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Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/11/2008 8:57:24 PM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

Greetings Dom/mes.

I have a question for you all. What is it that your sub/slave does all the time that drives you nuts? My slave and I get along well most of the time, but when the issue of politics comes up, it is a fight. He even sent me the platform to his party he belongs to this evening. I don't fit in there a all.
What do you do to solve these kinds of issues?

Regards, MissSCD

Post #: 1

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/11/2008 9:04:36 PM

Thadius

Posts: 5091
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline

Evening,

Well since I have a brainwashed slave (tongue in cheek description of the stereotype), we discuss politics, and occasionally she has a different position than mine. I just remember that there are far more important reasons that I have her. I don't let politics blind me to the other important issues, or to get in the way of our communication.

I guess it comes down to weighing which is more important to you, your stance on a particular plank in a political platform, or the service you receive from the sub/slave that happens to have a different political outlook. Does the difference in political positions affect the service given or received?

The kinder gentler Gorean,
Thadius

_____________________________

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends." ~ Japanese Proverb

(in reply to MissSCD)

Post #: 2

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/11/2008 9:13:43 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Tell him the following and in this order:
1) You will give me your vote in the next election
2) Discussion of politics is off limits

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MissSCD)

Post #: 3

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/11/2008 9:21:43 PM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

It is difficult to believe, but yes the service is interupted. I don't care how he thinks politically, as long as I have the right to believe the way I do. He always wants to change my opinion. That is where the problem comes in. It is hard not to discuss politics the way gas went up. That is what usually triggers the conversation.

Thanks,

Regards, MissSCD

quote:

ORIGINAL: Thadius

Evening,

Well since I have a brainwashed slave (tongue in cheek description of the stereotype), we discuss politics, and occasionally she has a different position than mine. I just remember that there are far more important reasons that I have her. I don't let politics blind me to the other important issues, or to get in the way of our communication.

I guess it comes down to weighing which is more important to you, your stance on a particular plank in a political platform, or the service you receive from the sub/slave that happens to have a different political outlook. Does the difference in political positions affect the service given or received?

The kinder gentler Gorean,
Thadius

(in reply to Thadius)

Post #: 4

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/11/2008 9:28:24 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Then you're not going to be able to avoid this problem.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

I don't care how he thinks politically, as long as I have the right to believe the way I do. He always wants to change my opinion.

(in reply to MissSCD)

Post #: 5

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/11/2008 9:30:34 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

There are three things that can be done.
1) Break up.
2) Insist they follow your political views.
3) Allow them their own PRIVATE thoughts...and order them to keep them private.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MissSCD)

Post #: 6

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/11/2008 10:30:26 PM

leakylee

Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline

when i was dating the dom couple i was with, He and i had greatly different political views, but he actually enjoyed the debate. he somewhat encouraged me to stay more up to date on the issues. this allowed us to have a more intelligent discussion. it never detoriated to full blown arguement. it was more of presenting each other with the benefits of each parties pros and cons. it actually was quite worth while to us both. but we both enjoyed it, and i was more than happy to accomadate him there.

if that is something you both enjoy, then maybe you can discuss it in a healthy manner. educating one another at the same time.

just a thought
lee

_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to MissSCD)

Post #: 7

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/11/2008 10:40:32 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Fox and I donot always agree politcally. Neither do Angel and I. We have some points we do and some we do not. We dicuss things however the one time Angel tried to convince me his ideas were right and mine were not I laid down the rules fast.
We can discuss anything we wish as long as it is a sharing of ideas with the knowledge that neither is right or wrong, persay, but to each our oww. If either person crosses that and attempts to convince the other that there point is more valid or they are right and the other is wrong... the conversation is over and will not be brought back up until the rules can be observed again. We cannot have a god discussion when either of us worry out ideas will be attacked and negated in a personal attack. They are both encouraged to have their own opinions, but they are also assumed to understand I have my own as well. Your boy doesnt seem to understand that, so I think a little sit down on the rules of engagement are in order.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 8

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/11/2008 10:50:07 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

We try to not discuss politics because we know it will lead to a fight. It's harder to not discuss current events this year than most because of the Presidential election. However, in 4 short months the elections will be over.

