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RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 2:36:18 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

Do you like to see grown men naked ?
Do you like gladiator movies ?
can i motorboat you in public ?
so does that ring on your finger really mean something ?
ever played naked twister with wesson oil ?
Why does your dog like to smell your crotch so much ?
I see you like to make things with your own hair umm thats really creative ooh thats not your hair ?

Try just speaking in an interactive way with a potential partner get ta know me kinda thing .Use the common attraction and build instead of using the clipboard check list for a while ..

(in reply to firefey)

Post #: 21

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 3:25:38 PM

fungasm

Posts: 321
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline

Good grief! It's over-thinking things to talk to someone about what they like or don't like before you engage in a sexual relationship with them?

Not everyone gets to have a partner whom they have had for years and years and have built this trust and communication. Some of us are starting over.  Part of why we are here is because we are starting to look for someone who shares our kinks and fetishes too.   You ask whether or not someone is a sub, a dom or a switch. You talk about life philosohies, religion, hopes, dreams, whether or not you want to share a life together or whether or you not you want to just fuck.

Let's assume that before you have sex with someone, you've already gotten to know them well enough to know that you want to have sex with them. But there is more, at least for those of us who care about our partners and not just about getting off.   This for those who before they get naked with someone, we have a conversation about what we crave, things that make us uncomfortable and things our partner can do to really make us feel good.    If you need a clipboard to do it, fine- but some of us can remember when a parter tells us that what it is they like and don't like. I can personally vouch that there are ways to ask these questions which are very, very fun.

This post was about the quesitons you ask or would like asked before you have sex with someone.  If you don't ask questions of your partner, or you just don't care about what your partner wants, and you are replying here- you are rather inconsiderate, in more ways than one.

_____________________________

"Science is a lot like sex. Sometimes something useful comes of it, but that's not the reason we're doing it." (Richard Feynman)

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(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 22

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 4:08:24 PM

MrSpectacular

Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
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I am not clear what it is you want then - the questions that may or may not get asked are personal to a particular relationship - are you wanting a prescription of how to approach the subject of kinky activities.
Is it possible that you yourself have an issue with broaching this subject and thus you are seeking some reassurance?
The simple answer is not to judge others on how they do or do not approach sex - only care about what is good for you and what is comfortable for you.

Many regards,

N

_____________________________

Yes I am Spectacular and they are real!

(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 23

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 4:10:56 PM

JoePNY707

Posts: 293
Joined: 6/4/2008
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Grin...Fungasm--I think there are FAR more important important questions that NEED to be asked:

Chicken--White meat, or Dark?
Fast food--McDonalds or Burger King?
REAL food!--SUSHI!!! or Steak? (hidden clue in this one...)
Superman or Batman?

When you have the answers to these questions, the more mundane will fall into place.

(Sorry Fungasm--I had a Monty Python moment there!)

< Message edited by JoePNY707 -- 6/7/2008 4:11:30 PM >

(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 24

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 4:16:05 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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Fungasm, I promise promise promise I'm not trying to snark here.

I haven't decided whether I like you yet, because I don't know whether you are a nice-if-quirky lady who has an odd way of expressing herself, or a sexually competitive beancounter with OCD.

Between this thread and your "quantification" posts, I would be really uncomfortable having sex with you, because I envision you doing the calculus to measure my rate of change from tumescence to flaccidity, and during aftercare you would tell me that your orgasm was only a 6.4 on the Kinsey-Richter scale.

People don't enjoy being judged against previous partners, and like it even less if they are judged against some ideal of the perfect sexual experience. This is a big part of why you are getting pushback, not because people think it's stupid to find things out before having sex.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 25

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 4:19:53 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

FR

Sometimes endless talks, discussions, and questions on their world view, likes and dislikes (in and out of bed), family, allergies, favorite books, etc.

And sometimes just "do you have a condom?"

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(in reply to firefey)

Post #: 26

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 4:47:11 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

FR:

Now that i'm owned, my Master decides who i have sex with (and, that's with women only) and what i am allowed or required to do with them. He asks all the questions before making that decision and tells me what i need to know.

But, when i was on my own, the onset of sexual relations didn't happen until i knew the other person well enough to feel completely comfortable letting Him do whatever He wanted to do with me and, since i like being surprised and i love spontaneity, about the only questions i would be likely to ask, (if He hadn't already told me), is, "Should i take me leg off?" and, "Where do you want me?"

But, for those who prefer to use a checklist, here's one approach to consider:
http://www.glumbert.com/media/consent

joy
Owned servant of Master David

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 27

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 4:51:33 PM

Stusmobile

Posts: 145
Joined: 5/26/2008
From: No fixed abode
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I tend to agree with you Fungasm ..... theres no set list of questions, but damned sure I'm going to know a lot of things about a prospective partner before we move on to the sexual fun.

