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retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/10/2008 4:28:10 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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My Sir would love for me to be able to give up my job and be a stay-at-home sub. It isn't financially possible at this time for me to do so, but, if i could , should i?

I am 50 years old, and looking at retirement in 15 or 17 years, and he can't afford to put money away for my or his retirement.

I would be interested in how other subs/slaves and dominants handle this. We don't stay young forever, and realistically, we need to have money set aside for retirement. Is this something that is addressed during negotiations, and do you think it should be? And if the sub/slave leaves after a set amount of time should the dominant have an amount of money set aside for them?
This is probably more of a topic for 24/7 people.

I realise that it isn't the most romantic of topics, but it is realistic, and important in the long run. thanks.

Post #: 1

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/10/2008 5:29:01 PM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline

Are you suggesting that a sub/slave should have a severance package? Or would you call that a deferred compensation package? Would that make her a pro?

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 2

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/10/2008 5:40:14 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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I'm not suggesting anything - i am asking if this is something that people have thought about.

(in reply to OldBastardly1)

Post #: 3

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/10/2008 5:44:40 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

I think it a reasonable ask if he intends to provide for both of you at or above the level you can maintain now. Then of course, if the relationship breaks up, there's the problem of how difficult it can be for fifty-somethings to get a rewarding job.

I'll assume he's at least around your age (I'm 53) and it's a time of life where you want stability and security for your remaining years. Somethings are greater than a Dom's expectations (gasp) and it's damned scarey getting older and accepting your body usually fades faster than your mind. Work is good for the mind, soul and bank account and there's no guarantee he'll be with you till the end.

You're fifty years old and he needs a reality check - some things are bigger than D/s, dammit....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 4

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/10/2008 5:45:09 PM

Bound2One

Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline

If I were in your situation, I'd be very concerned about retirement. You're not *that* far away from it, and it depends on how your finances look now as to whether you can afford to not contribute anything while you are not working and serving your Sir. I know it's not romantic, but to me it is on par with marriage in that if a couple were married, and both decided the wife should stay home the husband, upon divorce, may have to turn some his retirement funds over to her. Please also remember that during the years you do not work social security (if you're a US citizen) is not accrued and your payment upon retirement will not be what it would if you were contributing to the system for those years at home. This sounds like a 'duh' but sometimes people forget that. If you are indeed in the US, you should contact Social Security and get a printout of where your payments stand with your current work history.

A compromise may be his paying for the household funds (as it sounds like this is something he can handle if he wants you to stay home) and perhaps you can get a part-time job, maybe 20 hours a week or so, which you can deposit into your retirement fund and you will also contribute, albeit at a reduced amount, to your social security, which will help a bit upon retirement.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 5

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/10/2008 5:45:50 PM

MistressMiracle

Posts: 56
Joined: 9/23/2007
Status: offline

I am a Mistress, and have in fact wondered about the ramifications of having a long term 24/7 sub, and after years of service, having the relationship dissolve. I realize there are many ways at looking at this situation, and also many solutions. One Master friend of mine, recently had his slave sell her home. They are relocating to his state. She presented him with the check from the sale, which he accepted. He will be keeping these monies separate, however, he did feel that it was the role of the slave to give him everything. She did this very willingly. However, they also are very much in love, and perhaps have a more casual relationship than most D/s.

I personally, am more in favor of a slave who comes into a relationship with assets, to present a dowry. I am perhaps more realistic and realize that even marriages seem to dissolve , and my state is a 50/50 state with division of property. If I do have a LTR with a slave, I do believe I will seek out a lawyer who works with the lifestyle and cover my ass(ets).

Just one idea. Interested in hearing other's.

(in reply to OldBastardly1)

Post #: 6

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/10/2008 6:45:00 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

If you're finacially well off and he's not, or neither of you are well off, well then I do not think it'd be a good thing to stop your job and both you live on one income, or what ever you may get after you retire.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

My Sir would love for me to be able to give up my job and be a stay-at-home sub. It isn't financially possible at this time for me to do so, but, if i could , should i?

I am 50 years old, and looking at retirement in 15 or 17 years, and he can't afford to put money away for my or his retirement.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 7

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/10/2008 6:45:11 PM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

Presenting secret hidden caymon/swiss accounts for wary subs/slaves. (oh that would be a good job)

I have never been in a complete live in situaiton so this is just what I would assume would happen. I like to work (even if apparently work doesnt like me) I enjoy having some place to go outside of my house where i can toil away for hours at a time. (I know Im weird) Untill I am married I would keep seperate accounts. Hes a big boy (well I assume he would be) and has learned to make his own money and has his own job and have his own bank account.

When moving in/marriage I would guess a shared account where money is transfered from personal accounts to do such things as rent grocery shopping and such. 50/50 or a Ill pay rent you grab everything else kind of deal. Even if my Owner could provide for me fully. Id want a job. He might leave or die, this is a possiblity (a sucky think to think about but ive seen my mom struggle I dont want to be her.), I want to be able to survive with out him, meaning being able to not only hold but keep a job part time or full time. (Ive seen to many times where joint accounts went bad, my paycheck goes in to my account... then it doesnt really help that hed have all the info of said account BUT thats not the point here....)

