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RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 9:46:42 AM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

I think it's simple.
If your in his head space then you are in love and you are all his
If your not in his head space then clearly you have not found your ideal partner yet

I don't believe it is that romantic.

When he is all consuming you are 'in love'
When he is totally in control of you, you are 'in love'
When he is in your head during sexual acts of dominance and you are not off on your own little trip then you are 'in love

I agree with LaT. It can be that romantic...but it doesn't have to be. What you have described could just as easily be infatuation, frenzy or lust. Don't get me wrong, I'm very much in love with my Dominant....but when he farts it aint billowy white clouds that come out his ass.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 21

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 9:56:02 AM

colouredin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

When he is all consuming you are 'in love'
When he is totally in control of you, you are 'in love'
When he is in your head during sexual acts of dominance and you are not off on your own little trip then you are 'in love

Just because you might be in love, does not mean they are your ideal partner.
Love can be very blinding.

I am an extremely romantic person and I am well aware that submission and head space has nothing to do with love.

the.dark.

i totally agree I have without a doubt been in love when its very far away from being what is best from me, I also dont think you have to be in love to submit for me I have to respect and admire the person but that doesnt ness mean that I love them, though of course I do want the possibility to be there

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

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(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 22

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 10:16:55 AM

NeedingMore220

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Erin, I know what you're referring to about the other thread. I was one who said I had difficulty with eye contact during the scene and was grateful my new Dom prefers blindfolds and eye restrictions lots of times. But in thinking about it, the couple of times he's taken my face in his hands and made me focus on him, pulling me back with him, it's been a deep connection ...

so... it does bring me to your question of whether I'm allowed to drift. I even spoke with him about it, and as others have said, he's fine with my drifting, until the time comes that he doesn't want me to drift. lol Then he'll pull me back, as is his right. I haven't found that frustrating - difficult perhaps at times to sound coherent, but not frustrating.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 23

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 10:25:30 AM

persephonee

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~FR~

i reviewed my posts in the other thread and i think that i was discussing my bottoming in public. i have yet to truly submit to any of my partners i have now and obviously then havent found someone that truly dominates me. i am searching for that in a relatively passive way at this time.

Whether in public or private, i do as my partner wishes. i dont think i have ever said the word "no" in that context. i dont think i would get much play at all if the focus were solely on my pleasure...but my active participation in a scene depends on me being in the right place at the right time mentally. Now that i see another perspective on this i will look into whether i need to change my behavior...always open to suggestions.

Part of what makes one of my partners tick is taking me farther than i thought i could physically go...he gets downright spacey himself after a good session. When i see that glassy eyed look i feel all warm and snuggly inside that i could give him some semblance of what he gives me.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 24

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 10:45:51 AM

kyraofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
As an "s" type...is it only fulfilling to you if you are allowed to drift off into your own headspace? If it gets interrupted is that frustrating for you?

For "D" types, do you feel like you have to tip toe around in a scene so that you don't disturb your "s" type's headspace?

I am fulfilled by multiple things in our relationship and within play. The headspace that I get into during play is not one that excludes him from the experience. In fact, I often try to make him hurt as much as he is making me hurt. I am not often successful at it, but I do enjoy trying.

When things happen that screw up that headspace, it can be frustrating at times. If it is something that he is doing well then I can bet that it is intentional on his part and "too fucking bad" for me. *g* If it is something that is happening that causes the play to be unenjoyable for both of us, then he either changes what is happening or he has been known to stop the play completely. If it only makes it unenjoyable for me and he is having fun then his pleasure increases.

I can imagine his response to your question for the top, "Oh, hell no!" Part of his pleasure is knocking us off balance, physically and mentally, and watching us deal with it.

As a note, headspace to me is not synonomous with subspace. Subspace is not something that he allows us into very often. He wants us feeling what he is doing and in subspace everything is very muted.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 25

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 10:53:45 AM

persephonee

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Oooo! Ooooo!...i knew it had to be a matter of semantics....headspace for me and subspace are two separate things altogether...in my experience.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 26

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 2:27:52 PM

IvyMorgan

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From: Midlands, UK
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If I were with someone who never let me enjoy play, then I wouldn't be with them for long.

That said, my headspace, when it is right, and I am flying, is something that is shared between me and whomever is topping me. So we both go there. If he/she wants to bring me back, chances are they are coming with me.

Post a good scene, I am a bubble of energy, and totally incapable of being very coherent. I try, but, they can pull me back all they want, I never quite make it, cos it's far too hard. They've been known to enjoy watching me try though.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 27

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 3:40:03 PM

mbes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

As an "s" type...is it only fulfilling to you if you are allowed to drift off into your own headspace? If it gets interrupted is that frustrating for you?

For the first question, no, not at all. It's more a matter of not multi-tasking well. I can either process the sensations in a way he likes, OR I can focus, but which I do is up to him. This isn't specific to playtime; I can't iron and participate in a conversation at the same time either. And don't even try to talk to me while I'm washing dishes!

