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Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 7:42:59 AM

mistoferin

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I was reading on the "eyes NOT wide open" thread and I noticed that a good number of submissives responded that they don't open their eyes during sex or play because it messes with their headspace or focus. Now I really like my headspace during play and sex...but I can't imagine limiting my partner in such a way that he would feel that he could only do or expect things of me that would interfere with my headspace. I want him to be running the whole show and direct me where he wants me to go....regardless of whether or not that interferes with my fuzzy warm place. Submission to HIS wants. He takes great enjoyment from snapping me into the here and now when he wants to and pushing me back into that far away place....but he wants to be the one setting the course.

If I were to be focused only on my own headspace it would almost seem to me like I was seperating myself from the interaction instead of being an active participant who was following his lead.

As an "s" type...is it only fulfilling to you if you are allowed to drift off into your own headspace? If it gets interrupted is that frustrating for you?

For "D" types, do you feel like you have to tip toe around in a scene so that you don't disturb your "s" type's headspace?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

Post #: 1

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 7:49:17 AM

LaTigresse

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I remember reading through that thread yesterday and thinking similarly.

Unless they've got a blindfold on because I want to scare the bejesus out of them, or they are in a position that makes it impossible, they'd better be looking at me. If not I will interupt their headspace until they do.

I just think it is alot more intense of a connection with eye contact. Perhaps the people that do not want eye contact also do not want that soul probing connection either. More of a topping and bottoming than dominance and submission. I only say that because that is the difference in how it would feel to me.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 2

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 7:51:05 AM

Dnomyar

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Is'nt the point of playing to get into the subs headspace.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 3

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 7:52:25 AM

colouredin

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Joined: 2/2/2007
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i close my eyes a lot, its terrible actually nowt to do with headspace though just because i get totally embaressed and blush and stuff

i think that both people have to be aware of other peoples enjoyment because really thats what its about however i dont think any of my ex's would have been happy if id told them i was keeping my eyes shut for my headspace i think that would have lead to not being taken anywhere near having a good heaspace for a very long period of time

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 4

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 7:53:44 AM

mistoferin

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I just want to interject that I don't want to focus solely on eyes being open or shut. There are LOTS of things that Sir does that can interrupt my headspace. I can be gliding smoothly into subspace and he can use some implement or say something to me that will yank me straight backwards. I can't imagine telling him that I don't want him to do those things because they mess with my headspace. Not to mention....I know what his response would be. "You don't like that? Oh, Darn!!!"

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 5

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 7:55:26 AM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar
Is'nt the point of playing to get into the subs headspace.

Not to me it's not. There are at least two people involved in a scene....I can't imagine it being all about just one of them.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 6

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 7:57:03 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I was reading on the "eyes NOT wide open" thread and I noticed that a good number of submissives responded that they don't open their eyes during sex or play because it messes with their headspace or focus. Now I really like my headspace during play and sex...but I can't imagine limiting my partner in such a way that he would feel that he could only do or expect things of me that would interfere with my headspace. I want him to be running the whole show and direct me where he wants me to go....regardless of whether or not that interferes with my fuzzy warm place. Submission to HIS wants. He takes great enjoyment from snapping me into the here and now when he wants to and pushing me back into that far away place....but he wants to be the one setting the course.

If I were to be focused only on my own headspace it would almost seem to me like I was seperating myself from the interaction instead of being an active participant who was following his lead.

As an "s" type...is it only fulfilling to you if you are allowed to drift off into your own headspace? If it gets interrupted is that frustrating for you?

For "D" types, do you feel like you have to tip toe around in a scene so that you don't disturb your "s" type's headspace?

I have no problem pulling a girl back out of her "headspace". My right as her dominant. Now, if I am involved in casual play and that is what has been negotiated for...the idea of being taken into a certain headspace or even subspace that is undisturbed, I can and have done it. But as LaT notes, when I have done that it has felt more like topping with the dominance and submission thrown in as flavorings. I don't like to do that when I am playing with someone who means, or is beginning to mean, something to me. At that point, we are already in a D/s dynamic and I don't relinquish control simply because it is play. I want to give her what she wants and needs in play but it should not be forgotten that it is at my discretion, not hers, how and when and why something occurs during play...including forcing eye contact.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 7

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 7:57:05 AM

RCdc

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I haven't answered that thread erin, mainly because I just couldn't fathom about not opening my eyes if Darcy wanted me to. I just saw a lot of 'I cannot' or 'I won't' or 'I do not like' and nothing on what the dominant or master desires.

Frustration doesn't come into it. If Darcy wants to do what he wants, he does it. Fulfilment comes in the form of surrender - not my headspace.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 8

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 7:57:58 AM

colouredin

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I think it depends on the dynamic to be honest i have found when im simply playing if someone does something i dont really like i will instantly get knocked out of it all and become a right bitch, if i am in a relationship its totally differant my motivations are differant and its not really about what physical sensations i enjoy because im enjoying making him happy therefore not veyr much he could do could get rid of that feeling

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 9

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 7:59:10 AM

BitaTruble

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From: Texas
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I'm filled in lots of different ways. In terms of play, generally, I'm face down, ass up so it's not my eyes that he wants open. ::grins:: Those times when there is the opportunity to look into my eyes, I do keep them open unless he tells me not to do so. I love looking at him having fun and we laugh so much but there are times when he wants me to drift so he takes me there. If he doesn't want me to drift, it's really easy to prevent it. Drifting or not, being disconnected or connected .. those things are still his choice and after all this time being together, he knows how to put me where he wants me. Bringing me to the edge and not letting me go over just makes him laugh .. so it's all good.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 10

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 8:06:26 AM

GabrielleSlave

Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline

The headspace i am in pretty much most of the time is the one He has put me in. He controls my mental "space" whatever Wwe are doing, doing something intense, or vanilla with the kids. i am a slave, not a robot and as such am only human. i have given Him this control, it is not an unhealthy thing; i suppose you could call it a heightened awareness of Him. Where He sends me and whether or not my eyes are open, closed or blindfolded, as well as how i feel is up to Him.

