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Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 8:53:57 AM   
Masterntn


Posts: 14
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		I don't usually post forums like this but I am interested in seeing what others think about this subject.  Is it just me or have people just gotten very cynical and rude?  I know there are alot of trolls out there and one has to be cautious but there is something that is very interesting that I have noticed lately.  There are alot of profiles out there that go into great detail about what they want, and what they are willing to do in order to get it.  Yet, when someone messages them that is sincere, polite and meets all the demands that are placed in the profiles, most times the response is not ever acknowledged  or deleted without being read.  Now I do also realize that, more with women than men, that your boxes might be full with several messages and that it can become overwhelming, but there are ways to screen this out as well.  To me I simply think that we have gotten away from common curtosy and decency.  If someone responds to a profile, is polite, considerate and tries to at least make an effort, why would one not at least acknowledge that even if there is no interest in talking.  Are our lives so busy now we cannot take just a few extra seconds to click reply and say "thanks but no thanks?"  Now I know this will start a debate and there are alot of scenarios we could discuss , which would take days if we allowed it.  But one has to admit there is a shift in the dynamic of this lifestyle based on the now readily access of the internet.  So my question is this, are we simply becoming rude and cynical to the whole process OR are these simply players that hide behind their computers searching for poor helpless victims to use in their own sadastic ways? 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 9:02:31 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Sure we have all become cynical OR we cant be bothered to read them OR they arent interested in you, seems pointless exchanging messages simple to 'be polite' seeing as actually for the most part people are sending messages to people that they are interested in, in fact i assume that of pretty much every message (unless its from someone on here) and therefore if im not in the mood i dont reply, heck ive got messages on here that i havent opened but have been there for months, maybe they could be from people who turn out to be my ideal partner but oh well my loss, to be honest when i read messages like this i cant help thinking who cares. If people dont reply to me it doesnt bother me (actually i cant think of a time someone hasnt replied to me but hey come on i am hot)

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Masterntn)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 9:02:42 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

why would one not at least acknowledge that even if there is no interest in talking.


Have you ever seen a dom throw a fit and beg?  It's not pretty and it's something I choose not to subject myself to.  Giving any negative response can create this sort of situation.  I think you'd be surprised.  But I'm sure some subs will fill you in by giving examples that include things such as "you aren't real"  "you are a wannabe", all because we say "no thank you."

AND

no response = not interested


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Masterntn)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 9:03:17 AM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Go to the search function (top right-hand corner on any forum page) and type in "Delete Unread".  You'll find 5+ pages of threads about this.

To me, the bottom line is that we all have different behaviors and expectations when using online forums. 

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to Masterntn)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 9:11:03 AM   
Aynne


Posts: 740
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline 		If a Dom reads my profile and still sends me an e-mail it means either on of two things, he doesn't understand what not looking means or he is disrespectful. So no, I am under no obligation to answer and most likely I won't.  

_____________________________

*Yes I know I have no profile at this time...

I looked in your eyes
Without saying a word
I told you what I am
And I hoped that you heard

~Owned and Loved by Master Sifu~

*founder of I Love Lushy Inc.*

(in reply to DomMeinCT)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 9:20:29 AM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline 		Most women on here that have gone the polite route with a "thank you but no thanks" replies have at one point or another received malicious nasty replies, begging and not taking no for an answer. It's quite pestering. So why should we subject ourselves to that? no reply is a reply... it means that they're not interested. 

(in reply to Aynne)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 9:26:47 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I have just the oppisite rant. I have to much mail to answer. Op can I send some of it your way. Ok Im not being very pertty. If you women think that then write to me and tell me about it.

(in reply to Aynne)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 9:31:17 AM   
metalmiss


Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline 		i can't speak for everybody else out there on the internet.. But when somebody memo's me, if it isn't just one line and they seem to be sincere then they get a sincere and thought out response.. That's just the way i am.
However, if i get a one liner from an obvious troll then, yes, i excercise my artistic side and get VERY synical, sarcastic and probably rude to a point.. Depending on what i have been approached with.. i think thats fair.