(in reply to MissSCD)

Post #: 9

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/12/2008 2:08:17 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

It is difficult to believe, but yes the service is interupted. I don't care how he thinks politically, as long as I have the right to believe the way I do. He always wants to change my opinion. That is where the problem comes in. It is hard not to discuss politics the way gas went up. That is what usually triggers the conversation.

Hate to break the news to you, but the price of gas has little to do with political parties.   Gas has historically increased when either a Democrate or Republician has been in office.   Also gas has not drastically increased just because a certain party was in office.   Here's a hint, look at the person in political office without regards to their party. Please know and understand certain things about people have nothing to do with thier party. Dumb Asses can join any political party they like, for the rest of us to vote upon them.

I think every single person for the next election, should stop worrying about Political Party Bullshit, and look very carefully at the candidates as PEOPLE, on a personal level, and the issues.   Basically don't vote one way because of buying into some agenda bullshit.

The truth of the matter is this, the political far right and far lefts are one in the same, they want to control your life and think they know what's best for you.

(in reply to MissSCD)

Post #: 10

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/12/2008 3:19:16 AM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

TheEngineer not only discusses politics, he's a local candidate. so no matter how i feel about it, its going to be discussed. however, i'm the submissive one and therefore dont give my opinion at all...

actually he knows i believe differently than he does a great deal of the time, and we just dont argue about it. he respects that i have an opinion different than his and asks what i think. he doesnt try to change my mind.

kitten

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 11

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/12/2008 5:00:13 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

It is difficult to believe, but yes the service is interupted. I don't care how he thinks politically, as long as I have the right to believe the way I do.

I would tell him that you make it a point to respect his beliefs and political views and if he is incapable of showing you the same then there is a far deeper problem then just differing political views. Have a serious sit down and tell him there is NO other option, that he is either going to listen to you and discuss this deeper issue or be done with it. Maybe this is his last string to control and that's why he fights so desparately for it? I find it hard to believe that someone is so ate up with their political beliefs that they risk an otherwise wonderful relationship over it... there has to be something more to it. Service is interrupted? Submission is out the window over it? Make sure he sees his behaviour pattern and understands how it's affecting both of you.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to MissSCD)

Post #: 12

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/12/2008 5:41:38 AM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

These answers are excellent.

peppermint: I cannot wait until four months are over.
I also loved the comment about how the left and right are the same. They want the best for you as long as we keep them up.
I added my two cents ont the end of it.
He is a great slave. We were raised in two totally different backgrounds. I was raised Southern Middle class with a deep Southern Baptist background. He is Northern/Italian with a Catholic background.
We have a lot ot the same values, but the difference is who we are going to vote for. I don't care who he votes for, but he doesn't seem to be able to turn it off once we get into this.
He is coming today, and we will have a pleasant conversation outside on the patio.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 13

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/12/2008 5:46:51 AM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

I'm the type of person who can "argue" on literally any topic with relatively little emotional investment from myself. I'll happily switch argument sides on the political fence to play devil's advocate. Some people can't do this because of deep emotional involvement in their causes, or because they have a stubborn/competitive streak that makes them feel that every time someone is happily debating a subject with them, they're smashing down their ideas.

It's time for you to decide whether or not you can live with your sub's political frenzy. If it's really upsetting you, tell him you're no longer interested in discussing politics at all. If either of you accidentally brings it up (this includes you), the other merely reminds them that you're not supposed to be discussing politics at all. If either of you is so mired in their political ideas that you simply can't compromise to not talk about things, then it may be time to end the relationship. He seems to not understand how much of an ass he's being...most everyone I've met (except for hardcore hippies, and let's be honest...they're typically pushovers) can understand and accept that people have different political views and they probably shouldn't bring up gun control and abortion at the breakfast table.

