RE: Testing your dedication as a sub....

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Evility -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/6/2008 3:50:48 AM)
My submissive came to my aid and took care of me the day I had a couple of wisdom teeth extracted a few months ago. Had she not been able to travel here for that my vanilla ex-wife (who has no knowledge of any of this bdsm stuff) would have been more than happy to come and do the same. It never ceases to amaze me how people continue to paint the most minor day to day kindnesses in some special light because of bdsm. Where my submissive's submission really shines is where it counts - she shows up ready to serve sans all the bullshit limits and excuses many other submissives have.

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/6/2008 5:14:20 AM)
shocked you mention nilla word the curse of the bdsm gods are comming for you :lol

OmegaG -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/6/2008 6:37:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Evility My submissive came to my aid and took care of me the day I had a couple of wisdom teeth extracted a few months ago. Had she not been able to travel here for that my vanilla ex-wife (who has no knowledge of any of this bdsm stuff) would have been more than happy to come and do the same. It never ceases to amaze me how people continue to paint the most minor day to day kindnesses in some special light because of bdsm. Where my submissive's submission really shines is where it counts - she shows up ready to serve sans all the bullshit limits and excuses many other submissives have. I hope you realize that you have a gem of an ex-wife.

TreasureKY -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/6/2008 8:41:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark ... Sometimes, life rocks and you find that partner and they are all you ever dreamed about and you end up doing all you can and should and will and could - because you can. But those testing times, when life sucks and your not up to your best(or one person in the relationship isn't) and you go with the flow because you have no choice... those are the lightbulb moments. Beautifully said, dark, and I don't disagree with your viewpoint... but I do think that the negative responses here have come from an equally valid perception. I think for a lot of submissives, caring and nurturing is a fundamental part of who we are. We take care of those around us because it's what we do... it matters not whether we enjoy it or if even we're in the mood for it, we do it because we feel we have a responsibility and have no choice. This frame of mind is more easily seen if you consider a typical mother caring for a baby... a mother will change a baby's diaper because it needs to be changed. She doesn't stop to think about whether she really wants to change the diaper... whether she enjoys changing the diaper... or whether she's in the mood for changing the diaper. She'll change the diaper even if she's tired or ill or very depressed. Most of all, she doesn't stop to pat herself on the back for changing the diaper... she doesn't consider that she's submitting to the baby... she considers it just part of her job as being the mother. For those of us who assume that type of nurturing aspect to whatever role we fulfill in a relationship, we don't consider the types of care giving tasks mentioned by the OP to be anything special nor do we think of them as challenging our dedication as a submissive. I don't think about whether I'm submitting when I take care of Firm... it's my job. To me, a true test of my dedication as a submissive comes not from meeting my responsibilities at those times when I feel I don't have a choice, but rather those times when I do have a choice. When all is going well and I am left to my own devices, and I find myself considering first what he would want and what would best serve his goals... that's when I feel pride that my dedication to him and being his submissive has been tested and proved. However, your post brings to light that not all D/s relationships operate in the same manner... and your point is well taken. Congratulations to the OP. [:D]

pixidustpet -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/6/2008 1:04:37 PM)
i had to think a bit while reading all the responses. both james and fallcon did hospital stays while i was collared to them, and i stood by them as best i could (while taking care of household and other family members). i had to change my normal submissive attitude (or what i normally operate under) to being extremely assertive to deal with medical staff...or as james put it "put the fear of the short woman into them!" [:D] so i really saw that as being a huge stretch to serve, for me. i dont like having to talk back to someone in authority, but i did it like a mama bear protecting her only cub to make sure my domly one was taken care of when he needed to be. it was my job, and my right, and my privelege to do so. kitten

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/7/2008 5:58:09 AM)
the one thing about being in the music industry you get exposed to everything or rock n roll lifestyle as we rockers would like to call it you date all kinds of people personas and such different thoughts views ii think to find that end all be all person i have to say darcy and the dark said it best

Surrenderwithin -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/7/2008 6:14:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 quote: ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW I have to disagree with all the folks here who are saying that this isn't testing her dedication. Yes, perhaps a vanilla lover or family member, or even a dear, close friend might do the same -- but it is different when you enter a relationship for a -specific- dynamic and something happens that makes that dynamic unfeasible AND adds a measure of work that, perhaps, one finds taxing. This is a young woman who looked at a situation and found herself growing in unexpected ways through making choices that she found both challenging and fulfilling -- I find it disconcerting that so many are so quick to dismiss the growth she has discovered, her joy in that discovery, and her pride in meeting not only her dominant's expectations but her own unknown expectations for herself as well. To HornyToadsMI: Congratulations on a milestone. May you flourish in service. Calla Firestorm Vanilla relationships have specific dynamics too. And those are tested every day. There isn't anything more special about a bdsm relationship. We don't miraculously have the ability to love any more or differently just because we like to have our ass spanked. Actually the power exchange does give me the ability to love more... and trust... and communicate. It is a source of strength that I needed and need to be able to do those things. I flourish because of my power exchange, as I am sure many do. Besides that, for many of us, it has NOTHING to do with liking to have our asses spanked. Heck, I am not even certain that I remember my last spanking. To some people involed in BDSM relationships it is more special to them than any other relationships they have or have had...on a personal level. Maggi

