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RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 7:48:28 AM   
DavidS8ist


Posts: 97
Joined: 7/8/2004
From: NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

<snip>Personally, I meet all people as regular nilla folk.  I never think of someone as a dominant when I meet them for the first time. It takes out all the fear and by doing that, I have no expectations of what sort of person they are, or are not.
Kyst


BRAVA!

Exactly!  Just because someone self-identifies as "dominant" doesn't mean you'll find them to be so.  Better that the interaction begins the way you've described it and see what develops.

As for the whole safe call/background check/grandmother's maiden name/safety net crap...all of that stuff will protect you from people from whom you won't need protection.  Someone with the intent to cause you harm will most likely weave a web so cleverly, you'll never notice it until it's too late.

D.
"I long ago come to the conclusion that all life is six-to-five...against."
- Damon Runyon, "A Nice Price"

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 7:57:18 AM   
DavidS8ist


Posts: 97
Joined: 7/8/2004
From: NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

The problem with meeting people that you don't know for sex and /or play, is that sooner or later, someone is going to want to tie, bind, shackle or otherwise restrict mobility of the other.  To me that situation is a bit different from renting a room from someone.

While in both situations you stand to lose something, in one of the situations you could lose blood and/ or limbs and/or your life, instead of clothes or shoes.


And I'll bet the odds of harm befalling someone in the room-renter situation are no different from the S&M situation.  We don't have any statistically higher percentage of felons or psychopaths than the broader population at large.  For the most part, all the blooey we feed ourselves and others about "safety precautions" can be replace with two words.

"Smell test."

If it don't smell right, get outta Dodge.

NOBODY is going to give you bad references if they're intending you harm.  NOBODY is going to prevent your safe call if they're intent on harming you anyway ("Sure, go ahead, make the call" as he's fingering the garrote behind his back).

The people who are obviously obfuscating their histories are the one trying to sneak one behind wifey's back (or mom's!).  The people who want to harm you are good at running the long con.

So if "smell test" doesn't work for you, there are two other words that might:  common sense.

Or, three.

Give time time.

D.
"Three Rules of Life:
1 - Never eat at a place called 'Mom's'.
2 - Never play cards with a man named 'Doc'.
3 - Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own."
- Nelson Algren

< Message edited by DavidS8ist -- 8/27/2008 7:58:12 AM >

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 8:21:34 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		My best friends main concern with me getting involved with this whole mess was that she thought i would end up in one of those barrels we all talk about. Once i sent her my dimensions she and i determined that he'd have to keep me in that deep dark well rubbing lotion on myself for quite a while before i could fit easily in an oil drum.

Egads, there are crazies all over the place. i use safe calls when i feel its appropriate; doesnt keep me from being killed or worse, having to live with the consequences of my bad judgement. The incident cali is referring to is in a completely different realm than i am talking about and anyone who has been assaulted in any way knows this.

i have eschewed my safety precautions several times as time goes by and have yet to have a bad experience in that regard. It only takes once...so i base a lot of my interactions on my gut instinct. i have common sense and so far it has served me well. If my number is up i guess its up.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 8:27:45 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Pers..c'mere.. I gotta barrel for ya *grin* (ok, a closet, but sheesh)

David.. well said..

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 8:39:43 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Pers..c'mere.. I gotta barrel for ya *grin* (ok, a closet, but sheesh)

David.. well said..


GT...yannow...i have frequent flyer miles and i am not afraid to use them.
blink blink

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 8:47:19 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*starts plotting Pers's visit*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 8:57:37 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		~starts packing....now done....i play nekkid~

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 9:01:08 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
What makes so BDSM different?


From finding a room?  Sexual intent.
 
the.dark.


The danger is still there. There was no sexual intent when i would meet an on-line contact for the first time. It would be coffee and thats all.

I agree with the OP though that most of us would take no safety precautions in the situation he presents, whereas there would be precautions in a meeting with someone you met on-line.


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 9:08:00 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
What makes so BDSM different?


From finding a room?  Sexual intent.
 
the.dark.


The danger is still there. There was no sexual intent when i would meet an on-line contact for the first time. It would be coffee and thats all.

I agree with the OP though that most of us would take no safety precautions in the situation he presents, whereas there would be precautions in a meeting with someone you met on-line.



Of course danger is present, but when you are looking for accomodaton, there is not intention or thought of sexual relations.  There isn't when you meet someone as friends - like when I met GT.  But when you are talking meeting someone from a BDSM site as a potential partner - then there is sexual intent unless otherwsie stated (like service ).
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 9:18:14 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		i agree with that. But the danger is still there with all situations here. Precautions are (hopefully) taken when two meet for the first time from a BDSM site...yet they may not be if someone is going to look at a room for rent.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 9:22:25 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline 		It rubs the lotion on it's skin!

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 9:29:11 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline 		My intent exactly.No matter what you do, you'll never be "safe" from those who really want to hurt you.Live already.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to DavidS8ist)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 9:57:42 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		why i think this is called a form of trust me to pay my bill or not to be a dead beat 

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 10:00:00 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I dont want to bamboozle and shock people with this piece of infomation, people why use the internet are actually people they walk among us, they go to the shops or the pub, the fact that we have access to people from further locations doesnt increase the number of psychos in the world, the differance is that we cant see them, sure its easier to lie online but in reality meeting someone from here is no differant from meeting strangers at a party or going to a pub, just because the many of us engage in contain risk doesnt mean that we are inherantly less safe than if we were to agree to go back for a coffee with someone we just went on a date with. Its just a case of being a bit of a grown up about it really.

< Message edited by colouredin -- 8/27/2008 10:12:51 AM >

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 10:09:35 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		well said, colourful one*kiss*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 10:11:52 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		thankyou *snogs (with tounges and everything)*

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 10:13:09 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		slut ;)  *adores my colourful girl*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 10:14:01 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin
... people who use the internet are actually people they walk among us, they go to the shops or the pub...


Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!! This can't be true!!!!!!!!!! Now i can never leave my house

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 10:30:39 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline 		Bingo.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Meeting People Off The Internet - 8/27/2008 10:32:52 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline 		Psycho's need love too. They just need it in smaller bite size pieces. 

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 60
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