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Refusals - 5/24/2008 4:16:42 AM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
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( I'm not talking about Madame Helga's online dungeon here..)

Have you ever offered a collar and had it refused? Care to share what you can?

Have you ever been offered a collar and refused it? Care to share what you can?

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

Post #: 1

RE: Refusals - 5/24/2008 5:14:57 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

Have you ever been offered a collar and refused it? Care to share what you can?

On the light side i have refused collars loads of times when offered them in first time communication on here through cmail.

On the serious side i was bought a necklace (not a collar) to signify our desire / commitment to making our relationship work. When he began to mess me around, not calling, not answering texts etc etc i took it off and refused to wear it again, until he began to show that he meant what the necklace signified. Needless to say it never went back on.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 2

RE: Refusals - 5/24/2008 7:57:44 AM

Constrictor1

Posts: 143
Joined: 6/29/2006
From: Constrictor1
Status: offline

Yes Ma'am I have had a collar declined when offered. We had been in the discussion phase for about 2 months. she was married and her husband was included in the process. she desperately wanted to be an owned property and her husband did not have a single dominant bone in his body. I had offered to mentor him but he said he was not interested. He would rather I assume control of her. I told them both the path and style of each aspect of what her services would be to me and my house. They both seemed comfortable with the plans. I told them I would think on it and give them answer in a week. The week went by and I made the offer of a collar to her and she and her husband decided to wait until the end of the weekend to decide. On sunday they showed up with her wearing her husbands collar. I asked what was happening. Apparently the husband was uncomfortable with the arrangements and waited until the last minute to voice his concerns. The long and short of it was he would make her his slave with no help from anyone. I wished them the best of luck and to let me know is I could help them in away to call.
I saw them a month later. she was not wearing a collar. she said she had the best 2 weeks of her life and then hubby lost interest. she removed his collar and went back to being ignored. At this point she asked if I would consider collaring her now. I told her no. I explained that I only make an offer of that level once. That pretty much covers it.

Constrictor1

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 3

RE: Refusals - 5/24/2008 11:07:47 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I've been refused plenty of times for plenty of things, but never with that. Really by the time that comes around you need to know it's going to be right for everyone or there's something wrong with the judgement/communication process. So refusal can actually be your best friend.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Constrictor1)

Post #: 4

RE: Refusals - 5/24/2008 11:22:07 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

I've refused many many instant/velcro/online/lemme give you this collar so you'll let me stick it in your rear/ collars.

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HBIC

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: Refusals - 5/24/2008 11:28:05 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14449
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I was with my ex for 6 years. When offered the collar I declined and we continued the relationship as it stood. I felt that the commitment of a collar would have destroyed the relationship. It's very hard to explain. We were in a committed relationship, but it was a very relaxed one. He didn't deal well with the idea making anything permanent. In the end I chose to end the relationship because it wasn't moving forward.

_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 6

RE: Refusals - 5/24/2008 12:05:56 PM

Constrictor1

Posts: 143
Joined: 6/29/2006
From: Constrictor1
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I've been refused plenty of times for plenty of things, but never with that. Really by the time that comes around you need to know it's going to be right for everyone or there's something wrong with the judgement/communication process. So refusal can actually be your best friend.

LA, in my case you have never been so accurate. I feel so lucky to have avoided the train wreck that has become the other persons life. I also accept the idea that I may have been to hasty in the offer of that collar. Having seen more of this couples "developments" makes me thankful to have dodged (by whatever means) that bullet.

Constrictor1

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: Refusals - 5/24/2008 12:15:49 PM

Phin

Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline

the closest I came to having one refuse my collar was when I spoke to someone about being interested in working toward a collar. she said that she felt as though neither of us could get what we needed out of the relationshid due to thing outside of our control like schedules with work and the fact that we lived 2 hours apart.

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to Constrictor1)

Post #: 8

RE: Refusals - 5/24/2008 9:18:24 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

i had an online Dom not someone from CM and was in 'training' and he wanted to
collar me after one month. he said he always collared quickly. i turned the collar down and terminated the 'training'.

(in reply to Phin)

Post #: 9

RE: Refusals - 5/24/2008 9:44:08 PM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

Ive refused several real collars. Mostly because all of them were for the wrong reasons, Ie I love you and never want to loose you (after 2 weeks) Or they wernt going to work out and wanted to have me collared to make it harder for me to leave.

Ive only accepted a collar once, and it was after a year and a half of dating/service, and it was for a very stupid reason ( I thought accepting it would make him more commited to me.)

Since then I wear but one collar...the one to my cat...

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 10

RE: Refusals - 5/25/2008 3:27:01 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

On the light side i have refused collars loads of times when offered them in first time communication on here through cmail.