How you approach it is up to you ... for me, it's part and parcel of the getting to know each other and it doesn't just cover sex, it can cover anything and everything ... and does. Getting my dick wet just for the sake of it don't cut it with me anymore ... I want someone who can hold a decent conversation both before and after the fun.

_____________________________

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EmlyKate is mine and I wouldn't wish for anything else.

(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 28

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 4:54:55 PM

fungasm

Posts: 321
Joined: 8/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Fungasm, I promise promise promise I'm not trying to snark here.

I haven't decided whether I like you yet, because I don't know whether you are a nice-if-quirky lady who has an odd way of expressing herself, or a sexually competitive beancounter with OCD.

Between this thread and your "quantification" posts, I would be really uncomfortable having sex with you, because I envision you doing the calculus to measure my rate of change from tumescence to flaccidity, and during aftercare you would tell me that your orgasm was only a 6.4 on the Kinsey-Richter scale.

People don't enjoy being judged against previous partners, and like it even less if they are judged against some ideal of the perfect sexual experience. This is a big part of why you are getting pushback, not because people think it's stupid to find things out before having sex.

Sigh. Okay- I don't care if you like me, and I suspect I'm both of the things you mentioned (although not necessarily competitive). I write about sex and submission on a regular basis outside this forum, and when I have questions I often bring them here. I thought I was adding positive content, not stress inducing flashbacks to math class. I was going to write an article for the adult site I have about what people should talk about before sex, the questions that one should ask, and I couldn't do it. I got as far as the list that starts this dialog, and I had to stop. So I shelved the idea. But I was curious, and I brought it here. When I don't have an answer, I ask.

That I think too much is responsible for a number of failed relationships. I'm okay with that.... and I have hopes of finding someone who will find adorable and sexy that I can add intergrals into my sex life. Somewhere there is a geek for me! That aside, I wrote that I try and stay out of relationships where one type of sex (like strap ons or feminzation) is more than 30% of what I do with my partner. Just putting in a number like that seemed to completely throw people off. I was appalled at how terrified people are of math. If I'm ever mugged, I think I'm going to try and scare them away with differential equations.

And this isn't about being judged against previous partners. I'm sorry that is where the mind leads. I was actually hoping for actual answers.

I'm sorry if I cause you stress. It really wasn't my intention.

_____________________________

"Science is a lot like sex. Sometimes something useful comes of it, but that's not the reason we're doing it." (Richard Feynman)

Blog: http://antidomme.sensualwriter.com

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 29

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 4:55:42 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fungasm

What are the basic questions that folks could/should ask before they start a sexual/bdsm relationhip?

This question could just as easily be referring to the OTHER person. The kind of questions they ask are very relevant. The kind of: can we shag in the back of the car now? person used to be ok when I was 18 and reckless but I have changed somewhat.
These are intersting questions:
What are your expectations?
What is your experiences?
What are some of your experiences?
These ask for mor than yes/no or monosyllable answers and they also enable me to ask that person the same question in return.
Monosyllable answers like: Oh yes, more! there! down! up! slow! clit! arse! (monosyllable for anal) can come later.

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(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 30

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 4:57:31 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fungasm

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Fungasm, I promise promise promise I'm not trying to snark here.

I haven't decided whether I like you yet, because I don't know whether you are a nice-if-quirky lady who has an odd way of expressing herself, or a sexually competitive beancounter with OCD.

Between this thread and your "quantification" posts, I would be really uncomfortable having sex with you, because I envision you doing the calculus to measure my rate of change from tumescence to flaccidity, and during aftercare you would tell me that your orgasm was only a 6.4 on the Kinsey-Richter scale.

People don't enjoy being judged against previous partners, and like it even less if they are judged against some ideal of the perfect sexual experience. This is a big part of why you are getting pushback, not because people think it's stupid to find things out before having sex.

Sigh. Okay- I don't care if you like me, and I suspect I'm both of the things you mentioned (although not necessarily competitive).

Humour him

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 31

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 5:09:35 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fungasm
I was going to write an article for the adult site I have about what people should talk about before sex, the questions that one should ask, and I couldn't do it. I got as far as the list that starts this dialog, and I had to stop. So I shelved the idea. But I was curious, and I brought it here.

But don't you see? If you had started your post with the lines I quote here, the responses to your thread would have been much more helpful. Yeah, a lot of people are math-phobic, but that's not what's going on here. I am a profesional mathematician, and I'm having a problem with how you express yourself.

Give human context first, and request data second. You'll make people a lot more comfortable.

And... I know you don't care... but after your last response, I decided that I do like you.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 32

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 5:14:38 PM

cluelessslave

Posts: 29
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

I would ask, about their fries, are you going to finish those?

