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Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 9:01:28 AM

mistoferin

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I have seen and heard sentiments from younger women that would seem to indicate that many of them think that older women are jealous or intimidated by their age and beauty. I'm absolutely sure that there are indeed older women who feel exactly that way...but it certainly is not an across the board thing.

Actually, for some of us (myself included), quite the opposite is true. Certainly I can appreciate the beauty of a younger woman but there is absolutely nothing that I would trade to be one again. I LIKE my mature self....LOL. I have so much more to offer now than I ever did at twenty something....and I think a lot of other older women feel exactly the same way. I wouldn't give any of it up to be in tighter, younger skin when the only thing that I could possibly see that might be gained by doing so would be the superficial attentions of men.

So to the younger ones...please don't think that we are all that way. We don't all look at you with envy. Some of us just appreciate you for who you are, appreciate ourselves for who we are...and we don't automatically get our hackles up when you walk in the room. I think that sometimes younger women feel like they are discounted by us older gals...and that disregard must come from jealousy over their age. For some I am sure that it might even be true. Not all of us are like that though.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 7/23/2008 9:02:50 AM >

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RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 9:05:52 AM

CelticPrince

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mist,

Let it be said for the male group also.

CP

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RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 9:07:30 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I have seen and heard sentiments from younger women that would seem to indicate that many of them think that older women are jealous or intimidated by their age and beauty. I'm absolutely sure that there are indeed older women who feel exactly that way...but it certainly is not an across the board thing.

Actually, for some of us (myself included), quite the opposite is true. Certainly I can appreciate the beauty of a younger woman but there is absolutely nothing that I would trade to be one again. I LIKE my mature self....LOL. I have so much more to offer now than I ever did at twenty something....and I think a lot of other older women feel exactly the same way. I wouldn't give any of it up to be in tighter, younger skin when the only thing that I could possibly see that might be gained by doing so would be the superficial attentions of men.

So to the younger ones...please don't think that we are all that way. We don't all look at you with envy. Some of us just appreciate you for who you are, appreciate ourselves for who we are...and we don't automatically get our hackles up when you walk in the room. I think that sometimes younger women feel like they are discounted by us older gals...and that disregard must come from jealousy over their age. For some I am sure that it might even be true. Not all of us are like that though.

That's all fine and good...but the one thing I don't understand is when older women say this:

"I wouldn't give any of it up to be in tighter, younger skin when the only thing that I could possibly see that might be gained by doing so would be the superficial attentions of men."

Why do people assume that if you are good looking that all you will receive are superficial attentions? Not all men are so shallow, and a competent woman, despite her beauty, can overcome these obstacles by handling herself properly. The whole "I am so beautiful, no one takes me seriously, men only want me for my body" is a stereotype. There are plenty of sincere men who appreciate beauty & brains, and plenty of ways a stunning woman can demonstrate intelligence and grace so she's not just seen as a pretty package.

If women didn't really give two shits about what men think of their looks, no one would wear make up or cute clothes and we'd all be walking around in sweat pants with hair in a ponytail and unshaved legs. There are plenty of older women who beautify themselves when in the company of men.

Akasha

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RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 9:14:38 AM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Why do people assume that if you are good looking that all you will receive are superficial attentions? Not all men are so shallow, and a competent woman, despite her beauty, can overcome these obstacles by handling herself properly. The whole "I am so beautiful, no one takes me seriously, men only want me for my body" is a stereotype. There are plenty of sincere men who appreciate beauty & brains, and plenty of ways a stunning woman can demonstrate intelligence and grace so she's not just seen as a pretty package.

