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Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 4:37:11 PM

sodsta

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

Is it rude to message others with suggestions on how to improve their profile? I mean... it's really not my place, and I wouldn't want to upset or anger anyone, but sometimes I see profiles that really make me itch. For example, today I saw a Domme profile that said something along the lines of "I am a Dominant women seeking a slave. Don't send me any one-liners or chat requests. If you want to catch my attention, say something worthwhile or you will be ignored. I will not respond to people who have nothing in their profile."

Now, personally, I would consider this having more or less nothing in your profile. What is a sub expected to say to someone who gives no information about herself? Pretty much the only people that type of profile will attract are the ones who just want a quick wank fantasy. I can't even begin to imagine the amount of crude messages that lady must be receiving daily.

I see profiles like that, and I want to message them... just to gently point out how their profile could possibly be improved. But I don't want to offend them. And therein lies the problem. As I said, it's really none of my business, and I can't think of a way to word a message like that without sounding like a complete arse.

Anyway. Yes.

Post #: 1

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 4:51:23 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

You know what? Fuckem. I sometimes look at the featured profile. and sometimes it's enough to make me want to leave a comment on it one way t'other. I get nasty mails back sometimes... Don't care. It struck me as somn to do at the time I did it, so I did. After that, not my problem. I never intentially go back to check and see if my comments were heard or affected profiles. It was just somn for me to kill a couple minutes. I have seen the same persons profile come up again as featured and be different, but I am just as like to think it coinkydink than anything. But in thruth... my memory is so bad that, that I usually don't remember the names or the profiles I see.

*edited to add* As for what they think of you... fuckem. Just be you. As for me.. I am an ass. So them thinking it, don't hurt me. LOL

So If it strikes you as somn you wanna do. Go for it. If they don't like you or your message, they can block ignore delete. If you do it just right, you may even make 'em smile. Just remember that putting yourself out there makes you findable. You may get some mail in return that you don't like. You may find "THE ONE". The future is just that, the future. No one knows.

< Message edited by HerLord -- 4/30/2008 4:52:56 PM >

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 2

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 4:53:23 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Ya know, regardless of what a woman's profile says, particularly a Domme, I doubt she's having much difficulty attracting attention. And with the profile you quoted, I imagine she is attracting exactly the sort of attention she wants.

Let it go hon.

Cali

_____________________________

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(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 3

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 4:53:52 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

perhaps send a polite greeting, and ask if you might be allowed to make some suggestions re: the profile.

Some will appreciate it, some will slam you, some will ignore you.

I've sent emails pointing out typos or spelling errors. usually, people are nice about it. It's all in the initial approach, I think.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 4

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 5:05:45 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

That sounds pretty much like my profile, sodsta. I have in there exactly what I want in there. It doesn't need improvement and I don't need advice on how to improve it. In fact, as I've honed it down to what it now is, I get responses from people I would actually like to talk to and not just dipshits who are looking for a lil kinky sex on the side.

I talk to many people on CM who contacted me after reading the profile I have now. They actually made an effort, made conversation and talked about normal, everyday things (anything BUT kink/sex) when first approaching me, and that's exactly how I like it.

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(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 5

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 5:17:20 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Women on here need no suggestions. Their mailboxes are usually flooded so I wouldn't bother with sending them suggestions. They're obviously already attracting attention. Why fix what isn't broken?

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 6

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 5:19:44 PM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline

Maybe when the wetness behind your ears is dry, they might listen. *Maybe*.

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Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 7

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 5:22:13 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Women on here need no suggestions. Their mailboxes are usually flooded so I wouldn't bother with sending them suggestions. They're obviously already attracting attention. Why fix what isn't broken?

Would these be the same women who are on here every week bitching about what fuckhole losers all the men are that keep emailing them? Or would these be the women that wind up shirtless and broke on the curb from moving in with someone who then takes them for everything throws them out and leaves them fucked and confused to come here whining about how horrible thier lives are and how terrible BDSM is?

I always get them mixed up... Which ones are we talking about?

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 8

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 5:26:26 PM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

If you are trying to be helpful then it wouldn't be rude although the other party may still take exception to it. The vast numbers of profiles I see with spelling errors or typos is amazing especially when you consider that the profile composition pane has a spell check feature. I've thought about sending a note to a few folks about it but I figure if they can't be bothered to proofread they probably don't care to hear from me about it.

I never really think much about the content or lack of it. That is a representation of the person within - good information to know.

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 9

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 5:30:55 PM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

Is it rude to message others with suggestions on how to improve their profile? I mean... it's really not my place, and I wouldn't want to upset or anger anyone, but sometimes I see profiles that really make me itch. For example, today I saw a Domme profile that said something along the lines of "I am a Dominant women seeking a slave. Don't send me any one-liners or chat requests. If you want to catch my attention, say something worthwhile or you will be ignored. I will not respond to people who have nothing in their profile."

Now, personally, I would consider this having more or less nothing in your profile. What is a sub expected to say to someone who gives no information about herself? Pretty much the only people that type of profile will attract are the ones who just want a quick wank fantasy. I can't even begin to imagine the amount of crude messages that lady must be receiving daily.

