Men and Intimacy

Men and Intimacy (Full Version)

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MladyHathor -> Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 3:20:44 AM)
( This was originally going to be for the male subs/slaves, but I'd like to have all the men weigh in here)---we often accuse men of thinking with one head and it isnt where the brain is---and we often hear that D/s brings more intimacy than a vanilla relationship. ( Note not opinions, not generalist statements---frames of reference only)-- *So given that--and no references to your penis---I'd like to hear:* *1. What do you define as intimacy?* *2. What is one of the most intimate moments you have ever had?* *2. Do you believe that D/s brings you more intimacy?*

petpete -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 3:40:00 AM)
No i don't think that D/s brings "more " intimacy. i only know it makes me feel something inside me that i have a need to release. And that is not in a "liquid form alone"...

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 3:50:51 AM)
I can't answer your questions exactly, but I believe that I can be very intimate in relationships of all kinds if I care about the person. Intimacy in a D/s relationship is advantageous because of trust and respect issues.

Level -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 3:58:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MladyHathor ( This was originally going to be for the male subs/slaves, but I'd like to have all the men weigh in here)---we often accuse men of thinking with one head and it isnt where the brain is---and we often hear that D/s brings more intimacy than a vanilla relationship. ( Note not opinions, not generalist statements---frames of reference only)-- *So given that--and no references to your penis---I'd like to hear:* *1. What do you define as intimacy?* *2. What is one of the most intimate moments you have ever had?* *2. Do you believe that D/s brings you more intimacy?* 1- it can mean all sorts of things, but what comes to mind first is emotional closeness. 2- an evening with a lady friend; I had a nice mix of songs playing, we slow danced, and did not speak much. We didn't need to. 3- Yes, but that's subjective.

Stusmobile -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 4:09:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MladyHathor *1. What do you define as intimacy?* *2. What is one of the most intimate moments you have ever had?* *2. Do you believe that D/s brings you more intimacy?* All personal opinion, everyone will differ in their thoughts and ideas ...... Intimacy - could be anything, could be everything. Depends on the nature of the relationship and the expectations from those involved. Its more the sharing of another's space and idea's, their thoughts and dreams than it is a physical phenomenom, it's that zone where you're both in the same space ... mentally, physically, emotionally. There doesn't even need to be that physical contact, there can intense moments of intimacy with nothing more than a breath or a sigh, a look can bring you to you knees or make it seem like walking on air. Intimate moments - In some ways there has been an increase in intimacy over the years as I've come to learn and accept me, but one recent one stands out and blows my mind still. That intimacy where you fall asleep with someone, the complete trust that's shared as two people feel close enough to relax, not the actual act of sleeping, but that headspace where both get an "oh yes" moment. D/s more intimate - More, I'm not sold on that, depends entirely on the people involved ...... but a faster intimacy, definitely ... even a longer one as new limits get explored and pushed. In a vanilla relationship there is time to learn each others limits at a more leisurely pace, finding kinks and other things out as and when they happen to crop up. In a D/s relationship, there is that exchange right in the beginning, that defining of limits and expectations. Over time those limits might blur, change or get broken completely .... and that brings it's own intimacy but initially you have to open up faster than other relationship styles. Hiding the fact that butt plugs and ball gags are your thing in a vanilla relationship is one thing, hiding it in a D/s one is nigh on impossible.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 6:17:21 AM)
As long as you women don't start crying or blathering on about those damn vaginas...(sarcasm intended, that sort of crap is fine in the mistress section but seems out of place here) I miss intimacy far more than sex. Intimacy is being vulnerable with your partner while feeling safe beyond words and as such is one of the few things I don't speak about openly. As for D/s and intimacy, yes and no. For me, doing all this has put me on a path that has allowed me to get to a place where I could be more intimate but I don't think it is inherent in D/s.

