Let Me start with this.... good-bye

Let Me start with this.... good-bye (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 4:26:57 AM)
Today marked a year long journey for Me. It was graduation day for My boy and time for him to leave here. I watched him walk away with his wife, on to the rest of his lifetime. For those who have come to know Me, and the story of this D/s dynamic, you know that this event was bittersweet. My sub was anxious for this, and yet dreaded it all at once. It was time for us to say good-bye. To give each other closure to this wonderful chapter in our lives, so that other doors might open. I have to admit, this is the happiest pain I have ever known. To wax poetic, My heart sings in agony. That I have had so much of this! This is, after all, a discussion board, so I had better pick a topic. What is the experience that impacted your life? What do you feel, in your soul, that you couldn't have lived without? Who is that one person, who completed you?

crouchingtigress -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 4:38:02 AM)
that is 3 giant questions: there is nothing i could not have lived with out, to be honest, my brain does not think that way, but i have been where you are, and watched a sub leave in a perfectly healthy way, and it is beautiful and hurts like hell at the same time... one person never completed me, even though at the time i may have thought that was the case, i completed me, and i it was a lot of hard work, some easy work and time...i am still a work in progress, but i realize i have been complete this whole time, i just got a little confused at times. but my favorite question is the one about what life experience impacted your life....if i had to pick one i would say samurai training. i wish you well with the adjustments you are making in your heart and mind as you process this loss, one thing that always helps when i get sad, angry, lonely hurt or fearful, is saying the words "this to shall pass" you are an amazing woman and i am sure that this experience will only make you more so.

persephonee -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 4:51:54 AM)
My son is the "one" for me. i still look at him when he's asleep and wonder how something so perfect ever came to be. Of course, i have to wait until he is asleep because during waking hours, my thoughts run along the opposite lines....lol. And i suppose if im not allowed to play the Mommy Card, then the closest to the "one" for me was the girl who helped me make him....sigh.

lapgirl -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 4:57:54 AM)
There is not any one thing that i could not have lived without, i have enjoyed all the various life experiences that have come my way. i continue to learn on a daily basis which feeds me and keeps me productive. There is not one person on this earth who i can say really completes me. There are special people, one in particular, who have helped me to a better understanding of myself. i feel i am the only one who can really complete me, others may share in some aspects... but not a single one shares in all. The experience which has impacted me the greatest on a very personal level is the recent devastating diagnosis of advanced lung cancer in my Mom. Our relationship has been very strained for about 10 years, long story. We just have not been close at all, very tense. In our younger years we were very close and did lots together. We shared a love of horses, softball and girl scouts together and she was with me and involved for all those things. Anyway, the realization that i have about 6 months left with my Mother is crushing. i can not get that time back and have missed out on some real fun with her. i am trying very hard to get over the fact that she is dying, and adopt the "cup is half full" mentality in this. We have resolved out issues, cried over what was lost and are focused on fighting together a battle that we know she can not win... but focus on keeping her comfortable and looking forward. We still have time and will make the most of it. Accept people for who they are, don't judge or hold grudges... life really is too short.

DominantJenny -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 4:58:16 AM)
FR I can relate. I had an LDR with a woman that I loved very much that ended because, in fact, she loved me too much...she was feeling a growing desire to leave her primary to come be with me full-time. She had the self-discipline to call herself on it. It was second only to my relationship with my spouse as the most intense, meaningful, and formative of my life. I was sad, but proud of her and of us.

persephonee -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 5:07:04 AM)
Yeah, every once in a while the stars align and a relationship sticks for a while. i really wish things could have worked out differently, but there were so many things that knowing this girl brought to my life that i am now (5 years later) able to appreciate without the requisite heartbreak. We had a good run at it...7 years is nothing to sneeze at, but i was aiming for 57, if ya know what i mean.

