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Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 3:18:09 AM   
LittleWench


Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline 		This question stems from a something I asked my Owner recently (What does a sub feel if all they get is vanilla sex, which evolved into, what is the definition of kinky sex?)

If foreplay is considered to be sex, can BDSM activities be considered foreplay?  (After one session with my Owner which ended with sex I mentioned he hadn't spent much time on foreplay he raised an eyebrow and said "I just spent more than an hour flogging you...")

Many Dommes will say (especially professionals) that dominating another and the tools used to do so, whips, bonds, chains etc have nothing to do with sex.  So now I am confused...

If sex is what happens after the scene and it's regular missionary, was the scene foreplay and the sex vanilla? 

If we restrict the definition of sex to intercourse, how do you make intercourse kinky?  Gag's, ropes, etc are one way but they would become routine and then by their familiarity not kinky any more.

So how do you do it, how do you have kinky sex?

Just a lighthearted conversation starter from between the sheets :)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 3:35:18 AM   
boundupone


Posts: 53
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline 		sounds like you may be overthinking things.

just because you have done something a few times before, and are more familiar, doesnt make it any less kinky.  it would be impossible to make it significantly different each time, unless you dont do it very often that is.

and the important thing is for you to think about what you think foreplay is.  and then communicate that to your dom.  we are all different, and men and women in particular have very different ideas about what constitutes foreplay.

(in reply to LittleWench)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 3:59:18 AM   
leakylee


Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		with your brain being the largest 'sex' organ in your body, anything that produces toe curling, classifies as foreplay. to me this is definitely part of my sexual nature, my sexual outlet, and sexual being. i mean going to the dungeon to scene isnt just about a pain fix, it is also keeps the frustration at bay. so yes, to my way of thinking it is the epitomy of kinky sex.

such a lovely thing.

lee

_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to LittleWench)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 4:52:23 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		My opinion is that sex is when someone inserts something somewhere in someone else.  Kink is what happens before, during and after sex.
Although the kink may determine whether the sex is good or bad, there is no such thing as kinky sex!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to LittleWench)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 5:18:19 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		i was of the "sex is insertion, or oral intercourse, and foreplay is the fondling, touching, kissing etc leading up to the act, itself" school of thought until very recently.  Someone pointed out that simple acts when done as part of a D/s dynamic evoke sex or a state of arousal.  So now, i can see how even fixing a drink to a D-type's specifications are in a way, a form of foreplay.  Now, the mindset is what makes something kink for me, more so than the act itself. 

_____________________________

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

(in reply to LittleWench)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 5:25:25 AM   
Royalton


Posts: 53
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		you can make regular sex as kinky as you wish just by talking to each other.  It is all in your head!

(in reply to lronitulstahp)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 5:36:38 AM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		Master and I could be having what appears to be vanilla sex -"doors locked, lights out, missionary position"- The Church Lady - but it is still, and will always be, kinky sex because of our mind set. As lee said before, the largest sex organ, etc.
 
He is still controling me, giving me sensation, allowing me the response He chooses, playing with my mind and body at the same time.
 
So, for us, it is the power exchange (or the authority transfer dynamic, if you will) that makes sex kinky.
 
The foreplay question is moot because, in our relationship, He decides our activities. If He want to spend two hours nibbling, caressing and licking me, He will. If He is in the mood to tie me in rope and torture my clit, it happens. If I walk in and He tells me to get naked so He can f*ck me, I do. (And I'm know I'm a lucky girl....)

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
MoGa's IN-Crowd

"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

(in reply to lronitulstahp)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 7:24:37 AM   
malloves69


Posts: 913
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline 		kinky sex i would describe it as snowballs ...creampies ...strapons ..3sums ...bi scenes ..enemas ....fisting ....golden showers .....anal sex ......vanilla sex is missionary position ...doggy style ...girl on top ..oral on each other ... dont get me wrong love vanilla sex too but i just gotta have some kink with it too please or it does get old after a while i think ...one creampie to go please  great sex never gets old i think too  ..have fun ..mal

(in reply to hejira92)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 9:02:44 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Perhaps we are in the minority, but our sex life has nothing to do with our enjoyment of our play.  In fact, our sexual activities are really very vanilla.  At this point in our lives we see no reason to make intercourse kinky as it's absolutely fantastic just the way it is. 

(in reply to LittleWench)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 9:13:30 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		Well if being slapped, spanked, pinched, squeezed and bitten during sex qualifies as kinky, then we have kinky sex...... or maybe it's just rough sex.  Whatever you want to call it, it's hot!