RavenMuse -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 6:51:28 AM)
[quo *1. What do you define as intimacy?* *2. What is one of the most intimate moments you have ever had?* *2. Do you believe that D/s brings you more intimacy?* [/quote] 1. conection, communication and understanding on an intuative and emotional level 2. There is one headspace, one level of emotional connection, sometimes when holding the girl, giving her comfort, support and reasurance after she has has some big emotional trauma elsewhere in her life... or during aftercare (Similarly cathertic), when the girl is just totaly open, total vulnerability, none of the 'masks' or barriers that everyone has built up by the way We are raised. No need for words as there is total understanding and trust, one of those points where time seems to hold its breath for a moment. 3. Absolutely.... that isn't saying D/s is more inherently 'intimate', just that because I am 'wired' to express My emotional connection in a D/s situation I couldn't and can't do so in a vanilla one... too much of Me is closed off and 'dead' without a D/s Dynamic.

celticlord2112 -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 7:09:51 AM)
quote: 1. What do you define as intimacy? Intimacy is the revealing/sharing of emotions, sensitivities, and all those other annoying things that can render us psychologically vulnerable to harm. quote: 2. What is one of the most intimate moments you have ever had? Holding my slave after a flogging. quote: 3. Do you believe that D/s brings you more intimacy? For me, personally, yes it does. D/s dynamics are the vehicle I am most comfortable using to articulate my emotional states. Those dynamics are no more and no less intimate than any other relationship dynamics in the abstract.

MladyHathor -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 12:18:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael As long as you women don't start crying or blathering on about those damn vaginas...(sarcasm intended, that sort of crap is fine in the mistress section but seems out of place here) I miss intimacy far more than sex. Intimacy is being vulnerable with your partner while feeling safe beyond words and as such is one of the few things I don't speak about openly. As for D/s and intimacy, yes and no. For me, doing all this has put me on a path that has allowed me to get to a place where I could be more intimate but I don't think it is inherent in D/s. *Ok SM, I spewed at that comment about the vaginas---what a scream---(you know I went to that play--it was AWFUL, if Mine ever talks I am going to sew it up!)* *As for your comment on intimacy, I hope that is what I can find in a boy---someone who misses it--and seeks it---allot.*

Padriag -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 12:24:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MladyHathor *1. What do you define as intimacy?* Never really thought about defining it before. So here's just some thoughts in stream of consciousness form. Sex isn't always intimacy, but sometimes its part of it. Stepping inside their inner private world, letting them step inside mine. Sharing something personal that ends up being a bridge, a symbol, of something more. quote: *2. What is one of the most intimate moments you have ever had?* We fed each other peanutbutter fudge at a picnic table one day, didn't talk much, just smiled at each other a lot... didn't seem to be much need for words. The whole thing wasn't planned, just a spur of the moment thing. quote: 2. Do you believe that D/s brings you more intimacy? No

CreativeDominant -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 12:31:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MladyHathor ( This was originally going to be for the male subs/slaves, but I'd like to have all the men weigh in here)---we often accuse men of thinking with one head and it isnt where the brain is---and we often hear that D/s brings more intimacy than a vanilla relationship. ( Note not opinions, not generalist statements---frames of reference only)-- *So given that--and no references to your penis---I'd like to hear:* *1. What do you define as intimacy?* Intimacy is being able to share those parts of me with someone that leave me open to them using those parts to harm me. Doesn't matter whether it is a friend, a lover, a submissive, another dominant, or my ums. My ums have seen a certain part of me that others have not...and my friend Dan has seen a part of me that no one else has...as has my brother. With one submissive out of the three long-term ones I had, there was an exposure of all of me that I was capable of revealing. Did it come back to bite me? Yep, in some ways it did. The risk you take for living and choosing to be who and what you are, with all the flaws along with the good. I am not on a "dominant" pedestal nor do I want to be. If a submissive puts me on a pedastal, I want it to be done with her eyes open...with her knowing that I am human and capable of making mistakes and that very, very, very rarely are those mistakes made with deliberate intent. quote: 2. What is one of the most intimate moments you have ever had? Holding my grand um at Easter last year. There were a few moments when she just looked up at me, seemingly studying me and then, for whatever reason...Grandpa looks funny (which is highly possible, I admit) or something she felt within her soul, she gave a little nod, smiled and went to sleep. That is the moment that some of you have seen in the pic of me with her. quote: 3. Do you believe that D/s brings you more intimacy? In my world, for many of the reasons cited on here by Raven and others, yes it does. FOR the type of relationship we are talking about which, for me, includes a romantic aspect.

KatyLied -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 12:50:16 PM)
1. What do you define as intimacy? Revelations. Being free to show all of yourself, the good and bad, with it being accepted by your partner. 2. What is one of the most intimate moments you have ever had? One afternoon, someone sharing with me a box full of momentos and photographs and stories that accompanied them. I learned a lot that afternoon and felt grateful that it was given to me. 3. Do you believe that D/s brings you more intimacy? Not necessarily. I think it depends on the people involved.