MaamJay -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 5:08:37 AM)
Can't think of answers to the questions right now but just sending very warmest hugs to LadyPact. I sense that if clip was asked the same questions ... he might just answer "Her". Maam Jay aka violet[A]

chamberqueen -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 5:20:47 AM)
I am very fortunate; I am still in a relationship with the person that has most completed me, and things just keep getting better. When I was younger it was my daughter that made me feel complete. She has left the nest, is happily married, and is a wonderful person. We are still close and can talk about anything. My giving someone up story was when I decided to leave my marriage (due to extreme abuse and fear that he would kill me). I waited until my five stepchildren and daughter were grown and gone, but I knew that leaving meant that I was giving up my stepchildren and their growing families. I had become very close to my in-laws. be safe from my ex I moved to Europe, and it was like losing an entire family. At least I knew that I had been a positive influence on my children, and that they were all leading fulfilling lives. I knew that their lives were happier because of my touch, and that helped when they made the choice that I knew their father would force on them - him or me. Thankfully he was not my daughter's biological father, and so she and I were able to stay close even the three years I was gone.

chiaThePet -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 7:45:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact What is the experience that impacted your life? What do you feel, in your soul, that you couldn't have lived without? Who is that one person, who completed you? A toss up between discovering chocolate or my penis. My slinky. Captain Kangaroo. And if I weren't caught up in a tornado of spastic silliness. Realizing people do actually lie without guilt. My love for creativity. My son, ever more, everyday. chia* (the pet)

SteelofUtah -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 8:42:50 AM)
What is the experience that impacted your life? The Birth of my Son. I had always wanted to be a Father and when he was born and he was handed to me I cried like I had never cried before. In my opinion of all the things that we may do on this planet from the History we leave behind I think the only one worth a damn is the children we raise and leave to live our legacy. What do you feel, in your soul, that you couldn't have lived without? Without Hesitation again I say my son and holding him while only seconds old and knowing that he was literally a part of me as I was of him. Who is that one person, who completed you? A theme occurs. My Son. Steel

persephonee -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 8:46:02 AM)
Now stop it for gawd's sake....i have run out of tp and there is not a kleenex in the house.....if i have to break out the Bounty...

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 8:55:26 AM)
The experience that impacted my life? AS odd as it is, Id have to say my marriage and subsequent divorce. It taught me more about myself, and about other people, than anything else in the world could have. If it werent for that eye opener, I might still be muddling through a mainly vanila lifestyle, trying to convince myself that the kink I had was something I should have outgrown in college and that it was time to settle down and be "normal". I feel I couldnt have lived without meeting all my friends, even if some of them were only parts of my life for a short time. I learned more from some of them than I ever could have on my own, and I wouldnt have given up a day of any of it, no matter what. The person that completed me? Shawn (Fox). Hands down. I am not writing this becasue he is going to read it, or to score myself points. I thought I was complete with Angel, I was happy even though things were getting rocky. But there was something missing. I met Fox later and there was something there that after my exhusband I had given up on. I am worshiped, in more than just the BDSM way. I am loved with a passion I didnt think still existed, and I love him the say way with parts of myself I didnt think could even feel anymore after all I had been through. I love Angel with everything I am, no doubt. He is and always will be my baby and the light of my life. But Fox is something I had given up on finding. Fox is my true love. DV --dammit edited for spelling since teary eyes make things blur--

Prinsexx -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 9:23:20 AM)
Dearest LadtPact Thankyou so much for having the courage to share this emotional moment with us. So many get hounded out of the forums for making personal revelations. I often make valiant attempts to empathise with my/a dominant. As an alphs female slave I do understand how to dominate a woman. But it is always a temporary authoriy and one which takes place at the command of one whom I give authority over me to command. I marvel absolutely at the responsibility of a dom(me) and also at the need for self-mastery in a so-called Master. Whilst I bellieve we all owe it to ourselves to master our own orientation so much is contained, so much is created, driven and defined by the dominant partner. And indeed so many other aspects of a submissive's life outside of the scene itself. I cannot say that I believe relationsjips ever end: they just change form. OK so people 'leve' )walk out the door_ or die (pass on_ but our memories and what they leace us always remain be it happy pictures or scars. As for walking out the door: when my first born left to travle the world he stood at my front door with a back-pask on his back and asked me not to wlak with him the short distance to the station. That was a defining moment. It was pure ambivalence: yes it was sad and tinged with fear for his safety but it was also a proud moment because I knew I had done a fine fine job as his defining adult and mother. The other two will no doubt do similar but there is always a first. a part of my heart went with him. (He started to pop up on my yahoo at midnight here in the UK saying; gooday mom, it's midday here in New Zealand want to see a pic of me and eddie sky diving!!!) See all was well in the world. As for bdsm relationships? Each and every time i physically separate from a D type I feel edgeless and less than whole and then have to close down in some way and get my edges back. D/s and or s/m is very intense in my experience and there is absolutely no experience akin to it in any other area of life. for me both parenting and submission are of an equal spiritual footing though.......I will find the words one day to explain why that is so. Thank you for helping me to think tis through and in part relive it.

