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RE: Question for massos? - 6/19/2008 10:08:34 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leakylee
where do you think those tendencies arise from? do you prefer to that the infliction come from someone that enjoys inflicting pain, or rather enjoys the pleasure that you recieve from it?

i guess the best example i know of this is the one that will gladly beat you silly,cuz you asked and wanted it, or the one that will tell ya no, just cuz they can. (did that make sense)

For me, it's vital that the top enjoys it. If she's having fun, then I'm having fun, even if she's doing things I hate, such as nipple torture. On the other hand, if she's doing it just for me, even if it's something I love, like CBT, or having my thighs beaten, I just won't have much fun.

I think that's the root problem that I have with bottoming to my submissive. She knows what a pain pig I am and WANTS to please me. But the energy just isn't right because she's doing it for me, not for her.

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 21

RE: Question for massos? - 6/20/2008 3:23:08 AM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

(fast reply)

Greetings,

I'm a masochistic Dominant.

I'm not really sure why I'm a masochist. I remember reading bad romantic novels in my pre-teens and trying what was described in the books - it never worked. In the beginning I thought it was my nipples. I figured there had to be something wrong with them - soft caresses did nothing. Later, I wanted hard, fast, aggressive sex - well, teenage boys don't seem to be very good at that. Something about being taught they'll hurt girls cause they are bigger and thus have to be gentle. That really sucked for me.

Later, while attending university, I was finally able to put a name to what I wanted. Prior to that, I had always thought that there was really something wrong and 'freaky' about me. I'm glad I was mistaken about that.

Maybe it's because I'm a Dominant, not sure, but I really don't care if someone is getting anything out of inflicting pain on me. The pain I'm receiving is the pain I want - it is how I want it and at the pace I like it. The only time it gets to be an issue is if the person I'm playing with gets all freaked out and runs away before I'm done. Yes, this has happened and it was most annoying - lol.

I hope this has given a bit of different perspective to the conversation.

Wickad

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 22

RE: Question for massos? - 6/20/2008 4:51:49 AM

Deliena

Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline

For me it's contextual, because I'm always a massochist, even when I switch from bottom to top (thank you Wickad for not making me feel totally alone on that one!). In the context of my current relationship he loves to cause me pain and will pinch and bite me randomly when watching TV or out at the pub even because he loves my reactions and he loves to do that to me. When in the bedroom he likes to push me harder and harder to the extent that in our last session I ended up a snivelling, mewling, snotty mess. He said the power rush he got from that was amazing and that combined with a long whole body hug where he just enveloped me in him made me glow (and not just from the painful bits of my body!)

Interesting thread to think about where it comes from. I have no idea where it comes from in me, I was fortunate not to have been abused as a child, although I was bullied that was mostly emotional/mental and I have never been a cutter or have deliberately inflicted pain on myself. For me it's only erotic pain that has any value but as other's have mentioned I knew it was what I wanted from my very first erotic encounters and deliberately sought partners who wanted to participate in it. Preferably partners who actively enjoyed it.

(in reply to Wickad)

Post #: 23

RE: Question for massos? - 6/20/2008 4:52:54 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

Such are the lessons I learned in Elementary School... in The Heart of Dixie.

Fascinating read. Thanks for sharing in so much detail. Not to hijack the thread, but I also found that learning to enjoy pain was quite liberating. I don't think I can tolerate it to the degree you describe, but I did become much less fearful of it, and that was empowering.

To the OP, as a bottom I enjoy a medium/high level of pain, and some types I can enjoy at higher levels. I can enjoy it because when it reaches a certain level I begin to process it as pleasure instead of pain. I can't do that with all types of pain, and if I can't do that I don't enjoy it. It just hurts. I don't like to tolerate pain just to please someone else.

On the other side of things I prefer to match my partner in terms of what s/he enjoys with a little extra thrown in.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 24

RE: Question for massos? - 6/21/2008 7:01:21 AM

cheeba0228

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
Status: offline

For myself it is the feeling of power and control. Not because I can inflict pain, but that concept that I have someone that will take what I dish out without question. I like the loyalty, and the commitment that it shows that will allow me to obtain that level of trust where I may do as I wish with them. I dont wish to cause pain, I wish to know that they are loyal to me in any way shape or form.

_____________________________

LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT TO ARRIVE AT THE GRAVE SAFELY IN A WELL PRESERVED
BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS, TOTALLY WORN OUT, SHOUTING "HOLY
SHIT......WHAT A RIDE!