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 10:09:22 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I am going to need time to wrap my head around this one..
You mean after an hour of play you werent dripping wet and begging to be fucked?
Now I am confused.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench
If foreplay is considered to be sex, can BDSM activities be considered foreplay?  (After one session with my Owner which ended with sex I mentioned he hadn't spent much time on foreplay he raised an eyebrow and said "I just spent more than an hour flogging you...")


(in reply to LittleWench)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 10:24:52 AM   
Stusmobile


Posts: 145
Joined: 5/26/2008
From: No fixed abode
Status: offline 		I can't get my head around sex being solely penetration in the missionary position ...

Sex to me encompasses the build up, the moment, and the aftermath. There is an energy and connection that means we can be sexual and enjoying ourselves even when we're apart, the waiting emails, the text messages, the quick phone call ... all add up to keeping that energy flowing between us. Some may find what we do boring, vanilla or just hard work, others would think we were kinky, perverted and probably deviants ... frankly I don't care what anyone else thinks about us, we enjoy it, we enjoy ourselves and each other .... and at the end of the day that is all that really matters.


_____________________________

Goethe: "Whatever you do, or dream you can do, begin it - boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now."

EmlyKate is mine and I wouldn't wish for anything else.

(in reply to LittleWench)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 10:50:53 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench
If foreplay is considered to be sex, can BDSM activities be considered foreplay? 

Sure, if that's how it is to you (and it often is to me)

quote:

Many Dommes will say (especially professionals) that dominating another and the tools used to do so, whips, bonds, chains etc have nothing to do with sex.  So now I am confused...

Only because it sounds like you're expecting everyone to have the same perspective and same experiences when they are unique individuals in unique contexts.

quote:

If sex is what happens after the scene and it's regular missionary, was the scene foreplay and the sex vanilla? 

If that's what it is to those involved.
quote:


If we restrict the definition of sex to intercourse, how do you make intercourse kinky?  Gag's, ropes, etc are one way but they would become routine and then by their familiarity not kinky any more.

For me it's kinky because one person has and is actively exerting their control (yes control, not authority there). 

And I don't know why you assume because something is routine means it's not kinky.
quote:


So how do you do it, how do you have kinky sex?

A little too personal a question for me.  We have it very well :)  Sometimes it's hard to have it because we're having too much fun doing other thigns.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LittleWench)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 11:10:06 AM   
Hime


Posts: 149
Joined: 10/31/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline
quote:

If foreplay is considered to be sex, can BDSM activities be considered foreplay?  (After one session with my Owner which ended with sex I mentioned he hadn't spent much time on foreplay he raised an eyebrow and said "I just spent more than an hour flogging you...")

For some people, pain (giving or receiving) is extremely sexual. And, it can be considered foreplay. I for one get extremely aroused (dripping wet) while hurting my boy.

quote:

Many Dommes will say (especially professionals) that dominating another and the tools used to do so, whips, bonds, chains etc have nothing to do with sex.  So now I am confused...

Although hurting my boy is extremely "sexual" (it arouses me), he and I have not yet had sex (actual intercourse). 
So, in that sense...play has nothing to do with actual sex per se'.

quote:

If we restrict the definition of sex to intercourse, how do you make intercourse kinky?  Gag's, ropes, etc are one way but they would become routine and then by their familiarity not kinky any more.

*imo*  kinky simply means to incorporate unconventional elements into ones sex life.  With that said...."unconventional differs from person to person".  example: anal sex may be kinky for some but, typical for others.  Or, playing with mechanical devices may be kinky for some but, typical for others. 

quote:

So how do you do it, how do you have kinky sex?
Personally, once things become conventional (commonplace) they lose their edge (their kinkiness so to say) - and, a certain level of excitement goes away with it.  So basically.....an occasional bit of this - and an occasional bit of that....keeps me happy in the bedroom!


~xoxo


_____________________________

"The most effective leader is the one who satisfies the psychological needs of his followers" --David Ogilvy

(in reply to LittleWench)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 11:43:36 AM   
ExKat


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline 		  Professionals say that BDSM has nothing to do with sex because they're stalking the line between legal and illegal if sex gets into things. However...nearly all dominas will have a clause that it's totally cool for the client to cum during the scene...she just won't directly cause it.

  There are some people who lean either way on this. For me, sex and BDSM are completely intertwined-a spank is as intimate and sexy as a kiss. Our scenes nearly always end with sex...and if they don't, I still consider the whole thing to be sexual.

  As far as sex itself being kinky, I hold the idea that the mindset makes it kinky. If my master is having sex with me, it doesn't matter if it's through a hole in the sheet, fully clothed, it's still as kinky as anything.

