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Jeptha -> RE: Thoughts? (9/28/2008 11:44:33 AM)
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Punkykat, no offense; you seem like a cool and nice person, and I bet he's lucky to have you, but what you've written here isn't very descriptive.
Now -- there's nothing wrong with that!
The reason I bring it up is because, if he's absolutely unfamiliar with the kinds of things you are interested in, he's going to need more than just a general overview; he'll need the dots connected for him in a lot more direct way than that.
As a sub, maybe you are reluctant to do that - it might feel like you are requesting to much, in too much detail.
But it sounds like, to me, that he needs to get more of a complete picture of what your talking about - maybe share a bdsm checklist with him, eventually?
And you can discuss, as other posters have pointed out, how a D/s relationship can work without the bdsm elements, if the respective parties so desire.
The first time I slapped someone's face, I did it very lightly, too - it's wise to go at your own pace when treading new territory, (whether it's new experiences or a new partner), I feel.
I think feedback after the fact is important; let him know if you like something, if he can do more, etc.
For example, I would have loved to be able to slap harder, but just about any kind of slap in the face is a pretty intense thing, and my partner didn't wish to go further than the lighter slap.
And, as others have also mentioned, he may have to have the difference between consensual activity and abuse reiterated for him; that is, he'll have to be reassured that it's ok sometimes. Sometimes that message bears repeating.
These are just some of my best guesses based on what I read rather quickly this morning, so please take them with a grain of salt if necessary.
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