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 25

RE: Question for massos? - 6/21/2008 7:46:33 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

where do you think those tendencies arise from?
I am a sensation junkie. I like feelinga new sensation. I like enjoying a familiar sensation. I like fearing a new sensation. I like fearing a familiar one. I have no idea why I am a sensation junkie, just like I have no idea why I can cook or why I am unable to do math. Its just the way I was made. I was never damaged by anyone, never abused as a child, my father/brother/uncle/postman never raped me. Though if it helps to put me in a nice "Got fucked up when younger now needs pain to feel normal" box ... I was horribly defiled by this American Dude a few weeks ago.

do you prefer to that the infliction come from someone that enjoys inflicting pain, or rather enjoys the pleasure that you recieve from it?
The type of man thats puts my pleasure above his, is 9/10 not going to be a fit for me in other ways. Besides, I have this real thing for beligerant, selfish, egocentric bastards and they tend to enjoy hurting girls and making them cry.

now i know that the sadism and masso isnt exclusive to orientation, but for the submissive masso. do you feel that it relates to your submissive in any way, or is it more of a take for the pleasure's sake?
Now, though I enjoy feeling a little achey and bruised the next day, I am really not that hot for play just for pain. While He fucks around inside my head as well its ok, but just leaving me to feel pain because He wants to hurt me is not hot for me. What is hot for me is being submissive. I suffer the pain because He desires it, only my submission gets me to bend over that bench and get into bondage.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 26

RE: Question for massos? - 6/21/2008 10:35:05 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

To have somebody do something to you, and HELL well you just ain't feeling it.

To Owner4Sexslave

Yep. My mother was an alcoholic who shut me and sis in a bedroom with blackout curtain she had kept from WW II pinned to the windows. She put a chain high up on the bedroon door and there we stayed, sensually deprived, underfed and with a bright bare light bulb on all night outside the half ajar door.
It rained through the roof and it was as cold as hell in Winter. She would get very drunk and come sit on the foot of the bed and be kind for a few sentaneces every now and then. There was a coal poker and a cane kept at the side of the fireplace downstairs which was a threat if sis and I ever stamped the floor in need of anything. She could cook bread and butter.
When the local doctor came to give us polio vaccine during an epidemic some people came and took sis and I into weekly sessions of UV light because otherwise we would have had ricketts.
It's amazing how such utter horror (as a shrink once called it many years later) wasn't horror at all. It was just the childhood I had. I've joined up the dots.....
My pleasure comes from someone who not only enjoys butneeds to inflict both physical and emotional but mainly emotional pain.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/21/2008 10:38:38 AM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 27

RE: Question for massos? - 6/21/2008 7:01:38 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

i am a masochistic slave...i enjoy both...pain for pain's sake and authority exchange...

i am not sure where the tendencies came from, but i do know that i have had to retrain my body at various points in my life to be able to have an orgasm without pain because i had learned to associate pain with an orgasm...and then i lost the ability to feel the pain...it's much like an addiction for me...my tolerance will go up very quickly in a short period of time and i have to have more and more...so i have to be very careful with how and when i play...i used to play on a rdaily basis, now i play 4 or 5 times a year...i want to be able to feel the pain, i need the pain...but without harming my body...

and no, i don't like nonconsensual pain - i deal with that on a regular basis with fibromyalgia...it's not any fun, and strangely enough i have built up no tolerance to that, or perhaps i have and it is much worse than i think it is...oi...but i still want to play and i want to hurt on my terms...unfortunately the sadists that love me, can't hurt me hard enough (people say it's a bad idea to say "you're not hurting me" but it is common in my scenes)...so i have to get it from sadists that i am not in a relationship with...ah well...poor me...errr not!

chelle

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 6/21/2008 7:02:24 PM >

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 28

RE: Question for massos? - 6/30/2008 2:07:22 PM

SlaveSubtoserve

Posts: 282
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

....for me i think it originated with an extended hospital stay when very young with female nurses inflicting much sadistic medical treatments while a female relative observed my recovery so....