WOW. I didn't mean to imply any of that. I meant something more along the lines of if a man would only pay attention to me if I was in a younger, prettier package...I would see that as superficial.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to AAkasha)

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RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 9:17:29 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Why do people assume that if you are good looking that all you will receive are superficial attentions? Not all men are so shallow, and a competent woman, despite her beauty, can overcome these obstacles by handling herself properly. The whole "I am so beautiful, no one takes me seriously, men only want me for my body" is a stereotype. There are plenty of sincere men who appreciate beauty & brains, and plenty of ways a stunning woman can demonstrate intelligence and grace so she's not just seen as a pretty package.

WOW. I didn't mean to imply any of that. I meant something more along the lines of if a man would only pay attention to me if I was in a younger, prettier package...I would see that as superficial.

Sorry, I didn't take it that way, my bad. In that context I am fully on the same apge.

_____________________________

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RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 9:33:40 AM

softness

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Well personally ... I get hugely intimidated in the company of more mature women .. especially when they have more experience than me in the scene .. couple that with the frequent treatment that I see women of my age getting and is it any wonder there is a common miscommunication. I don't think they are jealous of my firmness and beauty ... but I think a lot of the time there is something there they decide to dislike before knowing me any better.

My local scene is a fairly mature one, and the only other girls my age are certainly not participating for the same reasons I am. When I was in the market for a mature Dom, for a serious relationship, I met with a lot of hositility and dismissal from the more mature women. Sad but true. I am equally sure that there are girls out there who *do* use there perkiness as a stick to beat other women with .. and I will join in condemning them because important bits of me haven't perked since I was 13 years old lol.

Mist .. it is really great to hear you stand up and say thats not how you are ... I wish more women around my way had the attitude you do .. would mean I didn't have to sit there wincing .

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RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 9:34:56 AM

faerytattoodgirl

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funny...i look younger and hotter than i did 20 years ago and 20 years ago i was freelance model(the only time i worked...if u call it that since it wasnt 9-5) ....strange isnt it...

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RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 9:41:17 AM

ownedgirlie

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It's insecurity. Anyone who gets jealous hackles up about the looks/age/attitude/etc of someone else is really just professing their insecurity, wouldn't you say? It's a comparison of self to what one wishes to be, seeing it in another, and feeling envious of it, rather than just enjoying who you are.

It's a shame because there is so much to be learned from just about anyone at any age. My Master considers himself an "old man" at the age of 59, and one of my closest friends is in her 20s. If I descriminated against people in my life based on some age spectrum I would be missing out on a lot.

If more people were comfortable in their own skin there wouldn't be such competition and jealousy between ages.

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Good is the enemy of great.

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Post #: 8

RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 9:58:55 AM

DomMeinCT

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

It's insecurity. Anyone who gets jealous hackles up about the looks/age/attitude/etc of someone else is really just professing their insecurity, wouldn't you say? It's a comparison of self to what one wishes to be, seeing it in another, and feeling envious of it, rather than just enjoying who you are.

I agree completely.

For me, learning to let go of one's jealousy is a sign of maturity and wisdom, and those aren't in the least bit tied to age.

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

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Post #: 9

RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 10:09:21 AM

MzMia

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Here is my take on jealousy and jealous people.
It is possible to be insecure and not jealous.
I struggle with feelings of insecurity, but not jealousy.

Some people have a jealous nature, and it is usually manifested all their life.

I am not a jealous person, and I was never jealous when I was younger.
I remember having a girl friend in my early 20's-30's who was always jealous of other people.
She would spend hours talking about what other people had that she wanted, how other
people looked either better or worse than her, and she was always judging, judging, judging.
Age, money, looks, status, job, possessions, accomplishments, wealth, education, etc.

It really does not matter what some people are jealous about, some people are just jealous "hearted",
it is an eternal quality, often developed early in life.
What has always struck me, is people that have the jealous tendancy develop it early in life, often as children,
and it often festers and grows and many become very bitter as they age.
I have seen many young people that are insanely jealous, so don't for one minute believe
only older people have jealousy issues.
There is not too much sadder than an aging, elderly or old jealous hearted person.
Every year that I live, I become happier and happier.