(in reply to LittleWench)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 11:55:38 AM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench

This question stems from a something I asked my Owner recently (What does a sub feel if all they get is vanilla sex, which evolved into, what is the definition of kinky sex?)
Lord knows.  What's the definition of kink?  I got asked this last night and defined vanilla as two people, missionary, nothing else.  Everything else was kinky.  Which makes most people kinky.  Which hopefully increases the acceptance for the more "extremely" kinky activities some of us get up to from time to time.

quote:

If foreplay is considered to be sex, can BDSM activities be considered foreplay?  (After one session with my Owner which ended with sex I mentioned he hadn't spent much time on foreplay he raised an eyebrow and said "I just spent more than an hour flogging you...")
And sometimes the BDSM activities are the sex.  I've had great "sex" with people, and yet, there's no "I'm putting my X in your Y" moment.

quote:

Many Dommes will say (especially professionals) that dominating another and the tools used to do so, whips, bonds, chains etc have nothing to do with sex.  So now I am confused...
I'm wondering if you're misconstuing the pro's here.  They state they won't do sex acts, but I'm not sure there are many who are not well aware they are facilitating a fetish, and providing a service that is fundamentally sexual in nature even though there is no sex-acts in the "tab A slot B" sense.  The exception to this would be some CPers I've met, who are absolutly clear that their CP is about X, Y and Z and not at all about sex.

quote:

If sex is what happens after the scene and it's regular missionary, was the scene foreplay and the sex vanilla? 
As someone who rarely does regualar missionary, and never by choice, it's easy to define it for me as kinky (authority/control transfer and all).  I guess you can define things however you want, and break it down however you want.  I also think you can spend a lot of time thinking about labels and analysing, which might be more fun to spend doing more practical and less theoretical work :P

quote:

If we restrict the definition of sex to intercourse, how do you make intercourse kinky?  Gag's, ropes, etc are one way but they would become routine and then by their familiarity not kinky any more.
I'd say you're talking more about spice/keeping it interesting, and not necessarily kinky per se, espcially the way I very "kinky" as a definition.  Kinky, in my book, can certainly also be mundane, dull, monotonous and boring.  Trying many things, and being open to new ideas, I suppose.  Seeing what happens when that leg goes over there instead of over here, trying to outdo each other with filthy names, whatever floats your boat.  (Ever tried to play the alphabet name with sex related insults... makes for interesting fucking)

quote:

So how do you do it, how do you have kinky sex?
With the help of someone/manyones else.  And by poking their minds til they bleed fun new ideas.

Or, by signing over all control over what is about to happen to someone else.  Being objectified works sometimes.

In lots of different ways depending on my mood?

(in reply to LittleWench)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 1:25:26 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench

If foreplay is considered to be sex, can BDSM activities be considered foreplay?  (After one session with my Owner which ended with sex I mentioned he hadn't spent much time on foreplay he raised an eyebrow and said "I just spent more than an hour flogging you...")



My submissive lady and I absoposilutely consider our BDSM play to be foreplay! Sex is an integral part of our overall experience. We've never played simply for play's sake, without it culminating in explosive orgasm. I doubt we ever will; that's just us. I know others feel differently.
 
Les (Purveyor of Fine Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to LittleWench)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 1:29:22 PM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline 		For me, personally, the tying, beating, pinching, clamping, clothespinning, gagging, etc. are all part of sex... whether there's actual intercourse or not makes no difference for me. i'm still satisfied on that "sexual" level.
My definition of kinky sex has nothing to do with those other elements (tying, beating, etc.) it's doing it on the hood of the car at a NASCAR race, or on the side of the railroad tracks, or driving down the expressway... (ahhh... memories of kinky sex... lol). Of course, just my 2 cents.

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to IvyMorgan)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 1:29:58 PM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline 		BDSM (i.e., power exchange) is definitely foreplay! As a matter of fact, the culmination, for me at least, of BDSM foreplay is straight and natural sex (albeit she may be restrained, gagged, and clamped but it's still sex as the end result). After sex, as I've noted in prior threads, the whole BDSM power-play thing just feels "silly" to me. I untie her, kiss and caress her, and wait for the refractory period to wear out. Then, an hour or three later, we're back to the BDSM part of the cycle. Foreplay it is! I have no doubts about that!

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Kinky Sex - 8/31/2008 5:42:28 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		I can't separate it, when my hand is around her neck, pushing her down, as I kick her legs apart and "take" her ... sex
When she is laying over my lap and I'm spanking her cute little tush ... it's sex
When I have her tied, helpless and my leather quirt is leaving lovely marks, I get so hot, I have to use her ... sex

I could go on and on ... but to me ... they are one and the same

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to pompeii)
Profile   Post #: 20
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