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If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 1:42:23 PM   
OnlyHisLovebug


Posts: 56
Joined: 7/14/2008
Status: offline 		I read a post earlier today by loving pet in regards to how much of oneself you reveal to another. She wrote: ‘If one does not pursue as deeply as they want or need, there is a sliver of doubt as to whether the other person is truly accepting the whole person. Would rejection set in "if they really knew me."’ This got me thinking…

I’m in a relationship where the goal is NO SECRETS. It’s something I asked for, longed for…I wanted, even needed, to be an open book to my Master. It forges a sort of intimacy that is amazing, having somebody I can share the darkest depths of myself with. Surely, beyond any doubt, He has delved into places deep within my soul that no other has ever gotten close to. But…yeah, there is a but…

There are still some places I have cordoned off- even after years and years together. Some of those places I have not even fully explored myself; the places I don’t much like, and am not real proud of. Others simply scare the heck out of me. And then there is the whole rejection issue. Would He reject me if He REALLY knew me . All of me. I truly doubt that He would, as the places He has explored have never even gotten a flinch...but...there is always a fear of the unknown.  I sort of liken it to the onion analogy- peeling back layers to get to the core. We have peeled back a heck of a lot of layers- but, should the core really be exposed at all?

Not to worry, I plan on talking to Him about all of this, but I guess what I was wondering is how others feel about it, too? Is it possible, or healthy, to try to let somebody know ALL of you? Are there places best left unexplored? I’m not talking about acting on things that are obviously dangerous, illegal, or morally unacceptable to society or the parties involved. I’m more talking about allowing yourself to be vulnerable to the point of letting somebody see those parts of you that are the most troubling or disturbing. Does hiding these things keep barriers between you and your partner(s)? Do you think airing all of your deepest and darkest secrets would be detrimental to the relationship? Would getting to the core and being completely accepted ‘as is’, naked down to your very soul, even be possible? And if it is, would this be a case where familiarity might likely breed contempt?

A gracious “thank you” to loving pet for allowing me to use her thoughts and words to create this thread.

lovebug~

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If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I. ~Michel de Montaigne
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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 1:52:11 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		My husband knows me better then anyone ever has, I've let him in to places where even my siblings were never allowed. The payoff has been great, we are unbreakable as a couple because of it. Like you, there are places where even I don't go in my head but one thing I do know beyond any doubt... yes, he would still love me like he does now. There are things that I know we don't know about each other... all three of us... but what we have right now is what I base my feelings on. A huge "surprise" from the past? Ok, yeah, that would probably throw my for a loop, but I don't believe it would change the way I feel about mine.
 
Maybe there are some barriers that have barbed wire on them, and yeah, there is that constant curiousity.. but not enough to really matter in the grand sceme of things. No matter what happened before we all became us, the point is that we are now "us" and I'm happy with that.
 
Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 2:24:04 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Is it possible, or healthy, to try to let somebody know ALL of you?


I don't think it's possible to know all of oneself as it is in itself the relationship-to-self which keeps on evolving.
It is simply a matter of the rate of revelation to one's Master..........in my humble opinion if that Master rejects that which you disclose then that was not the one who could master you.



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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
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To my stalker:
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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 2:26:24 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		If I know it about myself, he knows it about me. If I don't know something that needs to be explored, we explore it. I have never been so open, revealing and vulnerable in my life. It has never been so safe for me to be. I feel now that holding anything back would be cheating him the full me, and that wouldn't be true to what we both want out of my slavery to him. Some things he might not like, hell, some things even I don't like. But we deal with them. He wants the full package, and I want him to have it. I can think of no other way to ensure he is as fully equipped as possible to make informed decisions about our and my future. In four years nothing has been so ugly that neither of us couldn't shift directions about. The person I was doesn't have to be the person I am now. The person I am now doesn't have to be the person I will be tomorrow. And so on. We're either in this together.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 7/25/2008 2:29:09 PM >

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Good is the enemy of great.

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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 3:13:20 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello bug!

In my observation, interaction, and study of human nature I have come to believe that no one can every know themselves to the point they can disclose absolutely everything.  What you don't know you cannot share.  Some barriers are artificial and have no real usefulness, in fact may be detrimental, but others are protective.  Some protect us from ourselves and some protect the self from a world that the conscious knows can be hostile to such psyche. 

