Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them

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ExKat -> Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/17/2008 8:13:24 PM)
I just did the strangest thing ever. Ex and I are courting this gorgeous, smart girl. We've set up a date. However, that date involves us meeting somewhere, driving all together about 40 minutes away, and then returning. Me:For the record: us going to the Toychest and then to a restaurant, if we're all driving together, is totally unsafe. Pretty Girl: what do you mean?Me: You're not supposed to drive with someone on the first meeting.Me: In case we're crazy kidnappers/rapists.Me:: We aren't, but thought it was worth mentioning that it doesn't follow safety etiquette for kink Anyone else warn a potential partner about the risks, at the risk of losing a date? At the risk of losing a partner? It seemed like the smart thing to do, she's new to all this, and hasn't spent a year on this message board reading horror stories. Still, I can't help feeling like an idiot. So: All these warnings and first date rules and such that we throw about. Do you enforce them in your relationships? Mention them, and let the partner decide? Ignore them completely?

Aylee -> RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/17/2008 8:29:42 PM)
Ummmm. . . I have had people pick me up for a first date.

Sunnyfey -> RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/17/2008 8:40:11 PM)
I always advocate safty rules and guidelines and...calls/check ins/whatnot, relationship or not its how we stay safe.

monywildcat -> RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/17/2008 9:15:04 PM)
I would not have a problem with pointing out the importance of safety, and all that goodness that potentially keeps us alive. Never mind that you guys may not be crazy kidnappers/rapists, what if she is? And is not working alone? Oh great there goes my paranoia again...[:(] But seriously, good for you, perhaps this is her first time at the rodeo, or she just feels really comfortable with ya'll, and didn't think of taking these precautions for herself. I'm sure it happens. Hope that all works out well for you!

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/17/2008 9:15:16 PM)
No, but if I don't think I can trust THEIR judgement on what's safe for THEM, I just don't go out with them.

RCdc -> RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/17/2008 11:35:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExKat So: All these warnings and first date rules and such that we throw about. Do you enforce them in your relationships? Mention them, and let the partner decide? Ignore them completely? No I don't enforce them and I don't advocate them. If you can't use common sense then you shouldn't be attempting a meet and those that I couldn't trust to utilise the responsibility they have, I would not meet. the.dark.

DMFParadox -> RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/18/2008 2:04:28 AM)
I pretty much agree with D&D on this one. Advocate safety to your friends before a date, not your date before you're friends. That's how a lot of horror movies start out. On a more practical note, if I feel that a girl's turned her brain off I won't tell her not to ride with me, I'll tell her to have a safety. Call a friend, let her know who she's with and where they're going, tell her to call the cops/big burly male friends in case of disappearance. I've been known to do that a couple times, and it never hurt my chances of getting laid that night.

subtlebutterfly -> RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/18/2008 2:18:56 AM)
There's no way I'd never give somebody I was going to meet safety warnings and tell them ways as to how to protect their security when meeting me, I believe that's just stupid. If I would need to spell out the dangers/risks and how they should protect themselves it'd be like that someone was screaming I'm stupiiiiiiiiiiiiiid. However if the person would be like, I'm not comfortable about it and I'm not sure if it's safe, I've never done this before..and shows she actually aware of the risk factor then that's a different matter and I'd point out ways to make them feel more secure. However if the person is acting like "why on earth would I have to protect myself" I'd say bye-bye. It doesn't matter if they are new to the "meeting someone from online" if the person has any brains at all and knows how to use them I'd expect them to realize the risk that follows meeting someone.

zakkan -> RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/18/2008 2:33:54 AM)
Just don't say you want them to swallow goats [sm=tired.gif]

simpleplan2 -> RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/18/2008 2:36:51 AM)
You did what you thought was the right thing. I wouldn't sweat it.

littlewonder -> RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/18/2008 3:35:15 AM)
I don't give safety warnings. I assume they're adults and have gotten this far in life. I'm sure they can take care of themselves.

sirsholly -> RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/18/2008 3:45:01 AM)
i would probably give a sincere warning, then walk away. i don't deal with idiots.