I also have various change containers around the house. Once a month it goes to the bank half into saving and half into the oh shit account (breaks for the car and such) by the time im 50 im sure Ill have enough there to keep me set and slow down. (Oh gods Im responsble and think ahead.)

If he cant provide for you reasonablly if you were to retire. Let him know your fears and concerns. Keep a part time job as mentioned. Or find someone thats more set in reality. We need money to survive wither we hate it or not ....

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 8

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/10/2008 7:14:03 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

I am 49 have 18 years in out of 30(maybe less) to reach my full retirement and pension, it is also a job that pays well for the type of work I do, but it is also not transferable and keeps me tied to the general area I live in and this has been a sticking point with some Doms as they wish me to quit my job move in with then supporting me while I am with them... and I do ask them about what happens if things don't work out..because if I quit I loss my pension and benefits and I sure as heck at my age am not going to be accepted elsewhere at the same rate of pay, nor would I be able to put another 30 years in I would be extremely lucky to be fit enough to still be able to do the type of work I do after age 55 especially without the easier jobs that years of seniority one earns. About all I would land is near minimum wage jobs with no retirement benefits, so would mean either working somehow the remainder of my life and likely living with my son as I won't be able to earn enough to pay for housing .food, drugs etc....so to me it is a must to keep my job. They can't offer me any guarantees ..not that I blame them ...but I then inform them that is why I state clearly and adamantly right from the outset that I am not will to relocate and I feel I need to remain financially independant.. Even if a Dom negotiated an arrangement if things ended badly their is no guarantee he would not renege on the agreement it is not a risk I am willing to take...I learned some painful lessons in the past that required me to rebuild a life for scratch with nothing and I am sure as heck not willing to risk repeating them especially now at my age with limited working years left... I know there is a chance I may let some super fanatastic Dom slip thru because of this...but I am also too well aware of the hardships I could face if things go to hell....the best I feel I can do is take the safest path by protecting my future income... life is a gamble but I try to look at the odds over the next 30 or so years should I be fortunate to live that long working 12 more guarantees me and income for the remainder of my life, a relationship does not come with guarantees it will last..so I play my cards accordingly

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 9

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/10/2008 7:35:57 PM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

I'm not suggesting anything - i am asking if this is something that people have thought about.

My post was not meant as an attack to your question or post. Nor did I accuse or make a statement. What I did was ask 3 additional questions that might generate another perspective to aid in the thought process.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 10

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/10/2008 7:49:04 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

It isn't financially possible at this time for me to do so, but, if i could , should i?

Here again, its not a question which can be answered by the members of this forum. You and your Dominant have to make a determination. Make sure it is your collective goal. Then ask yourself what would, collectively and individually, be required of each of you. How much income would be required? Where would you live? Will the reality match the fantasy? To that end, if you ever get in a situation where you are ready to attempt it; do it on a trial basis for 30 days. Maybe your current employer, or career path allows for an extended leave.

You may want to work the problem backward. In other words, if you were to exist on his income alone right now - what would be the result? What kind of place would you live, car you'd drive, etcetera? Would the goal be worth the sacrifice? Again - your decision.

quote:

I am 50 years old, and looking at retirement in 15 or 17 years,

We are in a similar age bracket. Step one-plan for success. You hear so much about a 'pre-nup' plan for failure, but rarely do people talk about their plans if things succeed beyond the site of next years vacation. In our case, we want to sell our assets in 5-10 years and take a year and travel the US in a 39 foot luxury RV. Meanwhile, I'm in process of getting duel citizenship for Italy, planning on a retirement in nice little villa in a coastal Italian village-ideally Tuscany.

I've figured how much money that will take and worst case, we get there in 10 years - best case 5.

quote:

he can't afford to put money away for my or his retirement.

Well, that's a problem. You have to treat savings as a bill that comes due every month. Any windfall - like the 'economic stimulus package' is another brick in the foundation to reach your goal.

Trying not to make this political - If you Social Security as a cornerstone of income - good luck!

Now there may not seem like there was a lot of planning in that outline but it was there; albeit subtle. Every pronoun was plural; except when it came to dual citizenship, only one is needed for that part of the plan. The plans are for us together. Early in our relationship, together, we established these goals. Everything we own is joint. We have confidence in each other, and no doubt. Our goals are collective. Even beth's current status as a 'stay-at-home sub' serves us both. When it comes to retirement that will be for us too.

Who knows if we'll ultimately achieve all or any of this? Meanwhile - every day we try to do something that gets us closer - every day has been fun! We look forward to tomorrow.

We think what you desire is a wonderful goal. Start slow and commit to working toward is every day. Plan to succeed! Good luck!

