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Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 9:49:27 AM   
missturbation


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Wow, what a difference a few days can make! I have just spent the most fantastic weekend with a Dom i met online no more than two weeks ago. Since coming back i have been contemplating a few things, pondering where this might go etc. I'm really hoping and feel that this could develop into a really good thing but, isn't there always a but lol?


The original intention of meeting P was no more than being topped really. The same kind of cold, non-emotional relationship i have been having for the last two years. As far as i was concerned and i know i have repeatedly bleated here, i didn't want or need / anything more. How wrong was i?


By the time the day of meeting arrived i was so nervous i could have been sick. There was already a definite emotional involvement on my part, no matter how small, and i was terrified of it. I really had no need to worry, be scared though as He is a fantastic person all round. As i said in my opening paragraph, i had a fantastic time and hope things will develop.


Now to the buts though! I'm having a little trouble adjusting from an unemotional attachment with someone to an emotional one.


For example when i have had sub drop before i have just dealt with it by myself. Not really received any after care or had someone even ask me if i'm ok with it. P has shown care and concern for my drop and i was like 'omg what do i do? This is different.' I'm very independent and not used to leaning on someone for a little support.


Play for me is usually quite harsh and brutal to get me where i wish to be. It didn't need to be with P. We didn't play hard but i found myself in the same head space at times that would have taken harsher play with others. I can only put that down to the emotional attachment which is present with P.


The small things like putting His arm around me, holding my hand in public. Hours spent just chatting about all sorts of stuff. Negotiating things, limits etc. All a lot lot different when emotional involvement is present.


God i'm really struggling with this thread!!


I guess what i'm trying to say is all of a sudden i have found this world of emotional involvement with someone and im finding it quite hard to adjust. I'm being surprised and thrown by the small things that people probably take for granted in their every day relationships. I'm so so scared and yet so so happy and excited at what i have found.





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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 9:58:24 AM   
SimplyMichael


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quote:

Play for me is usually quite harsh and brutal to get me where i wish to be. It didn't need to be with P. We didn't play hard but i found myself in the same head space at times that would have taken harsher play with others. I can only put that down to the emotional attachment which is present with P.


The small things like putting His arm around me, holding my hand in public. Hours spent just chatting about all sorts of stuff. Negotiating things, limits etc. All a lot lot different when emotional involvement is present.


God i'm really struggling with this thread!!


No, seems you are doing quite fine!

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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 10:02:09 AM   
missturbation


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quote:



No, seems you are doing quite fine!


Thank you.
I'm just feeling a bit like a fish out of water at present. I'm well and truly out of my comfort zone but given time i'm sure i'll settle.
 

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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 10:53:43 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Well this is quite a new horizon for you!  I think you are doing just fine.  

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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 10:56:55 AM   
missturbation


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Well this is quite a new horizon for you!  I think you are doing just fine.  


Thankyou.
It sure is and honestly somewhere i never imagined myself going.

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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 10:58:21 AM   
Maxwell67


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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation


quote:



No, seems you are doing quite fine!


Thank you.
I'm just feeling a bit like a fish out of water at present. I'm well and truly out of my comfort zone but given time i'm sure i'll settle.
 

From what I gather, reading your other posts, I am not sure you really ever had a 'comfort zone.' Here is hoping you will find one this time 'round.  One thing I would like to say here, if you are open to suggestions... Do not apply your expectations from past relationships to this one.  You are beginning something new.  The old paradigm no longer applies.


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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 11:01:33 AM   
missturbation


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maxwell67

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation


quote:



No, seems you are doing quite fine!


Thank you.
I'm just feeling a bit like a fish out of water at present. I'm well and truly out of my comfort zone but given time i'm sure i'll settle.
 

From what I gather, reading your other posts, I am not sure you really ever had a 'comfort zone.' Here is hoping you will find one this time 'round.  One thing I would like to say here, if you are open to suggestions... Do not apply your expectations from past relationships to this one.  You are beginning something new.  The old paradigm no longer applies.



Perhaps you are right, maybe i never did.
I am trying to go into this completely open and closed to past experience but it is easier said than done.