Gabrielle x

PS i'm not sure that what i said made much sense to anyone apart from me lol!!!

_____________________________

Slave to Master Slayer

~ Host of the Rather Marvelous Greenwich Munch ~

"There is no such thing as liberty. You only change one sort of domination for another. All we can do is to choose our master."
D. H. Lawrence

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 11

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 8:08:12 AM

Leatherist

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How odd a concept, to be so totally a service top that I am not allowed to have any fun of my own.

Nossir, I don't think I like it-pass.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 12

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 8:28:10 AM

allthatjaz

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I think it's simple.
If your in his head space then you are in love and you are all his
If your not in his head space then clearly you have not found your ideal partner yet

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 13

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 8:43:44 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

As an "s" type...is it only fulfilling to you if you are allowed to drift off into your own headspace? If it gets interrupted is that frustrating for you?

for this slave, there is no "MY" anything...but if by some stretch of the imagination this slave wanted to be left alone to enjoy whatever was going on in her head, and His choice to participate, in whatever way He desired, was viewed as an "interruption", she would ask permission to masterbate...alone.

sex and play is a together experience, directed by Him, not by this slave's "warm fuzzy place".

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 14

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 8:55:23 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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Joined: 6/29/2008
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Again, I have the opportunity to have two different experiences with this phenomenon. When I play with folks who are bottoming to me, but who are not my servants, I tend to be very aware of moving and interacting in a way that allows -both- of us the chance to slip into headspace and hold it. I do the same thing when I'm receiving tattoos. I appreciate the artists whose actions and movements allow me to retain headspace, and for these things, the people that I play with and I agree that headspace is the crucial point of the exercise. I also allow this kind of headspace when I give a servant of mine a particularly long and tedious task to complete.

It is a totally different situation with my servants under daily life or even casual play. With them, headspace isn't the point of the exercise... their service to me is the point... and holding them in a place where they are paying attention to what I am doing, saying, and following the lead of what I expect from them is the focus. Unless, as noted above, I've made a special concession to a particularly long and tedious task, I want my servants to be aware of me and their surroundings, and able to change directions at my whim, regardless of whether their 'zone' is impacted.

In the first case, I often allow the bottoms to use blindfolds, headphones with music they've chosen, positions that feel suitable to them (as long as my physical limitations as the top are considered), etc... and the intensity of the experience is enhanced for both of us when we slip into that space where the energy of the activity and the focus of the bottom and I are combined around the pain and the activity. I actually enjoy watching a bottom slip into that place where what I am doing to hir draws hir out of hir physical existence and leaves hir spirit to soar... It feels like flying a kite -- that sensation of being connected to something that is free and powerful and wild, and yet contained and directed through the connection between the ground and the flight.

In the second case, I am and will remain the focus. If my servant gets into a 'zone', and that zone interferes with what I'm trying to do, I have no problems ripping the fabric of that space away and re-focusing the servant on me and on what I am saying/doing.

Calla Firestorm

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 8/27/2008 8:57:27 AM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 15

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 9:21:13 AM

burntcynder

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Joined: 5/11/2008
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I have never really referred to the places I have gone as “sub space” . I fly, and never alone. My former owner has incredible energy when she plays, it scoops me up and carries me with her. Most times closing my eyes is the last thought in my mind. Watching her prepare, every move is deliberate, and intense, and I don‘t want to miss a moment of it. Our eyes lock and there is a bond like no other I have ever known. I believe our combined energies feed off of each other . When play is finished and I am spent, my eyes close, but she is still there in my head speaking to me and guiding me back from our flight. If my eyes had been closed the flight would have lost a large part of its intensity. And we both would have been cheated.

cyn

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 16

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 9:29:58 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

I think it's simple.
If your in his head space then you are in love and you are all his
If your not in his head space then clearly you have not found your ideal partner yet

I don't believe it is that romantic.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 17

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 9:39:46 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

I think it's simple.
If your in his head space then you are in love and you are all his
If your not in his head space then clearly you have not found your ideal partner yet

I don't believe it is that romantic.

When he is all consuming you are 'in love'
When he is totally in control of you, you are 'in love'
When he is in your head during sexual acts of dominance and you are not off on your own little trip then you are 'in love

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 18

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 9:44:20 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

I think it's simple.
If your in his head space then you are in love and you are all his
If your not in his head space then clearly you have not found your ideal partner yet

I don't believe it is that romantic.

When he is all consuming you are 'in love'
When he is totally in control of you, you are 'in love'
When he is in your head during sexual acts of dominance and you are not off on your own little trip then you are 'in love

Which, again, completely discounts those individuals for whom this has nothing to do with romance or "love".

People who are not in love are also capable of sharing headspace intimately, of getting into one another's headspace, etc. It doesn't even require a long-term commitment. I get there all the time with folks who bottom to me and who I may never have met before the time that we play, and whom I may never play again after that session.

For some folks, this may define 'love' -- me... I don't even define 'love' as an emotion, much less as a particular set of actions.

Calla Firestorm

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 8/27/2008 9:46:37 AM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 19

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 9:45:10 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

When he is all consuming you are 'in love'
When he is totally in control of you, you are 'in love'
When he is in your head during sexual acts of dominance and you are not off on your own little trip then you are 'in love

Just because you might be in love, does not mean they are your ideal partner.
Love can be very blinding.

I am an extremely romantic person and I am well aware that submission and head space has nothing to do with love.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 20

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