Masochistic reset button

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Owner4SexSlave -> Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 1:33:35 AM)
I'm really curious if other people experience this or if this is the same for other people with a masochistic streak. My Maso Tendencies change a bit like the weather patterns do. However, there are moments when I dare say it, it's at a point of being a "Need" at time and not just a want or desire. When it's this bad, I refer to it as having to have my "Reset Button" pushed. That's my way of expressing it. Anybody who knows me somewhat well, knows exactly what my "Reset Button" is all about. What drives me crazy, is that I generally don't feel right or do too well until my reset button is pushed. Hell, I've become an expert at resetting my own button in private. At times it drives me nutz, to the point I might find myself inadvertantly beating on myself with my fist, such as my legs or arms or doing other things. In fact back a few months ago, my Mom commented about me hitting myself, and I said.. OH... yeah, yes I am hitting myself and told her I was just trying to work some kinks out of my body. Yes, an intentional ploy on words there. With working the kinks out of body. But true none the less. I had been in a totally relaxed state, however I was in such craving for pain, that I was just doing shit to myself without thinking about it too much. Hell, there have been times when I'm out in public, where my only quick release was to take my fingers and Dig extremely hard into a Pressure point. Hell, I'll take and pinch myself really really hard just for a temporary fix until later. I've been busted by vanilla friends doing small twisted things to myself at times. Basically, tell them the same thing. That I'm feeling a little kinked up and what I'm doing helps work things out. People tend to buy into that explaination. There's other little things that I get away with out in public if I'm in the need of a pain fix really bad. It's a whole Masking game in itself. At times I wonder if this has to do with my body chemistry, and if I honestly do need this pain fix to resume normal operation. I just know the great sensation of relief it is for me personally afterwards. Again this is something that occurs in a bit of a strange weather pattern, does not happen all the time. I'm really interested if other people with a maso side relate to this at all, where the craving for pain basically becomes more of a need, then reaching a point of giving yourself a fix if you have to, masking things a little with those around you?

TysGalilah -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 4:34:28 AM)
Hi Chaz I've never really called it a re-set button, but in a way now that you put it that way> I suppose it is. I just took a 20 min mental trip through my head, trying to compose my response to this thread. Tripping back through memories of even as a child figuring out how to "release" the feelings and words I was not allowed to express in my house. To a teenager who punctured her skin to deal with the yuck inside that had no other coping skills to manage them in a healthy way. To a young adult, wayy too sexually active far too young who bit and scratched herself through sex trying to release some kind of a demon that no one I was with knew how to bring/draw out of me. To a married woman with 2 children, who then lost one child to SIDS. There was no "reset button" to be found big enough or hard enough to deal with that kind of hurt or feelings that wouldn't be seriously self-destructive and/or discreet enough not to be "seen" by others as something wrong......... and so the feelings and emotions then went inside. I no longer let them out > reset buttons or releases... I began stuffing them. and a compulsive/obsessive over-achiever and over-eater was born. Jump ahead several decades and I am a woman who has figured out that there is a big difference between my kink, my intensities, my desire to submit, my need for pain and my old habits that lay just under the surface and will re-emerge if I do not keep my personal belief system firmly intact that I need to be expressing my feelings in a healthy constructive way and when I feel like I am crossing that fine line.....don't hit that panic (easy) re-set button. Its ok to talk, to feel, to express and let it all out. This may not be what you were talking about : ) but this is what I read from your shared words and what it means to me personally. Cyndi

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 6:41:42 AM)
I've not heard that turn of phrase before, but I think it's a good one. Usually it's more a catharsis, or total break down, or such. I'd say pay more attention to your pressure valves and try to work it out in more productive happy ways rather than little sneaky ways that get your friends worried.

Lynnxz -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 7:05:16 AM)
I know exactly what you're talking about. Every once in a while, I get stressed, cranky, and bitchy to the point of not being able to concentrate on work or school. Before I met R, I'd relieve it myself, usually by burns at work or something. I have a feeling boredom was a factor there too.. I hated that job. It got to the point once where I put an ad up on craigslist, asking for someone to meet me, to kick the shit out of me. Thankfully I chickened out and pulled the ad a couple hours later, I have a feeling that wouldn't have gone too well. Now that I've met R, it's a wholllleee lot easier to get "fixed" I call him, ask him to "Fuck me up please" and most of the time he lets me come right over. I've been fortunate to find someone like him, who has the skills to use the canes and things, but at the same time, will never pressure me for sex. The next day I'm welted and sit a little funny... but I'm as happy as can be. [:)]

