RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare?

RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (Full Version)

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LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/26/2008 7:12:09 PM)
You get to have whatever you want. Next time you'll know to ask these questions and have these experiences together before deciding whether someone should be a serious consideration for you.

JANAAZ1 -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/26/2008 7:13:03 PM)
Honestly, CalifChick, I spoke as plainly to him as I could possibly speak. He knew from day one what my expectations were. I am a very vocal, descriptive woman. In fairness to him, he never really agreed or disagreed with me about doing things outside of the scenes, he just listened, which, I took to mean he was in agreement on, or, we wouldn't have continued onward and forward... LOL Yes, I know, I can be rather naive at times....I would like to believe that this decision came to him in the past few days, as he said, but, deep down, I know that's simply not the case. I will definetly be firm in my expectations in the future, I can assure you of that. I'm just heartened at how many people are replying and saying that what I'm looking for really isn't such a rarity......

MrRodgers -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/26/2008 7:14:48 PM)
Interesting how on this basis you chose to meet anyway...obviously to scene. So then he turns out to be a player and not looking for a relationship. Interesting how you also describe what you have as being an 'under consideration' master. Seems it was just you doing the considering ?

JANAAZ1 -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/26/2008 7:34:07 PM)
Actually, I thought that " Under Consideration" meant, that, by me being new in this lifestyle, and him being a Master that has been in it for several years, he was " considering " me as his Submissive...Some time into our meetings I began to wonder if a Sub shouldn't have "consideration" in the process as well. I wrote to a Master that is on this , one I have never met, but that I have alot of respect for his opinions, and asked if it did, in fact, mean the Master was the one making the decision, because, in my eyes, realistically, we are both deciding if the other one is what we need in the other... the other Master explained that, yes, it is a mutual decision, in the end.. I know this may sound odd, but, coming from just outside, in the vanilla world, when a Master tells me that " this is the way things work in this lifestyle, 'I have to work at finding out what really is the norm and what isn't... Regardless, in the end, if A Sub or Slave is collared, it is done so by the Master, right? So, in the very beginning, it did make sense to me...and, then, I started asking alot of questions, some of which were met with the same response, " You are the Submissive, I am the Master." I'm sure that was one of the turning points for him, in regards to me actually becoming his Submissive as opposed to "In Consideration" Submissive...I feel like, in his eyes, I asked way too many questions... but, if I'm not comfortable, thats what I do... I ask questions.....regardless of my concerns, I felt enough of a bond with this man to continue on and see where the journey would lead.....

JANAAZ1 -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/26/2008 7:59:33 PM)
I was reading another thread where a Submissive was asking what it means when she tells her Master she wants to be released from being his Submissive and he refuses to release her. Obviously she is new to this lifestyle as well as I am. People told her that she just has to walk away, PERIOD. Now, I read those responses and thought, " Yeah, he has no legal right to keep you with him.". And, yet, being a "newbie", I can certainly understand her confusion... Someone that has been in this lifestyle for a while really does have the advantage over the gullible "newbies" such as her and myself... I feel like I have probably come across sounding like an idiot for starting this thread, because, yes, I have made some dumb decisions on this road to getting into this lifestyle...but, unfortunately, some of us are slower learners than otherss... so, for those of you giving your positive responses, I know I really do appreciate it.....

outlier -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/26/2008 8:45:24 PM)
JANAAZI, You also have no profile or yours is turned off so you cannot be contacted. Thus until you started this thread you limited your exposure to other opinions besides the ones this man was feeding you for his own purposes. I understand that this exposes you to the onslaught that females suffer here but if you don't post a picture and make it clear that you are looking to build a LTR (long term relationship) and that you will not play until you have dated for awhile. That will cut down on the trolls. You will still get insults etc., but that is what the delete and block buttons are for. Or/And you could search for men who state what they want in their profiles. And when it agrees with you contact them. Outlier

Leatherist -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/26/2008 8:48:53 PM)
Wierd question...How can you AVOID it?

