RE: The habit of loving too much

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RE: The habit of loving too much - 7/27/2008 2:53:14 PM

windchymes

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What I have found is that when men say they need unconditional love, or openness, or more space or whatever......they don't necessarily mean they want it from YOU. (Meaning generic you, not only the OP) You can't make someone love you by loving them. And if you start trying to show them all that love that they supposedly crave, and you're not the one they want to love them, they'll only feel smothered, think you're creepy or emotionally needy, and they'll turn tail and run. This is especially true when they're already in love with someone else, be it a crush that's unrequited, or a relationship that she wanted out of.

Sometimes, when a woman starts knocking herself out to show love, the guy feels pressured that he should reciprocate at an equal level. He really isn't ready to yet, so he runs. For example, say he spends the night with you. You decorate the room with candles, rose petals, have the most expensive oils and lingerie on hand, then get up the next morning to cook a gourmet champagne breakfast. If he hasn't reached the point where he wants to return the favor, there's a good chance he'll just give up and start seeing someone who doesn't make him feel so pressured. Just lighting a couple candles and making coffee in the morning may have made him feel a lot more comfortable, and he might have asked you out for breakfast and made a date for that evening.

Best thing to do is to love yourself unconditionally. Save the giving part until someone comes along who WANTS your love.

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RE: The habit of loving too much - 7/27/2008 3:38:38 PM

batshalom

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~nods at windchymes~ That about does it, yep.

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RE: The habit of loving too much - 7/27/2008 3:55:43 PM

Incessantdesire

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Thanks windchymes.

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RE: The habit of loving too much - 7/27/2008 5:02:31 PM

windchymes

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I just wish I'd have figured it out 20 years ago

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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RE: The habit of loving too much - 7/31/2008 11:10:28 AM

UncleNasty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Incessantdesire

When someone says they want all of you, they want you to be open and not hold anything back. why do they then pull away when you start opening up and being honest about your feelings? What do they really want? What's wrong with caring about someone unconditionally?

In my experience there aren't very many people that are aware of and comfortable enough with their own emotions. Without good experiences dealing with their own in healthy, productive ways, it is unreasonable to expect them to deal with others emotions inhealthy and productive ways.

What most of us "really want" is the maximum amount of happiness. Usually on the tail end of that is "for the least amount of work. I see nothing wrong with wanting that, particularly when I include other phrases along the lines of "in relationships there are no short cuts" and "as long as the least is really enough."

As for unconditional love my opinion is that it is for kids and pets. Unconditional love for adults, I beleive, is pretty unhealthy. I look at adult love, and romantic love, from a number of perspectives, one of them being that there is an element of performance involved. Both parties need to consistently and continuosly perform well, in ways that are directed at building, having and maitaining a healthy anf functional relationship. For me the basics of honesty, integrity, creative problem solving, consideration for both people involved are present. There are usually some indiosyncratic things tossed in by each too.

But consider this when viewing unconditional love - would you be able to love a pthological liar unconditionally?

Just my 10 cents worth (price increased from 2 cents due to inflation)

Uncle Nasty

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