Barriers fall as trust builds.  Barriers also fall as we grow.  In some cases, our maturity and trust erect new barriers as we become wiser or as intimacy grows.  This happens because we no longer want or need to share those things with anyone else.  We have learned that doing so is not beneficial to us.  Those borders and boundaries are ever changing with the ebb and flow of self-discovery and the relationships that foster it.

I do not think it is harmful to be so completely exposed, as much as is in you to do so, to a person worthy of the trust you give by doing so.  I also believe that anyone who would reject such a profound gift does not know its price.  Further, fear is the one of the greatest walls we build to our own intimacy, growth, and fulfillment.  Remove the fear from a worthwhile relationship, and a greater level of intimacy can develop.  The question is not should I... it is am I ready?  Best wishes on your journey!

lovingpet   

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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 3:19:02 PM   
arc83


Posts: 5
Joined: 6/8/2008
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

Is it possible, or healthy, to try to let somebody know ALL of you?


I think if you don't do this, you will always wonder "What If?", and that's not a nice feeling to have gnawing away at you for the rest of your life. I think everyone needs someone to confide in, someone with who you can truly be yourself. Finding that person can be tough, but it's a great feeling once you have.

As others have said, if you're rejected because your Master finds out who you really are, do you really want to be with that person?

I got my butt dumped for telling a girlfriend I was kinky, but in the long run, it's made me a better person and more comfortable with myself.

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The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

--Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 3:30:30 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		yes it's possible because Daddy's the only person whom i allowed to get very close to me.  He knows me better than i really know myself and it took me awhile letting Him get that close - it was about me trusting Him with my secrets, anxieties and fears ...stuff i wouldn't dare tell my own mother. and not too many people are given that privilege simply because i don't like opening myself and/or exposing my emotions.

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...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 3:52:04 PM   
DaddyownsSusie


Posts: 9
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		my Daddy has what i call a third eye.  He knows things about me before i tell Him and sometimes even before i know it  myself. It's like He is inside of my soul and it is uncanny, sometimes disturbing but always the safest feeling i have ever had. We do not delve into the past, who we are is who we are now, together and in the future. The past can't be undone, so it doesn't matter. What matters is the here and now. my life before Daddy is insignificant, He can never know the me that was because that me no longer exists. We know that we have more of our lives behind us than we have left in front of us, and wasting the time we have being concerned with what has passed is unforgivable. 

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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 3:58:59 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Objectively I know there can't be anything that repugnant inside, just normal bizarre worries and thoughts. I am sure that the only things that he would be revolted by are deeds, not thoughts. And I've never done anything that he would view as horrendous. Or that anyone would, for that matter.

I've never murdered, stolen, raped, given fraudulent testimony etc. And that's what ought to matter, what you do, not the strange, half understood desires/thoughts/fantasies deep inside.

At the same time. Sitting over the dinner table when he gets home from work is possibly not the best time to share some thoughts. I really believe that over time most of this stuff will eventually come to the surface. And that when told at the right time and place there will be no problem.

Equally if some of it is never shared, it won't matter. It won't destroy his knowledge of me. It won't prevent him from knowing me fully in the ways that do matter.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 4:24:40 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnlyHisLovebug

Is it possible, or healthy, to try to let somebody know ALL of you?




Me? Fuck no. i don't think there's anyone who would accept all of me. If there is, it's probably a man, and he's probably in an institution of one sort or another.

Some people need filtering.

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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 4:30:42 PM   
PrincessJ77


Posts: 372
Joined: 7/25/2008
From: point A
Status: offline 		To the OP, I do believe you can open up to the right person.  Learning about them & their faults, (not that any twoo dom has them)  and loving them anyway is the art of a relationship.

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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 5:08:08 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

There are still some places I have cordoned off- even after years and years together. Some of those places I have not even fully explored myself; the places I don’t much like, and am not real proud of. Others simply scare the heck out of me. And then there is the whole rejection issue. Would He reject me if He REALLY knew me . All of me. I truly doubt that He would, as the places He has explored have never even gotten a flinch...but...there is always a fear of the unknown. I sort of liken it to the onion analogy- peeling back layers to get to the core. We have peeled back a heck of a lot of layers- but, should the core really be exposed at all?


lovebug,

If you do not let him in your really not trusting him.

