RE: He doesn't call...

RE: He doesn't call... (Full Version)

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gypsygrl -> RE: He doesn't call... (8/5/2008 9:02:00 PM)
A general comment: I don't see a problem with driving a long distance to meet someone. Maybe its making things too easy for them, but there's other things to consider. I've almost always done the driving mostly because I don't want to feel obligated to them, and its a lot easier to run away than to kick someone out. Plus, I don't want people I don't know being on my 'turf'. The more time they spend on my turf, the more they potentially know about me, and knowledge is power. I don't want anyone having power over me until I'm ready to give it. I don't think there's any hard and fast rules here. Some people call the next day regardless of who does the driving. Some people don't. It would bother me if I didn't hear from someone for a week after I met them or played with them the first time. It would bother me to feel pressured to obey too soon. I would take that as a sign that we were incompatible for the long haul.

elleelisa -> RE: He doesn't call... (8/5/2008 10:21:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gypsygrl A general comment: I don't see a problem with driving a long distance to meet someone. Maybe its making things too easy for them, but there's other things to consider. I've almost always done the driving mostly because I don't want to feel obligated to them, and its a lot easier to run away than to kick someone out. Plus, I don't want people I don't know being on my 'turf'. The more time they spend on my turf, the more they potentially know about me, and knowledge is power. I don't want anyone having power over me until I'm ready to give it. I don't think there's any hard and fast rules here. Some people call the next day regardless of who does the driving. Some people don't. It would bother me if I didn't hear from someone for a week after I met them or played with them the first time. It would bother me to feel pressured to obey too soon. I would take that as a sign that we were incompatible for the long haul. That's exactly how I felt, though now I think meeting up in a city close by my home would be the better option... initially I decided to drive there because I had lived near the city as a kid and was really comfortable with the location/area; plus I didn't want him to know where I lived. (I've actually had an online stalker before, and thank GOD he didn't know where I lived...) quote: I dont care if you are a sub. The man should always proof he is worthy of your time. If he was truly interested in you, he would have driven to meet you. Men are hunters and want a hard earned prize. You were not hard won, you were easy. he didnt even have to go to any effort at all, so why would you be suprised if he didnt call you for a week? Yep, I agree. I need someone who will chase ME. Call it anti-feminist or dated, but that's what I want. I also NEED to set some rules for myself when it comes to dating because I feel like often I sell myself short and am too easy... I'm not going to debate the "easy" comments... let the stones be cast because, it's true. I'm one of those people that learn the hard way, though I am learning. quote: ORIGINAL: azropedntied True and she is not with out fault in the matter . I also read in her responce printed" i wont do that again on a first date /meeting ! second date ? sure ".Drive or otherwise meet like that is not safe period . I dont get that . Build trust and the dynamic first. Is this a date or a bdsm dynamic desired ? Shrugs only she can answer . Like i stated prior, there is great, real world , usable words here to digest for the OP . In my slight defense, we had been talking on the phone for about two weeks almost every night prior to meeting each other. I decided to drive to him because it was in La Jolla, an area that I'm SUPER comfortable with. We had lunch at a public restaurant....... and then I forgot myself. But the initial situation itself wasn't dangerous, and what I meant by "Second date? Sure" is that if I go on a first date with someone who lives far away and who drove to me, then on the second date I wouldn't mind driving to see them. I'm not talking about playing/sex. quote: ORIGINAL: CruelDesires You can't advantage of the willing. C-D True, though you can maniplulate the weak. I need to read more Oprah magazine and self-love literature and then I think I'll have more of a spine, hehe. quote: ORIGINAL: MamaDomme1 Okay, so this wonderful Dom that you immediately jumped thru hoops for and had sex with right at first meeting, not only acted inappropriately afterwards, but he also put your life in a precarious situation by having YOU drive into the fire areas?????? haha, this made me LOL... I'm sorry-- I didn't state that understandably. His area caught on fire a few days after I went down there. (I'd only drive through a fire to have dinner with Ewan McGreggor.) quote: ORIGINAL: MistressSybella You come across in a way that makes me want to protect you, danielle. The protective streak in me is glowing red and ready to punch this guy out for taking advantage of you. As a dominant, he should have looked out for your best interest. However, it's not all his fault. You have to be careful not to put yourself in situations where you have trouble saying no. So believe me when I say that I am delighted by your last message, the wisdom you are showing now. I hope you find a decent owner quick, 'cause you need one! wink Thank you Miss Bella! :) Everything is a two-way street, and I know that I acted like an ass myself. I'm proud that I had the guts to not call him tonight though-- I'm not the type to blow people off. With that said I do hope I can find a Master that will match my needs soon... even though I'm busy and young I'm the kind of person who needs close relationships... not a large quantity of them, but ones of immense quality, and well... it's yet to be found. I'm happy by myself and am not in any way "incomplete" without a mate/Master but it would be nice to have someone to whip me at night and then get pancakes with in the morning. :)