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What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 11:20:25 AM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Your post made me smile.  You sound like your emotions are all in a jumble, but on top if it all you're happy and excited, which is fantastic.  I'm glad for you.

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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 12:52:46 PM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline 		What NeedingMore said and i think i get what you mean about finding it unnerving being in a relationship which doesn't conform to what you're used to being in.  The mere fact something 'new' is really good (better than expected perhaps?) is unsettling and exciting.  Am in a similar position myself as i'm with a guy who's almost the opposite of everything i'm normally into, has made me totally identify as His slave (something i would never have considered even pleasant prior to recently, let alone desirable) and has turned everything upside down.  my technique is to try to remember to keeping breathing, keep asking myself "am i really happy in this situation?" and if the answer to that question is "yes" keep on going.  Perhaps this would be good for you too?  Glad to see you happy :)

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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 12:55:15 PM   
KatyLied


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quote:

I'm so so scared and yet so so happy and excited at what i have found.


Best wishes.  It sounds like you are off to a great start.


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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 12:56:16 PM   
AdamTaylor


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline 		miss... congrats. Really that's all I can say.

You seem to have found someone you really have a connection with. You're both into each other, and clearly have a bright future ahead of you.
You're feeling that nervousness many get when starting something serious. It happens to the best of us at times.

I envy you. ;)

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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 12:59:02 PM   
housesub4you


Posts: 1879
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline 		It got a smile reading your post.  I just sent a letter to my Domme about the "small things".

She introduced me to rope about 2 weeks ago and the care and time She took explaining everything and checking on me was amazing, so Sunday when she wanted to suspend me, i knew that 2 weeks ago when She was so invloved with the small things, that i would be ok in her care.

if you read my profile, i have only been serving Her a short time, but its the small things that allowed me to open up and trust

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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 1:03:37 PM   
Prinsexx


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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation




I guess what i'm trying to say is all of a sudden i have found this world of emotional involvement with someone and im finding it quite hard to adjust. I'm being surprised and thrown by the small things that people probably take for granted in their every day relationships. I'm so so scared and yet so so happy and excited at what i have found.



I'm very proud of you for opening a thread with stuff like this....with FEELINGS.
It's great because we can all identify with it (as in being human) or toss it aside .....because of pre-conceived ideas either about posting or about you.
I'm happy for you. There are many times i have wanted to judge and jump in and say: i do not think that the topping play was going to be emotionally satisfying over an extended period of time.
For me emotional attachment and physical pain are in a relative relationship. The less emotional attchment the more physical pain i seem to need and to be able to tolerate.
The more emotional attachment the less pain i feel i can tolerate or need.
however the amount of pain and or emotional attachment i get isn't my choice is it.....that's the paradox.
well done Miss T.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 8/19/2008 1:04:13 PM >

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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 1:10:27 PM   
Abaddon2u


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Best wishes.
 
*Smiles and is grateful for the one thing Pandora managed to retain in the box.
 
Abaddon
 
“Abandon every hope ye whom enter “ - Alighieri Dante 1265-1321

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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 1:38:11 PM   
UR2Badored


Posts: 506
Joined: 2/3/2007
Status: offline 		Congratulations!  This seems like a very positive experience.

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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 2:08:22 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		*beams proudly*

Though you should remind Him, He hasn't had my approval yet ...*serious face then cracks up* ....

am sooo happy for you my darling, you deserve every second of happiness ... and more

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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 2:10:28 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		The only problem with feeling this way is you can never go back, nothing else is ever good enough.

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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 2:13:19 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		:) Hoping peace for your inside so you can embrace all the goodness coming your way.

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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 2:20:12 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		It IS scary being involved in a relationship that involves emotions - especially if you aren't used to it.  Just take deep breaths when you feel like running in the opposite direction and remind yourself that this is a good thing, and you want it!

Have fun. The beginning of a relationship is such a great time of learning and adjusting , and is really hot!

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RE: Starting over........... - 8/19/2008 3:31:29 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		At long last! You go for it miss, best wishes...

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