CP

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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 5:15:11 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

There are still some places I have cordoned off- even after years and years together. Some of those places I have not even fully explored myself; the places I don’t much like, and am not real proud of. Others simply scare the heck out of me. And then there is the whole rejection issue. Would He reject me if He REALLY knew me . All of me. I truly doubt that He would, as the places He has explored have never even gotten a flinch...but...there is always a fear of the unknown. I sort of liken it to the onion analogy- peeling back layers to get to the core. We have peeled back a heck of a lot of layers- but, should the core really be exposed at all?


lovebug,

If you do not let him in your really not trusting him.

CP



(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 5:30:13 PM   
pissdoll


Posts: 343
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

Me? Fuck no. i don't think there's anyone who would accept all of me. If there is, it's probably a man, and he's probably in an institution of one sort or another.

Some people need filtering.



wow.  yes.

(you said this better than i ever could have)

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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 5:45:06 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		what was it the italian said to Albert Enstine.."Albert, stop telling God what to do!!!" thing about it......stop prejuding ...Your thing we don't know Just how dark your souls can be????? Really????Wow...

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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 6:57:37 PM   
Shahrizai


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/16/2007
Status: offline 		I love forums... they always get me thinking.

Well, if you have things in mind that you aren't discussing, the first thing I'd suggest you ask yourself is how relevant is it to your current situation.  Do we all have secrets? Often, we do but they are our secrets in a sense.  Is it important to tell someone that you were molested as a child?  Given your relationship, it might be important or relevant.  Do you really have to share about the time someone dared you at 3 years old to eat poo?  Probably not.  Do you know it's a secret?  Yes, is there a relationship requirement to share it?  I doubt it.

The point of openess in my opinion is not a carte blanche requirement to empty all of your baggage at the feet of your partner.  It is the confidence to approach your partner with issues that are significant, whether to you, your partner or your relationship.

If the secrets you keep are important, then as was previously mentioned, you may really want to examine your level of trust.

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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 7:04:57 PM   
lilygurl


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/7/2008
Status: offline 		ha ha....yeah I'm one of those who believes that when he truly knows me....he won't like all of me.  And it's not that I haven't warned him, I'm completely a different person when I'm not in his presence and I'm even scared to see myself in "my' surroundings when he's there...but dying to find out, 

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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 9:34:12 PM   
katie978


Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline 		  In past relationships, BDSM and sex were always the dark corners of my mind where if my partner bever delved into them, it'd be the end of "us".  In this relationship, I revel in not only sharing these dark tidbits, but largely finding myself matched secret for secret, kink for kink.
 
   Apart from that, I largely aim for openness in a relationship anyways. I didn't sit him down and regale him with every story of my past, but if ever he asked, I'd tell him anything he wanted to know. Anything in the past that has lingering echos into my present behavior has been largely exposed, and I do believe he probably knows me better than anyone.

   That being said, I still keep some things to myself. Although I could tell him every thought that ran through my head, so many of them are flat out crazy on second inspection, it's probably better that they run through a filter. For example, when something that upset me happens, my mind races to future possibilities and outcomes. If I was totally transparent, I'd be berating him for my eventual death from gangrene every time he dropped a needle or something. For minds like mine, filtering is good.

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"That's the plan. Rule the world. You and me. Anyday ::wink::"



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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 9:38:42 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I have a lot of good in me,and some very deep evil as well.
 
I also know where the lines are drawn.
 
It's not as if I am going to be shocked that another human has the same qualities.
 
I rather admire someone who can excercise some panache and imagination with thier evil. People who always ramble on about how consistently "sweet" they are tend to bore me to tears. It's like living with a care bear.

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My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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RE: If they really knew me… - 7/25/2008 10:00:29 PM   
daddysblondie


Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline 		I'm finding I had the "If they found out this or that they'd leave" worries when I was dating vanillas because I was always purposely holding back huge parts of who i am. With Daddy, sure there are things I don't even fully realize, but for the most part, he knows me better than my family knows me even, and I find that the more I share with him, the less concerned I am that he'll find out one thing that will make him change his mind about me.

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