DesFIP -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 7:18:41 AM)
You could try deep tissue massage which is painful and also works out any muscle kinks. That wouldn't bother anyone. Plus then you could say that the acupressure points are just until you get back to your shiatsu massage therapist.

crouchingtigress -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 8:22:44 AM)
In SI (self injury) blogs and yahoo groups i belonged to this comes up fairly frequently, so of the sugestions for creating pain with out marks are quite good, my favorite was holding ice cubes... but i have to be honest, i dont really subscibe to that train of thought as much anymore, i know now that anything i think becomes my reality, so i no longer put the power to make myself feel better into self damage although i still love it as a journey with another person, yet the journey i choose to make with myself is still about pushing past pain thresholds and releasing endorphins but i tend more tward hikes, yoga and swimming these days... i still bite the tastebuds off my tounge though, i dont know if ill ever stop that one, i still really like it, and its not visible at all.

gypsygrl -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 8:50:56 AM)
I do resets. I've even used that term. lol It worries me, so alot of times just try to figure out how to get through a tough spot without causing pain to myself. Really loud head banging music sometimes helps. Relaxing into the sensation making me want to reset rather than fighting it can also be effective. I'm not proud, so if all else fails, I have some low impact things I can do. When the Ayatolla Khomeni (sp?) passed away, I saw on the news footage of crowd of mouners rythmically slapping themselves on the top of the head with both hands. Of course, I tried it and its really effective. Pinching myself on the inside of the arm also works and its easy to do that inconspicuously. As does digging my nails into my head and pulling my hair, but I save that for when I'm alone or with someone who knows me well. My um has the same tendencies, so I wonder if there's some physiological thing going on.

Missokyst -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 10:31:52 AM)
Yep, I have a reset need. When I was younger it was easy enough to find a fight, or job that would reset my happy. When that can't happen, there are things I have to do to keep myself sane. If I don't indulge in those things, accidents have happened to check that balance.

Prinsexx -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 10:46:27 AM)
Its ok to talk, to feel, to express and let it all out. Thank you galilah; that was a brilliant post and I learned a great deal from reading it.

Prinsexx -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 10:52:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave I'm really curious if other people experience this or if this is the same for other people with a masochistic streak. My Maso Tendencies change a bit like the weather patterns do. However, there are moments when I dare say it, it's at a point of being a "Need" at time and not just a want or desire. When it's this bad, I refer to it as having to have my "Reset Button" pushed. That's my way of expressing it. I think this is brilliant way of expressing masochistist tendencie. I am a masochist. I have chanelled some of that into bdsm play but I am not entirely a pain pig. Pain does not re-set me. However I am an emotional masochist and for me the re-set button is emotional upset at the point of tears. To be brought to tears by a Dominant is a real turn on for me. Humiliation will sometimes do it. but what really does it to me will be deeper within that \Dominats personality. If his sadistic re-set configures with my maso re-set than it can be very hot as long as I remember that the exchange ispart of the dynamic and not just a part of the relationship. I can't explain it any other way. abandoning me is probably the biggest re-set of all. Re-connecting, coming back to ne is the pay-off. It's hot.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 11:28:41 AM)
You can bite the tastebuds off your tongue?? Dang. <off to try....>

crouchingtigress -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 11:42:38 AM)
i dont recomend it actually it becomes addicting....but yes, it is uber painful, your tounge swells up for hours and your mouth fills with huge amounts of blood....a really good fix...if you know what i mean. i learned it years ago when eating too much sugar made bumps on my toungue and now i do it all the time...esp in big meetings where i am nervous...it releives anxiety heres the rub, i can only kiss folks i am fluid bonded with, unless i have a days notice... and that of course kills my impromtu sluttiness a bit more then i would like.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 11:47:55 AM)
I don't necessarily have a masochistic side, but I understand what you're saying well. I'm a vampire...I need that "fix" in order to function at my full potential. I can function without it, but not at what I consider to be peak performance. I get a feeling I describe (as most in the vamp community does) as "hungry". If I go long enough, it can become almost like an obsession. I simply need this in order to have a high quality of life, in my opinion. I also imagine many people who have felt this need around sex/intimate contact will understand what you're talking about, too. Oh, and yes, you can bite the tastebuds off your tongue. Hurts like a mother and bleeds fast...but not too long as mouth wounds seem to heal faster than others. Master Fire