Lumus -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 3:03:42 PM)
I like to think of intimacy as a lingering, shared moment of complete understanding and acceptance. Think about how rare that particular beastie is, you may see what I mean. For all the wracking of my brain, no single moment in the vein of the OP's question pops immediately to mind - for example, I'm presuming intimacy in this sense is meant to carry a sexual undertone, even though intimacy is not sexual by its nature. Holding my newborn son and having his tiny hand clasp my index finger - that was my most intimate moment. As for D/s, I don't believe that it catalyzes intimacy per se; although it may lead to gentle nuzzling, two bodies moistened from sweat curling into one another, with soft words murmured and then a quiet warmth. shrugs I don't, and won't, force intimacy. I'd rather earn it.

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 3:06:17 PM)
1. What do you define as intimacy? --romantic scene with partner. 2. What is one of the most intimate moments you have ever had? --2 hour wax session which put me in sub space. 2. Do you believe that D/s brings you more intimacy? --there are things that you can do in bdsm which you can not do in vanilla. vanilla calls what we do abuse and rape which means jail time.

dac7ph -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 4:38:35 PM)
BDSM relationships - have among the community at least- the reputation of more intimacy, and trust then vanilla is intimacy, like a D/s dynamic seems to be in the mind/soul/heart. A feeling as petpete put it, "No i don't think that D/s brings "more " intimacy. i only know it makes me feel something inside me that i have a need to release. And that is not in a "liquid form alone"... " When that connection happens and W/we share O/our shadow selves with O/our partners, O/our kinks, dreams, and desires. the night my former Faerytale Princess and Owner shared Her love of knife play and i submitted to Her Desire for a living canvas. One of the sweetest nights of my life. The D/s dynamic seems to offer more intimacy for me. It offers me a chance to open up enough to another and a community to honestly be intimate. Great thread Mistress Hathor. "There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice." Mark Twain

christine1 -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 5:38:15 PM)
intimacy is what i crave when i'm alone. yes, nasty sex too, but mostly just intimacy. to me that means sharing the good and bad in a very personal way and still wanting each other.

HieroV -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 5:51:25 PM)
1) Intimacy is being an open book to someone, letting your guard down. It’s admitting the secret things you are maybe ashamed of or embarrassed about - like for example: sharing that you love to cuddle – are a cuddle whore in fact - because you never got enough of that as child and that you are a man who understand no woman could ever make up for it but you enjoy being held/fondled or holding her on a regular basis. Or that he admits that he actually thinks the Speed Racer cartoons are well written. And like all good things - intimacy takes time – and if both want it. 2) One of the most intimate moments I have ever had….I wrote this a few days ago….though of deleting it…decided to leave it up: http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1866135&key= 3) Do you believe that D/s brings you more intimacy? It can…but like everything else…it depends on the relationship. Hiero V

KnightofMists -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 6:05:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MladyHathor *1. What do you define as intimacy?* emotional vulnerability quote: *2. What is one of the most intimate moments you have ever had?* that is for someoe that I am intimate with. quote: . *3. Do you believe that D/s brings you more intimacy?* No... other way around... the Intimacy I already have facilatates a more intense D/s relationship.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 6:06:13 PM)
*1. What do you define as intimacy?* Intimacy comes in so many flavors of mutual knowledge and mutual comfort it is hard for me to define it. Being so close to someone that you know them romantically, sexually and emotionally as well as they know themselves is the closet I come to putting into words. I measure intimacy by the level of mutual exposure & vulnerability. 2. What is one of the most intimate moments you have ever had? Leaving the bathroom door open. Crying together (not because the bathroom door was left open). 3. Do you believe that D/s brings you more intimacy? For me, the trust factor in BDSM is what makes it so intimate for me. I think any relationship style can be equally as intimate, I just like using the tools of BDSM to forge the bonds of trust.

RavenMuse -> RE: Men and Intimacy (5/28/2008 6:46:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist 2. What is one of the most intimate moments you have ever had? Leaving the bathroom door open. Crying together (not because the bathroom door was left open). SPLUTTER Once again a reminder to be careful reading CM whilst drinking coffee![:D]

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