On the serious side i was bought a necklace (not a collar) to signify our desire / commitment to making our relationship work. When he began to mess me around, not calling, not answering texts etc etc i took it off and refused to wear it again, until he began to show that he meant what the necklace signified. Needless to say it never went back on.

misturbation,

Good on yoiu! You understand the value behind the premise.

CP

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 11

RE: Refusals - 5/25/2008 3:31:01 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I saw them a month later. she was not wearing a collar. she said she had the best 2 weeks of her life and then hubby lost interest. she removed his collar and went back to being ignored. At this point she asked if I would consider collaring her now. I told her no. I explained that I only make an offer of that level once. That pretty much covers it.

Constrictor1

Constrictor,

You get a Good Conduct Medal. Keep the concept clean me lad!

CP

(in reply to Constrictor1)

Post #: 12

RE: Refusals - 5/25/2008 3:42:17 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Have you ever offered a collar and had it refused? Care to share what you can?

Mlady,

For myself, I have only offered one collar, it was accepted because she desperately wanted it. One week later I realized I made a big error and took it back. She accepted the rational and was ok with it. Since thn it will require a real match to make me reach into the collar box once again.

CP

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 13

RE: Refusals - 5/25/2008 3:52:47 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I've given collars and had them returned fairly quickly (months). Once, by their choice and twice by mutual choice (but one of those I waited until he had the courage to stand up for himself and say so...it was an important lesson). The one that was thier choice...I never did feel that things were totally complete with them, spiritually...and we interacted in a few different ways outside of the lifestyle until whatever spiritual contract we had going was done. I'm still friends will all three.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 14

RE: Refusals - 5/25/2008 4:17:59 AM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Well, sadly i have to say that i am also included in the bunch of "refusal". i was confused about one of them but that i was very much looking forward to serve but over exploitation of a part of me that has nothing to do with myself alone and more to do with "how deep is your love....eeee pocket" Perhaps the B G's should rewrite that song...

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 15

RE: Refusals - 5/25/2008 4:46:35 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelessfool

Ive only accepted a collar once, and it was after a year and a half of dating/service, and it was for a very stupid reason ( I thought accepting it would make him more commited to me.)

I have refused two collars. The first hand0made especially for me....I refused because the Master concerned could only offer me once a month contact. The second coolar was one that I was instructed to choose for myself but the Master was long distance. We had known each other for many years on the internet/cam/phone but it would have meant considerable effort on my behalf to travel across Europe to be with him.
The third I freed myself from. I though that my wearing it would also make the Master more committed.....to me that is......he is poly but now has apologised deeply for any damage he may have caused me, contacts me to let me know he wants me back..........his sadism is deeply engrained.
It was a question of paths crossing rather than being on the same path.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 5/25/2008 4:50:07 AM >

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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
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To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to hopelessfool)

Post #: 16

RE: Refusals - 5/25/2008 12:46:28 PM

wideeyedgirl

Posts: 56
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

I refuse the online collar. Always. Dont even tire your fingers asking.
In reality...I have refused one. After approc 6-8 months of training, I saw the poly dynamic He had..wasnt for me. There really wasn't a place for me. and I wasnt happy.and I had trouble expressing that, the chicken I was (and being only 19 with limited experience too..not quiet having the confidence to speak up and voice unhappiness). When a collar was offered, and contract discussed, I knew..i had to *man up* and turned Him down and begged release. It was granted (of course) and it hurt...but Im glad i didnt stay.

Very akward after refusal of a collar.

But in my eyes a collar is...akin to a wedding ring, same level of commitment and dedication. (I know not everyone agrees). So why would one enter that convent unless truely sure?

Flip side, I begged to be trained and recieve a training collar from One once..and He said I wasnt ready. That hurt too. But i wasnt. so...

_____________________________

~ " Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou are crunchy and go well with ketchup " ~
My opinions are my own. They do not represent my Owner, or past Trainers unless specifically noted. Flame me only, thanks.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 17

RE: Refusals - 5/25/2008 2:18:13 PM

NumberSix

Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

Beneath--------

The City; two hearts beat---

Soul engines runnin thru a night so tender;
In a bedroom locked---
in whispers of soft refusal and then surrender-----

BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_____________________________

"Who are you?"
"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
"I am not a number — I am a free man!"

Be seeing you...

(in reply to wideeyedgirl)

Post #: 18

RE: Refusals - 5/25/2008 2:20:55 PM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

In all honestly, I have never had a collar refused. Then again, I'm not the type of guy trying to collar anything loose thing on the move. Need to develop a relationship first.

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 19

RE: Refusals - 5/25/2008 2:22:36 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

In all honestly, I have never had a collar refused. Then again, I'm not the type of guy trying to collar anything loose thing on the move. Need to develop a relationship first.

but....but..... you said....!!!!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 20

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