pinksugarsub
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220
RedMagic1 (a poster I respect, and hope doesn't mind the hijacking of his thought!) made a comment in another thread that made me want to ask a question, but didn't want to derail, so ... He said:
[Well, hell. Why didn't anyone tell me this before? I would've just stayed vanilla. That would have saved me a lot of grief -- no self-doubt thinking I was a teenage slime because I liked the idea of hitting girls.]
While I realize that some of this was tongue-in-cheek, it made me wonder how many of those among us had serious issues growing up in understanding themselves. Especially those that knew at an early age that they either liked to hit, or liked to be hit ... both of which is so frowned upon. I suppose it's something like growing up knowing you're gay - your orientation is different from those you are surrounded by.
I ask both for my own curiousity as well as for the fact that I'm raising 3 UM's and I do wonder what is going through their minds as they mature into adults.
My answer to this question is that I didn't know at such a young age that I enjoyed being hit. That's a relatively new self-discovery. But I did know that I really liked the thought of being restrained and taken. The thoughts of my wanting to be taken often ranged into the rough sex realm but I didn't allow it to go further than that because it was disturbing to me. Denial ... sigh.
Thanks for sharing!
Edited for clarity ... hope I succeeded. 
Great Op, NeedingMore.
First my 'backstory': i lost my parents at an early age, and my brother & i lived in a Catholic orphanage until we aged out in the 8th grade. He went to a group home and a Jesuit all-boys' high school; i went into foster care run by Catholic Social Services -- 11 homes and 4 different high schools before i graduated.
i literally knew nothing about sex by the time i graduated high school. i knew it involved being naked, and facing the guy, but beyond that i was clueless. Funny thing is, so were my girlfriends who all lived with their families.
i still remeber that 'I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings' had something sexual on page 274, lol.
i looked up all the swear words i knew in the dictionary.
Its not as if i didn't want to know.
Then i started college and i lost my virginity. i thought -- THIS is what all the fuss is about? Why, that was downright boring!
Eventually, i did have some talented lovers and learned at least the basics of vanilla sex.
Fast forward to 3 years ago -- i accidentially discovered D/s. i knew immediately i was a submissve.
All those years of wishing for a Man who would take charge, be protective, and demand things of me -- i wasn't 'insecure' -- i was a perv! Yippie!
During the last 3 years i have discovered such joy.
i'll never forget the first Dom who wrapped His hand in my hair and pulled it HARD, kissing me deeply. i zoned right out, then and there.
i have a UM as well. i made sure she knew as much about sex as her age permitted (they make nice children's books about it).
Nowadays, she and i rarely speak about sex -- we sorta have this 'pretense' that she's not having any and neither am i. We only talk about it if one of us has a question or problem.
i don't know if my UM has a good sex life -- i suspect she does. That makes me very, very happy.
My own sex life is, of course, riddled with all the issues any uncollared submissive faces, but what little sex i've had with real Doms has s'times been just beyond words.
Thank Gawd for sex!
pinksugarsub
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RE: Growing Up ... - 
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