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LadyPact -> RE: Do or how do relationships between two D-types work? (8/8/2008 2:02:51 AM)
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I'm sure I have this posted somewhere in at least one of those threads that LA provided the links. Still, that's a lot of reading to go through, so I'll just post here.
For a quick explanation to understand My husband and I, we actually met and married vanilla. I had been involved in BDSM prior to that, but it wasn't involved in our relationship. It wasn't until a few years later that we made the joint decision for Me to get back into the lifestyle. I don't want to make it sound like it was all that easy, but that is probably a subject for another thread.
The reason I mention it is, this was also the time that we had to discuss the fact that My husband is definitely not a submissive. During that first year where he was learning about the lifestyle, it only became more and more apparent that he was also dominant. There were times in that period that I kind of hoped he was a switch, being at least somewhat submissive to Me in some situations and dominant in his dynamics with others. Personally, I don't see it as having turned out that way. Every now and again, people will ask Me if I'm disappointed about that. I have to say no. I met, fell in love with, and married the man who wasn't a submissive, so why should that change?
Anyway, we're something of a D/D couple in personalities and a Domme/Top couple as far as experience. In other words, he's had some experiencing topping now, but he's never really had a submissive of his own. We don't "share" clip's submission. The household agreement that we have is that we are a poly family, but the dominant who brings a sub into the household is in charge of that dynamic.
As for My husband and I's relationship, most of the time, it is very much vanilla. Owner4SexSlave made a lot of good points in his post. We treat each other pretty much as equals in our interactions. Sometimes there is playful banter back and forth. Every once in a while, if things are getting out of balance, and too much of My D is showing, My husband has a great line. "You have a boy for that." It's his way of reminding Me that he's My husband and not My sub. Sometimes, the same is true in reverse. My line is, "I've never been a submissive and I'm not starting now." It's just the way we keep each other in check.
When it's just the two of us, we look and act like any other vanilla couple. We don't get involved in power struggles often. We prevent a lot of that by using those phrases I listed above. We agreed that the best way for us to avoid this is to have outlets for it that don't involve each other on the other side of the kneel. I'm always going to have more experience than him, so we both just accept that as how it is. He often calls Me his mentor because he's learned a lot from My interactions with My subs. He has no issues with Me as Head of Household, because our poly family centers on Me. Other than that, and the fact that we happen to enjoy being part of the public scene, we're just like any other couple who doesn't have a form of power transfer in their relationship.
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