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Singles Event - 6/1/2008 9:43:31 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I do NOT qualify for the event/concept I am proposing but I think it is something needed and I would like to hear what people here think.  If you just hate the idea, please just say that and move on.  If you have some helpful comments to move this discussion forward, please do so.  If you have the need to chest thump about how you wouldn't lower yourself, please just know I think you are amazing and could steal my woman in a flash if you had the chance and move on as well knowing you are a better man and dominant than I will ever be.





I am defining single as "not have ANY partner"  so if you are polly with 20 people and want one more, sorry but you just don't qualify.  I don't qualify either so I am not setting up a happy hunting ground for myself.





I am on a kinky dating website centered around San Francisco with 1,700 people on it.  It is kind of pathetic in that I don't think anyone connects on it.  I went to an event a couple weeks ago that was a Male Dominant centered event where after a little negotiation and if yu got consent, all women were there to be used.  It felt like high school, all the popular kids who play a lot "danced" and the rest stood around watching unable/unwilling to risk being embarrassed.

I think that is due to the fact women want experienced partners and yet if you are not with someone you can't "demonstrate" that you are experienced.  For the women, if you are young and hot, the dipshits surround you, and if you are not, nobody bothers.  Gross generalization but true enough for this discussion.

SO, I was thinking of creating something like a speed dating event.  This would only work in larger bdsm communities I think because you need a lot of people for the randomness to work.  I was thinking of doing a dinner where the women remain seated the men move around the table.  From there it gets complicated.

  • Finding a place to host 20-30 people that isn't too cheap or too expensive isn't easy
  • How to decide who gets to go isn't easy either and will require some poor bastard to do a lot of work all of which will piss someone off.
  • While not everyone is a match and styles differ I was thinking about a rating system where people rate who they talk to and so even if they are not interested in them those who rate high get invited back more frequently than those who rank poorly.
  • Perhaps more constructively, the rating can be a way of sorting as in someone frequently ranked  "pretty extreme" gets invited to an event with a bunch of other "pretty extreme" people?   Same could be done with someone who frequently rates "private player" rather than "play slut" or some such.
  • Same concept but at a dungeon, women select one form of play they would allow with random strangers and an evening picked where the same sort of musical chairs goes on with men interested or at least willing to demo themselves with that sort of play.
  • Or perhaps it is an entire evening, with several forms of play done at set times and those women interested can sign up for that set of musical chairs/play and the rest of the time people can chat and talk with enough going on that mingling with strangers actually happens.

Please note, I realize the male/dom female/sub as it is simple, same event could work for anyone and I support that just as much.  For the purpose of this discussion it is the concept of the event that is being discussed.  I realize this wouldn't work for everyone and if it doesn't work for you, understand that doesn't make you better or worse.

If there is any equivocation, offense, or brownosing I forget, please assume it was an error of omission rather than commission and I ask for your forgiveness in advance.
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RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 9:51:36 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I think it's a great idea.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 9:52:03 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		It might be workable, but youd need a heck of a security staff to make sure none of the random play tings get out of hand. You might need prescreening for people for that sort of play, rather thna just setting up for round table.
Your ranking system is interesting, but it might be more effective if people put themselves into groups when they signed up, as to what they were looking for. Choose one, your major interest. That would make planning and attendance much simpler.
Then theres the confidentiality agreements and the like.
Doable, but lots of work. I am sure you could get volunteers if there was a show of interest, and you could even request a covercharge for dinner type arrangements.


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 9:58:09 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		This would be in SF with people who have at least some contact with the scene and so some of those concerns are not too worrysome to me.  The sort of things I was talking about would be say "light flogging" and that ilk, stuff you would have to be a moron to actually hurt someone and that anyone watching could effortlessly see if things were out of hand.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 10:02:00 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

This would be in SF with people who have at least some contact with the scene and so some of those concerns are not too worrysome to me.  The sort of things I was talking about would be say "light flogging" and that ilk, stuff you would have to be a moron to actually hurt someone and that anyone watching could effortlessly see if things were out of hand.


sounds like a good idea, I did go to a singles event recently, with my primary -- as it was open to others, some of us poly folks have and want a few less than 20 in their lives.. .I actually think its short sighted to exclude them, but that's another post

the one I went to had stations of the cross (I was one of the stations, met some lovely people), and I thought it was a good idea -- because there is always a moron in the crowd, so while stations doesn't guard completely against it, it can help..

and finally, while I think its a great idea, no good deed goes unpunished... or so my gran always said, and I've found she's right

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 6/1/2008 10:03:09 AM >

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You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

