RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

apiercedkitty -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/26/2008 3:06:00 PM)

i don't meet anyone from online any differently than i meet people in every day life... if we chat a couple of times, i prefer to meet for coffee face to face as soon as possible. This serves a couple of purposes. First, i have a hard time getting an accurate "gut feeling" while chatting online - i just don't. Second, we both get to see if there's that "spark" that must exist if we're going to move to playing at some point in the future. If there's not, we can be friends and move on without having wasted months chatting online.
i think i'd meet a tentative roommate the same way - just by "gut feeling."



Icarys -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/26/2008 3:54:26 PM)

No matter what precautions you take you end up with nothing but false sense of securities..bad people will do what they want to do no matter how well you think you've protected yourself.I'll agree with what was said earlier..i think a lot use it as an excuse not to meet..to hide behind a screen and waste away.. Meeting in a public place and/or having a safe call and telling that person who you are going with is alright but beyond that and your crossing into paranoia. 



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/26/2008 5:58:14 PM)

There is some more physical risk just because you're allowing yourself to be physically helpless.  As well, people CHOOSE to toss their judgement out the windowand just go with their hormones.



Icarys -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/26/2008 6:26:05 PM)

I don't do anything but meet on the first time.No different than when i went on a vanilla dates.Who says there has to be BDSM mixed in a first meet.

Life is full of risks..Don't be stupid on either side of the pendulum.



Huntertn -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/26/2008 7:07:24 PM)

the reason he ask's is that so called som out west that put gurls in barrels full of lye...and yea..if you think about it..its down right scary as hell...



Jeffff -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/26/2008 7:17:26 PM)

I will meet almost anyone. almost anywhere

Feel free not to use me as your.." right thing to do" barometer

Jeff



colouredin -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/26/2008 7:18:49 PM)

i meet people all the time, on sunday i met someone i spoke to for just five mins on the internet, on friday i met about 20 people down the pub I didnt even know exsisted, im a wild child me



CalifChick -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/26/2008 7:29:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

I think that BDSM has this shroud of Bullshit all around it, do you know the number of stories that I have heard of horrible things happeneing to "Someone Else"...


Most (but certainly not all) of the people I know that have had something bad happen at the hands of another (myself included), knew the person in real life for some time, and most had NOT met them online.

I haven't had my instincts about first meets go wrong, ever.  Does it only take one time?  Well of course.  But so far I'm going with my gut.


Cali



hopelessfool -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/26/2008 7:33:08 PM)

Icarly, My precautions, dont give me a false sense of security, in fact I dont think anyone with a brain would feel totally invulenrable because they called someone at this time, or are meeting at this place.

I am a woman, who in most cases can not physically overtake the person Im meeting, but I always wear sneakers, just incase I have to run. Point in case, when meeting vanilla I take less precautions, why because I'm an Idiot, the only time Ive ever been in a situation where a safecall or public place would be useful was on vanilla dates...

People are scary no matter where your from yes. But to me the bells go off more when a person talks about a drilled spike paddle, that could cause harm quite quickly, more then they go off when you meet joe schmoe at the bar... but then Im weird like that



SoulPiercer -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/26/2008 7:33:58 PM)

Just to be safe MR .. you should ask all potential landlords for a list of people they have evicted in the past. That should help you determine whether or not they are weal twue property owners.

Ignore this piece of free advice at your own risk ... ooooooo.

PS. Great post!



Icarys -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/27/2008 4:42:19 AM)

Hello fool,
It's Icarys...I've only heard of once in 10 years of someone getting hurt..so yes i know it can happen.(I find it hard to believe that cali has heard of it through most of her friends )
I think it's much more rare than what people think and are saying.If you think that you are safe by making all these precautions, you are fooling yourself.The only reason some nut hasn't attacked you is because you haven't run across him yet.It may deter the lesser crazies but won't help you when the true one comes along.I prefer to live my life a little more free.I know the risks.All i'm saying is take a few precautions if you feel it is warranted..but if you feel you need to have DNA, a note from their mother's and for them to come with shackles on so YOU can feel safe..maybe YOU are being the crazy one.

