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RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/25/2008 5:18:06 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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Dominant Jenny,

quote:

I could hang out with a submissive as a friend then switch to treating them as nothing more than a slave to be used then switch back to being a friend.

I could and do hang out with a Dom who is a very good friend and play partner. The dynamic between the two of us is very different though to the relationship i spoke of in my first post. It is a lot gentler and a lot less D/s based. I do not hang out with the person i spoke of in my original post as a friend. We are strictly Dom and slave.

quote:

While friends may have equal status, they don't HAVE to; friendship, as I define it, is about two (or more) people who enjoy each other's company and choose that company over a random stranger's as a rule. A deeper friendship involves a bond, where both people care about the other's welfare and happiness and would be unhappy/disappointed to never encounter that person again.

I personally have never held a friendship where we weren't equal in status. I enjoy Sirs company and definately would choose his over a random strangers but only on a strictly D/s basis. There is a bond between us and we do care about the others welfare and happiness. For the relationship to work and be healthy we have to.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 21

RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/25/2008 5:24:18 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

MasterHermes

quote:

Your reasoning is coming from the idea of friendship represents equality .

Yes all my friendships are built on equality.

quote:

Actually if you have a chance to talk about these things with him, if he knows your past, your feelings, if he asks you questions, likes and dislikes your answers, explains you things, then there is actually a friendship in your D/s relationship. No it doesn't mean you are like vanilla friends. But you still have a friendship and relationship in the form of D/s.

Again i wouldn't call this friendship. I would call this 'need to know'. For the relationship to be healthy there are certain things we need to discuss. He certainly doesnt ask me how my day has been? How my business is going? What i did this weekend?

quote:

In the absence of love and friendship you would experience slavery in a very different way than you already are.

Would i? How so?
I'm a little confused here as i cannot see how you can know how i experience slavery.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to MasterHermes)

Post #: 22

RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/25/2008 5:31:22 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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Floggings4you,

quote:

I consider My submissive My friend, as well as My submissive, My lover, My girlfriend, etc. I absolutely do not consider her to be anything whatsoever like a "piece of filth"--

All good if it works for you.

quote:

--and I simply do not understand that mindset, unless its just for fantasy purposes. I value Myself, and I value My opinions, and I put a great deal of thought into most decisions. Thus, I choose My posessions with care (and, hopefully, taste) and I take care of My stuff such that its able to continue to bring Me pleasure and usefulness for years, even decades, to come.

No it is not fantasy for us it is reality. He has called me by my real name a few times but usually is it POF, bitch, cunt etc etc. And i like it.
Sir chose me with care, he is very picky about who he lets in his life. He also takes very good care of me so i am able to serve him well.

quote:

I would not soil Myself with a "piece of filth"; I can certainly do (much) better than that.

This statement is quite offensive especially considering you have no idea of my worth or level of service to Sir.

quote:

Your Master may enjoy calling you a "piece of filth", but I wonder if He has really considered all of the implications of that label; the ways that such a label for you also reflects on Him?

In what ways does this reflect on him?
What are the implications?

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Floggings4You)

Post #: 23

RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/25/2008 5:36:17 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Softness,

quote:

However it will not ever be kept at the cost of our Ds dynamic.

We had friendship before the D/s dynamic. It was good but not half as good as what we have now without the friendship. I know you will understand where i'm coming from

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 24

RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/25/2008 5:39:49 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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Aquaticsub,

quote:

provide what he wants, an ass to beat and service, as long as he provides what I want.

Bingo and said far better than i could as usual.
We are providing what each other wants from our particular relationship.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 25

RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/25/2008 5:42:23 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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Ty to everyone who has posted so far.
I would just like to add that Sir and i started out with nothing more than a friendship. It is no longer there but i am 100% sure that should we stop seeing each other in a D/s context that friendship would be reinstated.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 26

RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/25/2008 5:45:14 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

I've thought about this before. I consider R to be my closest friend because I can tell him (and do tell him) without censure yet we don't do what I would call 'buddy' stuff. So it is a very different kind of friendship from girlfriend friendship, or people that I've been friends with since my early teens but it is still a friendship.

He more than likely would not say that I am a close friend though. It is because of our particular dynamic. I am muddling through this part because I've never verbalized it btw. I can't be his friend because he needs to retain a certain control over me and I don't think they would work together. He doesn't tell me 'everything', I guess I need him to hold that back because it would interrupt things. The flow.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 27

RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/25/2008 5:49:19 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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I have not been in relationships where there is "no room for" love or friendship...but I was most definitely NOT my owners friend, in any past relationship. Friend implies a certain responsibility and commitment to sharing that my owners did not want to have towards their property.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 28

RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/25/2008 5:53:49 PM

DaddyDomsgirl

Posts: 49
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

i could never start a relationship with anyone if it wasn't as friend first....my Daddy now says W/we are friends 1st and formost before any sub/Master relationship.....it does not mean i am equal to Him.....in no way am i....just means W/we can talk as friends outside of the bedroom or any play...W/we can be O/ourselves with each other and not always have to be in the sub/Master mindset....tho respect is always there toward Him....He is the Dom in the relationship....but He is also one of my best friends....i can go to Him with anything and He won't hold it againist me or judge me over it

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 29

RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/25/2008 5:54:45 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Aquaticsub,

quote:

provide what he wants, an ass to beat and service, as long as he provides what I want.

Bingo and said far better than i could as usual.
We are providing what each other wants from our particular relationship.