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RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 10:04:30 AM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		Michael,
i actually think this is a wonderful idea. And sadly wish that when i had been single there would have been something like this available to me. Perhaps it would have elminated some rather moronic decisions on my part.  My only suggestion is on the rating cards, what if you were to put a small list of reasons people were rated poorly for the women to chose from. My idea is this would allow the men, to be able to grow and change from their interaction, and can be done in a non-intrusive manner. That way, if someone gets a poor score because He used the wrong fork or didn't look her in the eyes, he can be educated on the importance of that (although, the fork thing is beyond me) and grow from that.
i don't know, just a suggestion.
Kali


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~~Sweedish Proverb


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RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 10:06:36 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
you would have to be a moron to actually hurt someone

Yeah, well, remember to bring your drill press for the edge players who want to perform a lumber puncture.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 10:12:18 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'd say no to it being a dating sort of anything, even speed no strings attached dating.

Rather focus on it being an "exploratory" night, with lots of people and stations set up to try things and anyone can come to try it out.  Very low pressure and groups of people tend to mix and mingle at any one station.  Since the point isn't to "scene" but just to try something for a few minutes, it can be much more relaxed and shake off those initial stiff vibes. 



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RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 10:17:44 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		I agree with you that  single events or munches even would be a good thing... one of the complaints I hear  locally is where are all the single/unattached  subs/doms/dommes .... personally I would rather see it as a munch rather than as physical playing... a place for those that are searching  to meet and connect.   

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Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

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RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 10:25:54 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		I like the idea... except for it being too far away.  Pity too... I've got about 8,000 sq ft I could let you use for free.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 10:26:47 AM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		On paper it's a good idea... that I don't really think would play out in most bdsm settings. Ideally it should work but the whole randomness of it is the downfall. People don't seem to want to mingle as much. I really don't know why. I don't pay attention to dominant profiles but the profiles of most of the submissive females I read all read pretty much the same way with a few twists. They aren't looking for bdsm speed dating. 

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 11:23:39 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		Its an interesting concept.  I think it all depends on how you frame it and what your goals are. 

Personally, I can't see participating as a way of meeting someone to get involved with in a D/s relationship.  It doesn't strike me as being effective as a match-making kind of thing.  Of course, I'm not really a speed date kind of person. 

But, for a fun night of SM play that might attract a lot of like-minded people, it sounds cool, creative and like it could generate a lot of positive energy.  As a bottom, it sounds intriguing as a way of getting a feel for different play styles.  It might be more appealing to somebody with less experience.

Other than moderate impact play along my backside, I'm trying to think what else I'd be comfortable doing with a random stranger. 

I'd be really careful with how you handle a ranking system.  The more objective a system the better as it could devolve into a twisted popularity contest.


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“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 12:07:12 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Hmm... road trip?
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

I like the idea... except for it being too far away.  Pity too... I've got about 8,000 sq ft I could let you use for free.

(in reply to Padriag)
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RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 12:11:02 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I always thought speed dating is a great venue.  Munches are ok to meet, but really very few people get up and mingle from table to table.  Every now and then we do meet and greets so that people are more prone to talking to people they may not otherwise engage.
If my community were larger your idea would be fabulous.  But personally, I would prefer to use it to meet people, rather than to play.
Someone talked about stations, and for a play party I might opt to pop in for some quick sensation.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 12:22:13 PM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		I think it's a great idea, but I agree with one or two of the other replies that it should be a non-play event. Just a "speed-meeting" event where you get to (actually have to) meet several people who are nominally the "type" to complement you. Making a connection should be the goal, not jumping into play.

I like the idea of making it specific in regard to role orientation. It sucks to go to a BDSM event, whether it's a munch or something else, and find almost everyone there is a male dom or female sub, when you're interested in femdom/malesub. Switches welcome, with the understanding that the primary focus of the event is pre-defined.

In regard to venue, San Francisco is an obvious choice, but it should definitely work in NYC, and probably in some other large cities.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 12:32:19 PM   
burningdesires47


Posts: 120
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		I think either idea would be good. The stations for different play thing was done arond here a few months ago, with experienced tops, who were willing to simply perform on bottoms and/or teach tops what they're doing. So you had the option of being the bottom for the experienced top, of having the top teach you on another bottom, or both for that matter. Flogging, rope, even needles... there were like 8 different stations, it was a great event. Personally, I doubt it would be popular enough for a just-singles event... if for no other reason than that it can be very beneficial to people with partners, too.