RealSub58 -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/26/2008 8:49:59 PM)
Janaaz1, A relationship is knit together like a fine woven garmet when you find the right partner. Some strands are knit with harsh paddles and floggers, another with the humdrum of dishes and laundry, another with erotic sensuality while another strand might represent the agony of dissention. The partner must be the glove to your hand or vice versa...many ways to the yin and yang of things....a journey without destination. I am sorry for the mis-communication between the dom and you. Now you are aware of how to communicate your needs, desires and wants a bit better. Better that you find out sooner than later.

RealSub58 -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/26/2008 8:58:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JANAAZ1 I was reading another thread where a Submissive was asking what it means when she tells her Master she wants to be released from being his Submissive and he refuses to release her. Obviously she is new to this lifestyle as well as I am. People told her that she just has to walk away, PERIOD. Now, I read those responses and thought, " Yeah, he has no legal right to keep you with him.". And, yet, being a "newbie", I can certainly understand her confusion... Someone that has been in this lifestyle for a while really does have the advantage over the gullible "newbies" such as her and myself... I feel like I have probably come across sounding like an idiot for starting this thread, because, yes, I have made some dumb decisions on this road to getting into this lifestyle...but, unfortunately, some of us are slower learners than otherss... so, for those of you giving your positive responses, I know I really do appreciate it..... Nope !! You are not an idiot. You have ventured out into the forums and you will find answers to your millions of questions. Just remember not all posters will respond the way you want them to, how you think they aught to. ....take the chaff with the grain, throw it into the wind and the good grain will fall into your lap. Think and act with your head, not with your heart or hormones. I have a hidden profile for reasons known to me at this time... do with your profile as YOU wish ! Be true to yourself.

JANAAZ1 -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/26/2008 9:26:55 PM)
I do have a profile. I just have it hidden for a while, til I'm ready to get myself up, shake myself off, and then explore again sometime....I agree with you, Leatherist, I assumed both worlds just naturally go hand in hand... until I met a man that didn't want any connection between us in the vanilla world, or very little anyway.I have come to realize that some people do, in fact, keep their two worlds completely separate.And, if that is their choice, there is nothing wrong with that,; it just doesn't work for me.

Leatherist -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/26/2008 9:30:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JANAAZ1 I do have a profile. I just have it hidden for a while, til I'm ready to get myself up, shake myself off, and then explore again sometime....I agree with you, Leatherist, I assumed both worlds just naturally go hand in hand... until I met a man that didn't want any connection between us in the vanilla world, or very little anyway.I have come to realize that some people do, in fact, keep their two worlds completely separate.And, if that is their choice, there is nothing wrong with that,; it just doesn't work for me. That only works if you are self sufficient enough to be cloistered. And that has it's inherent dangers-as well as attractions.

SleepyDom -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/26/2008 9:33:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Wierd question...How can you AVOID it? I was thinking the same thing. You're not going to "scene" 24/7 unless maybe your master is very wealthy and want you just for BDSM purposes and have you chained up/caged all the time. How can you avoid all the vanilla activities like doing the dishes or watching tv or going out for dinner etc.? Any BDSM D/s or M/s relationship is going to involve plenty of "mundane" things. Though the difference in a D/s or M/s relationship from vanilla is that even mundane things will have D/s current flowing underneath. For example, I may have her doing the dishes in ridiculously submissive clothes (perhaps naked) or have a buttplug or some such to constantly remind her of her submission even while doing mundane chores. So while we're not exactly "scening", she can get pretty excited and get into that submissive mindset even while doing presumably vanilla things.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/26/2008 9:40:28 PM)
Its easy to avoid when you arent in ro close to a 24/7 living arrangement. I get the impression from the OP that she was not living with the Master. Not everyone moves to a live in relationship, not quickly for some and not ever for others. Keeping your interests confined to scenes when you come when you want to play and leave when you are done isnt hard at all. I could easily have that sort of detachment with Angel with the schedules we keep. I dont, but it would be very easy to do. When you actually live together the vanilla and bdsm aspects blend a lot more than when you just get together.

