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RE: Should i worry..... - 9/24/2008 3:44:00 PM   
HisBeautifulSub


Posts: 16
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		I just want to Thank everyone for their imput...Though i may seem to come off argumentative...im really not...i just sometimes have a hard time putting into words what im trying to get across ...( part of my health issue)  So i know that my original post may have been lacking and i do apologize.  I was just trying to correct and let everyone know what i meant.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Should i worry..... - 9/24/2008 3:52:37 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Stress will only make any health situation worse and you can't always determine how long it will take to affect you.  One day you could be fine and the next you are going down hard.  I know...lol... I live it.  I would encourage you to find as much peace as you can whatever you decide to do.  Kind of ironic... you may need to come to Colorado for health and other reasons and I am leaving it for health and adult son's needs.  I sure can relate.  Just hang in there and try to not stress too much.  A love triangle isn't cool and it really isn't up to her to stop or whatever.  It is really going to be what he decides.  If he allows it, then you need to determine if you can handle it.  Personally... I would be giving hugs to my family I hadn't seen.  (smile)

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Should i worry..... - 9/24/2008 4:19:04 PM   
HisBeautifulSub


Posts: 16
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with you...But at the same time im one of those...people that doesnt believe in regret after the fact...i would rather regret doing it than regret not doing it.....if that makes sense...im here because of love and i will leave out of love if that is what is necessary...

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Should i worry..... - 9/24/2008 4:25:46 PM   
scarlethiney


Posts: 492
Joined: 8/22/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisBeautifulSub

Normally i have no insecurities about other women, I am in a "Semi open" relationship and I live with my Sir and have been with Him in a committed relationship since April, we originally met in march but didn't make it complete or committed until mid April,  Now i know He was "seeing" someone in the lifestyle right before me but told me he called all of it off when he met me in march.  But it seems that He and she had a connection, she even contacted him via phone and text wanting to see him in june  three months after they split and He and I became committed .  He made it very clear that if He was to meet her i would be there also.  She wouldn't agree to that. She had made it seem as if she was having some sort of problem...I was actually feeling bad and telling him to call her and make sure she is ok, and if she needed a place i would be ok with her coming here to stay untill she got on her feet.   Months go by and We had a "falling out of sorts"  I had moved in and we were having "growing pains of a sort"  (typical when u move in ...it takes time to adjust to how each other live)  I was on my way to moving out and back to colorado,  And then i receive an email here on collar me from her, Now i will not go into details because this in no way is about drama.  I just find it odd that she is on my profile watching my posts and then when i post that im no longer with this person she is emailing me.  He has told me that he misses her...and she has stated the same to him..He has been 100 percent open and honest about her to me.  I almost feel as if i am standing in the way of two people being happy.  


You sound like you are looking for an excuse to leave this relationship.  If your Master and the other woman want to be together they will. You aren't standing in anyone's way but your own. Why would you worry about the two of them and not your own well being??
You have to decide what it is you want. Either stay and fight for this relationship or move aside and let her come back in.  You won't feel comfortable until you put your feelings first and share them with him.
Good luck I wish you well,

scarlet


_____________________________

"The words 'I am...' are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you." - A.L. Kitselman.


see my profile masterkspet

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Should i worry..... - 9/24/2008 4:41:19 PM   
HisBeautifulSub


Posts: 16
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Not looking for an excuse, I am with him Because i want to be...I had the opportunity to walk away a month ago...But WE both decided to work at this, i just dont want my attempts and time wasted when all along they knew what the outcome would be and me be the last to know.  I love him very much and his happiness is just as important as mine...and sometimes we must sacrifice our own in order to see the ones we love as happy as they can be....that is all i was getting at.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Should i worry..... - 9/24/2008 4:52:06 PM   
girlivy


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		Try looking at your situation as if it were a friend of yours going through it.  What advice would you give to her?  What is your GUT telling you?
I have to agree with scarlet here, but would like to add, why worry about it? Talk to him and hopefully you can come up with a plan of action that will work for you. You wrote " I almost feel as if i am standing in the way of two people being happy." Depending on the level you two are on in your dynamic, that statement seems very selfserving and all about you. Not saying here your feelings aren't valad, they are. Just saying if that you are making this about you, and not him.   I feel for you in having a hard time getting your point across, I too have diffculities with that. Good luck and do take care!
Cheers!  

_____________________________

AUTHENTIC SPIRITUAL GROWTH NEVER COMES FROM EXPERIENCES THAT THE EGO CAN PREDICT OR CONTROL.
OUR SPIRIT HAS ITS OWN AGENDA: OUR DESTINY.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken!

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RE: Should i worry..... - 9/24/2008 4:53:05 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisBeautifulSub
I love him very much and his happiness is just as important as mine...and sometimes we must sacrifice our own in order to see the ones we love as happy as they can be....that is all i was getting at.


YMMV, but I happen to think that sort of line is a crock.  You're trying to decide for him who he wants to be with, let him decide for himself.  If he thinks he will be happier with her, he doesn't need you to make a noble gesture and "step aside", he'll make his own move.  Who is in control in this relationship, you or him?


