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stella41b -> RE: If you want something done right... (6/17/2008 10:25:14 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DominantJenny
This topic came up as a side point in another thread, and I think merits its own discussion. As the saying goes, if you want something done right, do it yourself. I know that I find myself much less stressed by many tasks if I DO do them myself; they get done the way I want them done (and I don't have to spend hours or days explaining and/or redoing tasks to teach someone else) and I am not annoyed by waiting for the time it takes someone else to do the task, which always seems infinitely longer than when I do it myself, even if it objectively takes the exact same amount of time.
I found this to be a fascinating thread. I've spent years of maiding and also worked as a 'vanilla' domestic cleaner and throughout until about a year ago I could never work out why I functioned better in a D/s type arrangement but lost most of my 'vanilla' domestic jobs save for a few which turned out to be just as stable as my D/s ones.
Then it dawned on me, about a year and a half ago - communication. In the D/s and the few 'vanilla' domestic jobs I held I knew the house, the expectations and the required tasks. However in most of the other 'vanilla' domestic jobs I held I would be shown to the cupboard with domestic cleaning stuff, a wave of the hand and I'd be told to get on with it. Erm, with what? A surprising number of people, the majority, expect you as a domestic cleaner to be an example of domestic perfection right from the first minute. You see it in the ads 'must have initiative', I call these the 'do whatever' domestic jobs, they rarely if ever work out.
The principle which we all know as 'if you want something done well do it yourself' holds true. In the theatre I do the one thing frowned on in drama school and to most lecturers I'm probably a bad director. Why? If there's any doubt as to how to play a role I usually grab the text, jump up on stage and take on that role myself so the actor can visualize immediately what I'm looking for. It saves their time in having to guess, and my time in having to explain. Usually a simple explanation suffices, but sometimes it doesn't. So too in a domestic cleaning job - I have to study carefully the layout of everything in each room to pick out how things should be done, when it could all be explained to me in a few minutes. Then I have a 50/50 chance of getting it right. It's not my house, I don't live there. You see in a D/s situation I know the Domme usually well enough and from what I'm presented with I can invariably make 2 + 2 = 4.
quote:
ORIGINAL: DominantJenny
That said, I'm a dominant. I enjoy being served, and served well.
I think that it mostly comes down to individual preferences on how one balances these two somewhat incongruous things. In my case, if I don't particularly care how a task is done, I can hand it off. (I have no issues with his taking out the trash.) If I have strong opinions about a task (say, putting away the laundry), I find it's usually better to do it myself.
I'm assuming we're talking about domestic service here BTW. Isn't this the whole point of being a dominant in such a situation, to be served and served well and to have the control? I mean let's face it, if you really have to micromanage and validate a submissive over chores regularly then surely that takes out the enjoyment of being served and makes whatever needed doing twice as irksome? I see it this way, she's the Domme, it's her house, her things, she's therefore always 100% right and the onus is on me to do particular tasks and chores her way unless she acknowledges that my way is better (my way is usually based on the principle 'more is less' in that cutting corners is a false strategy, little things matter and get the task finished much quicker than cutting corners and having to check closely afterwards).
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ORIGINAL: DominantJenny
As a submissive, do you feel like a failure when your dominant insists on doing certain things him/herself? How much service becomes TOO much, then, where you lose respect for your dominant because now you see them as simply lazy?
As a dominant, where do you draw the line? How much service is too much? How much effort are you willing to put in to teaching your submissive to do things as you prefer and do you resent that effort at all? Do you think it realistic to expect the submissive to learn without being taught?
Me personally usually no, because the way I see it it's the dominant's house and I'm the submissive, and therefore I'm not there to question her over what she does. I would only feel a failure if it was something I was expected to do and my responsibility and I had not signalled or flagged right at the beginning that I'm slightly off form (yes domestics can have off days too). Service only becomes too much when it goes beyond my own capabilities for the time and amount of work required and I would indicate this as an 'expressed doubt' and leave it for the dominant to decuide what to do next. Sometimes there is no other option and I qualify myself by saying 'I'll do my best'. Dominants are human, they can have off days too, it doesn't change the relationship or the dynamic.. I also don't mind a dominant being lazy, or messy, and sometimes I find that a dominant will jump in and do something because she doesn't want me to see a particular mess. Usually reassurance helps. However unless the task is especially complicated or she has extremely strong views on how something is to be done invariably I have her domestic regime worked out within 2-3 meetings and I'm usually allowed to take over and introduce my own 'system'. I see part of my role as keeping her organized, having everything exactly where she wants it to be at any given time, and finding that middle ground between her personal preferences, manner of living and the layout of her home.
quote:
ORIGINAL: DominantJenny
Finally, in general, how does one reconcile being a highly independent individual with having someone on whom, on some level, you must become dependent over time?
Generally I feel this develops over time with communication. From my perspective as a submissive I submerge my entire nature into submission irrespective of whether I'm working in a D/s or vanilla dynamic, good service lies at the core of my submission and it's something I thoroughly enjoy and take pride in. A crucial element at all stages of the relationship is that whoever I'm serving is entirely comfortable in my presence and with everything I do.
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