Near as I can tell, he likes getting me in that state where other brain functions cease, so that's where he takes me. When he doesn't want me in that state, he has many ways to pull me from it, and he's not shy about using them. My fulfillment isn't dependent on one type of interaction.
It certainly can be frustrating for me when he switches directions. I think that may be why he does it sometimes.
Oh yes, and it's not a matter of not trusting him that keeps my eyes closed. Closing them is a bigger sign of trust than keeping them open is, for me.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 28

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 3:55:47 PM

silkncarol

Posts: 318
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Not frustrating at all...i love the contact with my Dominant during a scene....it's what i consider a perk..lol
I love being talked to...the voice whispering in my ear...the feel of his hand on my body..the weight of him pressed against me, begging with my eyes.....

I personally wouldn't want a Dom to "tip toe" around a scene....i count on him being in control of it, from start to finish, to take me where he wishes me to go... and sometimes that's not subspace, but a release for us both none the less...

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

As an "s" type...is it only fulfilling to you if you are allowed to drift off into your own headspace? If it gets interrupted is that frustrating for you?

_____________________________

We attract hearts by the qualities we display. We retain them by the qualities we possess.

Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 29

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 4:01:37 PM

silkncarol

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I will add, sometimes i do like blindfolds....especially if it's a public scene in a club or party where there are distractions....the blindfold helps keep me focused on the sensations..... but i also love surprises!

_____________________________

We attract hearts by the qualities we display. We retain them by the qualities we possess.

Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

(in reply to silkncarol)

Post #: 30

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 4:19:38 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I was reading on the "eyes NOT wide open" thread and I noticed that a good number of submissives responded that they don't open their eyes during sex or play because it messes with their headspace or focus. Now I really like my headspace during play and sex...but I can't imagine limiting my partner in such a way that he would feel that he could only do or expect things of me that would interfere with my headspace. I want him to be running the whole show and direct me where he wants me to go....regardless of whether or not that interferes with my fuzzy warm place. Submission to HIS wants. He takes great enjoyment from snapping me into the here and now when he wants to and pushing me back into that far away place....but he wants to be the one setting the course.

If I were to be focused only on my own headspace it would almost seem to me like I was seperating myself from the interaction instead of being an active participant who was following his lead.

As an "s" type...is it only fulfilling to you if you are allowed to drift off into your own headspace? If it gets interrupted is that frustrating for you?

For "D" types, do you feel like you have to tip toe around in a scene so that you don't disturb your "s" type's headspace?

Ummm, no. I rarely use blindfolds, I like to look into their eyes and them into mine. I need and want that connection, as LaT described. I want them to see me reaching for that instrument of pain that they dread or hate, and if they aren't paying attention I have several very effective methods of getting their attention. On the rare occasion that I do use a blindfold, it's not for long at all and only to accomplish a specific goal.

Not long ago there was a thread about eye contact and whether or not someone could see submission in another's eyes. I don't think I can see "submission", but pain, longing, lust, surrender...yes, and I think it requires the entire face, not just the eyes. I want to see those things, and I want them to see what's readable in mine as well. For me, without eye contact, the connection and the energy exchange are just not the same.

As far as headspace or subspace go. My play is rarely about their space. It's all about me. ME ME ME!!! <WEG> Where I want to take them, how long I can keep them there, or just doing whatever I want and watch their reaction or not. There are times when it is about them, because I want it to be, and even then I keep them on the edge as long as I can before allowing them to fall over it.

Edited to add:

There is a couple here in Nashville who play with the sub wearing eye goggles that play an intricate light field and headphones playing something loud enough that others can hear it but not enough to decipher what exactly it is. The D wears headphones as well, so I am assuming that they are listening to the same music. I have to assume because they never hang around the club long enough for me to ask. They are obviously happy with what they are doing, but it wouldn't work for me and mine.

< Message edited by yourMissTress -- 8/27/2008 4:22:57 PM >

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 31

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 4:49:49 PM

IvyMorgan

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Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mbes
Oh yes, and it's not a matter of not trusting him that keeps my eyes closed. Closing them is a bigger sign of trust than keeping them open is, for me.

Ditto.

I like closing my eyes, I "get into it" more when I do, but I have to trust and let go to do so.

I have an annoying habit when I don't feel secure of becoming hyper aware during play, to the point where I can tell you *everything* that is happening around me during a scene. Useful when working, not so useful come playtime. This has the result of distracting me from the scene too (I don't notice blows/sensations so much). But, in some ways, this is the d-type's "fault" for not helping me settle in the first place.

(in reply to mbes)

Post #: 32

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 4:57:04 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyMorgan
But, in some ways, this is the d-type's "fault" for not helping me settle in the first place.

Or maybe it could be very intentional on their part because they don't want you "settled" in a place that's comfy for you.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to IvyMorgan)

Post #: 33

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 5:06:57 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
As an "s" type...is it only fulfilling to you if you are allowed to drift off into your own headspace? If it gets interrupted is that frustrating for you?

For "D" types, do you feel like you have to tip toe around in a scene so that you don't disturb your "s" type's headspace?

