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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/5/2008 1:34:44 PM

Missokyst

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LOL.. well.. yes that too. But, I saw it more in the line of something with a reach. I am not sure of your gun laws there but here, that kind of experience would make many keep a gun handy.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

something tells me a cattle prod under this girls bed .. would be as a personal sex aid ... rather than protection
*winks*

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/5/2008 1:39:54 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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(hugs) How very terrifying for you!

I too once had a hot little rape fantasy, that I no longer have. I had shared that fantasy with my sadist/boyfriend, when we were living together. When I broke up with him, and was in the process of moving out, he decided to "honor" me by making that fantasy real, and then used my having shared my fantasy with him as justification for the rape. The sad thing is I bought his excuse, and actally felt like I had "asked for it." Now, I don't really dwell on the rape. It wasn't as if we hadn't fucked like rabbits when we lived together, so having sex with him even after we broke up wasn't any hardship. Scary and painful, but nothing that couldn't be dealt with.

He was hurt and angry with me for leaving him and in his anger - exploited my trust. It was knowing I'd willingly put that weapon into his hands that bothered me the most. He stole the fantasy, but pfft, I have plenty of those. What I grieved for most, was the loss of self-confidence in my own ability to choose wisely who I put my trust in. I hate being mistrustful, and hate second guessing myself - but there have been times since, when I've held back pieces of myself that I badly wanted to share, because I was too afraid to trust another with those truths about myself.

WinD

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/5/2008 1:44:50 PM

lally3

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joining in on the group hug here -.

i was followed along a dark country lane once. heard him runing up behind me on the road, so i turned to face him, maybe he thought i would run, i saw him appear through the fog, (it was january) - all i could think was that i was going to die. i have never felt so alone or terrified. he saw id clocked him changed direction and ran across to the other side of the road. i was standing under the only street lamp. i stood there thinking what the hell do i do. what i did was run like fuck back the way i came to the village beyond, not so far away. he didnt follow, actually i could hear him thrashing around in some big gorse bushes, so he was occupied, he probably legged it the moment he saw me heading for civilisation and phones.

point of telling you this, is, i really know what you felt that night. i also know how it feels to be faced with the possiblity of attack by someone apparently intent on doing you some genuine harm, maybe even murder. im still jumpy about walking along a lane on my own in the dark and its been 10 years now - it really really pisses me off that one stupid ignorant bastard should have crashed in on my life like that and made me scared to be alone when i never used to be.

but you know, (sick grin creeping in here) - id probably not mind a reinactment now, a sort of settling of that memory once and for all. kind of like revenge in a way - a fight back to the stupid git who scared me stupid that night and buggered about with my perfect right to walk home any damn way i pleased!

anyway, hugs - but how he made you feel was scared for your life and he has shattered the security you should be able to feel in your own home - the fun of a fantasy has been dashed because you know the reality of it - right now i think that your sense of safety at night is much more important and you probably should go to your doc and see if theres someone you can talk this out with.

or go and get yourself a great big shaggy doggy with a very loud barky voice. hugs and more hugs. x

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/5/2008 1:47:59 PM

softness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

or go and get yourself a great big shaggy doggy with a very loud barky voice. hugs and more hugs. x

ironically .. she has one .... *makes note to have a quiet word with the old mutt about guard duty ... and the dog too*

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/5/2008 2:27:28 PM

lally3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

or go and get yourself a great big shaggy doggy with a very loud barky voice. hugs and more hugs. x

ironically .. she has one .... *makes note to have a quiet word with the old mutt about guard duty ... and the dog too*

ah! - the trouble with pub doggies is that they see all people as punters bearing crisps, to be encouraged and rewarded with waggie tails and big warm welcomes.

hamsters are vicious -

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/5/2008 4:39:31 PM

NeedingMore220

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I was leaving work very late, near midnight, one snowy January night. I was the only soul around in a corporate complex just off the main road. The office door was locked and alarmed behind me and I was just starting scraping the ice off the windshield in the storm. A tractor trailer pulled up alongside where I was parked. I didn't think much of it - but then I heard the door slam shut and footsteps coming towards me, though I couldn't see through the swirling snow.

