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RE: so...what do you do? - 8/28/2008 4:43:48 AM

kallisto

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quote:

ORIGINAL: StrangerThan

but they managed it by either controlling the emotional attachment or conducting that relationship within the scope of understanding that their partner has a life and they're only a part of it, not encompassed by it.

Your whole post was fantastic.

But this is the part that really makes sense to me.

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RE: so...what do you do? - 8/28/2008 6:27:05 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Steven she can't come to Denver. To many Democrats there. She is Republican.

I spoke to them and told them I'm a Dom.

They're leaving end of the week.

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RE: so...what do you do? - 8/28/2008 9:19:23 AM

lizcgirl

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A friend of mine is doing this right now, and I just want to shake her a little. I think she is more fixated on what she wants in general than the person themselves, and I bet that a lot of people have done the same thing. You get tired of being alone, you want that some one special in your life, and when you don't have it, you transfer all of that unused emotion onto some one who is there just for the sake of feeling. It's not healthy and never works out the way you THINK you want it to, but some times you need the illusion just to get by. Me personally though- why waste time on some one who doesn't want me? When it happened to me, all it took was one conversation to get over it. I actually LOOKED at the guy, not what I was hoping he 'might' be but who he really was, and I realized I didn't actually want him, I just wanted some one. We had a nice, general conversation and when it was over, I just knew that I would never look longingly at him again. Thank god, because he was a total waste of time. Too bad there aren't any 'reality glasses' out there we could just switch the rose colored ones with, I'd superglue them to my friend's face. (For her own good, of course)

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RE: so...what do you do? - 8/28/2008 1:44:18 PM

ChicagoAmy

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If there is some reason why it could never work out but I'm feeling too attached to someone, I would probably stop seeing them, just because I know if I kept seeing them, I would keep getting more and more attached and it would make the heart break even harder the longer it went on.

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RE: so...what do you do? - 8/28/2008 2:09:24 PM

windchymes

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Just keep on getting to know them, their flaws tend to appear on their own.

For example, I have a new boss who I was crushin' on some since I started in there. Well, yesterday, as a department meeting was beginning and everyone was gathering around him, he took out a comb and gave his hair a once-thru...no biggie. Then, he pulled out a couple of cotton swabs and began to use them on his ears......

Needless to say, I"m not crushin' so much now.

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RE: so...what do you do? - 8/28/2008 2:10:58 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiazn03

when you know you can't feel too attached to someone(s) but can't help it?

i mean, how do you deal with it? what do you do to help ease the process?

peace out, all!

Discuss the ins and the outs and the outs and the ins as a public drama here o the collarme forums. Turn it into a weekly saga like a television soap.
The fundamentalist behaviourists here won't like it because they don't 'do' upset and will accuse you of being dysfunctional.
B friends will stick to you like glue, and help you through.
All in all a very good way of realising that real bdsm hurts on many levels and in more ways than one.

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RE: so...what do you do? - 8/28/2008 4:52:07 PM

MidMichCowboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Steven she can't come to Denver. To many Democrats there. She is Republican.

I spoke to them and told them I'm a Dom.

They're leaving end of the week.

Did you say Dom or Dumb (take it easy, I'm a Democrat ...

)

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RE: so...what do you do? - 8/28/2008 5:09:33 PM

apiercedkitty

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~FR~

i would think it's only fair to share my thoughts with the "someone" i shouldn't start having feelings for - right when i realize i'm starting to have them. if it were me, i'd find i would have to stop "seeing" them and maybe keeping it a friendship only.

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RE: so...what do you do? - 8/28/2008 6:48:30 PM

Maya2001

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Well when I faced that situation in the past ... I had to give myself a shake and accept it was time to move on

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RE: so...what do you do? - 8/28/2008 8:25:32 PM

LATEXBABY64

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we are wired to feel and sense things for a big reason why should culture decide who we should be with or people be a friend take it slow hang o ut have fun you never know could be a great friend or more there is no reason w hy people fall for each other heard of oppsites and all kinds making things work so whos to say
test the waters

remember always use common sense on anything

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RE: so...what do you do? - 8/28/2008 10:14:46 PM

leakylee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Make a list of all their flaws or the reasons I shouldn't become attached. If I don't see any flaws then it's more than likely I'm becoming attached to an ideal instead of the person or I don't know them as well as I think I do. When I find myself getting involved in ways which aren't healthy for me, I read the list and it reminds me to view people from a realistic perspective rather than from a fantasical viewpoint. If I put someone on a pedastle, I have only myself to blame when they fall off .. and, I'd try my best to make sure that I'm not standing under them when they fall so I can avoid being crushed by the weight of my own fantasy.

Celeste that has to be one of the most sensible things i have ever seen. i am thinking guru ranking, and it would work in alot of situations.

thank you

smooches
lee

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RE: so...what do you do? - 8/28/2008 10:39:17 PM

shiazn03

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thank you all for the answers!

it helps and i will follow some of the advices.

and i'm sorry for not elaborating the situation. i'm just unsure how much of it i want to post on the forums because it does involve other people as well.

peace out, all!

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RE: so...what do you do? - 8/29/2008 12:16:40 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Be honest with yourself about what it is you desire, or feel attached to. Sometimes it is not the person at all, but the dream of a future you built up, and the person appears as a supporting actor in that play. I've seen that repeatedly in relationships that are primarily online, for example. Build up the idea of something breathtakingly wonderful in chat ("I love you," -- "I love you too") but reality isn't the same thing at all. Of course, it doesn't just happen online.

Do you really want this person, or something else?

Sorry, but this was too good not to repeat.

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RE: so...what do you do? - 8/29/2008 12:46:58 AM

ResidentSadist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiazn03
when you know you can't feel too attached to someone(s) but can't help it?

i mean, how do you deal with it? what do you do to help ease the process?

peace out, all!

It's nothing 3 weeks in a cage won't fix.

Your question is rather vague… “can’t” or don’t want to feel attached? It’s simple, if the relationship doesn’t suit you, alter it or get a new partner. Vague in/vague out

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RE: so...what do you do? - 8/29/2008 1:08:54 AM

corsetgirl

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Been there, seen it, and got burned. There comes a time when you have to break away from this situation and do what you can to deal with your emotions. I had to do this in order to move on and not get hurt again. It is not an easy road to take but I have learned to get to know myself better and to make sure that whoever I submit to in the future will be someone I can be compatible.

I wish you well.

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Post #: 35