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 1:16:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I've not heard that turn of phrase before, but I think it's a good one. Usually it's more a catharsis, or total break down, or such. I'd say pay more attention to your pressure valves and try to work it out in more productive happy ways rather than little sneaky ways that get your friends worried. Playing music helps me a lot of times. To sit down and simply let loose on the guitar for awhile. I have often wondered at times what seperates me from somebody who is a cutter. Because really it's all just another form of self injury. The people around me that notice it don't question it too deeply. Anybody who I've been involved I've made it a point to let them know about this. A thread a few days ago, I posted a few things about self inflicting of pain upon myself. Basically, that me wanting a pain fix has nothing to do with topping/bottoming or being Dom/sub/switch. Rather it's just a masochistic element of who I am as a person.

chellekitty -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 1:42:35 PM)
given your past posts on your addictive nature, and coming from my background a masochistic addict with a history of self injury who has learned to tell the difference between wanting pain for good reasons and wanting pain for bad reasons, i have to ask this...what's going on when you feel the need to press the reset button? and the rest is about me, because all i can do is tell you my experience.. i have come to a point where i do not play when i "need pain"...because when i need pain i am trying to fix something inside with something outside, simply put...i am trying to stop the feelings i am having - hurt, anger, insecurity, sadness, guilt, shame (by the way, i define the difference between guilt and shame as guilt is saying "i did something wrong" and shame is saying "i am something wrong"), and any other feeling i don't want to feel...just like when i used drugs, drank alcohol, cut myself, burned myself, refused to eat for days, had sex irresponsibly, spent money i couldn't afford to, drove recklessly, lied profusely to strangers for no other reason than to make me look good, hurt the people close to me with words because at least i wouldn't be alone while i was in pain and it gave me power over them...you know those things addicts do to distract themselves from dealing with the feelings, pressing the reset button is just another way - i said it before i ever thought about taking drugs, after i attempted suicide for the second time "if i hurt on the outside, it won't hurt so much on the inside"... on the completely other end of the spectrum, because of the same brain chemical response - endorphin release - i love pain play when i am in the right frame of mind...when i am spiritually connected with another person, also when i am engaging in S/m it is not tainted with the negative feelings that that "reset button" has to do with...it is about engaging in play that is good, and makes me feel good, it is sensual and sexual even if it has nothing to do with genitals, because the brain is the largest sex organ... and if i have a difficult time when i am scening figuring out if i am doing it for the right reasons, i ask myself...do i want this or do i need this? do i deserve this because i've been good or because i've been bad? am i going to feel good after this or am i going to feel relieved after this? do i care who is causing me pain or do i not care? am i doing this for fun or am i doing this to forget? if the answers are at least 4 out of 5 the former (definately the second question HAS to be the former for me) than i usually continue, if less, i sit it out.... i do it for my own safety, mental and physical...i have gotten to a point where, when i was not playing for the right reason, that i have let serious soft tissue injury be done to me because i did not respond to the pain because i felt i deserved punishment, and i could not decide when enough was enough and i would not respond verbally...i also do it for the mental and, to a much lesser degree, legal safety of the Top...it fucked them up - because i non-consensually involved them in my punishment... oh yea, two nevers for me: self injury is NEVER ok for me - skin broken or not, causing myself pain is just not ok anymore...also, i will never put myself in a dynamic where physical punishment is an option...pain is for fun, i will not let that wiring get crossed in my brain, there's enough of a spaghetti bowl of wiring in there... now, when i feel like i need "pain on the outside so it doesn't hurt so much on the inside," i take a step back, and back, until i get a view of what is causing the pain on the inside...because distracting myself doesn't make the pain on the inside go away, it just distracts me, and once the distraction is gone, that pain will still be there, except i probably cause some more pain on the inside through my actions on the outside...usually by causing pain on the inside to people who love me...and that really hurts me... anyway...i'm not sure if this helps...or even flows, i went back and filled some stuff in...but, it's what i have for you...good luck... take care chelle