In regards to speed dating: As a poly person, I can totally see excluding, or at least making different events of a similar type that could include poly people. It eliminates the annoyance factor on both sides that "OMG there were so many icky people there who just want a live-in babysitter and fuck toy, I want to be with my one and only!" from the singles who don't do poly, and the "OMG I'm so sick of going to these things and only meeting oe or two people who will even think about poly stuff." Because either way you end up with everyone sayign it's not worth their time. At least if you hosted both a "singles only" speed dating and a "Poly-friendly" speed dating, you can still get single people who are interested in doing or exploring or learning more about polyamory, without pissing everyone off. And then when a poly person says "Wahhhhmbulance, you're being mean for excluding me!" you can say "pshhh you're just here at the wrong time/wrong day cuz you refuse to read. Do the poly group. Here's the info."

I think the rating system as described is a bad idea. Too much ability to make it a popularity contest, and doesn't change your complaint that it's all about the high school mentality with dipshits surrounding the hottest girls, and the rest being ignored. All it does it put it on paper in black and white that "You're not popular."

Altho I do like the idea of comments about why people weren't picked. Because "I want someone without kids" is a compatibility issue, not a flaw. "I want someone who doesn't smell like ass that hasn't been wiped in a week," well, that's not just a compatibility issue... and if someone sees a lot of the same or similar comments coming up, then at least they can decide to either change that aspect if possible, or change their venue/approach.

ETA: Incidentally, I also like the speed-dating idea for all those people who really come off like morons or just can't seem to make a connection online, but when they meet people in person it works a lot better. Some people can really make online dating work for them. Others need the real-life, right-here interaction. And that's rarely available in poly circles without a ton of pressure.

< Message edited by burningdesires47 -- 6/1/2008 12:35:46 PM >

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 1:42:47 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		LOL omg.. yet another keyboard ruined because of a spit-take.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: burningdesires47
"I want someone who doesn't smell like ass that hasn't been wiped in a week," well, that's not just a compatibility issue... and if someone sees a lot of the same or similar comments coming up, then at least they can decide to either change that aspect if possible, or change their venue/approach.


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to burningdesires47)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 1:50:22 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		I think the event you are proposing would be a blast, and can be carried off with hand
picked participants and good dungeon masters.
 

 
Michael, that new picture of you and BSB is so damn cute.
 
 

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 2:13:37 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		The rating system would have to be private in the sense that people wouldn't walk around with a ZERO on their forehead and would of course have to be on some fairly objective items.  Otherwise the people who can hook up will and the not quite ready people will tend to proliferate and drive off the remaining people you do want, harsh reality but a reality non-the-less.

The problem with setting up stations for people to try things is that it is a happy hunting ground for the guys running the stations and anyone new  is screwed, the point is to mix people up.  Plus, in SF most people aren't newbies even if they aren't overly social and so they don't need to be introduced to floggers or rope.

Another fun thing might be for the submissives to have either an outline of a story/scene or a list of some oddball objects and ask the men to come up with what they would do with them.  That way it is a mental exercise that gives someone the chance to be creative without worry about anyone going to far.

As for the dating part, you aren't going home with them it is as someone said it is meant to be "speed meeting" of a broader range of people than you might meet otherwise.

Another concept rather than ranking people after the fact is people go through a menu and vote on who they want there, then those with the most votes get to go.  If Mr HotDom turns out to be a dud, his votes are going to go down and if turns out to be MrRight for somebody he is out of the running because he is no longer single.  Of course if you are not getting the highest votes you wouldn't get to go but you could also parse out the percentiles and pick the middle 25% and or play with it as it doesn't have to be matched anyway. 

Remember that no matter how you do it somebody is going to be screwed over and someone is going to be favored.  The trick is to make it work long enough that the flaws can be worked out AND that it keeps going long enough that everyone gets to play with it.

Everyone's input is welcome and great so keep it coming!

(in reply to burningdesires47)
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RE: Singles Event - 6/1/2008 2:22:11 PM   
everhope


Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline 		Michael, here in LA we do have had something of this kind of  speed "meet and greet".i have never attended, so i can not give first hand experience, but this is how it was explained to me.
the one i heard about was strictly a MaleDom/femsub event. upon arriving, the females fill out a brief BDSM checklist. the Doms form a circle facing out and the submissives go from one Dominant to another having, i believe 2or5 mins (can't remember exactly) in each Dominants presence. after the meeting part is over, everyone is then free to start any serious negotiating of play or if you are not feeling it for anyone specific you are free to hang out and drink/eat and simply socialize.

may we all find our bliss. 

< Message edited by everhope -- 6/1/2008 2:24:31 PM >

_____________________________

may we all find our bliss

Resident VWB

We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.






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