My heart stopped. My mind raced through the options - try and fiddle with the office locks to trip the alarm - get into the car and lock it? As the man came closer and became visible I was shaking, holding the ice scraper like a weapon. I put my hand up towards him in a 'stop' fashion and yelled at him to stop, that he was scaring me and that he needed to back off. I almost jumped into the car - which wasn't drivable because of the ice covering it. He stopped, put both of his hands up and said something about directions in a very thick Russian accent and backed off, apologizing.

That night I found my voice to protect myself, and am glad to know how I would react in a threatening situation, which wasn't threatening after all, but how was I to know that? And it was a long time before I could leave work and not look into every shadow. And yet, I knew I could speak up without just crawling up into a little ball and whimpering. Just like you did by talking to this scary figure in the night.

I'm so glad you are physically okay, and I hope you are able to recover from this invasion of your personal space.

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/5/2008 5:55:44 PM

DarkVictory

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Not to start a gun thread, but your burglar/crackhead is very, very lucky he didn't break into a house like mine. As I explained to softness on the phone when we talked about this, I'd yell down the stairs at someone to leave, but if they come up the stairs into the bedrooms... well, I have two little girls, and people would be remarking...

E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This burglar is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-CRACKHEAD!!

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/5/2008 5:57:23 PM

DarkVictory

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Oh, and um.... mind if I rape you?

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/6/2008 1:46:33 AM

Lockit

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God... I am glad you all are safe and are able to talk about what you went through... but this was one friggin hard thread to read! I must really be tired or something because this one is making me feel some real gut stuff. Maybe it was reading so many experiences at one time. Maybe it was experiencing a number of the things you were speaking about, which normally doesn't bother me at all and hearing your stories. Just seeing your beautiful faces and knowing a bit about you from the boards, helps bring it home a little.

lol I can hardly remember what the thread was asking. There are many things I will not do because of real life experiences. Breath play is an out totally... rape play... out, even if a little force play is okay and person napping and imprisonment... not likely to happen. Being dominant, they are even less likely to be something, one would do with me... but still, I have a hard time when other people do these things. I see so many ways they can be harmful that I have a hard time understanding it all.

All I can say is I got through my experiences by empowering myself and feeling safe and deciding they were not going to affect me or change me in a bad way. I made and make myself as safe as I can, can use even a bic razor like nobody else lol and won't allow fear to rule... otherwise the bad guys win and I will be damned if I am going to let that happen! But still... it has effected me or I wouldn't have a problem with these types of play... maybe. lol But reading all of this... I was thinking a few people should have been met with a gun! All of this just ticked me off!

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/6/2008 2:11:19 AM

Snailie

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a lot of terrible stories

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
So it got me to thinking, as much to take my mind of how terrified i still am as anything, if others out there have limits that are caused by real life traumatic events?

Medical play - I've had some traumatic medical experiences and been treated by some medical professionals who abused their power a bit. I often wonder if these experiences were the cause of my interest in BDSM and power exchange in the first place.

< Message edited by Snailie -- 8/6/2008 2:18:22 AM >

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/6/2008 2:26:29 PM

missturbation

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A big thank you to everyone for sharing your experiences and all your hugs and stuff. It really has helped to talk about it.

quote:

E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This burglar is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-CRACKHEAD!!

I am not a violent person but i really wish i had pushed the little *&%$£& down the stairs right now. I think i'm in the angry phase!

quote:

Oh, and um.... mind if I rape you?

Amazingly this really made me laugh, thank you kind Sir

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/6/2008 2:30:40 PM

softness

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seeeeeeee! ... I told you He was a fluffy teddy bear Daddy type

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/6/2008 2:37:01 PM

missturbation

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quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

seeeeeeee! ... I told you He was a fluffy teddy bear Daddy type

Lol.
I did the jaw drop 'how could someone say that to me right now' first and then i howled with laughter.
Have to say though soft think theres only really you and me (possibly a few more) that will have seen the 'fluffy teddy bear' in those words lol.

