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Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Do or how do relationships between two D-types work? (8/6/2008 10:57:28 AM)
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There really is not enough information posted on Dom couple relationships, and it confuses people at times how it really works.
Nobody tossed me a guide on this, and it was something me and her had to figure out on our own.
In terms of what I have to share based on my experience, please keep a few things in mind.
1. Two extroverted Dominant personalities
2. Both being SadoMaso in nature.
3. Both with a Smart Ass sense of humor.
Now.....
Submission was tossed out of equation and replaced with a mutual understanding, that neither one of us would ever submit to one another in the relationship.
We both would ask (even in rude joking ways) each other to do things for one another. Keep in mind many times we actually mocked or made fun of D/s relationships while interacting with one another.
Quick Example:
If I were to say "Be a good little girl and fetch me a Pepsi out of the fridge." I might expect a smart ass comment back such as "Do you want it over your head or up your ass?" while she's standing there holding the can pepsi she just fetched for me from the fridge. Now, I might make a smart ass remark back such as "Depends upon what head you have in mind and does a blow job come with it?"
Mind you, this verbal back and fourth really is just play (verbal humilation or whatever). For one it's a constant reminder that neither party is submissive and also that both are Dominants. Plus, it's an outlet for vebal fun abuse of one another. Keep in mind both people have to have a sense of humor. Be able to dish out insults as well as take them.
Also, it's best to toss in the words "please" and "thank you" at various points in time. Little verbal reassurances that should mean a lot to anybody.
Art of Debate
Now one thing me and her did a lot of at times, was sit down and debate about things. Ranging from serious to not so serious things. Basically, looking to find common ground in a matter of what was going on.
I still remember the debate we had over redecorating the living room. Instead of it being one sided in favor of either party, we discovered what we both enjoyed together. This is not so much an issue of compromise as it is, finding the common ground that makes both happy.
Now at times her and I would drive some of our friends crazy! We got asked why we fought so much all the time. You have to be good at dealing with Head Butting and talking through it. Again, I stress you have to be good at Butting head and talking though it.
BOTH people have to have a desire to find the Common Ground, or a system of Level/Even compromises. At times, it's best to work with as many options as you can.
Fair Method of Resolution
For Instance, there were times when her and I would debate about where to go out for Dinner. Now, we both enjoyed many of the same places for the most part. However, at times we'd butt heads, or were stuck trying to decide.
Coin Tossing
We used to use Coin Flips to settle Grid lock head butts. The concept really is simple. It's kind of like Drawing Sticks. Hell, you can even do that if you like. However, not everybody is carrying sticks or straws around on them.
For some strange reason we started using coin tosses, and it was a mutual understanding between us. However, we both have to agree to use a "Coin Toss" to resolve whatever it was. Case by Case basis.
We simply worked out mean to resolve things between us. Now we'd literally drive some of our friends crazy at times, them listening to use Debate and Flip Coins and stuff.
In short if we could not find middle or common ground, we had a tool to fall back on.
Bartering
One Cavet to mention.... If neither party is willing to settle the matter with a coin toss and there's not middle ground. All else fails, somebody has to consider compromise, or you can enter into Bartering over the matter. I'll let you have it your way, if you let me have something else my way. Even Trade off.
Don't take it Personally
This is probally one of the single pieces of advice, Don't take everything said or done personally. Realize you are dealing with another Dominant Personality that will assert themselves, thier wants, wishes and desires. You have to be prepared to take it as well as dish it out with one another.
If your partner requests something of you and you comply, this by no means makes you submissive. It simply means you are doing something for somebody you care about. A Dom couple relationship is an Equal give and take relationship.
Loose thoughts
Again, I stress in many regards we mocked D/s in a manner to remind on another that we both were Doms. Be it the exchange of loving verbal humilation, or fluid play between us. However, there were a lot of loving reminders and praised shoved into the middle of things as well.
Perhaps some of the craziest shit I've even done in life, happened in this one relationship. In terms of Power flirting with others, or teaming up on other people for practical jokes and mind fucks. Also, in how we played together. We actually used to get into food fights, water gun fights, shaving cream fights leading to all kinds of bathroom supplies being used up.
Play was questionable switchy, however we avoided trying to play out D/s during play. Meaning neighter one of us treated each other like a slave in the bedroom.
Tit for Tat
The Concept of Mutual "Tit for Tat" worked really well.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/tit+for+tat
Like I said, be able to take it as well as dish it out.
Here's a interesting read on Tit for Tat... that you can get a better idea of how it works in a Dom Couple relationship. Mind you this link covers "Game play" theory, however there's notes about it in social use as well...
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/tit+for+tat
The Tit for Tat model results for the evolution of co-operative behaviour.
Maintaining Self Control
The whole concept of DOMs being in control of themselves is very important. It's not a good thing to loose self control, because the moment you do, the other person has the control. Not everybody is perfect there are moment, when you will loose control, and the same is said for the other party. Just rememer to respect the other person as being a Dominant human being.
Whew............. I still don't think I've bang out enough on this...
These things I'm sharing with you, is how it applied to my one Dom couple relationship... I hope this is somewhat useful..
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