Lockit
Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Take what you want and need in life; just do no harm.
When someone does something that will cause harm to another person and their actions spiral to others, I will be judgmental and sometimes condescending. When I must sit for hours, days or weeks helping someone to undo that harm, I get a bit of an attitude about people doing their thing for good reason or not.
Can I understand how someone might cheat? Oh yes and in some situations, I wouldn’t blame them, but and that is a big but… I don’t see how cheating is going to help the situation if they place themselves or others in harms way. If there are um’s in the situation and someone cheats… you are exposing them to some pretty awful to dangerous situations depending on what happens and what the situation is. I will take the judgment and whatever someone wants to call me for taking some attitude about my attitude when it comes to harming a um any day. A day of harm to a um could mean years of therapy later on. I take it very seriously.
I cannot assume or believe that someone who risks harm to their um’s when ticking off the spouse and maybe ruining the home front by cheating, will have everyone’s interest in mind when they are found out and expect things to be handled properly seeing as though they already were not handled properly. People have been known to end lives in a situation like this.
I see things on a risk management basis sometimes. What is worse? What will do more damage? What will lessen the damage? Who will pay the price? What will the results be? A few moments’ pleasure or relief are not worth what could happen.
A lot of people have been cheated on and they know the pain of it all. The betrayal, the mind pictures, the doubts, the loss and all that come with it do harm to another human being and I can’t make light of that after spending most my adult years working with hurting people in crisis. I also believe that often times, those who cheat, harm themselves in many ways, but that is their choice and shouldn’t have to be something other’s suffer.
I was trapped with a monster that had a lot of power, lots of high up friends and worldwide connections and for years I suffered. Even the shelter’s said I was better off to stay and find a way to get out and away and to go back home. My um’s were stolen and taken out of the country. I had chances to escape or make myself feel better with another man who would have saved us and I did think about it, but came to the conclusion that a lot of people besides me could get very hurt and I could not take my escape or pleasure or relief with what could amount to a very high price. Those were some very lonely, horrific six years before I could get us out and safe. Now days, things have improved a lot with laws and such, but back then there wasn’t much support or very many resources. I do understand the need, the desire to share just a few moments in someone’s safe arms and some good sex! But… we have to think about things before we do them.
I know my view will be unpopular and will hope we don’t have to argue…lol… I just can’t be real flexible after all I have seen in this area.
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Cheating and Betrayal of Trust - 
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. What "it says about them" all depends on who's doing the sayin', in my opinion. If you choose not to "cheat," bully for you. It's just always my stance that we shouldn't judge another until we've walked a mile in their shoes. Not every single instance of "cheating" is wrong or horrible and one must decide for him/herself how to proceed................luci
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