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/6/2008 2:44:31 PM

softness

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nods ... that is exactly what He said ... He sends His love, and He is thinking of you babe, as am I

will make sure you get brave girl beatings at the weekend.

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/6/2008 4:21:12 PM

pixidustpet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

seeeeeeee! ... I told you He was a fluffy teddy bear Daddy type

Lol.
I did the jaw drop 'how could someone say that to me right now' first and then i howled with laughter.
Have to say though soft think theres only really you and me (possibly a few more) that will have seen the 'fluffy teddy bear' in those words lol.

actually, my response was OMG...then giggles. i have friends who would say the same sort of thing, and i am happy for soft that she has such a sweet twisted Dom in her life.

kitten, smiling

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/7/2008 9:43:22 AM

missturbation

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pixidustpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

seeeeeeee! ... I told you He was a fluffy teddy bear Daddy type

Lol.
I did the jaw drop 'how could someone say that to me right now' first and then i howled with laughter.
Have to say though soft think theres only really you and me (possibly a few more) that will have seen the 'fluffy teddy bear' in those words lol.

actually, my response was OMG...then giggles. i have friends who would say the same sort of thing, and i am happy for soft that she has such a sweet twisted Dom in her life.

kitten, smiling

Me too

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/9/2008 2:37:35 AM

Noella

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It may not have been a violent experience, but I too have had a past experience create a hard limit. A peak at my profile will list diapers as one. A few years ago, I came down with whooping cough, despite being vaccinated as a kid, and I got it bad. Not to gross you out too much, but it got to the point where I would cough once and make a run to the bathroom to vomit from the contraction in my throat and stomach. By this point all the blood vessles in my eyes had burst and I couldn't keep any food down for more than ten minutes.

The limit came about when I made a dash for the bathroom for a coughing-vomitting fit and couldn't stop. I couldn't breath through the dry heaves and passed out into full out convulsions and incontinence. I ended up hospitalized for a few hours and going home in a hospital gown and diaper. You might think I'd have limits on breath play, but it's the diapers that send my brain reeling. Just the thought of wearing one takes me back to the "Oh god, I can't breath. I'm about to pass out." When I remember it, I can still feel the burning in my throat and my heels drumming on the floor.

At the time I lived with my parents, so my mom was there to help me. If she wasn't I would have probably asphyxiated on my own bile.

Eventually things will get better in your life. You will heal and return to the confidence you once had. Being able to talk about what happened is an excellent sign of your coping ability.

Slightly jokingly said: Remember, it can always be worse. He could have actually done it. Celebrate that he didn't.

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/9/2008 5:00:25 AM

Prinsexx

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Miss T
NEVER let there be anything said about the amount of responsibilities you take in your life, or anyhting about your 'red flags@ don't even think it OR anyhting said about your age. You amaze me in the amount of responsibilities you take in your life and in your daily work.
A regarding having a reality define your limits/
No: no matter what dire and death defying my real life experience shave been they have if anything widened and pushed my limits even further out. M\ybe a little bit of heart break will however make me somewhat more cautious.
I absoutely admire your courage.

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/9/2008 5:48:21 AM

TysGalilah

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I'm glad you're ok MissT
  perhaps time for pepperspray or mace in your bedside drawer..


mine is having my mouth and nose closed or covered at the same time. I go beyond panic   ack

I've been told I was asphyxiated in a previous lifetime..

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RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. - 8/9/2008 8:16:39 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Do you WANT to move beyond the fear? I always find fear to be a horrible reason to have a limit because it keeps you trapped within yourself.

I can also share how I progressed in my way the opposite of you. I grew up with rape fantasies. They bothered me a lot. Rape is horrible, how could something which is such a violation be something I enjoy?

Until I realized that the fantasy of rape is nothing like the reality of rape. You've been violated here and are allowing your immediate fear reactions to control you and muddy the waters of fantasy vs reality. So it's up to you whether you continue to remain there or not.

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