I see profiles like that, and I want to message them... just to gently point out how their profile could possibly be improved. But I don't want to offend them. And therein lies the problem. As I said, it's really none of my business, and I can't think of a way to word a message like that without sounding like a complete arse.

Anyway. Yes.

I think it depends on what you DO read in the profile...the one you are quoting is probably very much not interested in improving her profile and quite likely to respond negatively to any such attempt...mine, on the other hand, reads (I think) approachable enough that it's a safe bet I'd be interested in suggestions for improvement. (Of course, I am, actually, I even started a thread for the purpose in the Ask a Submissive forum. :P)

P.S. Goodness, but you ARE sweet.

< Message edited by DominantJenny -- 4/30/2008 5:34:43 PM >

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 10

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 6:18:20 PM

HornyToadsMI

Posts: 287
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

I am the type of person who looks past threads I am not interested in. The same for profiles. Now, if it is a friend, then I will comment. A stranger.....I mind my own business. There may be a good reason the profile is how it is stated.

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(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 11

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 6:23:59 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Handing out unsolicited advice is not the best way to win friends and influence people. And why do you care what sort of messages strangers receive? She may like those messages. Not everyone here shares your sensibilities.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 12

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 6:51:21 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

I see you are a creative writing student. Perhaps that explains the "itch"? lol

There are often requests on the forums here for profile help, and you might consider a journal entry offering help with profiles. But in answer to your question, yes, more often than not the recipient will think it rude to given unsolicited offers for "improvement".

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 13

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 7:40:13 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

I offered some advice about a week ago. The profile of a Dom popped up on the screen when I logged in and it was so nasty (read: mean-spirited) and whiny (because he can't seem to find a sub who liked nasty whiny men) AND he asked for someone, anyone, the way the question was phrased, to explain why there were no women on this site who could follow through ... well ... I mean really! When one is so challenged, what is one to do but answer?

So I gave him an honest assessment. It wasn't mean-spirited but I did answer his question bluntly. And then ... well ... I was so irritated about his whining and shaming / blaming every single sub on CM that I ... um ... offered to train him.

The cool response was that I got a mention in his journal! To save face, however, he said that I was a Domme and that I'd blocked him so that he couldn't answer - neither of which is true. Unfortunately, he has since removed all the journals except for one regarding all the wannabes on here.

So ... the advice wasn't rude, although the offer to train this ham-head was; but all in all I'm pretty darned satisfied with it. If you're going to ask for an answer from "anyone" I guess you brace yourself if your ego is already precarious. If his profile just needed tweaking or if there was some incorrect information in it, I'd approach it in a very different manner (and have done so for others - Dom and sub alike - with remarks of appreciation in return).

It's all about the reason you write the suggestion and the approach you take in offering a solution, as Greedy Top stated.

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 14

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 7:41:07 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

I've gotten three emails, at various times, suggesting minor tweaks to my profile. All three people were right- I used the wrong tense once, and twice made minor typos. I can't say I found it rude- maybe a bit humbling, since I tend not to make mistakes like that, but not exactly rude.

So in some situations, it's appreciated. And some will be offended and rant about how they said exactly what they wanted and how dare you think it wasn't perfect.

Like anything else, you won't please everyone, no matter how hard you try... so just do whatever you like.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 15

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 7:43:19 PM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline

i see profiles all the time that make me shake my head for various reasons, from content to spelling to attitude. i don't feel it is my place or my business to point anything out to anyone about their profiles...maybe i don't care enough about it to make the effort, i don't know.

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Post #: 16

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 7:47:15 PM

Wolfsrealm

Posts: 36
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

I don't find anything wrong with it at all. If they are mature adults, they'll look at your advice and either take it or leave it, and then be done. If you're being constructive and genuinely trying to help, they have no reason to be upset.

~Little Red

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 17

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 7:54:05 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfsrealm

I don't find anything wrong with it at all. If they are mature adults, they'll look at your advice and either take it or leave it, and then be done. If you're being constructive and genuinely trying to help, they have no reason to be upset.

~Little Red

Which doesn't mean that some WONT be upset..LOL

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Wolfsrealm)

Post #: 18

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 8:02:44 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

Meddlesome types are always suggesting I shorten mine; nevah!

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 19

RE: Offering advice: Is it rude? - 4/30/2008 8:06:23 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

Is it rude? Not really. Might unsolicitied advice get your head ripped off? Yep.

Just recently I sent detailed unsolicited advice to a new to CM submissive man in my state. He has a cute, fey face and I wanted him to improve his odds in getting what he wants and I sensed that he didn't really know what to say. After a few days he said he had thought about my advice, found it to be sound and made changes. I was a little surprised at his good grace. (smiling)

I have had other people tell me to feck off (which I think is a legitimate response), but this happens more often when I have sent a one-line comment.

I have gotten (critical) feedback on my profile saying ...
I don't really say much about myself
I'm just looking for a boyfriend
I'm a bitch

I am not grateful for critical feedback on my profile from random strangers because almost always I express myself much better than they do. If someone had well-reasoned comments, I would give them a listen. ...OK, I *might* give them a listen. (grinning)

Mss

(edited because I may think I express myself well, but I invariably press the OK button too fast)

< Message edited by MySweetSubmssive -- 4/30/2008 8:10:02 PM >

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Post #: 20

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