When i first joined this site, long before i was Owned, i was flooded with memos, mostly from trolls as i had expected, i took the time went through and deleted the "spam" on each visit and kept back anything genuine so that it could be replied to.
This took a lot of time, patience and effort on my part, and sure there were probably some genuine people who weren't replied to because when the patience started to wear thin and i got tired of answering the same old questions, i started to only respond to those who particularly sparked my interest.
So i can understand anybody who doesn't respond to an email and i don't hold that against them.. because knowing how being so bogged down made me feel, i don't consider it particularly rude. At the end of the day, even if you approached them, they don't owe you anything.


_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to Masterntn)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 9:38:27 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		this isn't a lifestyle question, go to any internet dating site that has message boards and you will find the same complaint.

First, just because you think you meet their qualifications does not mean that you e-mail or profile will spark their interest.

Second, deleting without being read could mean that they aren't looking and haven't changed their profile or more likely you are outside their filters.

Third, as Katy said, negative responses can and have opened people up to a spew of vomit from the person who doesn't like rejection.  Take no answer as your answer.

Fourth-- do you talk to every person that smiles or says hello to you in passing on the street or in a bar?  Seriously, an initial e-mail is just like the person in the bar that tries to flirt with another and the other isn't interested.  Why do people feel that a reciever is obligated to spend time and energy on them?

It could be worse, I ran into a guy once that suggested that women should feel so happy to be asked to dance or for a date that they should never say "no" initally, and that was on a vanilla date.  He went on to say that since it takes so much courage for a guy to ask a girl out or to dance the she would be rude to decline.  Forget her own free will and ability to descern what she would like, she's obligated since he took the time.  Bla.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Masterntn)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 9:46:08 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Postings like this are an even better way to ensure no one replies to your mail. Whining is very unbecoming in a Dominant.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Masterntn)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 10:01:48 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
Whining is very unbecoming in a Dominant.


Read in a  human being

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 10:03:42 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
Whining is very unbecoming in a Dominant.


Read in a  human being


It doesn't matter-you still get judged as unworthy with the association to the title. Dominants are not the only sadistic and inflexible ones on here.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 10:10:56 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		If I had a dollar for every time I have seen similar questions I'd die a rich man.. Some people answer and some don't that is the nature of the beast, the individial's reason for answering or not answering is virtually endless I immagine..

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 10:16:44 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Masterntn
Are our lives so busy now we cannot take just a few extra seconds to click reply and say "thanks but no thanks?"  

for most of us - yes - because sometimes responding back to jaded dominants like you creates a whole pile of ugliness whining about why we rejected you.

get over it and move on


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Masterntn)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 10:19:59 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I was waiting for LA and her lists of links to follow.
I get more mail in respone to a polite "no thanks, read the profile,im not interested" than anything else. That obviously opens the door to arguments, to having to be convinced that they are the one who could change my mind... Ofteh also to badmouthig my boys or my abilities as a Dominant. I used to reply to every first mail, when I had time. I also know that those i dont reply to will get the hint. If you email me and beg to serve, or if you are dominant and email me asking to either borrow my boys or thinking I might submit to you, I am not going to bother responding. You hav obviously not read my profile and if you cat spend the time to do that, I cant spend the time to write you back.
Now, its more a matter of having the time. If I have an email I hadnt gotten back to that is a week or so old, I usually wont reply regardless of how interesting they might have sounded. I asume they have forgotten about even writing to me by then.

AS I said to the guy with the deleted undear thread recently... Why let it get to you? Someone who you judge as rude for not answering is obviously not a huge loss, now are they? They couldnt be bothered to spend time and energy on you, wo why are you bothering to spend time or energy on them? They made their call and decided to turn away from an oppertunity to talk to you, so chalk it up in the miss colum and move on. No harm no foul, and just remember the name so if they finally decide to come back to you weeks later you can either open friendly ommunication or you ca tell them they missed their chance.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 10:23:18 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I've had subs who refused to take no for an answer as well. Even after being told to leave me alone,and blocking them-coming back with new accounts. I can understand why people don't respond-Especially with males who feel they are "entitled".
 
