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Maxwell67 -> RE: Early Starts and How it Turns Out (7/18/2008 8:59:20 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LotusSong
We have so many posts on age and delving into BDSM, M/s, D/s etc. I think explanations would clarify things by sharing how you were when you started and how you are later in life. As in, how was your mindset and what was your main motivation when you began as a legal teen and how has maturity and experiences changed you? Let's hear from those who have 2-3 decades under thier belt that started young.
If you could go back in time- what would the mature you say to your younger you?
Of course, the proper answer to this is "I would change nothing of my past life, since that would change who I am now, and I very much like who I am today." However, putting that aside, I would have told myself to seek out the BDSM community, I think, and to get more guidance about how to maintain a relationship with a D/s or M/s dynamic in a healthy manner.. (hell, even being told it was possible to maintain them and have it be healthy at all would have been nice).
When I started out, I just a horny boy on the vanilla dating scene. I was already primarily attracted to submissive women, but my motivation was purely to get laid (as it was for nearly every other boy my age at the time, I think). I ended each relationship because I was made to feel guilty about the amount of control I was wielding over them.
During one relationship, the girls father told me she was too dependent on me (purely because her entire sense of self-worth was based on my opinion of her) and had to be weaned from my will if she was going to grow into a mature and responsible adult.. it made sense to me at the time so although I still loved her, I ended it. She tried to commit suicide when I broke off the relationship. I carried her screaming through the streets of my small town because she kept trying to run in front of traffic to the home of a friend whose mother was a suicide councilor, and she was immediately hospitalized.
Later, when I was in college, a girl I was dating told me she would do anything I wanted her to, that I could make any request and she would obey. I degraded her, made her feel like she needed to be psychic to know what I wanted and when she was not able to glean my desires on her own I sent her away crying, only to take her back again when she came literally crawling and back to camp outside my door. I never asked her limits and I am sure I overstepped them often, doing terrible things to her (with no safeword, after all she had told me I could do anything I wanted - what an idiot I was).. or making her do things she hated simply to see if she would do them (on more than one occasion I was trying to get rid of her this way, hoping she would decide she had had enough.. that never happened). That went on for two years. When I was finished with her I threw her away for a vanilla relationship that lasted an eye blink
If I had been given a proper educational foundation in the lifestyle I think I would have handled the majority of my early relationships very differently.
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