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 29

RE: Question for massos? - 6/30/2008 2:52:39 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I use pain to cope. It keeps me from harming others when I am in a negative spiral. Pain helps me refocus reality. I can inflict pain on myself, either by design or accident and the result is the same, owie owie.. ahhhhhhhhhhhh calm.
I am also an erotic masochist. I can get pleasure from pain. I don't need it in the same desperation as I do when I am simply masochistic. For me it is stepped up sensation which is driven by someone else's hands. The degree I can handle depends on what my body needs, who is running the show, and how much security I have in them. I can be submissive without the extreme stimulation as long as I am taking care of that side on my own time. I CAN.. but it is so much more complete when I can have both needs met from one partner.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 30

RE: Question for massos? - 6/30/2008 5:32:47 PM

NeedingMore220

Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

I'm just exploring my masochistic side. I don't know where it comes from - and I do find it disturbing at times that I can't figure out why I get pleasure from the pain, but have decided to just accept it and move on and enjoy. The reasoning may come to me sometime, or not. I don't necessarily get pleasure from the pain - it registers as pain. But I find such fulfillment in being able to handle what he wants to give me and as soon as the pain fades, I'm jonesing for more, more and more.

I must be with someone who enjoys inflicting the pain on me. I have no interest in being with someone who is going to do it just to make me happy. I need to know he is getting satisfaction from it. I want someone who will be able to handle pushing me, and who will have his sadistic side fulfilled with me.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 31

RE: Question for massos? - 6/30/2008 7:23:31 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

i'm a masochist who needs a sadist who wants me to enjoy the pain as much as he enjoys inflicting me with it...

i tried the whole suffering and enduring thing and all it left me was resentful of, and hateful toward, the person who was inflicting it on me.

< Message edited by daddysliloneds -- 6/30/2008 7:28:08 PM >

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 32

RE: Question for massos? - 6/30/2008 7:39:17 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

I enjoy it because my Owner enjoys it, quite simply. I'm not sure what the tendencies arise from, but I do think it's just more natural for some people to enjoy such things. If my Owner didn't enjoy it, it's not something I think I'd enjoy -near- as much...or if at all. It's pleasurable to me because of the dynamic we have and the deep connection that we share.

DV's Fox

(in reply to dodedo)

Post #: 33

RE: Question for massos? - 6/30/2008 7:52:41 PM

TheGaggingWh0re

Posts: 222
Joined: 1/19/2006
Status: offline

I'm pretty sure mine came from my mom beating the crap out of me when I was little. I used to have to lean over the coffee table and get whipped on with the belt, or she'd back me into a corner and wail on me. Though she changed over the years and I found out she has severe manic depression (though she won't believe it), I know where feeling like it was okay to be beaten like that comes from. I just thought it was normal. I know a little better now :P

Now I get to CHOOSE who I get my whoopins from! I can hardly stand getting wailed on, but I don't do it for the love of pain. My love for it is more rooted in the fact that I love the thrill that it is actually being done to me and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. That helplessness and the fear...it's like crack! And of course there is always a Master to snuggle up to when it's done as long as it wasn't done as a punishment ^^

(in reply to dodedo)

Post #: 34

RE: Question for massos? - 7/1/2008 4:10:53 PM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

quote:

where do you think those tendencies arise from? do you prefer to that the infliction come from someone that enjoys inflicting pain, or rather enjoys the pleasure that you recieve from it?

I don't know where the tendencies arise from. They've been there since I was a kid, and I used to put myself through endurance tests. I remember sitting in the woods, in a swampy area and mosquitos starting to bite me. I just sat there very still, without moving a muscle as they landed all over me and bit me. By the time I got bored, I had hundreds of mosquito bites. I'm surprised I didn't get malaria. The event that percipitated this excercise in 10 year old lunacy was a confrontation with my dad. He was about to beat me with his belt, and I started fighting back, and ran out of the house into the woods. When I went home, our relationship totally changed. He never used his belt again but, of course, I lost the luxury of being a child. I learned in that exchange to choose my battles carefully because sometimes, if ya start fighting, ya win. And that kind of sucks.

I also ran with guys when i was a kid. Not only was I the only girl, I was the youngest. (I tagged after my brother) Whenever a challenge was put to me, I had to step up to the plate. The others could be cry babies. But not me. Fortunately, they directed most their meanness towards each other and left me out of it so long as I kept quiet and stayed in the background. This is probably more relevant to my submissive tendencies, rather than my masochism.