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 11

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/10/2008 7:58:08 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Hopelessfool - it is really great to see a "young" one showing fiscal sense. I wish i had been so smart at your age. *sigh* Hindsight is such a great thing. If i had put $50 a fortnight way when i was in my twenties i would be rich now - or at least, better off.

(in reply to hopelessfool)

Post #: 12

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/10/2008 8:03:12 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Merc - can Sir and i join your household?

The idea of living in Italy is just lovely. If housing in New Zealand was cheaper, i would take Sir there to retire. Generally speaking (not counting cars and housing) the cost of living is , I think, less in NZ, so the money would go further. Of course, i haven't lived there in many years, so i could be completely wrong.

Anyway, it is always something to think about.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 13

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/10/2008 8:13:46 PM

Viridana

Posts: 754
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

My Sir would love for me to be able to give up my job and be a stay-at-home sub. It isn't financially possible at this time for me to do so, but, if i could , should i?

I am 50 years old, and looking at retirement in 15 or 17 years, and he can't afford to put money away for my or his retirement.

I would be interested in how other subs/slaves and dominants handle this. We don't stay young forever, and realistically, we need to have money set aside for retirement. Is this something that is addressed during negotiations, and do you think it should be? And if the sub/slave leaves after a set amount of time should the dominant have an amount of money set aside for them?
This is probably more of a topic for 24/7 people.

I realise that it isn't the most romantic of topics, but it is realistic, and important in the long run. thanks.

If you want to be a stay at home sub/slave... then by all means do.
If you find that you need a carrier/job to make you satisfied ....then I would think twice

We are all different. Nobody can tell you what is right for you.. but you.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 14

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/10/2008 8:56:10 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Is this something that is addressed during negotiations, and do you think it should be? And if the sub/slave leaves after a set amount of time should the dominant have an amount of money set aside for them?

You can't depend on a relationship lasting forever. You need to do whatever is necessary to provide for your future. If you can comfortably quit work and that fulfills you and you can afford it, then go for it. Just be sure that you have provided for your future. I don't see it as a lifestyle issue, as much as one of personal responsibility.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 15

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/10/2008 9:04:44 PM

Othie

Posts: 30
Joined: 3/8/2005
Status: offline

While its not quiet the same thing, I had a friend who was also in college that stayed at home with her Master when she wasn't in class. It worked out quiet well for them, but that is probably because she was getting a grant to help with the money...

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 16

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/11/2008 5:18:24 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

You and your dominant may find it helpful to go and see a financial advisor to give you some indication of how much you need to be saving now to enable you to live comfortably in retirement.

I don't know if living in NZ would be any cheaper, their cost of living is a little better than in Australia though house prices are starting to creep up.... but in my opinion food and clothing are still much cheaper in the USA. Even with the US$ now being almost level with the Aussie dollar (yay) daily necessities are still comparably cheaper there.

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
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(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 17

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/11/2008 5:22:54 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Hopelessfool - it is really great to see a "young" one showing fiscal sense. I wish i had been so smart at your age. *sigh* Hindsight is such a great thing. If i had put $50 a fortnight way when i was in my twenties i would be rich now - or at least, better off.

It is never too late to start saving.... $10 a week means you have $520 at the end of a year. I stopped buying one giant take away coffee a day on my way to work and put that money in a jar and take it to the bank every few months. It is scary how much I was saving because of this one change ($25 a week!!!!)

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 18

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/11/2008 6:24:52 AM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

Well here are My thoughts on that topic--being the realist that I am---and I am in your age bracket too--so things to contemplate:

1. Gas prices will be at $5.00 a gallon by end of summer wheat and rice products are increasing weekly-- can you afford to accomplish certain things on one income? Like the basics of eating, grocery shopping, seeing children/extended family, etc ( note I didnt mention any luxuries)

2. At our age, medical bills will increase--can you afford or are you covered on his policy?

3. When you stop working your SS stops growing---if you split at 60 can you live on what you would get?

4. If you quit working and you two fall apart, are you in a profession that at 50,55 or 60 would rehire you in a heartbeat?

5. Is he going to have a life insurance policy and YOU as the benificiary?

At our age, quitting depenadable jobs, losing SS contributions and facing no health insurance---IS FOOLHARDY--doesn't matter IMHO what the D wants--reality sucks but it is what it is and fantasy has to be set aside it.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 19

RE: retirement and stay-at-home subs? - 5/11/2008 6:46:35 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

i look at things a little differently. If i waited until i could afford something, it would never happen. For example, if someone says they are going to wait to have children until they can afford them, well, who could? i used to get angry with people who said they had to work because "you can't raise kids on a single income" i did this for 16 years without financial support from their father for more than half that time. Yes, i could raise kids on a single income, dammit.

How is this possible? Well, you make it a priority and then decisions are made based on that priority. If retirement is a priority, then you will make financial decisions based on that goal.

The single most true statement i have ever heard is: "For that which is truly important, time and money will be found." Examine what you have found the money and/or time to have and that will reveal your priorities.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 20

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