RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world"

RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (Full Version)

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MissMagnolia -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 1:12:04 AM)
Once upon a time I had a sub who was married. I got the leftovers, when he could come over, why he couldn't stay over, cancelling appointments because one of the um's was off school, etc etc.There was absolutely no sexual contact between myself and this sub. I did realise quite quickly that I was indeed someones dirty little secret and I didnt like it one bit. I have never, ever been with anyone who was "taken" ,for want of a better word, ever again. But, as stated by the other posters, infidelity isn't a BDSM thing. I have had hundreds of straight, vanilla, married men try to get in my pants, as I'm sure every other woman has. And yes, before anyone has a hissy fit, married women play around too.

Lordandmaster -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 1:28:46 AM)
You've been lurking since 2005 and used your very first Collarme post to inform us that infidelity is unethical and immoral? Wow...talk about new and original opinions.

MissEnchanted -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 3:00:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied Some people simply can't divorce, because of religious, family, monetary, or benefits/retirement reasons, along with others. If you don't like the way certain people associate then remove yourself from their sphere. Being unfaithful isn't a bdsm thing, it's a people thing, it happens regardless of lifestyle and in all walks of life. Yep

Quivver -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 5:23:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wolfie648 quote: ORIGINAL: Quivver Son, if you telling me that because I am still legally married I shouldnt be here ... come walk a mile in my shoes. Fail. Fail??? Passing Judgement with no facts is all I can assume.

slaveluci -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 5:37:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie Mixal, do a search on "cheating" and you will see hundreds of pages from people who agree with you, and who are closed off to any possibility that there may be reasons leading up to what is, ultimately, a symptom of a much bigger problem. Thank you for saying it before I could. You said it much more calmly and much more succintly[:)]. As was proven just recently yet again, throw that "cheat" word out there and they line up at the moral podium to declare how awful it is and how they'd never, never, never do it or condone it. He'll find tons of backup by doing a search...........luci

SweetNika -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 5:41:04 AM)
Quivver is that what that was? -laughs- I was left going "huh" when I read it this morning but again I read it 1 am. -laughs- So I was suprised something was making go "huh."

Racquelle -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 5:50:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Strangely,I have never felt compelled to fuck someone who was married. Especially when I can background check for a certificate. I would be interested to hear about any time you actually did run a background check on someone. Incidentally, California allows "confidential marriage", which does not become a matter of public record.

geishagurl -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 6:23:50 AM)
I totally agree with you, Mixal!

AmbrosialWench -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 9:33:18 AM)
Cheating is a problem in all societies. However, from my experience I have felt that a couple of dominant men in the local community were married. And have confirmation finally on one and another admitted to having a girlfriend of a year who did not know of the bdsm lifestyle. In both cases, the community seems to feel that a dominants life's should not to be discussed. What is shared between the Dom and the submissive should be left private. In the case of the married Dom, his submissive "accidentaly" mentioned his marriage status. The other Dom/Dommes quickly quited her. I personally felt they pretty much thought he was married but didn't want confirmation, which irriated me since I had asked about information on this Dom before I was aware he had this submissive. They all said only glowing things. When it came to the Dom with the vanilla girlfriend, they only would say they thought he was an "ass" because of his personality. After I broke it off with him, they added they too had questions, as he typically doesn't have time for his subs. I have found less men who appear to be cheating while dating in the non-bdsm community. I realize this is only one persons examply and therefore cannot generalize as there is not enough data. I only felt inclinded to write this indicate local communities are not always open to the truth or do not wish to share.

Dnomyar -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 9:45:17 AM)
It means he dosent agree. His way of thinking is the only way. That lifestyle people are opened minded is a fallacy. They bring their vanilla baggage with them. They are the real posers and players in here.

JillSpade -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 9:59:29 AM)
Running around behind your spouse's back is unethical? Who knew!

JoePNY707 -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 10:49:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied Some people simply can't divorce, because of religious, family, monetary, or benefits/retirement reasons, along with others. If you don't like the way certain people associate then remove yourself from their sphere. Being unfaithful isn't a bdsm thing, it's a people thing, it happens regardless of lifestyle and in all walks of life. Katy summed it up perfectly. If that is your opinion, it is certainly yours to express--but just remember--an opinion is NOT a fact.

welcomerain -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 7:43:57 PM)
What is more galling to me than the existence of cheating in the scene is the fact that some people actually defend it. Safe BDSM play is premised on knowledge and awareness. It is unthinkable to me that a clandestine relationship is ever going to work out well in the end. Polyamory, sure. If that is your thing then go for it. I can think of situations where polyamory is even essential to make everything work. Good on you if you can handle it. Cheating is totally different. There is nothing inherently wrong with having a spouse in two different cities. There is something wrong with one or both of them not knowing about the other. This is not endemic to the BDSM scene, but some of the arguments used to support it ("it is okay for a dominant to be poly" and "It is okay to have one vanilla and one fetish relationship as long as they don't overlap") are particular to the scene. Much like blood play and smothering, there is a right way and a wrong way to do it, and I hate seeing people pretend to forget about the idea of smart playing because they don't want to be "judgemental". If we are talking about a specific situation, then sure, I can see reserving judgement unless you happen to know all the details. If we're talking about a hypothetical situation, then I have to say that being honest and above-board is always better than the alternative. No amount of "open-mindedness" is going to change that.

xxblushesxx -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 8:00:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar It means he dosent agree. His way of thinking is the only way. That lifestyle people are opened minded is a fallacy. They bring their vanilla baggage with them. They are the real posers and players in here. Raymond, I love you to pieces, and I am open-minded. I am not open-minded enough to think it's ok to run around behind others' backs. Seems a bit undomly like to me. It seems to me that if a person is control of his/her life to the extent that they believe they can have control over others, that they would never need to sneak around. And Rain, great post! Welcome to the forums. (I still loves ya Ray...we just must agree to disagree on this subject...whether poser I be or not...)

Leatherist -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 8:33:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Racquelle quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Strangely,I have never felt compelled to fuck someone who was married. Especially when I can background check for a certificate. I would be interested to hear about any time you actually did run a background check on someone. Incidentally, California allows "confidential marriage", which does not become a matter of public record. It's called "going to her house."

xxblushesxx -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 8:51:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist quote: ORIGINAL: Racquelle quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Strangely,I have never felt compelled to fuck someone who was married. Especially when I can background check for a certificate. I would be interested to hear about any time you actually did run a background check on someone. Incidentally, California allows "confidential marriage", which does not become a matter of public record. It's called "going to her house." widens eyes You Sir, are brilliant! (although there was that one lady on the 'Snapped' program, that actually talked her husband into leaving the house, and clearing out all evidence that he existed everytime her 'brother' came to visit her...he would have been too jealous.)

WyldHrt -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 8:52:25 PM)
quote: If we are talking about a specific situation, then sure, I can see reserving judgement unless you happen to know all the details I appreciated this bit, WR. Speaking in generalities is just that, general. When you start adding details, things change.

Floggings4You -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/23/2008 10:04:15 PM)
Ultimately, the only person One is truly able to control, even some of the time, is One's self. You're never going to stop some P/people from cheating, and/or O/others from doing all manner of 'bad' and/or 'evil' things. Learn to live with that--or don't; nothing changes...

Wolfie648 -> RE: Ranting...fidelity and other nonsense in the BDSM "world" (6/24/2008 12:37:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetNika quote: ORIGINAL: Wolfie648 quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt What Quivver said. Fail. What do you mean fail? I'm not certain.

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