DaddyDomsgirl -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 9:35:04 AM)
i would have to say for me....the biggest thing that changed my life was the birth of my daugther 3 months ago.....she has made me a better person.....and second to that is finding my Daddy....i never thought i would find Him....i didn't think He was out there...but i have found Him...and 2 months later i couldn't be happier...i thank god everyday for my Daddy and my daugther...without either i dunno where i'd be right now

softpjOS -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 2:16:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact This is, after all, a discussion board, so I had better pick a topic. What is the experience that impacted your life? What do you feel, in your soul, that you couldn't have lived without? Who is that one person, who completed you? First and most important, congratulations to both You and clip for the wonderful memories you both will have forever. May the steps forward you are taking be filled with as much happiness as the ones you shared. I would have to say, the moment that most impacted my life was the death of my father. Being an only child, I was horribly spoiled by him and his death gave me a huge reality check that life wasn't as fair nor as easy as I'd always known it to be. By him handing me everything I asked for, I was ill prepared to take on life without him. As such, when I had children of my own, they found mom to be a huge "meanie". lol. I made sure they understood that nothing in life is free, you work for/earn everything. What couldn't I live without? Truthfully, outside of food and air, there's nothing I must have to survive. To be happy, I need my kids (most days), my husband, my Mistress, Her children, my pets...pretty much I would want life just as it is today (along with a winning lottery ticket lol) There isn't One person that completes me. Everyone in my life has played a part of making me who I am today. Right down to my exhusband. If I had to name anyone, it would be myself and my willingness to be honest with those I love. My honesty and their understanding and acceptance of me as I am... that is what comes closest to completing me.

darchChylde -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 2:28:09 PM)
First off LP, don't you ever title a thread like this again; scared the shit out of me. hugs Sorry, i'll try to be more available to chat with you than i have been recently. Now to your questions: What is the experience that impacted your life? Ok, this is a three-parter; and i hate to be a downer. But i would have to say that would be my marriage at such a young age, the birth of my daughter and the loss of both my wife and daughter in an accident. What do you feel, in your soul, that you couldn't have lived without? Honestly, i believe that humans can live through almost anything; i pretty much have lived to tell that tale. Now, as for quality of life, and actually living (as in being part of the world outside myself and my own experiences) is a totally different story. For that answer i would have to go with the incredible string of random (i don't believe in fate, destiny or divine guidance; so let me go with the word "random" without derailing this thread. Yes LP, this is directed at you winks) occurances that led me to the social that i met Ma'am and eventually brought us together. THANKS Reverend Melody!!! Who is that one person, who completed you? That would have to be Ma'am. She has been responsible for guiding my emotional growth and teaching me how to open up and allow myself to feel emotion again, both good and bad. She has taught me (even if i'm still a dense pupil on this score) that i really don't have to go through these things on my own; giving me structure to grow, enough freedom to still screw things up (and hopefully learn from my mistakes) and somewhere safe to run home to when i give up on running away. i came into our relationship as damaged goods in many, many ways; and even knowing this She has taken on more responsibility, drama and pain than most women would or should. Even so, She did not take me on as a fixer-upper project but loved me as i was and loved me as the man that, with Her, i would grow to be. She did not give me an image of the man She wanted me to become, but instead allowed me to set my own goals and struggled with me through them. She has shown me love and given me a family, given me a purpose and a future when i was still living in the past; Ma'am has been me a master more powerful and more attractive that the fears and insecurities that have controlled me for so very long. i don't know about the term "complete me" as i hope to always be a work in progress, but i would not be half the man i am today had i not had such a strong, loving and understanding woman in my life.