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 5:05:16 PM)
I'm pretty certain I myself do have some addictive tendancies, but I'm alright about that. I don't need a pain fix constantly or daily. When I do need a fix, I simply go for it and get my fix, I know I'm not gonna cause myself any permant damage or harm in the process. I'm pretty certain, that I'm a sex addict too with a high sex drive to boot. I'm OK about that was well. I'd rather masterbate then have sex with an endless series of partners and strangers. I know I addicted to smoking cigerettees, some times I'm not alright about it, other times I am. Questionable though, Cancer does not run much in my family. Have had relatives that lived well into their late 80's and early 90's that smoked. Still none the less I know it's not really good for my health. I'm probally addicted to Caffine as well. Have to have my Coffee and Pepsi or whatever to make it through the day. Seems like more people are getting hooked on Energy Drinks these days, stuff a little more high test compared to what I drink. I'm ok about this too. Ok, now really I don't look all ragged and worn out for my age either! Have had guys comment about how they hope they will look as good as I do when they are my age. Ask me what's my secret. Drink Lots of Coffee, Smoke Cigerettes and Masterbate frequently. I do enjoy taking daily walks or basically hiking around here and there. Last time I was on a tred mill and they were testing my heart out. The Doctor asked me if I excerised and blah blah blah! I told him, not really all that much, I smoke like an oil field and drink coffee a lot. His mind was blown, he had to up the speed of the tred mill to get my heart rate up. He said, he could not believe it. He has people come in and swear up and down that they take good care of themselves and excercise and such, yet their heart rates suck. Then I come into there and Tell him how much I don't take care of myself, and my heart is in excellent condition? I by no mean express that smoking is good for you at all. I don't know, I often wonder if there is something positive about caffine. The Articles on it seem to conflict from year to year and study to study. I might stop smoking again, been thinking about that one. It is a dirty habit. I can eat dinner in a smoke free resturant and enjoy my meal, and not pace the floors for a smoke. I can go for a few hours without a smoke. Some people I know are freaking out after an hour without a smoke. If I'm really stressed I might tend to want to chain smoke. Think that's normal for the course of things. I'm pretty certain I have a tendancy to enjoy drinking a little too much at times. Went through one period of time, well frankly, best fits the label as acholic. That lasted about 1/2 a year, and I knocked it off. Yes, from time to time I enjoy going out and drinking. I only went out once this last month and had 5 beers. I'm really not too worried about drinking right. Think I'm the one in control of that. I just don't want to get tangled up with somebody who drinks a lot on a daily basis or can't maintain control of themselves very well when they have been drinking. Not a good match for me. I never was one for getting into drugs very much, sure I have done some drugs in my life. Actually, smoking pot is not a very pleasent thing for me. I tend to get strange allergic reactions, don't like coughing, going asmatic and such. Not to mention, I find it extremely hard to concentrate or think. Not very much fun. So Drugs, I'm pretty certain I'll never have a drug addiction issue. There are people in my family that have Drinking problems or have had them. I'm pretty certain I have some disposition for it myself. I have other outlets for things, such as Music, playing guitar, song writting, practice on vocals and such. If I'm feeling inventive I might make something artistic with scrapes of wood or whatever. Household remodel projects seem to get me busy at times. I have a friend who became a workaholic, he was working 80 hours a week. Needless to say his marriage feel apart because of it. Don't know, I look around me. Seems like everybody must have some addiction problem or certain habits that are not good. I have another friend that plays drums, he's a fitness addict. He actually is having a lot of problems now from all the weight lifting he's done over the years. He's younger then me has bad Arithist problems, he's done damage to some of his tendons and other fun things, very bad problems with one knee. Working out is supposed to be a good thing for you right? In all honestly, I'm pretty certain I'm rather bit of an addict with a few things, and have the potential for other things. But I'm alright about that. I at least have it reasonably under control, or a grip on what is going on. I do often wonder just how normal it is actually is for people to have addictive behaviors and patterns. I've been trying to spot somebody normal without any.

chellekitty -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 6:16:42 PM)
it is normal for people to do the things they like a lot...it is normal for people to do things that make them feel good a lot...what is not normal is for people do to things a lot that negatively impact them no matter how good they make them feel...it's normal for an addict to minimize negative consequences and rationalize and justify the things that led up to the consequences and blame others for the consequences...oh yea...and normal people don't sit around and wonder if they are addicts...it's not the drugs or the drinks or the nicotine or the caffeine or the sex or the codependency or whatever that make people addicts - there are plenty of people out there that do them without being addicts (and damn them for it) it's what happens when an addict does the drugs, drink the drinks, smokes the cigarettes, drinks the caffinated drinks, has sex, gets in the codependent relationship and so forth...and afterwards as a result of doing so.... chelle

Prismfire -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 6:31:50 PM)
I can totally relate to this ... even to the point of calling it a reset button ... I read your post and my mouth dropped as I could have written it LOL Guess we arent all that wierd.

Asherdelampyr -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 6:34:20 PM)
there was a guy I knew in Basic, that used to collect pointed rocks from in front of the barracks, and put them inside his boots. He claimed it was to keep himself awake, but the guy was so hyper that I knew he was full of it though of course if he handt been my battle-buddy, I would have never noticed the rocks, nobody else did

awakenednj -> RE: Masochistic reset button (6/4/2008 7:32:23 PM)
I know exactly what you mean OP. There are days I'm really not functioning properly until I see him again. Trying to do something to myself helps a little, but than it comes back worse. clamps under clothes help, and no one is the wiser so I dont have to explain anything.

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