I need to know the other person is enjoying pain play for me to be comfortable with it. It feels selfish otherwise. I can only go so far with an freewheeling sadist, but if the other person is getting pleasure from my pain, I tend to get pleasure too. If they get pleasure from my pleasure, I can go in that direction.

quote:

now i know that the sadism and masso isnt exclusive to orientation, but for the submissive masso. do you feel that it relates to your submissive in any way, or is it more of a take for the pleasure's sake?

It depends on the specific dynamic. If I'm submitting to someone (as opposed to bottoming) I take as much as I possibly can regardless of how I'm feeling about it. I can never take as much as I want to, though 'cus I'm a bit of a wuss.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 35

RE: Question for massos? - 7/1/2008 4:56:55 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

my tendancy came from childhood. ive worked out that on the whole being spanked by my dad was the only real one to one attention i ever got from him up until i was about 8 and he left when i was 12. the dominance that i had from him in my life just suddenly was gone one day and i went into rebellion for years desparate for someone to stop me - i missed the boundaries he created for me, he was never brutal or unfair.

i need the control over me, the dominance of the act and for him to enjoy what he does. im not a painslut and it isnt the pain that turns me on - he turns me on, the dominance turns me on and up to a point the sensation of pain puts me in a headspace of powerless submission that has to feel real and can only feel real if he's enjoying and wanting to do what he does. if he was just doing it because he thought i wanted him to - in other words, servicing me, id feel really uncomfortable about it and it wouldnt work atall.

< Message edited by lally3 -- 7/1/2008 4:59:43 PM >

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 36

RE: Question for massos? - 7/1/2008 5:20:27 PM

ServingGirrl

Posts: 115
Joined: 10/10/2007
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline

For me, the domination-loving side certainly came from my childhood, at the hands and tongue of my Grandmother who raised me. Perhaps it's no surprise then to find that, all these years later, i have a Mistress and not a Master :). The pain side was a revelation to me that came only after i acceptaned the total dominance of my Mistress, but it's been a most wonderful revelation and just keeps getting better

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 37

RE: Question for massos? - 7/28/2008 10:42:43 AM

SlaveSubtoserve

Posts: 282
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

.....and the pain really reinforces and intensifies my helplessness, vulnerability, being totally controlled by La Domme........pain without control is not a turn-on, but pain as an intensifier of Her control and Her pushing my feelings and emotions at Her fingertips and Her getting a high from it= so sweet !--- have real trouble accepting much pain w/o bondage.

(in reply to ServingGirrl)

Post #: 38

RE: Question for massos? - 7/28/2008 2:48:34 PM

silkncarol

Posts: 318
Status: offline

You took the words right outta my mouth softness!

I've always considered myself a sensation junkie......as much as i enjoy the sensations, i get as much pleasure from knowing i'm pleasing my Dominant..so it's vital he enjoys giving it too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

where do you think those tendencies arise from?
I am a sensation junkie. I like feelinga new sensation. I like enjoying a familiar sensation. I like fearing a new sensation. I like fearing a familiar one. I have no idea why I am a sensation junkie, just like I have no idea why I can cook or why I am unable to do math. Its just the way I was made. I was never damaged by anyone, never abused as a child, my father/brother/uncle/postman never raped me. Though if it helps to put me in a nice "Got fucked up when younger now needs pain to feel normal" box ... I was horribly defiled by this American Dude a few weeks ago.

do you prefer to that the infliction come from someone that enjoys inflicting pain, or rather enjoys the pleasure that you recieve from it?
The type of man thats puts my pleasure above his, is 9/10 not going to be a fit for me in other ways. Besides, I have this real thing for beligerant, selfish, egocentric bastards and they tend to enjoy hurting girls and making them cry.

now i know that the sadism and masso isnt exclusive to orientation, but for the submissive masso. do you feel that it relates to your submissive in any way, or is it more of a take for the pleasure's sake?
Now, though I enjoy feeling a little achey and bruised the next day, I am really not that hot for play just for pain. While He fucks around inside my head as well its ok, but just leaving me to feel pain because He wants to hurt me is not hot for me. What is hot for me is being submissive. I suffer the pain because He desires it, only my submission gets me to bend over that bench and get into bondage.

_____________________________

We attract hearts by the qualities we display. We retain them by the qualities we possess.

Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 39

RE: Question for massos? - 7/28/2008 7:41:49 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

Me, I don't care who beats me: a sadist or not, so long as they enjoy themselves and want to be there I don't care where the enjoyment comes from. All I care about as a bottom is that I'm getting sensations I enjoy as per the expectations/agreement made beforehand.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 40

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