Are we talking kinky play or Ds or a combo of both?

IMO yes, most bottoms or people when they bottom want their happy fluffy spacey headspace and get downright pissy when they don't. This is fine if that's the relationship they are in.

And this gets recognized and pushed as normal and advisable. When I was owned by sadists, I frequently was told by all orientations that it was wrong of my owners to put me in such pain when I didn't like it, or assumed that I was a masochist because I had to enjoy what he was doing, or assumed that I didn't do pain play because I was not a masochist. THe concept of kinky play being for the direct and immediate pleasure for all involved is a very prevalent social construct which is strongly supported- deviations are scrutinized and often get the "red flag/bad dom" light flashing.

I've often said I'm more than willing to sacrifice a bottoms happy headspace to get what I want, or to make sure things are going well overall. But it's all about knowing what you're getting into, you need to know what your partner wants and what they all expect. I often DO want my partner to be able to be passive and relax and go into their happy space, so I would encourage them to do whatever it is they need to do and not knowingly interfere with what gets them there.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 34

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 5:11:42 PM

slaveluci

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From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
...but if by some stretch of the imagination this slave wanted to be left alone to enjoy whatever was going on in her head, and His choice to participate, in whatever way He desired, was viewed as an "interruption", she would ask permission to masterbate...alone.

sex and play is a together experience, directed by Him, not by this slave's "warm fuzzy place".

Amen to the "red" sentence above. That is exactly how it is for us. As for Him being an "interruption," that just is never the case. Masturbating alone is not even a desire anymore and that's good since it's never happened since we've been together and probably never will. What would be the point of that? Being alone and fantasizing about Him? I'd rather enjoy Him there in the flesh

...............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 35

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 5:16:18 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci
Amen to the "red" sentence above. That is exactly how it is for us. As for Him being an "interruption," that just is never the case. Masturbating alone is not even a desire anymore and that's good since it's never happened since we've been together and probably never will. What would be the point of that? Being alone and fantasizing about Him? I'd rather enjoy Him there in the flesh...............luci

Well for me, I do fantasize about having sex with people other than my partner, but I am poly so I think that's normal.

And, as much as I know now that I could literally spend 24/7 within 10 feet of my partner and never get enough, I do fine with alone time.

I guess for me it's that I know at work some days I'm dragging or tired or headachy and getting myself off in the office is just the perk I need to get through. It's still an enjoyable experience for me. I don't see one excluding the other.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 36

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 7:40:58 PM

NuevaVida

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Hi Erin,

For me my headspace was elevated by looking directly at him. Nothing made me happier at the time than watching his lust and enjoyment. Closing my eyes made me feel disconnected from him. Of course when I'd fly way off, I couldn't really control where my eyes went - I was completely out of focus.

In the future I imagine I would feel no differently. For me it's about the connection first; the "play" is just supplementary.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 37

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 8:04:51 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

As an "s" type...is it only fulfilling to you if you are allowed to drift off into your own headspace? If it gets interrupted is that frustrating for you?

I haven't read the thread in question but anyway...

No, I wouldn't say that it's only fulfilling for me if I get to go into my headspace. If that isn't his goal, then oh well. That said... I do really like it!

Closing my eyes only seems to matter during the intense scenes, when it's a bit hard to go into the headspace of being helpless and possibly about to be killed when I can see the stack of laundry or the portrait I painted of us. Other than that I really like looking at him and the things he does to me. Being blindfolded has it's perks but so does being able to see. It just depends on what we are doing if he blindfolds me or not.

On the other hand, you may also want to consider the point of view that some people actively want the sub/slave/bottom/whatever to achieve their headspace every time. Like wanting someone to achieve an orgasm, the things that allow or disallow the goal aren't limitations - that which allows is wonderful and that would prevent the goal is undesirable to both people.

Edited because I can't type tonight...

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 8/27/2008 8:08:07 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 38

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 9:20:12 PM

catize

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For me, that headspace is contingent on me, not on the dominant. I get there when I am relaxed; I go there when I’m suffering. I am focused on where he is, I see and hear him; what he is doing, saying and sometimes even what he is thinking. My mind tracks his movements; I know what instrument he has in his hand before it lands on me.
That headspace, (again for me) is when I know I have surrendered. So I don’t understand why any dominant wouldn’t want me there.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 39

RE: Don't interrupt MY headspace! - 8/27/2008 10:32:54 PM

peppermint

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From: Montana
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I read this thread with interest. I was one who replied to the original post about "eyes closed." My eyes are open during play because that is a great deal of the fun of the interaction....the looking into his eyes and feeling as though we have a special connection. However, i will also say that we have a way of playing that doesn't seem to be normal from what i read from other submissives in this forum. You see.....we laugh when we play all the time. It is a joyous time for him, and for me. It is fun. It is excitement.

I look into his eyes and we connect...and the connection brings a joy that is overwhelming at times. The only way to handle the joy is to laugh...and we both do a lot of that. Flogging, whips, canes, whatever...all bring us closer together...make us one...if only for a hour of joy and laughter.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 40

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