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Should i worry..... - 9/24/2008 5:55:25 PM   
angelslave77


Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		Personally it seems like a lot of hard work for a new relationship.  I totally disagree with the whole comment about starting to live together, certainly it tales comprise but....
Sir and I started seeing each other in August last year we were long distance, he moved here to me in March, seeling his business, quitting his job, 1400kms from his family and friends and jumping into being step dad to 4 lil ones so if anyone would be having issues it would be us. But aside from the odd up and down (mainly my hormones ) working at it isnt an issue, I love him as he does me and I have never doubted his commitment nor have either of us thought about leaving.

I just think if your needing to work this hard in the "honeymoon period" and are having so many issues I would be asking myself seriously if this was worth it.

but thats just my two cents  worth

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Should i worry..... - 9/24/2008 6:32:46 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Actually most poly people find "semi open" to be more in the swinging/casual sex category of relationship dynamics. 

It's not unusual for a chick who can't let go to keep stalking the "other women" and ex's for quite some time, it really hasn't been that long.  If you are going to make this semi-open relationship survive, it has to be with a strong foundation with him and more secure than to be weakened by some chick emailing you.

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Should i worry..... - 9/24/2008 8:34:34 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisBeautifulSub
I love him very much and his happiness is just as important as mine...and sometimes we must sacrifice our own in order to see the ones we love as happy as they can be....that is all i was getting at.


YMMV, but I happen to think that sort of line is a crock.  You're trying to decide for him who he wants to be with, let him decide for himself.  If he thinks he will be happier with her, he doesn't need you to make a noble gesture and "step aside", he'll make his own move.  Who is in control in this relationship, you or him?
Cali


Perfectly stated.  My thoughts exactly.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Should i worry..... - 9/24/2008 8:53:46 PM   
HisBeautifulSub


Posts: 16
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Never mind i wouldnt expect you to understand.  He made his choice to be with me but it seems as if there is still lingering for the other...is all i was stating..and this early in i would be willing to sacrifice...im deleting at this point

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Should i worry..... - 9/25/2008 1:20:32 AM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		I usually avoid these sort of relationship advice threads because nine times out of ten it's someone looking for e-hugs and validation but it's 4am and I'm bored so I'll post.

I don't see why you're getting pissy playing the "you don't understand" card. You didn't give a whole lot of info really, refusing to say why you don't trust him leaves out a chunk of the story. But then again it wouldn't change the "I'm a victim" tone anyway. People can only understand with the info you've given.

He was with someone else then within moments went to you (what most people call a rebound) and then knowing him barely a month or whatever, you packed everything and moved; as someone mentioned earlier, not a wise choice. And now the road is bumpy and you threaten to leave but decided to stay and make it work but yet still sit there saying you'd leave so they can be together.

Whoah! Am I watching Soapnet because this sounds like an episode of Bold and the Beautiful or something.

The bottom line is you said you BOTH decided to try to make it work so stick to that. If he has lingering feelings for this other chick then he'll do something about it on his own time. If he says he doesn't now then just go with the flow and be happy with the dude and make it work. Unless you're purposely trying to ruin things by trying to find a reason to leave, I don't see why you should care about all these ifs. He made his choice, which was you. Smile and be happy. He might very well change his mind later and it might be a waste of time. A lot of things can end up a waste of time. That's just what life is sometimes. If it happens you'll learn from it...hopefully to not hook up and move in with guys who just got out of a relationship.

If it's causing that much worry and discontent go to cousling. A lot more productive than random pixels on the internet.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Should i worry..... - 9/25/2008 3:08:53 AM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Yeah, I'm pretty much with you.  Go to counseling.  You're asking impossible questions here.  Only you can decide if you should stay or go.  And only he can decide who he wants to be with.

(in reply to Usako)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Should i worry..... - 9/25/2008 4:35:32 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisBeautifulSub

Never mind i wouldnt expect you to understand.  He made his choice to be with me but it seems as if there is still lingering for the other...is all i was stating..and this early in i would be willing to sacrifice...im deleting at this point


If all you wanted was validation, then you should have said so.  If you want to be the martyr, then be the martyr.  In my experience, people who "sacrifice" and break up with someone because there is some greater love in that other person's past, are either looking for an excuse to leave or just enjoy being the martyr ("look at the huge sacrifice I made so that he could be happy").

How does he feel about you second-guessing his decision?


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Should i worry..... - 9/25/2008 5:03:16 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i'm sort of confused - what is a "semi" open relationship? imho, there's no grey area - either you have an open relationship in which he or you are seeing/having sex with other partners or you two are monogamous - committed solely to each other. that being said, you say he misses her and she has told him the same, has he reciprocated those same feelings to you?

personally, i believe the primary relationship (you and him) has completely lost its fizzle. it's clear he has moved onward with this other person though not actually telling you (red flag for me - shows lack of honesty on his part). it's time to let him go and try to move on with your life.

good luck

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Should i worry..... - 9/25/2008 10:03:25 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		It sounds to me like perhaps you are intimidated by the competition she represents and instead of loosing (by him leaving you for her) you are going to be the one to leave first. Sort of like not hanging around waiting for the ax to fall. 

If what i posted is even a remote possibility talk it out with him - don't short change yourself and miss out on an opportunity to have a fulfilling relationship with someone because you let fear and insecurity rule.

< Message edited by velvetears -- 9/25/2008 10:04:43 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Should i worry..... - 9/25/2008 5:15:43 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		unless you have some sort of super-powers, you aren't standing in the way of didly-squat.

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Profile   Post #: 37
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