slavegirljoy -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 7:37:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Ok, first, just as others have said, please, please, please, don't title any more threads with "good-bye" in it. It led me to believe you were saying good-bye to these boards and that would have been very sad. Big sigh of relief that you are not saying good-bye to us. But, also a heavy heart for what you are going through in having to say good-bye to someone who has meant so much to you. But, once again, your class and style and strength shine through. quote: What is the experience that impacted your life? Without a doubt, while many experiences have had profound effects on me, joining the Army when i was 18 had the greatest impact on how my life has turned-out and on becoming the person i am today. While there was a pretty good foundation present, from my education and upbringing, etc. and, i had plenty of energy and potential, i lacked direction in my life and i didn't have much discipline, either. The Army gave me the skills i needed to allow me to put my potential to good use and to be able to accomplish tasks and realize goals. quote: What do you feel, in your soul, that you couldn't have lived without? Without question, it is the lifelong personal relationship i have had with Jesus. He has stayed by my side during the darkest times of my life and kept me safe, sane and comforted, (ssc), when i was in dangerous situations, questioning my sanity and feeling hurt, sad and very alone in this world. He has been my rock since i was a little girl and remains ever vigilant over me. Yes, i believe that i would have been dead many years ago, if not for His love, protection and, guidance. quote: Who is that one person, who completed you? No contest. Hands-down, it is my Master. He has filled a hole in me that has never been filled before by anyone (and, no, i am not talking about any of those holes, although He has filled them very nicely, as well). No matter how much love i have felt from and for others in my life, no one person has ever come close to giving me the feeling of completeness and contentment that my Master has. With Him, i literally want for nothing. Thank You, LadyPact, for asking these very thought-provoking questions and for not saying good-bye to these forums.[:)] joy Owned servant of Master David

candystripper -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 7:47:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Today marked a year long journey for Me. It was graduation day for My boy and time for him to leave here. I watched him walk away with his wife, on to the rest of his lifetime. For those who have come to know Me, and the story of this D/s dynamic, you know that this event was bittersweet. My sub was anxious for this, and yet dreaded it all at once. It was time for us to say good-bye. To give each other closure to this wonderful chapter in our lives, so that other doors might open. I have to admit, this is the happiest pain I have ever known. To wax poetic, My heart sings in agony. That I have had so much of this! This is, after all, a discussion board, so I had better pick a topic. What is the experience that impacted your life? What do you feel, in your soul, that you couldn't have lived without? Who is that one person, who completed you? Thank You for sharing this LadyPact. I hope You heal and come to treasure the joy, while letting go of the sorrow, as soon as possible. candystripper

MaamJay -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/27/2008 11:28:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darchChylde First off LP, don't you ever title a thread like this again; scared the shit out of me. hugs Sorry, i'll try to be more available to chat with you than i have been recently. Ohh I thought it was only Me who originally read it that way! Now to your questions: What is the experience that impacted your life? Ok, this is a three-parter; and i hate to be a downer. But i would have to say that would be my marriage at such a young age, the birth of my daughter and the loss of both my wife and daughter in an accident. *I had no idea there was such tragedy in your life darch ... sincere condolences, for even though it might have been some time ago, as you have said, the impact remains* What do you feel, in your soul, that you couldn't have lived without? Honestly, i believe that humans can live through almost anything; i pretty much have lived to tell that tale. Now, as for quality of life, and actually living (as in being part of the world outside myself and my own experiences) is a totally different story. For that answer i would have to go with the incredible string of random (i don't believe in fate, destiny or divine guidance; so let me go with the word "random" without derailing this thread. Yes LP, this is directed at you winks) occurances that led me to the social that i met Ma'am and eventually brought us together. THANKS Reverend Melody!!! Who is that one person, who completed you? That would have to be Ma'am. She has been responsible for guiding my emotional growth and teaching me how to open up and allow myself to feel emotion again, both good and bad. She has taught me (even if i'm still a dense pupil on this score) that i really don't have to go through these things on my own; giving me structure to grow, enough freedom to still screw things up (and hopefully learn from my mistakes) and somewhere safe to run home to when i give up on running away. i came into our relationship as damaged goods in many, many ways; and even knowing this She has taken on more responsibility, drama and pain than most women would or should. Even so, She did not take me on as a fixer-upper project but loved me as i was and loved me as the man that, with Her, i would grow to be. She did not give me an image of the man She wanted me to become, but instead allowed me to set my own goals and struggled with me through them. She has shown me love and given me a family, given me a purpose and a future when i was still living in the past; Ma'am has been me a master more powerful and more attractive that the fears and insecurities that have controlled me for so very long. i don't know about the term "complete me" as i hope to always be a work in progress, but i would not be half the man i am today had i not had such a strong, loving and understanding woman in my life. Oh wow, that is awesome. If one day I find a boy and impact his life positively so that he might say only half of that, I would be happy! Thank you so much for sharing this darch ... and I think the fact that you can shows you have come farther than you might realise. *Maam Jay aka violet[A]*

SultryMomma -> RE: Let Me start with this.... good-bye (6/28/2008 4:42:47 AM)
Now, I know I barely post, but I just had to here. Anyone else get goosebumps reading all these?? I know it can't be the a/c's, they are not making it that cold in here. SM (Kris)

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