I enjoy getting older, and more eccentric, and being free to be me.
Peace

< Message edited by MzMia -- 7/23/2008 10:23:41 AM >

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Post #: 10

RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 10:13:05 AM

LadyPact

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I do have to agree with you, erin. I wouldn't trade My experiences for youth. I'm not just talking about BDSM things. I mean all of My experiences in life. My family and My official status as a GILF (that's the only way I could figure out how to say that without violating TOS.... lol) that came two and a half years ago. She's the greatest three foot tall person I know. I wouldn't trade her in for all the youth and beauty or all of the money in the world.

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RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 10:20:33 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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.Ohbugger.(said in a very english accent)
I have just posted on the 'kit' thread, but what I put there - goes here too. I rarely do this, but meh.

quote:

Maybe it's because I am 'in between' - Im not quite 40, I look 30 and I feel 20 - I have the most amazing man who calls me his.girl. and all I can see is people seperating each other into ages. I am able to say 100% without doubt, that those 'tittering of youngsters', aren't all youngsters. They include the middle aged and above and those thirtysomethings who frankly, don't have a clue. And those that seem insecure and flashing dirty looks aren't all middleaged women holding onto the remains of their 30+ marriage either - they also include those insecure 20 somethings that haven't yet found their feet and learnt to trust anyone or are vying for all the attention.

I don't believe apologies are necessary, but I personally don't believe people should think that it's an age war either. Women can be terribly manipulative and judgemental and men often don't notice when it affects their property because it washes over them, whereas women know what is being done because we are women.

But if you let women who don't know you undermine you, you are placing them in a position of dominance over you - more dominant that your owner/master/dominant whatever - and I am not going to apologise for the fact that for me, Master rules and all the rest can go to hell. Accept me for what I am, dislike me if you(generic) like, and if you (generic) are that shallow - take the piss all you (gen) want - but you aren't going to stop me living, loving and enjoying life.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 10:52:55 AM

cantilena

Posts: 224
Joined: 8/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I have seen and heard sentiments from younger women that would seem to indicate that many of them think that older women are jealous or intimidated by their age and beauty. I'm absolutely sure that there are indeed older women who feel exactly that way...but it certainly is not an across the board thing.

Actually, for some of us (myself included), quite the opposite is true. Certainly I can appreciate the beauty of a younger woman but there is absolutely nothing that I would trade to be one again. I LIKE my mature self....LOL. I have so much more to offer now than I ever did at twenty something....and I think a lot of other older women feel exactly the same way. I wouldn't give any of it up to be in tighter, younger skin when the only thing that I could possibly see that might be gained by doing so would be the superficial attentions of men.

So to the younger ones...please don't think that we are all that way. We don't all look at you with envy. Some of us just appreciate you for who you are, appreciate ourselves for who we are...and we don't automatically get our hackles up when you walk in the room. I think that sometimes younger women feel like they are discounted by us older gals...and that disregard must come from jealousy over their age. For some I am sure that it might even be true. Not all of us are like that though.

I think you're right: some of the older women probably are intimidated. Maybe some of the younger ones pick up on that. On the other hand, some of the younger ones likely play into it all as well. Sort of like blood in the water, if you will.

At the end of the day, though, it's all sort of a joke. I'll explain what I mean...

I read a few years ago about Paris Hilton being bitchily 'aghast' at some older female celebrities at a club somewhere. She was talking about women in their 30s! At the time, I only chuckled a bit and thought... oh, my dear misguided little twit: nothing is more fleeting than youth.

So it's funny to me. I just don't understand anyone being jealous of something so soon to disappear. Likewise, I don't understand anyone who might rely upon it for self-validation or worth. An older woman jealous of something she herself once enjoyed? A younger woman so aware of her youth that she things of such a dynamic with her elder? The situation makes me smile a little... chesirely, to be sure.

