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StrangerThan -> RE: so...what do you do? (8/28/2008 4:28:20 AM)
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Ok, let's put aside all the politically correct bullshit and deal with this straight up. Your situation could be constructed around a thousand different situations and since you didn't elaborate, no one is really quite sure why you can't. Either way, plastering yourself to someone who doesn't want that from you or can't accept it for some reason (married, has emotional issues, wants to play the field, has 19 other girls and isn't going to commit.. something) is about as self destructive a path one can follow. It has a good potential for a lot of lonely nights, a lot of long nights, and a lot of back and forth that eventually has a good chance of leaving him/her wanting more and more distance from you. Top that off with a lot of second guessing oneself as to why one isn't enough and it becomes self destructive.
Again, I don't know the specifics. Enjoying what the relationship has to offer becomes a moot point when your emotions get involved to a point where it hurts. It becomes difficult to enjoy anything because you know there is no future in it, at least not the kind of future you're hinting at wanting. The tighter you cling to someone who doesn't want you to, the more the feeling rises in them to create some distance. It's kind of a deep, dark spiral that doesn't go many places but down. I've known people who had good relationships with someone who was married or someone who simply didn't want committment, but they managed it by either controlling the emotional attachment or conducting that relationship within the scope of understanding that their partner has a life and they're only a part of it, not encompassed by it.
Most people have been involved in bad relationships at one point or another. I'm not saying yours is bad on the surface, but you're obviously dealing with some internal emotional issues over it and the outcome isn't one you're happy with. In that light, bad becomes whether or not it's bad for you as much as whether or not the relationship itself is simply bad.
In some ways, you're asking the wrong question. If you can't handle your place in it or if you're spending a lot of time dealing with your own emotions, the question isn't whether or not there's some grand shining goal at the end of it where all will be better because you're essentially saying there's not, but more so, how long are you going to hang in that limbo land of being attached to someone who doesn't want your attachment. It's not a question of what will be, just how long it will be and how long are you going to let your emotions keep you stuck in that limbo.
I'm as much a product of what I feel as anyone else. When I stand at the crossroads though and look down separate roads, if I know one has nothing but heartache in it, it's probably not the one I'm going to step out on or stay on for long.
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