I wonder if part of this safety stuff has been pushed for image sake so we can appear more sane to the "vanilla world".



colouredin -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/27/2008 4:47:19 AM)

what Cali said is very true, most cases of being hurt in any way either in a BDSM context or nilla the victim knows the assailant its very rare that one meets a total nut job who hacks them up. Sure being safe is important but we cna never be 100% any precautions that make people feel better is good. I have heard so many horror stories, i doubt anyone here hasn't heard any but yeah in the 2 years that I have been regularly meeting people over the internet the worse thing I have had to face is bad breath or a slightly younger photo than one would hope.



CalifChick -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/27/2008 6:07:38 AM)

Icarys, I'm not sure if you misunderstood me or not.  I was with someone for about a year when he not only assaulted me, but held me down so his friend could do so as well. Being branded against my will was not something I signed up for.  It was the night that I was ready to kill to save my own life, and it was also the night I truly thought I was going to die.

Friends that have been raped, assaulted, etc., almost always knew the person in some way first.  In my 40's now, I don't often hear of a new incident among people my age, this all happened in our younger days before the internet.


Cali



WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/27/2008 6:17:25 AM)

I personally think this has a lot to do with known ODDs and Probabilities.

The personals section of Craigs list are on par with meeting somebody off from Yahoo Personals.   However, when it comes to Sex and BDSM.  Collarme and Adult friend finder are on the same par.

The ODDs and Probabilities are higher.  Meaning you are more prone to encounter bat shit crazy people.

There's a big difference between meeting a prospective Roommate, compared to looking for somebody for relationship that involves sex, compared to one that has elements of BDSM in it.

The Odds are somewhat different.  Mind you some crazy scammers and people are using Craigs list everywhere.

I would be more trusting of giving out information for somebody coming to look at and buy my living room set.   Compared to giving my information out to somebody on Collarme that I just met.



Icarys -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/27/2008 6:20:06 AM)

I'm sad to hear that happened to you.

All i'm saying is, it's not as dangerous as some might make it out to be.Things do happen, i know.To make a female or Man jump hoops to meet at a coffee house, for coffee mind you, is absurd.Unless you don't trust yourself..can't keep the penis in or the legs closed?I would suggest you then take more precautions.

the latter part was for the board.



colouredin -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/27/2008 6:34:19 AM)

I think that Califs argument was that its more dangerous knowing people than meeting people from the interenet



Icarys -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/27/2008 6:40:28 AM)

Actually i think she was saying it didn't make a difference how you meet them..she knew hers for awhile so the precautions didn't help.



CalifChick -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/27/2008 6:59:42 AM)

All of the above... meeting people from the internet carries the same risks as meeting people anywhere else.  You hope you don't run into a sociopath, you hope you can trust your gut, etc.

People put up this "oh no, it's so fraught with danger" thing about the internet, but what I was saying was that it doesn't pan out that way in my experience.  The danger part comes when you stop using your brain and ignore the warning signs (when they exist).

Cali



GreedyTop -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/27/2008 7:06:56 AM)

Icarys..

I believe Cali's point was that a woman is more likely to be assaulted by someone she has known for a while / had an intimate realtionship than by stranger.



MercTech -> RE: Meeting People Off The Internet (8/27/2008 7:15:19 AM)

  This topic reminds me of looking at apartments in the Denver area.  They bloody wanted my social security number over the phone before I came to look.  Nope, not happening.
And they squicked a bit when I was doing the application.  I wouldn't give SSN until they gave me a Privacy Act statement saying they could be liable for the costs of recovering from idenity theft if they leaked my personal information.  (I can be as anal as a bureaucrat when miffed.)

This does bring out a good point though.  I think most people make an "assumption of safety" when dealing with a business transaction.  How many people you know think "they would not allow anyone to do that" without considering why "they" might be. <grin>

The truth is that dealing with strangers is a risk.  How much risk are you willing to accept.  I've had a subbie show up at a rural campground with no safe call and no backup.  I've also met one that had multiple safe calls and a bodyguard for a first meeting.  I know I'm a safe bet, but how do they?  And, I always have a backup knowing that I'm meeting a stranger and where and when.  And they know to call if they don't hear from me in an hour or so.  Yeah, about an hour of chatting with me the first time you may see me pull out the cellphone and send a text message.

But, I'm a "conversation slut" and it is easy to get in touch with me.  And, I'll meet almost anyone for conversation in a public venue.  A judgement call on what you consider acceptable risk.

Stefan




Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
3.320313E-02