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Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 7:39:00 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		'Curious to hear posters' thoughts on the following:

a) Your view on the most valuable control tools.
b) Do you prefer (and why) to keep it simple and readily understood, or ensure you have a raft of means at your disposal to fit the occasion?
c) To what extent do your control tools evolve in line with your subject?

All replies will be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

_____________________________

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Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.
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RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 8:06:51 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Ok teach me something. What are control tools?

(in reply to NorthernGent)
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RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 8:07:16 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
a) Your view on the most valuable control tools.

I'm not sure what you mean here.  I don't use punishment so 'tools' like that are out.  I'm quiet and insistent and I repeat often.  I tend to be clear and consistent.

b) Do you prefer (and why) to keep it simple and readily understood, or ensure you have a raft of means at your disposal to fit the occasion?

Simple is always good -- if I set out a few things to be done, I remember that usually three things are the max my current boi can remember.  Sometimes she can handle four, but I just go with three and then she usually remembers them all.  My experience tells me that three is a magic number in many cases, though not all.  I do think its important to be appropriate for the occasion.. some things are more important than others and its good to know that, and be clear about it


c) To what extent do your control tools evolve in line with your subject?

They must.. there is no cookie cutter formula for all -- I think that one of the biggest mistakes I've seen dominants make is assuming that what was good in the last relationship is going to work in the new one.  Everyone is different.



_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to NorthernGent)
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RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 8:09:43 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Ok teach me something. What are control tools?



The means of generating behaviour in line with your expectations; for example, empowerment, discipline, supervision etc.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 8:10:08 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		My mind is the only control tool I ever use. Any equipment I play with, any items of just my hands... they are all extensions of the mental control I already have.
DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Madame4a)
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RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 8:31:27 AM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

The means of generating behaviour in line with your expectations; for example, empowerment, discipline, supervision etc.


I find mostly positive reinforcement works best with the types of partners I choose. I also choose partners who are already in line with my expectations to a certain minimum level. Ultimately, it's about knowing my partner better than s/he knows her/himself, and then using that knowledge to affect his/her behavior. This includes sussing out the underlying reasons behind negative behaviors, treating the "disease" and not the "symptom". A little of everything has probably come into play at one point or another...limiting your options has no real benefit that I've ever seen, and so I don't.

(in reply to NorthernGent)
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RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 8:40:24 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		OK then I will go with DV and say you mind is the most important control tool. I would use that and go along with DJ and use positive reinforcement. In the long run useing equipment on someone to control them leads to resentment. Parental equipment use lead me to that statement.

(in reply to DominantJenny)
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RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 8:48:10 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		my control tools are the loyalty of my girl and her will to accept my corrections

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 9:00:09 AM   
boytoy4female


Posts: 103
Joined: 8/10/2006
Status: offline 		The best control mechanism is found by stripping one down to their naked basic self. Self change is most often accomplished in times of necessity.The desires for pleasure and sexual release are the ultimate control mechanisms. Once you are able to control these, other items can be introduced. I can assure you, after repetitive tease & denial, I have found that I am willing to agree to/ submit to just about anything. Usually these "agreements" seem ok in my desparation.  But, at some point after the madness of desire has lessened, the agreement does not seem like such a good idea. Thus introducing other tools of control. It is my belief, especially with males, if you can control their sexual desires, you can control them.

Masturbating without permission, after prolonged tease and denial (several days worth), led my domme to discover a very powerful control item. Did you ever try masturbate or feel empowered when duct taped into a diaper. The rustling sound, inability to use a restroom, restriction, etc all combine to give you no choice but to crawl back and beg for forgiveness.

(in reply to DominantJenny)
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RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 9:06:54 AM   
mzbehavin


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: boytoy4female

The best control mechanism is found by stripping one down to their naked basic self. Self change is most often accomplished in times of necessity.The desires for pleasure and sexual release are the ultimate control mechanisms. 

Masturbating without permission, after prolonged tease and denial (several days worth), led my domme to discover a very powerful control item. Did you ever try masturbate or feel empowered when duct taped into a diaper. The rustling sound, inability to use a restroom, restriction, etc all combine to give you no choice but to crawl back and beg for forgiveness.