Surrenderwithin -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/7/2008 6:15:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Vanilla relationships have specific dynamics too. And those are tested every day. There isn't anything more special about a bdsm relationship. We don't miraculously have the ability to love any more or differently just because we like to have our ass spanked. Precisely. I'd care for him because of our commitment to each other, not because I'm his submissive. It's not any more special because of the D/s dynamic. Beyond that, he cared for me while I had pneumonia....I'm really really sure it wasn't a test of his submission to me. Sometimes it is not about the act itself rather the motivation. Perhaps to her it is a form of service.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/7/2008 9:50:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Anticipatory service is a wonderful thing. How many D types have sat back and thought about something that their s type did without asking for it, and that made them smile? That recognition of getting to that place in the dynamic where you are really starting to know how the service aspects work. That's nothing to sneeze at. It CAN be a wonderful thing. But I'm not that really into anticipatory service. It's not about testing or dedication, it's simply whether they have been trained enough and understand me enough to be able to do it well. I don't want things anticipated unless I've specifically laid it out. I'm really picky in some ways, and I don't like presumption. They aren't bad for wanting to make me more comfortable, it's a very sweet and sincere motivation. But that doesn't mean they should act on it because THEY decide it's the right thing to do to show any dedication. I admit I'm difficult to allow someone to serve and take care of me, but I'm completely up front and open about it- if they choose to push that then they aren't showing any dedication by anticipating service, they are showing stubborness to put their OWN sense of service ahead of mine. And I agree with the others- my partner and I engage in these things for eachother regularly, but our relationship is vanilla.

sublizzie -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/7/2008 10:04:12 AM)
When my abusive SOB ex was dying of cancer I volunteered to help take care of him. Not because I'm a "gem" but because it was the right thing to do. Happily my daughter told me not to and to let his mama do it instead, which I did. Worked better that way for all of us. quote: ORIGINAL: OmegaG quote: ORIGINAL: Evility My submissive came to my aid and took care of me the day I had a couple of wisdom teeth extracted a few months ago. Had she not been able to travel here for that my vanilla ex-wife (who has no knowledge of any of this bdsm stuff) would have been more than happy to come and do the same. It never ceases to amaze me how people continue to paint the most minor day to day kindnesses in some special light because of bdsm. Where my submissive's submission really shines is where it counts - she shows up ready to serve sans all the bullshit limits and excuses many other submissives have. I hope you realize that you have a gem of an ex-wife.

HornyToadsMI -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/8/2008 7:32:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AMaster It is most refreshing to see a couple like you. I have great respect for you both and wish him a speedy recovery. Thanks! He is getting better each day.

HornyToadsMI -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/8/2008 7:35:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CruelDesires Put up with His crankiness. It won't last long. [:D] C-D Actually,I can tell He is getting stronger, when He gets crankier! :)

HornyToadsMI -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/8/2008 7:43:19 PM)
Darcy, Masterofdrkness2 and Callafirestorm - you get me on this. We are a "50's Household", and to be "incharge" of the one who is "incharge" was quite the task. To the others....it is more indepth than just a "I am married to this guy and have to step up" issue. It is a core feeling, that I guess I did not convey very well to some. Consdering that I have trouble describing my way out of a "wet paper bag without a map", I can see where some of it can get lost in translation. Thanks for the warm thoughts of support from those who 'got me'.

pixidustpet -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/8/2008 9:09:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HornyToadsMI Darcy, Masterofdrkness2 and Callafirestorm - you get me on this. We are a "50's Household", and to be "incharge" of the one who is "incharge" was quite the task. To the others....it is more indepth than just a "I am married to this guy and have to step up" issue. It is a core feeling, that I guess I did not convey very well to some. Consdering that I have trouble describing my way out of a "wet paper bag without a map", I can see where some of it can get lost in translation. Thanks for the warm thoughts of support from those who 'got me'. oh i got it. [:D] it can be a bear to be the one "in charge" when you're used to being the one following orders. its a running joke here..."where are the claw proctectors, beloved?" (his nighttime wrist braces) him grumbling puts them on. i wait. and wait. "i dont know where the nose hose is, do you?" (the bipap face mask) more grumbling. every single night. then i lay behind him giggling at the growling. i handle it with humor....and he does it. kitten