DesFIP -> RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/18/2008 3:51:50 AM)
She's agreed to ride with you, if when she meets you she feels you're safe. I'm sure, that if you give off bad vibes, she would excuse herself from the rest of the evening. I met him, spent about half an hour or an hour with him, and then got in his car. So far he still hasn't kidnapped me, I'll have to ask him why not.

Evility -> RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/18/2008 4:06:17 AM)
Safety is a personal responsibility. I take whatever measures I deem necessary to protect myself (and I usually do not feel much is required) and let the other party handle things on their on recognizance. There's really zero reason to warn them about myself - they'll never be in safer hands on a meet. While a discussion of widely accepted safety precautions might be valuable to someone who is new to all of this I feel that trotting out the whole safety police dog and pony show and making them follow it is a bit much. It's just a waste of their time and mine when they are meeting me.

persephonee -> RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/18/2008 4:11:55 AM)
~FR~ When i was invited to M's house after weeks of playing publicly, i got there, sat down and noticed that everyone was staring at me..."Quoi??" "Arent you going to make your safecall?" "Erm....noooo" Funnily enough, it was months before the subject of last names came up. i have made safe calls before, during and after play and i have decided not to make them. It really depends on the people involved and your own gut reaction to them. i have never had anyone go beyond the intial question..."would you like to make a call now?"...."No?"...click (never a good idea to be restrained on your first playdate.)

sublizzie -> RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/18/2008 6:07:29 AM)
I appreciated people who explained the way to be safe in on-line meeting/dating. I had been very (make that overly) protected before my marriage and not allowed out of that "protection" until I chose to leave. I was very naive. I wasn't an idiot, just uninformed. Having someone say "this is probably not the wisest choice you could be making, though it truly is safe with me" would have taught me a lot, including that you probably ARE safe. I've met some unsafe people in my time and none of them would have warned me about how to be safe, especially in dealing with them. I was talking with someone from this state who had his real name and town listed on his profile. I'm the one who said it would be safer if he changed those to something different, especially since he was in a position where being outed would be bad. We never got together but I noticed that his profile dropped off and a new one popped up.

daddysliloneds -> RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/18/2008 7:40:19 AM)
i drove to meet a couple at their house for a first meeting. when they came to the door, i got the 'how stupid i was being' lecture. my response was: 'so, do you want me to leave then?' and then i walked inside for dinner and a wonderful beat and fuck session.

akisha -> RE: Safety warnings-when it hurts you to give them (9/18/2008 8:19:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExKat I just did the strangest thing ever. Ex and I are courting this gorgeous, smart girl. We've set up a date. However, that date involves us meeting somewhere, driving all together about 40 minutes away, and then returning. Me:For the record: us going to the Toychest and then to a restaurant, if we're all driving together, is totally unsafe. Pretty Girl: what do you mean?Me: You're not supposed to drive with someone on the first meeting.Me: In case we're crazy kidnappers/rapists.Me:: We aren't, but thought it was worth mentioning that it doesn't follow safety etiquette for kink Anyone else warn a potential partner about the risks, at the risk of losing a date? At the risk of losing a partner? It seemed like the smart thing to do, she's new to all this, and hasn't spent a year on this message board reading horror stories. Still, I can't help feeling like an idiot. So: All these warnings and first date rules and such that we throw about. Do you enforce them in your relationships? Mention them, and let the partner decide? Ignore them completely? Hmmm, I dunno, I went away for the weekend with a guy and the first time i met him face to face is when he picked me up infront of my house on our way out of town. What's good for one person is not neccessarily good for another. Hence why we are all adults and should think for ourselves. in my opinion anyway. Hell there is just as much danger after the 10th meeting as there is on the first. Some monsters hide longer then others. Life is a risk, you have to decide which ones you are willing to take. But on the other side of the coin, there are guys i have met in a public place that even with 30 people nearby i felt unsafe. It's kind of a go with your gut kind of thing.

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