, you are right, much more communication and negotation is going to be necessary. I know you don't expect them to read your mind - but I understand other things, as well. You trust them to play you, or you wouldn't be playing with them. You don't want to direct the scene. all sorts of things like that. Maybe you can find a way to just talk to them about a variety of things you like, without directly 'negotating' them for the scene - nothing wrong with negotation, but there comes a point when it is too much for you, whereever that is, and it starts to interfere with your scene mind space, because you feel like you are directing the scene, you know whats coming, ect. So perhaps just learning to talk about a lot of different things - both right before you play with someone, and just general chat with people you know you sometimes play with. 'I saw that rabbit fur paddle. Wow, that looked awesome. Where'd you get it? I bet it feels wonderful.' Also, it might help to have your own toy bag, that you can add to any Dom that is playing you own toy bag, giving him access to both. Then you can include a mixture of heavy toys and lighter toys, and sensation toys, which might give them a clue.
Master ALWAYS finished me with my favorite flogger (which is named 'candy'), and which i love so much that he has told me it is reserved for me. He won't play anyone else with it. I didn't ask him to do that, he just did. And I ALWAYS get candy, at the end. YUM.
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