Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/17/2008 8:13:24 PM

ExKat

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline

I just did the strangest thing ever. Ex and I are courting this gorgeous, smart girl. We've set up a date. However, that date involves us meeting somewhere, driving all together about 40 minutes away, and then returning.

Me:For the record: us going to the Toychest and then to a restaurant, if we're all driving together, is totally unsafe. Pretty Girl: what do you mean?Me: You're not supposed to drive with someone on the first meeting.Me: In case we're crazy kidnappers/rapists.Me:: We aren't, but thought it was worth mentioning that it doesn't follow safety etiquette for kink Anyone else warn a potential partner about the risks, at the risk of losing a date? At the risk of losing a partner? It seemed like the smart thing to do, she's new to all this, and hasn't spent a year on this message board reading horror stories. Still, I can't help feeling like an idiot. So: All these warnings and first date rules and such that we throw about. Do you enforce them in your relationships? Mention them, and let the partner decide? Ignore them completely?

_____________________________

~*~ The amalgam of Exquemelin and Katie978~*~
In the forums, it'll usually be Katie you're speaking to.
testing
"That's the plan/ Rule the world/ You and me/ Anyday ::wink::"

Post #: 1

RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/17/2008 8:29:42 PM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

Ummmm. . . I have had people pick me up for a first date.

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to ExKat)

Post #: 2

RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/17/2008 8:40:11 PM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

I always advocate safty rules and guidelines and...calls/check ins/whatnot, relationship or not its how we stay safe.

_____________________________

Resident Hell Cat

(in reply to Aylee)

Post #: 3

RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/17/2008 9:15:04 PM

monywildcat

Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

I would not have a problem with pointing out the importance of safety, and all that goodness that potentially keeps us alive. Never mind that you guys may not be crazy kidnappers/rapists, what if she is? And is not working alone? Oh great there goes my paranoia again...

But seriously, good for you, perhaps this is her first time at the rodeo, or she just feels really comfortable with ya'll, and didn't think of taking these precautions for herself. I'm sure it happens. Hope that all works out well for you!

_____________________________

Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Post #: 4

RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/17/2008 9:15:16 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

No, but if I don't think I can trust THEIR judgement on what's safe for THEM, I just don't go out with them.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Post #: 5

RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/17/2008 11:35:05 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExKat
So: All these warnings and first date rules and such that we throw about. Do you enforce them in your relationships? Mention them, and let the partner decide? Ignore them completely?

No I don't enforce them and I don't advocate them. If you can't use common sense then you shouldn't be attempting a meet and those that I couldn't trust to utilise the responsibility they have, I would not meet.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to ExKat)

Post #: 6

RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/18/2008 2:04:28 AM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline

I pretty much agree with D&D on this one. Advocate safety to your friends before a date, not your date before you're friends. That's how a lot of horror movies start out.

On a more practical note, if I feel that a girl's turned her brain off I won't tell her not to ride with me, I'll tell her to have a safety. Call a friend, let her know who she's with and where they're going, tell her to call the cops/big burly male friends in case of disappearance. I've been known to do that a couple times, and it never hurt my chances of getting laid that night.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 7

RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/18/2008 2:18:56 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

There's no way I'd never give somebody I was going to meet safety warnings and tell them ways as to how to protect their security when meeting me, I believe that's just stupid.
If I would need to spell out the dangers/risks and how they should protect themselves it'd be like that someone was screaming I'm stupiiiiiiiiiiiiiid.
However if the person would be like, I'm not comfortable about it and I'm not sure if it's safe, I've never done this before..and shows she actually aware of the risk factor then that's a different matter and I'd point out ways to make them feel more secure.
However if the person is acting like "why on earth would I have to protect myself" I'd say bye-bye.
It doesn't matter if they are new to the "meeting someone from online" if the person has any brains at all and knows how to use them I'd expect them to realize the risk that follows meeting someone.

< Message edited by subtlebutterfly -- 9/18/2008 2:21:15 AM >

(in reply to DMFParadox)

Post #: 8

RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/18/2008 2:33:54 AM

zakkan

Posts: 606
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline

Just don't say you want them to swallow goats

_____________________________

Silence! I keel you!

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)

Post #: 9

RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/18/2008 2:36:51 AM

simpleplan2

Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline

You did what you thought was the right thing. I wouldn't sweat it.

