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Probably a stupid question.... - 7/3/2008 4:33:00 PM   
GentlemanBobIII


Posts: 63
Joined: 6/19/2008
From: Robinson Twp (Pittsburgh Area) PA
Status: offline 		which everyone else already knows the answer to, but I claim Newbie Ignorance as my  defense. LOL Ok What is the difference between "Sensual" domination and regular domination in the context of how they are used here? Isn't all domination by a woman sensual in nature, or am  I missing something? -Bob

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"We are put here on Earth to do good to others; What the others are here for, I don't know"-WH Auden
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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/3/2008 4:37:13 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's definitely incorrect to say that all domination by any group is sensual except "sensual domination."  Usually it means that the person is more into pleasure, touching, service, than they are into pain and marking.

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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/3/2008 5:48:02 PM   
GentlemanBobIII


Posts: 63
Joined: 6/19/2008
From: Robinson Twp (Pittsburgh Area) PA
Status: offline 		Thank you for your response. I meant that on some level it's sensual to the slave because he desires and enjoys the abuse and the domme enjoys giving it, or else what would be the point of engaging in it at all? Again maybe I'm missing something. I seem to do that a lot in when it comes to BDSM topics and understanding it all.  -Bob

< Message edited by GentlemanBobIII -- 7/3/2008 5:49:25 PM >

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"We are put here on Earth to do good to others; What the others are here for, I don't know"-WH Auden

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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/3/2008 6:09:40 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I love pain but I don't see the pain that is inflicted by my Dominant as "abuse". Actually, I would not be in a relationship where "abuse" was part of the dynamic.

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/3/2008 6:47:09 PM   
fluffyswitch


Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline 		i've been with a couple of sensual doms and am friendly with a few as well-- their stance is that they like to pleasure their subs as well as inflict pain. my current dom likes to reward me for being good during a session so i get petted and what not. i imagine though like most things it varies from person to person.

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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/3/2008 7:11:50 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		In the OP's defense, I doubt he understands the distinction you are making.  I am relatively certain he simply meant, the pain play or what have you of BDSM. 

For the OP's clarification, folks tend to take offense to the use of the word "abuse" in terms of BDSM play.  Part of this is because this consentual play is regarded as such by many law enforcement sectors.  As a matter of fact, if "abuse" is suspected arrests and convictions can often be made without the "victim" pressing charges or being willing to testify.  More importantly, there is a conscious effort by respected members of this community to not commit abuse.  This is the hurt vs harm axiom.  Though we may hurt or be hurt, nothing should be done that results in intentional and possibly irreversible harm to either party (yes Dom/mes can be harmed in play as well).  The lines get blurry on some areas such as marking and other issues, but the intent remains.  There are numerous articles defining the difference between abuse and BDSM, some you will find yourself in agreement and others not and your response is valid for you. 

I hope this clarifies before any further misunderstanding can occur.  I wish the OP well on this new and exciting journey.

Well wishes,
lovingpet

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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/3/2008 8:10:22 PM   
GentlemanBobIII


Posts: 63
Joined: 6/19/2008
From: Robinson Twp (Pittsburgh Area) PA
Status: offline 		My apologies to all. Some days I can't do Anything right. Here I go offending people by my word usage. I finally figured out why people were calling me OP instead of by my name OP is short for Original Poster, right? Anyway, yes I am sorry if I offended anyone. To me, no offense to those who play rough, but welts and bruises and open cuts(markings of a semi-permanent nature) I would consider abuse. I do realize that for some this is part of the play though. I was reading in another forum how the domme treats the wounds commonly recieved in thecourse of play. I guess I am just not ready for that level of BDSM. By the same token I realize not all aspects of bdsm leaves these marks. In any case, thank you for making me aware I will try to be more sensitive to those who are into rougher play in future posts and not use trigger words like abuse. I am sorry. -Bob

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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/3/2008 8:21:54 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I hope you did not feel blasted by my post.  I just wanted to clarify some things that are important in the community.  We were all new once, and I am fairly new myself.  Welcome and all the best

lovingpet

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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/3/2008 8:24:17 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		No need for apologies, no offense was taken. It is a hot button word though so it is best to have an understanding of the differences between abuse and WIITWD (what it is that we do).

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/3/2008 9:11:55 PM   
Shadow-tiger


Posts: 1775
Joined: 6/8/2008
From: California
Status: offline 		Huh, there's a name for playing softie? Learn something new every day. I seriously thought I was just a weirdo and a light weight all these years. 

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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/3/2008 9:14:34 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GentlemanBobIII
Which everyone else already knows the answer to, but I claim Newbie Ignorance as my  defense. LOL Ok What is the difference between "Sensual" domination and regular domination in the context of how they are used here? Isn't all domination by a woman sensual in nature, or am  I missing something? -Bob


I would say there's no such thing as "regular" domination.  Sensual domination is, to my mind, somewhat opposite of sadistic domination.  Sadistic domination mostly involves a lot of pain.  Sensual domination mostly involves other physical sensations.