(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 33

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 7:50:58 PM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fungasm

What are the basic questions that folks could/should ask before they start a sexual/bdsm relationhip? I'd love to hear what you would like to be told by your partner before a sexual begins... or what you would like to tell your partner before sexual relationship begins... or questions to start a conversation when you really want to know what your partner likes and wants.

*Do you want to come in my mouth?
*When you come in my mouth, would you like to have me kiss you afterwards?
*Do you like fingers in your ass?
*Do you like anything else in your ass?
*Do you like like to have anal sex?
* Do you like your nipples kissed? Bitten?
*Do you like nipple clamps?
*Do you like clothes pins?
*Uncirmcumsized: pull back the foreskin and/or cover the tip?
*Clit question: suck, lick and/or kiss?
*Blindfolds?
*Do you want to be tied up?
*Do you want to to tie me up?
*Do you like giving spankings?
*Do you like being spankings?
*Do you usually need more lubrication?
*Does twisting, groping or pulling your breasts hurt?
*After sex: talking/no talking?
*How do you feel about being given directions during sex?

I know that there are a lot of amazing things to learn from actually having sex with someone, but what are things you like to ask/answer *before* you start a sexual relationship?

(Too many questions).

(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 34

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 8:30:54 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

That's an easy one for an old pervert.

"what DON'T you do?"

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I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 35

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 8:44:02 PM

NeedingMore220

Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fungasm
I was going to write an article for the adult site I have about what people should talk about before sex, the questions that one should ask, and I couldn't do it. I got as far as the list that starts this dialog, and I had to stop. So I shelved the idea. But I was curious, and I brought it here. When I don't have an answer, I ask.

I was appalled at how terrified people are of math. If I'm ever mugged, I think I'm going to try and scare them away with differential equations.

I think a problem here may be that there are people such as myself who like to learn about their partners in a more organic way ... more natural and casually. Other people may approach a new relationship with the more logical side of their brain and ask tons of questions up front.

Nothing wrong with either way - like you said, somewhere there's a geek for you.

Honestly - both RedMagic1's post and your response gave me my best laugh of the week. Thank you both for that!

(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 36

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 9:26:19 PM

Constrictor1

Posts: 143
Joined: 6/29/2006
From: Constrictor1
Status: offline

Hi fungasm!
I am not being snarky. I am however going to be politicly incorrect. I am the Dominant, I make the decisions, she can accept or not participate. Seems pretty simple to me.

Constrictor1

(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 37

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 9:40:09 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fungasm

What are the basic questions that folks could/should ask before they start a sexual/bdsm relationhip? I'd love to hear what you would like to be told by your partner before a sexual begins... or what you would like to tell your partner before sexual relationship begins... or questions to start a conversation when you really want to know what your partner likes and wants.

*Do you want to come in my mouth?
*When you come in my mouth, would you like to have me kiss you afterwards?
*Do you like fingers in your ass?
*Do you like anything else in your ass?
*Do you like like to have anal sex?
* Do you like your nipples kissed? Bitten?
*Do you like nipple clamps?
*Do you like clothes pins?
*Uncirmcumsized: pull back the foreskin and/or cover the tip?
*Clit question: suck, lick and/or kiss?
*Blindfolds?
*Do you want to be tied up?
*Do you want to to tie me up?
*Do you like giving spankings?
*Do you like being spankings?
*Do you usually need more lubrication?
*Does twisting, groping or pulling your breasts hurt?
*After sex: talking/no talking?
*How do you feel about being given directions during sex?

I know that there are a lot of amazing things to learn from actually having sex with someone, but what are things you like to ask/answer *before* you start a sexual relationship?

I must be weird because I just don't get this questionnaire stuff. This just seems so cold and impersonal. Are you offering a job or fucking someone?
Where's that excitement of not knowing what to expect next?

spelling edit.

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 6/7/2008 9:41:45 PM >

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Post #: 38

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 9:45:47 PM

angelwithhonor

Posts: 193
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline

ever played naked twister with wesson oil ? is that hard to stay on the spots ?

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 39

RE: Questions to Ask at the Onset of a Sexual Relationship - 6/7/2008 9:47:54 PM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

The entire time i know any Man is -- possibly -- a time before we have had sex. Usually, it turns out, sex between U/us is never going to happen...but there are those rare Men who may become sexual partners.

i am comfortable with some discussions later in time, and uncomfortable wih others immediately after first coming into contact with a stranger.

Yes, if sex was in the air, i'd want to know about His sexual health. That's a form of self-protection.

i'd much prefer He communicate His desires by the way He touched me...looked at me....allowed me to touch Him.

i want seduction; romance; mystery; surprise; excitment; desire; domination.

i guess i'd wouldn't be speaking much at all....just sighing; moaning; screaming; moving.

pinksugarsub

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Post #: 40

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