(in reply to ExKat)

Post #: 10

RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/18/2008 3:35:15 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I don't give safety warnings. I assume they're adults and have gotten this far in life. I'm sure they can take care of themselves.

(in reply to simpleplan2)

Post #: 11

RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/18/2008 3:45:01 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

i would probably give a sincere warning, then walk away. i don't deal with idiots.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 12

RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/18/2008 3:51:50 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

She's agreed to ride with you, if when she meets you she feels you're safe. I'm sure, that if you give off bad vibes, she would excuse herself from the rest of the evening.

I met him, spent about half an hour or an hour with him, and then got in his car. So far he still hasn't kidnapped me, I'll have to ask him why not.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 13

RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/18/2008 4:06:17 AM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

Safety is a personal responsibility. I take whatever measures I deem necessary to protect myself (and I usually do not feel much is required) and let the other party handle things on their on recognizance. There's really zero reason to warn them about myself - they'll never be in safer hands on a meet. While a discussion of widely accepted safety precautions might be valuable to someone who is new to all of this I feel that trotting out the whole safety police dog and pony show and making them follow it is a bit much. It's just a waste of their time and mine when they are meeting me.

(in reply to ExKat)

Post #: 14

RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/18/2008 4:11:55 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

~FR~
When i was invited to M's house after weeks of playing publicly, i got there, sat down and noticed that everyone was staring at me..."Quoi??"

"Arent you going to make your safecall?"

"Erm....noooo"

Funnily enough, it was months before the subject of last names came up.

i have made safe calls before, during and after play and i have decided not to make them. It really depends on the people involved and your own gut reaction to them. i have never had anyone go beyond the intial question..."would you like to make a call now?"...."No?"...*click*
(never a good idea to be restrained on your first playdate.)

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 15

RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/18/2008 6:07:29 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

I appreciated people who explained the way to be safe in on-line meeting/dating. I had been very (make that *overly*) protected before my marriage and not allowed out of that "protection" until I chose to leave. I was very naive. I wasn't an idiot, just uninformed.

Having someone say "this is probably not the wisest choice you could be making, though it truly is safe with me" would have taught me a lot, including that you probably ARE safe. I've met some unsafe people in my time and none of them would have warned me about how to be safe, especially in dealing with them.

I was talking with someone from this state who had his real name and town listed on his profile. I'm the one who said it would be safer if he changed those to something different, especially since he was in a position where being outed would be bad. We never got together but I noticed that his profile dropped off and a new one popped up.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to ExKat)

Post #: 16

RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/18/2008 7:40:19 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

i drove to meet a couple at their house for a first meeting. when they came to the door, i got the 'how stupid i was being' lecture. my response was: 'so, do you want me to leave then?' and then i walked inside for dinner and a wonderful beat and fuck session.

(in reply to ExKat)

Post #: 17

RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them - 9/18/2008 8:19:13 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExKat

I just did the strangest thing ever. Ex and I are courting this gorgeous, smart girl. We've set up a date. However, that date involves us meeting somewhere, driving all together about 40 minutes away, and then returning.

Me:For the record: us going to the Toychest and then to a restaurant, if we're all driving together, is totally unsafe. Pretty Girl: what do you mean?Me: You're not supposed to drive with someone on the first meeting.Me: In case we're crazy kidnappers/rapists.Me:: We aren't, but thought it was worth mentioning that it doesn't follow safety etiquette for kink Anyone else warn a potential partner about the risks, at the risk of losing a date? At the risk of losing a partner? It seemed like the smart thing to do, she's new to all this, and hasn't spent a year on this message board reading horror stories. Still, I can't help feeling like an idiot. So: All these warnings and first date rules and such that we throw about. Do you enforce them in your relationships? Mention them, and let the partner decide? Ignore them completely?

Hmmm, I dunno, I went away for the weekend with a guy and the first time i met him face to face is when he picked me up infront of my house on our way out of town.

What's good for one person is not neccessarily good for another.

Hence why we are all adults and should think for ourselves. in my opinion anyway.

Hell there is just as much danger after the 10th meeting as there is on the first. Some monsters hide longer then others.

Life is a risk, you have to decide which ones you are willing to take.

But on the other side of the coin, there are guys i have met in a public place that even with 30 people nearby i felt unsafe.

It's kind of a go with your gut kind of thing.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to ExKat)

Post #: 18

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.156