Rayne58 -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/9/2008 3:10:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin Sometimes it is not about the act itself rather the motivation. Perhaps to her it is a form of service. Yes [:)] I am full time carer to my Dom. I see what I do as part of my service to Him. Others may not see it that way, but that doesn't matter to us - it's what works for us and our dynamic which counts.

susie -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/9/2008 3:36:49 AM)
FR I am in the opposite position as currently my DOM is the one doing the caring and wonderfully too I might add. I have recently had a brain tumour removed and am going through all the tests and treatment following that. He has had to cook, clean, do the washing, care for me, run me to the doctor and the hospital. He has done it all without any complaint although it makes me feel tremendously guilty for putting him through all this especially as his first wife/slave died from a brain tumour. I can't imagine what memories it brings back for him. I will need to find him something really special to reward him with when this is all over.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/9/2008 3:40:35 AM)
Susie, I can empathize. I had a brain anyurism a year ago. I am not a sub, but my sub did an awful lot for me during my time of healing. I hope that you are feeling better, watch your eyesight! If you want you can c-mail me on the other side to discuss. Hugs,

MistressOfGa -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/9/2008 4:11:13 AM)
Toad, I can feel how happy you are serving your One. Isn't that all that matters in the long run? I don't understand why most times someone mentions how special bdsm is to them and the comment is met with "It is no more special than a nilla relationship". Maybe it is more special to them. Maybe the fact that you were/are now tending to your Dominant whereas perhaps you didn't or don't normally do so, is a big thing to you and certainly more special to you than any other vanilla relationship you have been in. We each have our own beliefs, some believe that their D/s dynamic is much better, brighter, more loving, special and twice the fireworks than any other relationships. What is the harm in believing this? Why the need to come on and point out how the two dynamics are the same? Or no more special than any other? I, for one, loved harder than I have ever loved in my entire life within my relationship with my ex-puppy. The pain of the "break up" was much more and tremendously deeper than any other pain I have experienced with my vanilla relationships. Shrugs I suppose that is what makes this board so nice to read, the different views on issues smile

RavenMuse -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/9/2008 4:42:48 AM)
If the Dynamic and chemistry is there I don't see why serving the Dominant during a health issue would be such a "Test of dedication"..... Unless I am in a coma or I totaly loose My marbles then I am fully capable of remaining in control and as far as the D/s (M/s) side of Our relationship that is what she needs. I am very indipendent and in fact such opportunity to serve Me more is a bonus to her, things I 'need' her to do rather than things that are just more convenient for Me to have her do. The only difficulty', the only test is that she is also a maso, thus has pain needs. If My back goes then that becomes a little more difficult and she has to cope till it eases off. But that is a different 'need' to the D/s ones which are the fundamental cornerstones of our relationship.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Testing your dedication as a sub.... (8/9/2008 4:47:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Vanilla relationships have specific dynamics too. And those are tested every day. There isn't anything more special about a bdsm relationship. We don't miraculously have the ability to love any more or differently just because we like to have our ass spanked. Precisely. I'd care for him because of our commitment to each other, not because I'm his submissive. It's not any more special because of the D/s dynamic. Beyond that, he cared for me while I had pneumonia....I'm really really sure it wasn't a test of his submission to me. Personally I agree with this as well. If my partner is laid up because broke a foot, leg or whatever.. I'd be waiting on her and checking up and doing things. I'm a Dom too.. would like mean it tests my orientation, or tests the D/s relationship somehow? Not really, it tests me as a human being and if I honestly care for partner. Sure, it might be some added extra work load. Things will change, but only until they recover. A long time ago, I read a thread on here. It dealt with the use of bondage to disable temporary either a sub or Dom. Basically, where the submissive or Dom wore Bondage mits for a couple of days. Also was talked about was role playing out with mental bondage the disablement of a leg or foot. Where crutches had to be used. The thing that touched me about that thread, was the fact, that it drew people closer together in the end. It was an Excercise in Appreciation for your partner, and a personal test. There are many aspects that the practice of BDSM is not with the Goal of D/s alone are in mind. For instance working past a fear of something. That has very little to do with D/s itself. But is something that is geared towards an internal focus. Also, many vanilla dynamics have some form of D/s in it as well. D/s is not a BDSM exclusive concept. I have to say, I think Aileen was spot on about it. All relationships of any form have a dynamic to them. Dynamics and people get tested in relationships all the time. Be it friendships, BDSM relationships, Marriages, work relationships with co-workers or a boss. You name it...

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