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RE: Refusals - 5/25/2008 5:34:40 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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i truly love Sir, and love being his service slut, which is a thing we made up, that works for us. however we did sort of tip toe around the idea of a collar, and although a part of me knows that we are both poly, both love personal space, and that i have very few actual duties, it still felt constraining and suffocating.

what i came to realize is that what we have works, it feeds us both just the way it is...and so why mess that up?

i guess in the end i became aware that i am in the perfect relationship for me, i truly could not ask for more, i feel incredibly blessed that we sculpted a dynamic that feeds our souls so sumptuously, and i don't desire to make it more then it is.

i made that mistake once, i used to think slavery was a progression from submission but its not, at least its not for me, in fact if i am honest i know that slavery would actually ruin our dynamic.

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 5/25/2008 5:36:06 PM >

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RE: Refusals - 5/26/2008 3:33:19 PM

sblady

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Joined: 9/28/2007
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I've refused one (serious) r/l collar....I'm not including online collars as I've had plenty offers (many have received the same offers, I'm sure), but that's not what I'm seeking. I'd discussed accepting a collar from my first r/l Dom, however, when we initially entered into our relationship, we both knew it couldn't be long term (which is what I discovered I want/need). Well, our "temporary" relationship turned into seven months as that sneaky thing called "emotions" entered the picture. I honestly thought I could accept His collar although all the reasons our relationship was "temporary" are still there. Recently I had to do one of the hardest things I've done in quite a while; I let Him know that our D/s relationship had to end. Although we may have continued on for goodness knows how long, it wasn't fair to either of us when I would become upset with certain aspects of our relationship. Nor was it fair for me to put pressure on Him as I'm an adult and was not forced to enter the relationship. I know this may sound silly as I was the one who ended things, but it was very emotional for me (I'd always considered myself to be somewhat of a toughie).

We are still really good friends as that's how we began. I still speak with Him almost daily and we have gone out together since the D/s aspect of our relationship ended, but we know that it can't go any further than that as we don't want to risk our friendship.

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RE: Refusals - 5/26/2008 4:37:23 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor
Have you ever offered a collar and had it refused? Care to share what you can?

No, but then that is one question that I never ask unless I am sure of the answer... even if they don't know that will be the answer until I ask it *g*

The opportunity to work toward such though is of course refused each and every time someone doesn't reply to an intro memo.

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Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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RE: Refusals - 5/26/2008 6:17:46 PM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I demurred, rather than refused outright. We were ldr and new and I didn't see how it would work. We talked about it for a couple of more weeks and then when I felt that I understood, I took it.

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RE: Refusals - 5/27/2008 9:27:51 AM

metalmiss

Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline

i refused a collar.. But it was while i was still trying to face what a low-down lying cheating toe-rag the person offering it was. A collar has too much meaning and significance to me personally for me to just accept one without feeling that its right.

In this case a necklace given to me as a birthday present, which once it was on my neck he had the audacity to start referring to as a "collar." i told him straight that if he was going to call it such i would take it off and never wear it again. So he stopped.. But i still took it off and barely ever wore it, even that suggestion of it having such a meaning put me off the wearing of it completely.

< Message edited by metalmiss -- 5/27/2008 9:31:10 AM >

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Post #: 25