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 11:14:37 AM

DominantJenny

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I was never "young and beautiful" by popular standards (always been a fat girl), so the whole thing kind of slips right by me.
When I was young, I was sad that people were unkind to me because I didn't fit the mold.
Now, I'm very, very comfortable with who I am and how I look, and that, I find, is all that really matters. Anyone who isn't interested in me because of my looks is someone I am automatically not interested in myself, genuinely, which makes life quite easy.

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RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 11:16:20 AM

kiwisub12

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He he - the best revenge is living well - and i am living better at 50 than i ever did at 20, 30 or 40.
Youth is wasted on the young, but i wouldn't be young again for all the tea in China and Ceylon.

I am secure in who i am, and what i am, for the first time ever, and its GREAT! So , for the jealous ones - young and old - grow up - its wonderful.

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RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 11:21:05 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
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From: Tampa, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cantilena
So it's funny to me. I just don't understand anyone being jealous of something so soon to disappear. Likewise, I don't understand anyone who might rely upon it for self-validation or worth. An older woman jealous of something she herself once enjoyed? A younger woman so aware of her youth that she things of such a dynamic with her elder? The situation makes me smile a little... chesirely, to be sure.

It's funny to me also that anyone would be jealous or be snarky over something that, for the lucky majority of us, just means we survived another day. Time really is an artificial measure anyway. What I mean is, BEing 20-something isn't an accomplishment (again for the lucky majority) any more than BEing 55. The things I've done with my time, the things I've experienced, the places I've been, the people I've known, the journey has been amazing! The cool thing is, the journey hasn't ended. In fact, I now embark on a whole new journey that includes the most wonderful, wise, dear, and amazing Man. A week from today I will wake up from that day forward in the arms of my Master. Oh, I would not trade that for youth or for anything. Instead of looking backward, I am looking forward because that's the direction I wish to travel.

BTW - thank you, the.dark

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RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 11:25:06 AM

DarkD4D

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I suppose that most realtionship "things' on the surface use looks as perhaps the first gateway to pass thru into a relationship. Even when we want a full and deep relationship, we can't escape that we usually get going because there is some some of physical attraction and so younger more fit people have it over older ones since youth is drilled into us as being more attractive.

As an older male I see beuatiful attractive females and most usually half my age or younger and to me the issue is always that we grew up in such a different culture that there would be a gulf too large to span comfortably. Of course, I am not an agesit and can socialize informally with much younger people, but my targer is and has to be much closer to my age. But there are fewer older people in the game so to speak, as most are hitched up. So if you are in the game you defintety can feel like the old coot amongst a gang of ravers.

I don't know that this translates to jealousie or just mild frustration at the reduced "odds" at hooking up. Frankly I find the young attractive and I like the "eye candy".

(in reply to cantilena)

Post #: 17

RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 11:25:53 AM

Dnomyar

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I was watching a group of young women looking at a couple. I heard one of them say "how come the ugly women get the best men". I have noticed this reaction many times. Have you ever noticed how many young women try to steal a much older womans husband.

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Post #: 18

RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 11:38:27 AM

LaTigresse

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OMG jealousy over age? NEVER!!! I remember what it was like to be 20something and, no thank you!

I may look at perky boobs, a flat stomach or firm thighs with a sigh of envy on occasion but, the physcial changes are well worth the mental and spiritual changes.

Besides........I can fondle perky boobs, a flat stomach and firm thighs any time I want to!!

It's good to be me!

On the flip side though.........I do see a fair bit of un-young women making snarky comments towards young people. Treating them like they are brainless twits because they do not have the great wisdom our many years of life imparts. Which is also hogwash. Some people never get it, regardless of years and sagging tits.

I think there is a fair amount of jealousy on both sides, all created by insecurities.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 7/23/2008 11:46:38 AM >

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 19

RE: Jealousy over age? - 7/23/2008 11:43:36 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
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hides my perky boobs from LaT.

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

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Post #: 20

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