_____________________________

"That's the plan. Rule the world. You and me. Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 14

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/12/2008 5:53:41 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

One way to avoid this deep conflicts is to not have partners that different from us....

That does not mean you won't have discussions or even different views but at least your views start from a similar foundation.

No matter what you'd like to believe, all politics is personal because it affects you the person.

Doing a SM scene from time to time with someone who is radically different from me political might be fun but I sure as heck wouldn't want to live with him or have an ongoing romantic relationship with her.

Ultimately you can try to say "Politics is a hard limit" but I'm not sure how long that will last if one or both of you feels strongly about anything. At that point you are demanding that the other person change dramatically for you -- how realistic is that?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MissSCD)

Post #: 15

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/12/2008 6:10:23 AM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

Good Answer TheTammyJo:

It is personal for me because I don't believe anything that went on in the South during the 60s.   I hate it.
I am beaming right now because my grandfather and father would hate my party at the moment.
Part of the problem is that he speaks loud, and I am hearing imared.   I think that is what causes me to go on the defence.
I will not change his view of religion and polics. Everyone has their right to their opinions; however, he is pushing me away.
I need to let him know because he cannot seem to figure that one out for himself.
I went though an awful marriage with verbal and physical abuse. I am terrified to get involved with someone again.   There is a lot of soul searching I still have to do for myself.

Thanks.

SCD

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 16

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/12/2008 6:11:50 AM

Maxwell67

Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

Ahh, how fortunate I feel to have one that thinks the way I do on this issue. But then, if she did not, then unless she placed discussion of politics as a hard limit (which would take a lot of explainng) I would just make her debate it with me endlessly or listen to me pontificate while wearing a gag, if needed. I am very politically aware, and it is important to me that she is also. I would not go so far as to tell her how to vote (I like the more involved feeling that comes with actually going to the polls rather than using a mail-in ballot, so there would be no way to enforce it and issuing a command one can't enforce strikes me as just silly) but aside from that, I would insist she debate policy with me until she saw the error of her ways, which she would. I am very persuasive even without a crop in my hand.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 17

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/12/2008 6:25:38 AM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

Update:

I just talked with my slave on the cell phone and explained to him in a very pleasant way that he was pushing me away with these continued discussions.
It is ok to be different from each other.
It is not ok to make someone unhappy, and I finally told him he was turning me off.
We agreed to disagree on this subject. I know that is probably not going to work, but since I told him that he was turning me off, if should come to a peaceful solution.
Thanks for your help and insight. I do not know everything! Shock!

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to Maxwell67)

Post #: 18

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/12/2008 6:32:47 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

I tell hir point-blank not to send me the crap, and if xhe continues, I take away hir computer/mail permissions for a few days, until xhe understands that I am not interested in hir politics/religion/whatever else has hir so riled up. There are very few things that I won't discuss, but if I've reached an impasse with my servant (or anyone) over something where we're clearly never going to see eye-to-eye, I just declare it "agree to disagree day", and from that point on, we don't discuss it unless I bring it up as a topic of conversation. My companion has the same rule, and even though we're both FemDoms, and neither of us is submissive to the other, we both respect this rule between ourselves. It's saved us countless hours of disagreement (as well as providing many hours of mutual entertainment when we -do- decide to pull out one of these topics and hash it out again between us.

)
.
Calla Firestorm

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 7/12/2008 6:34:49 AM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to MissSCD)

Post #: 19

RE: Solving Issues with your sub/slave! - 7/12/2008 6:47:37 AM

pinkwind

Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

Doesn't it take two to argue? One to initiate and another to add fuel?

If someone starts an argument i do not want to have i just don't add the fuel, that generally stops it.

Silence is the best way i know of not adding fuel.

(in reply to MissSCD)

Post #: 20

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