 No one owes the op or anyone else anything. Grow the fuck up.
 
 

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 10:24:44 AM   
Masterntn


Posts: 14
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		My point, which has been so eloquently expressed by many of the replies is this.  Yes we have become cynical.  I started in this lifestyle over 25 years ago.  In a time where there was no internet.  We had to take chances, put ourselves out there. Learn how to read people and listen for key phrases that indicated that there might be some interest  and knowledge of the lifestyle, before we actually took the chance to come out and ask if they were interested.  Today we hide behind our computers.  Putting up random profiles say how sincere we are to the lifestyle and telling the world what we want.  THEN...  when we start getting a few nasty messages, we begin to take it personal and attack everyone. Putting up walls and barriers around ourselves in the attempt to "protect ourselves"  Only to result in allowing ourselves to become jaded, cynical and close minded.  This is the interener folks.  Yes there are idiots out there, but there are also some great people in this lifestyle.  My point here is this.  Yes everyone is entitled to their own desires and their own opinions.  That is not denied.  But who cares if you get a butt head telling you how sorry you are, or how much of a fake you are.  Really, what does it matter. They are hiding behind their screen just as we are hiding behind ours.  Isn't this why we have a block button?  Why do we get so upset when some random stranger that we don't even know insults us.  Instead why don't we laugh and move on to the next one?  Several said they never respond or contact anyone here?  WHY?   The lifestyle was originally built on a basis of being a community.  A family!  One person asked in one of the threads if I talk to everyone I meet.  Honestly, no not everyone.  But again I do not live in a large city either so if I am walking down the street and pass someone by yes alot of times I say "Hello" or "how are you doing?"  Does this mean I stop and have a drawn out conversation with them? NO!   It's called being polite and having common curtosy.  I am a Dom.  Being polite does not mean I am weak or fake.  It means I am human.  It means I am secure enough in myself that I can let my walls down and be real.  If someone attacks me then yes I deal with it. But I don't have to lose my composure or change who I am to defend myself either.   I am who I am and secure enough to not worry about what others think of me.  Yes I know not everyone is going to like me. So be it!  But I also know as a person I have alot to offer and can and will be a great friend to those that want to take the time to get to know me.  I posted this not to self promote myself or imply that I care whether or not someone messages me or not.  I posted this to see what you all think.  Why do we come to a site that promotes putting ourselves out there, yet hide behind the scenes and complain about all of the things that are wrong with the set up?   This is just something to think about.  Not an attempt to force a specific view down everyone's throat here.    

(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 10:26:09 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		I will reply in kind.
I get every type of mail which falls into approximately the following categories:
1. On-line 'friends' I have made on the forums who are following up a point in more depth than could be put into a post, or offering advice and or support.
I respond with a 'hi first actual name......nice to hear from you. Thank you so much for.....etc.  I actualy look forward to receiving this type of mail. It can progress to msn or yahoo.
2. Well-written and thought out introductions which are of the search type. Usually starts with: I saw you very interesting profile and | would just like to.....I usually respond appropriately.
3. Hi u wanna chat babes? gets a 'no ta'
4. Those who are viewing me......I usually do have a look at male Doms or couples these days but never male submissives. I am definitely not looking for a male submissive. I am interested in who is interested in me that I am interested in.
5. Those I simply do not respond to are obviously way off my normal distribution curve: mail from obscure parts of the globe for example.
I have limited time usually to do any of this but summer is the exception. (I don't for example look at my alt account but say once in 2 months. There are reams of email there but some of it is bulk generated stuff sent out on mass to every female sub between the ages of 18 and 55. Can you blame me?)
I behave the same way by email as I would probably do so when gettig on a tube train. If by chance I met a friend I would give them a hug and rabbit on until one of us got off the train. If someone is polite and offers me a seat then I say thank you and accept if I am tired of standing. But to think I would have to somehow introduce myself to the entire Northern Line in rush hour is simply quite mad. To think I would have to bare my arse or my soul to a total stranger......well......
PS You say in your post:
~So my question is this, are we simply becoming rude and cynical to the whole process.~ You also say in your profile that you took a break because of all the players here. Might I suggest that it is a projection and that it is you who are cynical at this jointure in time?