(in reply to GentlemanBobIII)
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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/4/2008 7:13:24 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		The above is exactly why I term Myself as a sensual sadist.  Thank you for the interesting read.

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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/4/2008 7:17:11 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

which everyone else already knows the answer to, but I claim Newbie Ignorance as my defense. LOL Ok What is the difference between "Sensual" domination and regular domination in the context of how they are used here?

Bob, I've been in the scene over 10 years now and I'm not even I don't know the differance.

quote:

Isn't all domination by a woman sensual in nature, or am I missing something?

I've bottomed to both genders and I regret to inform you, if you think female Tops are all sensual in nature, you are in for a very bumpy ride.

PL




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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/4/2008 7:32:21 AM   
Maxwell67


Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		There is very definately such a thing as sensual sadism in domination.  The submissives I have played with have all enjoyed the mixing of tender touching, kisses and caresses, even the use of araomatherapy alongside the sting of the crop or the thump of the paddle.  What is more after a few good whacks, they are both more and less sensitive, if I softly blow my breath across a raising welt, I am rewarded with the most delightful moans of pleasure. 

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/4/2008 8:37:15 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Sensual Dominants take a gal to candlelit dinner first, talks firmly yet gently, being a gentleman as he holds her hand...

...then takes her home and whips (or not) her to his content.

A Sadistic Dominant..makes her make dinner at home, drips the candlewax on her as her hands are cuffed or bound.

then he whips her to his content.

lol

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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/4/2008 8:50:16 AM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		<fast reply>

Fwiw, your question didn't seem at all stupid to me. But then, I'm a newbie too.

Good luck with your journey into WIITWD!

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No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/4/2008 1:28:42 PM   
metalmiss


Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline 		In my opinion "sensual play" involves touching, teasing, a bloody good mind fuck.. That kind of thing.

As for pain play, you call it abuse, i call it fun.. Each to their own innit


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"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/4/2008 1:36:17 PM   
fungasm


Posts: 321
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GentlemanBobIII

which everyone else already knows the answer to, but I claim Newbie Ignorance as my  defense. LOL Ok What is the difference between "Sensual" domination and regular domination in the context of how they are used here? Isn't all domination by a woman sensual in nature, or am  I missing something? -Bob


Sensual Domination- particularly in the context of those who get paid by the hour- is one of those code words that lets you know that you are allowed to have a sexual reaction during the domination, and there is, quite possibly, a "happy ending" (ie an orgasm) for you somewhere in the session.

"Regular" Domination is often used to denote those mistresses who do not permit any sexual overtones to their sessions.  Which I feel is very much like having a birthday cake with no icing, no candles, no balloons and no goofy people who love you singing "happy birthday".  Sure it is symbolic of something- but what's the point?

Alison

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"Science is a lot like sex. Sometimes something useful comes of it, but that's not the reason we're doing it." (Richard Feynman)

Blog: http://antidomme.sensualwriter.com

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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/4/2008 1:44:05 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		It is a common misconception that BDSM is all about D and S and M.  It's not.  i've met a plethora of Dominants whose play involved no pain whatsoever.  i've met Dominants who are strictly into bondage and require nothing more than a willing model.  i've met Dominants who seek strictly domestic and personal service such as haircuts, shoe shining, ironing, bathing, manicure, pedicure, etc.  i've met Dominants for whom a mind-fuck is the most exciting of all activities.  A sensual Dominant, in my experience is one who seeks a variety of physical and mental stimulation that isn't all about how much pain they can deliver.  Not all Dominants are Sadists, not all submissives or slaves are masochists.  Not all play is about pain.  However, it is NEVER about abuse, in the soul-sucking, emotionally damaging sense of the word.

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No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

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RE: Probably a stupid question.... - 7/4/2008 2:02:54 PM   
Maxwell67


Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

It is a common misconception that BDSM is all about D and S and M.  It's not.  i've met a plethora of Dominants whose play involved no pain whatsoever.  i've met Dominants who are strictly into bondage and require nothing more than a willing model.  i've met Dominants who seek strictly domestic and personal service such as haircuts, shoe shining, ironing, bathing, manicure, pedicure, etc.  i've met Dominants for whom a mind-fuck is the most exciting of all activities.  A sensual Dominant, in my experience is one who seeks a variety of physical and mental stimulation that isn't all about how much pain they can deliver.  Not all Dominants are Sadists, not all submissives or slaves are masochists.  Not all play is about pain.  However, it is NEVER about abuse, in the soul-sucking, emotionally damaging sense of the word.


I agree completely with this and just want to add that even those of us that do mix pain into our pleasure do net neccesarily have to (or even want to) have that as a component in every session, or even every relationship for that matter.  I think there are a lot of dominants out there, male and female, who simply want to dominate thier partners by whatever means those partners feel safe letting them do as long as the experience is pleasureable to all involved.  I have had wonderful evenings with partners, even masochists, in which there was no pain inflicted at all.  Variety is the spice of life, otherwise your playtime loses it's intensity.

(in reply to eyesopened)
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