SleepyDom -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/26/2008 9:47:44 PM)
Oh yes I know that. I was addressing the relationship dynamics, not some casual no-strings-attached fuck/scene buddy, which I took OP to be asking about. Yes, in both vanilla and BDSM, there will always be those that aren't interested in a relationship but just the sex or the scenes.

slavegirljoy -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/26/2008 10:08:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JANAAZ1 I was reading another thread where a Submissive was asking what it means when she tells her Master she wants to be released from being his Submissive and he refuses to release her. Obviously she is new to this lifestyle as well as I am. People told her that she just has to walk away, PERIOD. Now, I read those responses and thought, " Yeah, he has no legal right to keep you with him." This is my personal opinion on this issue: #1) If you enter into a relationship with another of your own Free Will then, so long as you aren't being held as a prisoner, you have the right to leave that relationship of your own Free Will, any time you want, for any reason, even just because you have changed your mind about either the person on the type of relationship. This is true whether you are in a relationship that is 'traditional' or 'alternative'. People into a D/s type of relationship might call it "being released" and people into more 'traditional' relationships might call it "breaking up" but, it's the same thing. The relationship isn't working for at least one of the participants and they elect to end it. #2) It's my opinion that it's rare (possibly extremely rare) for a relationship to be solely 'vanilla' or solely 'kink'. Life is rarely that simple. It's not usually an all or nothing situation. #3) Not everyone is interested in having a committed relationship, either at a particular time or, ever or, with a particular person or, with anyone. Playing together and, then going separate ways afterward, might be all that they're looking for. If that's not what you're interested in then it's probably for the best that you found this out and can continue looking for what you really do want. joy Owned servant of Master David

GoddessTeaze -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/26/2008 11:48:10 PM)
It truly amazes Me, how people can wonder if there can be a mix of Bdsm & Vanilla. We live in a Vanilla world, so how on earth do you expect to cut out all the vanillastuff in your life? People who says they do live in a fantasy is My believe. We all need to work, and shop for grosseries and go to the toilet etc etc... 'please show Me how to shit in Bdsm style' EG Which is pretty vanilla stuff. So what are you on about?? [;)] GoddezzT` [Mod Note: font reduced]

msdrazy -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/27/2008 12:40:17 AM)
In response to GoddessTeaze - yup, pretty much. (I haven't read the rest of the thread but liked the way you have written your reply). - msdrazy

eyesopened -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/27/2008 1:42:30 AM)
Okay. In the "vanilla" world, do you announce to the guy who asked you out that you are looking for a husband and that if all goes well you expect him to marry you? shrug You could, but it would probably be a fast-track to never hearing from him again..... The guy in your bowling league, softball league, or whatever you're into... you ask him if he'd like to get coffee after the game. He doesn't. Just means he's not that into you but still can be a fabulous teammate. BDSM isn't some mystical magical place that involves Superhero comic-book characters. It involves people, warts 'n all. And it's also a journey. i never regret my journey as all aspects of it led to my Master. But the journey doesn't stop here, just now i have a travel companion. What makes Him my travel companion is that we know we are going in the same direction along the same route. We are more interested in the journey together than any pre-determined destination. In the end, we all arrive at the same place and frankly i'm in no hurry to get there. Your comment about the square peg and round hole.... he was probably thinking the same about you. Neither of you were right or wrong, just not right for each other. It happens.

DesFIP -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/27/2008 3:48:14 AM)
Find out first next time by talking about things other than sex and/or play before you meet. We talked about everything beforehand, our lives, our ums, how to fix stuff. I mean everything. If he had only wanted sex/play with no friendship then I wouldn't have bothered meeting him.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Is combining the BdSM / Vanilla lifestyles really so rare? (5/27/2008 5:25:44 AM)
i wish i could have day long sessions with Daddy however someone has to get the girls off to school, get prescription meds and medical forms to get homebound school tutoring for one, cook, clean, upload concert photos and band reviews, laundry etc. and likewise Daddy has patients to help, bills to pay and everything else He has to do in His daily life. it's not rare but reality

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