GreedyTop -> RE: He doesn't call... (8/5/2008 11:42:11 PM)
good for you, elisa :)

elleelisa -> RE: He doesn't call... (8/6/2008 1:20:36 AM)
okay, so after posting my last comment I suddenly recalled this poem I wrote for a class that was extremely related and I thought those of you would find this interesting (I know I'm not the only one who has had experiences like this) I'm starting to realize so much about myself, and my patterns; and this really is a pattern with me..... Well, I wrote this after a one-night stand in April... This completely sums up my feelings with this specific experience discussed in the thread. This is always sort of hard for me to read and share-- it's actually a private post on my blog. [&:] I’m alive. It’s hard to remember, when you smell like cheap cologne, and sting like the long drive home, listening to the sound of unfulfillment swell about the car. Hard, while following to some static room where SNL and infomercials sound as he awkwardly fondles and frets and you wonder what time it is… are we over yet? But it’s still there—behind forced conversations and “what the fuck am I doing here?”; limit the eye contact and remove your glasses for groping. Polite moments, and then flash-forward to 3am laundry, doused in rubbing alcohol and familiar thoughts. An accidental catch of an eye behind the glass and it’s striking. Anyhow, thanks for the support and insights. I'm still a big newbie, but this has been one of my better experiences with foruming ever. (NEVER join the Disney's Fantasy Forum, even if you are a Disneyland fan-- the people there are beyond terrifying) -Danielle

lusciouslips19 -> RE: He doesn't call... (8/6/2008 3:53:35 AM)
Good for you. You're a quick study. i think you'll be ok.[:)]

apiercedkitty -> RE: He doesn't call... (8/6/2008 6:01:51 AM)
~FR~ Ok, i admit i didn't read the whole thread as my reply was burning my brains... Communication. A simple word really. Now, i'm not opposed to the sex on a first date thing but i think you owe it to yourself to have a pretty in-depth conversation before said sex and communicate what sorts of things are important to you. For instance, i usually inform them that i work 2 jobs and have 2 um's at home - so i'm a plan ahead kinda gal. If they're the kind of guy that needs to call and say, "I'm 5 minutes from your house, get naked and unlock the door," then i'm not the kinda gal they're looking for. i have to agree with others here - if you had red flags before, why would you bother attempting again? i'm not saying he didn't have a valid reason for the lack of a phone call, but you REALLY need to trust yourself and your instincts. Just because you've decided you might want to call yourself "submissive" doesn't negate the fact that you are a grown woman first and foremost and, therefore, it's your responsibility to make your own decisions. Oh yeah... i almost forgot. What in the HELL are you doing driving 125 miles to meet him the first time?? Screw that. If he can't at least make the first drive, then he probably ain't gonna be willing to do what's necessary to make a relationship of that distance work anyway. Of course, that's just my opinion. i've seen some of your other posts and realize you're a newbie. Try not to let the newness and excitement overshadow your common sense and good luck.

DavidS8ist -> RE: He doesn't call... (8/6/2008 6:09:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: elleelisa What does it "mean" when: you drove 125 miles total to meet a guy for a first date, ended up having sex and then he waited a week to call (I am a sub and he's a Dom btw). This happened to me a few months ago with this Dom, and I found it totally unacceptable and consequently stopped talking with him (another man entered my life too on Day 3 of him not calling). Now this man and I are talking on the phone again and I'm recalling some of the "red-flags" and wondering whether I should analyze them further before jumping back in, or give it another shot? Also, at what point does a sub usually start obeying a Dom? <snip> It's a VERY confusing situation for me though;<snip> Advice from the panel? How do airline pilots define a "good landing?" Any one you walk away from. So. No recriminations, no scolding, you did what you did, own it. Age quod agis. Now. When do you submit? When you can't not submit, when you are so compelled to the other person's authority that you have no choice. At that time, in my experience, you won't begin to submit, or submit in some ways, you'll simply do it. You'll be an ad for Nike. Just. Do. It. But before that? Girlfriend, you're the guy's equal. EQUAL. He has no authority over you, no power, no control over what you do, who you see, who you frak, what goes on in your life. And as his equal, you have every right to interrogate him, call him on the squirrelly things he may have told you, find out about his work (and don't accept bullshit. There aren't that many people working for the Company or the NSA - and the ones who do have legends they'll give you, checkable "real jobs"), ask about family, wives, ex-wives. And make the SOB do some legwork. Let him get off his fat lazy ass and drive to you! Gas is over 4 bucks a gallon where I live. Why should you put out the dough. Meet half way, at least. And if you want to have sex, make him pay for the motel. 'Cause if he can't or won't do that, he's probably gonna take what he can get and move on. And that's OK if he does. That is, it's ok if that's what you want as well. But if you're looking for something regular or something permanent or someone reliable, then for heaven's sake, do some due diligence first. And do it as his equal. I ain't a fan of Dr. Phil. I put him right there with Rachel Ray at the bottom of the heap of insipid personalities with cheap advice. But he has one saying that makes a helluva lot of sense: We teach people how to treat us. Rewrite your lesson plan. D. "You had your whole life to prepare for this moment. Why aren't you ready?" - David Mamet, "Spartan"

AMaster -> RE: He doesn't call... (8/6/2008 10:34:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick quote: ORIGINAL: elleelisa What does it "mean" when: you drove 125 miles total to meet a guy for a first date, ended up having sex and then he waited a week to call (I am a sub and he's a Dom btw). 1. He just isn't that into you. 2. His timeline of contacting women after the first boink session is one week. 3. You're not that high on his priority list. 4. His wife was home. 5. You said "sex", not "play" or "scene", so if you meant play as well, it means you didn't indicate the level of contact you needed afterwards. 6. None of the above. 7. All of the above. quote: Also, at what point does a sub usually start obeying a Dom? I'm wondering because already he's giving me subtle commands and I'm not entirely sure if I'm okay with it... One "guideline" he gave me was that I cannot date while getting to know him... that sounds pretty "exclusive" and a little over-the-top since I've made no committment to him or anyone at this point. You start obeying when you're ready to start obeying. With me, when I'm getting to know someone, it has never been a conscious decision to obey, it just feels right. Since it obviously doesn't feel right to you, then you would probably want to tell him that you don't agree with his directive as you're not exclusive at this time. He can accept it, or he can stop getting to know you. quote: I want to get to know him first and be comfortable before getting into the sex-talk/ BDSM stuff, but we already got into it after 10 min. on the telephone. Talking about sex before you're ready to, which obviously was not 10 minutes into a convo, could be a red flag if you told him you weren't ready to discuss that. Cali What she said.

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