I've not tried it but it sounds very effective. Clever Domme, grins*
Besides sexual release motivation, i am very motivated by positive reinforcement. A good girl, or nice job, goes a long way.

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ToTo from The O.Z.

(in reply to boytoy4female)
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RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 12:58:46 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

 c) To what extent do your control tools evolve in line with your subject? 
  i am interested in how Doms answer this question.  In my experience, some Doms were easily frustrated because i didn't respond to stimulus "a" as former subs did...or that i needed different direction due to a difference in personalities.  i always assumed each Dom would vary His style according to the sub...but apparently, i made an incorrect assumption. Is the desired effect a sort of uniform set of power mechanisms that a Dominant can use, as the relationship evolves?  With each new partner, does there need to be an evolution, or even a change in "tools"?

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 1:01:21 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		an arched eyebrow can be pretty durn effective

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This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




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RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 1:29:49 PM   
lizcgirl


Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline 		As a slave, positive re-enforcement is huge, even a simple "good girl" makes me want to please Him even more and make Him proud. For discipline, something immediate and direct and fitting. It depends on what I do what punishment I recieve, but the most powerful one was mental, not physical. Being told "I'm disappointed in you" hurt more than the physical punishment that followed and it's those words that linger more and keep me in check when He isn't around.

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Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.


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RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 1:32:13 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

'Curious to hear posters' thoughts on the following:

a) Your view on the most valuable control tools.
b) Do you prefer (and why) to keep it simple and readily understood, or ensure you have a raft of means at your disposal to fit the occasion?
c) To what extent do your control tools evolve in line with your subject?

All replies will be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Oh hell! Is this another experiment by Milgram?????


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 2:12:16 PM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

quote:

 c) To what extent do your control tools evolve in line with your subject? 
  i am interested in how Doms answer this question.  In my experience, some Doms were easily frustrated because i didn't respond to stimulus "a" as former subs did...or that i needed different direction due to a difference in personalities.  i always assumed each Dom would vary His style according to the sub...but apparently, i made an incorrect assumption. Is the desired effect a sort of uniform set of power mechanisms that a Dominant can use, as the relationship evolves?  With each new partner, does there need to be an evolution, or even a change in "tools"?


It's always frustrating when something you are used to relying on has to get thrown out the window, but that's life! Adapt...flexibility means acheiving your goals more successfully.

(in reply to lronitulstahp)
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RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 2:12:18 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

my control tools are the loyalty of my girl and her will to accept my corrections

This is the same with my Master and me.  He needs only 1 "control mechanism" with me and that is a compliant servant.
 
So long as He has the continued, devoted, free-will compliance to His rule that this Voluntary Erotic Servant has had since the day i walked into His life and into His collar, with my eyes wide open and knowing full well what He expected and required of me, then He needs no other tools to control me. 
 
He doesn't need to use any manipulation or coercive persuasion on me.  He doesn't need to use threats of punishment or promises of rewards with me.  And, He doesn't need to use positive reinforcement and stroke my ego with praise for my good service. 
 
He found Himself a willing servant who understood and agreed to His terms of service to Him and i came to Him willingly ready to obey Him and follow His rule.
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

(in reply to Justme696)
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RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 2:32:18 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He tells me what he wants. I do my best. If I can't do it, I explain what the problem is and he attempts to solve it. Some things I need broken down into small steps and shown how to do each step, one at a time and not moving on until I get it. Somethings I just never get and he accepts that. I want him to be happy with me. What else is there?

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 6:04:14 PM   
SirsNe


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline 		I have a pet of my own. I find that he reacts best to emotional factors.

If I am disappointed in him then he gets very upset and wants only to rectify his mistakes... it also serves to bond us more firmly when postive reinforcement of his corrected action comes...

*thinks* maybe that wasn't explained to well


_____________________________

the irrepressible untameable Ne.

He sits in His chair
watching and waiting
for her to find her feet
the gentle palm at her back
as she seeks the way

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 6:27:13 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		I think it's probably Need.

If someone believes that they need something or someone then I think it's much easier to control them.

Sexual desire probably runs a close second.

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to NorthernGent)
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RE: Control Mechanisms - 5/21/2008 6:27:16 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Choosing a partner who is not an imbecile.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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