The difference between us in that sort of relationship is that I wouldn't be getting my needs met. I'd get the physical side met, but only as a play partner where I'm also calling the shots. I guess in the end I need the emotional bonds to feel owned. I'm glad that you are getting what you need and want.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 6/25/2008 5:55:14 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 30

RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/25/2008 6:17:20 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Do you get love and friendship from someone else? Because I can't imagine having this be your major relationship, that you spend all your free time with him and never get those needs met elsewhere.

As I've said in Stephann's thread, it wouldn't work for me because this is my primary relationship and living with him as I do, this would mean I wouldn't ever have a shoulder to lean on, someone to send me flowers for my birthday, etc. And to be without those things would make me more lonely with him then it would be to be without those needs met while alone.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 31

RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/25/2008 6:26:23 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
For us, M/s defines how the authority is structured in our relationship. He has it all. However, it does not preclude love, affection, confidences, trust and all the other aspects that make up friendship, lovers, partners, etc. He is my Master. He is also my friend, my confidant, my lover, my partner...

For us, they do not contradict each other. For others, they just might be contradictions

Kyra just said it all. This is exactly how it is for Master and I as well. He has ultimate authority over me and the ultimate say in every decision. This doesn't mean we don't have love, affection, trust and everything else wonderful you can name. There is no contradiction in all this for us either..............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 32

RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/25/2008 6:30:04 PM

summersprite

Posts: 101
Joined: 4/3/2008
Status: offline

Each to their own really. If people can have long term D/s and M/s relationships without love,...good on them.

Personally a fulfilling relationship for me would involve a melting pot of .... - love, trust, respect, friendship, and a D/s dynamic with lots of hot hot hot sex (lol). And for the relationship to survive, I'd want to keep a balance of all of these.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 33

RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/25/2008 6:43:58 PM

baddog123

Posts: 32
Joined: 5/15/2004
Status: offline

I guess for me, there is a hope for a connection to be made on some level. It can't be a bad thing to be a responsible person, to care what becomes of a friend. That is where trust is born.
Not that I think being friends necessarily leads automatically to a stronger form of relationship.
I do see the hot side of turning one's self over to a total stranger, not knowing what will happen... but I don't think that would be to good of an idea given the number of bad people in today's world.
: ) The Dawwg

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 34

RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/26/2008 6:51:25 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Dominant Jenny,

quote:

I could hang out with a submissive as a friend then switch to treating them as nothing more than a slave to be used then switch back to being a friend.

I could and do hang out with a Dom who is a very good friend and play partner. The dynamic between the two of us is very different though to the relationship i spoke of in my first post. It is a lot gentler and a lot less D/s based. I do not hang out with the person i spoke of in my original post as a friend. We are strictly Dom and slave.

quote:

While friends may have equal status, they don't HAVE to; friendship, as I define it, is about two (or more) people who enjoy each other's company and choose that company over a random stranger's as a rule. A deeper friendship involves a bond, where both people care about the other's welfare and happiness and would be unhappy/disappointed to never encounter that person again.

I personally have never held a friendship where we weren't equal in status. I enjoy Sirs company and definately would choose his over a random strangers but only on a strictly D/s basis. There is a bond between us and we do care about the others welfare and happiness. For the relationship to work and be healthy we have to.

I think there are a fair number of people out there who would have trouble being brutal and strictly D/s based with someone that they saw also as a friend or loved one. I haven't been in the situation myself (I'm not really looking for that kind of relationship), so I can't say for sure, but, if I wanted it, I think I could probably compartmentalize it. I can see how it would be much easier not to bother, though.

I think many would probably interpret the bond you have as a kind of friendship or love. I suspect a fair bit of the difference here is semantics.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 35

RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/26/2008 8:16:11 AM

MasterHermes

Posts: 136
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

In the absence of love and friendship you would experience slavery in a very different way than you already are.

Would i? How so?
I'm a little confused here as i cannot see how you can know how i experience slavery.

How do I know? Its a lucky guess after hearing you still have a life, friends, a business and enough space to express thoughts and emotions. Of course if you are enslaved by a man who has no love in him and still being able to maintain all these things , I will be witnessing it for the first time.

Be well
Hermes

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 36

RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/26/2008 8:57:35 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Hi Misst,

I don't really think about whether we are "friends," or not. Like you, I think of friendships as relationships that are on equal footing. He is my Master, which to me, far exceeds a friendship. I suppose in the umbrella of his Mastery over me, one could define a friendship that exists, but I just don't think of it in those terms.

He doesn't commiserate with me as a friend; he shuts down my wallowing and instructs me. He doesn't advise me, he orders me. He is someone I turn to for everything, but his perspective is different than that of a friend; it is of an owner.

In turn, I may serve as his companion, but not as his friend or buddy. It's just a different perspective for us. We don't walk side by side. We don't sit together on the couch, or across from each other at the dinner table (unless we're in a restaurant, but if that's the case he has me performing silent, secret tricks for him). I'm his property, his pet girl, his toy, and his servant. I don't think either of us has looked at the other as a friend, though. I've seriously never thought about it before.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 37

RE: Friendship and the D/s dynamic. - 6/26/2008 10:01:33 AM

wwwkevinww

Posts: 276
Joined: 7/15/2004
Status: offline

I remember talking to some girl about a lesbian relationship she had. She really enjoyed the dynamic they shared, and had fond memories of it. The reason it ended was because the other girl went too sadistic on her. I think there is a point of not caring enough for your property that is a slippery slope. Sadism unchecked is unhealthy.

Friendship and a person being able to speak up for themselves if things are not going well is desirable.

I remember tying up a girlfriend, and she got very scared. I probably could of sat around, consoling her, and worked thru the fear, but instead just untied her. My goal wasn't in having her get scared in the first place. If it was a test in trust, she failed.

I'm not interested in worship. Yet, how closely does love come to idolizing the other person?

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 38

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