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/13/2008 10:34:26 AM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Masterntn)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 10:28:37 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Masterntn

Why do we get so upset when some random stranger that we don't even know insults us.   


I agree, and why do we get so upset when some random stanger ignores us.

quote:


Several said they never respond or contact anyone here?  WHY?   The lifestyle was originally built on a basis of being a community.  A family!


LOL well maybe thats not why they are here, maybe they like the pictures or the forums, and maybe this lifestyle doesnt have to be anything maybe its an oriantation I mean seriously there aint no rules no matter what you PERCIEVE the origins of it to be shit happens.

< Message edited by colouredin -- 6/13/2008 10:29:02 AM >

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Masterntn)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Responding to messages - 6/13/2008 10:53:11 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Masterntn

My point, which has been so eloquently expressed by many of the replies is this.  Yes we have become cynical.  I started in this lifestyle over 25 years ago.  In a time where there was no internet.  We had to take chances, put ourselves out there. Learn how to read people and listen for key phrases that indicated that there might be some interest  and knowledge of the lifestyle, before we actually took the chance to come out and ask if they were interested.  Today we hide behind our computers.  Putting up random profiles say how sincere we are to the lifestyle and telling the world what we want.  THEN...  when we start getting a few nasty messages, we begin to take it personal and attack everyone. Putting up walls and barriers around ourselves in the attempt to "protect ourselves"  Only to result in allowing ourselves to become jaded, cynical and close minded.  This is the interener folks.  Yes there are idiots out there, but there are also some great people in this lifestyle.  My point here is this.  Yes everyone is entitled to their own desires and their own opinions.  That is not denied.  But who cares if you get a butt head telling you how sorry you are, or how much of a fake you are.  Really, what does it matter. They are hiding behind their screen just as we are hiding behind ours.  Isn't this why we have a block button?  Why do we get so upset when some random stranger that we don't even know insults us.  Instead why don't we laugh and move on to the next one?  Several said they never respond or contact anyone here?  WHY?   The lifestyle was originally built on a basis of being a community.  A family!  One person asked in one of the threads if I talk to everyone I meet.  Honestly, no not everyone.  But again I do not live in a large city either so if I am walking down the street and pass someone by yes alot of times I say "Hello" or "how are you doing?"  Does this mean I stop and have a drawn out conversation with them? NO!   It's called being polite and having common curtosy.  I am a Dom.  Being polite does not mean I am weak or fake.  It means I am human.  It means I am secure enough in myself that I can let my walls down and be real.  If someone attacks me then yes I deal with it. But I don't have to lose my composure or change who I am to defend myself either.   I am who I am and secure enough to not worry about what others think of me.  Yes I know not everyone is going to like me. So be it!  But I also know as a person I have alot to offer and can and will be a great friend to those that want to take the time to get to know me.  I posted this not to self promote myself or imply that I care whether or not someone messages me or not.  I posted this to see what you all think.  Why do we come to a site that promotes putting ourselves out there, yet hide behind the scenes and complain about all of the things that are wrong with the set up?   This is just something to think about.  Not an attempt to force a specific view down everyone's throat here.    


First, why tell others not to get offended when people send defensive and insulting e-mails when your knickers are in a twist because people don't respond at all.  Maybe their grandmother's told the that if they can't be nice don't say anything and therefore responding to you is contrary to that rule.  Maybe they don't wish to expend any negative energy, hell, maybe they are just rude people.  The point is kettle, meet pot.  You are trying to dictate to others how to act and then how to respond yet you aren't even in control of your own emotions, example being your insistance that anyone who doesn't do things your way is rude.

Second, this isn't a family, it isn't a community, it is a web site set up for people in a niche group so that they don't have to dance around a hedge on a regular dating site or post in innuendo on message boards.  Just because others like what I am into doesn't automatically endear them to me.

Besides, I don't answer my sister's e-mails either.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Masterntn)
Profile   Post #: 20
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