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Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 12:08:22 PM

MladyHathor

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Can they exist one without the other? Or is it a given that with out the one you cannot have the other? Which one is the most important?

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RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 12:12:20 PM

Madame4a

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From: Washington, DC area
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for me.. trust first and then I can be intimate...

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RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 12:17:32 PM

lizcgirl

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I don't think it's possible to have intimacy without trust. For me, I have to trust some one before I can reveal the things I keep inside, the most secret parts of who I am. Giving that away without trust just seems a foolhardy thing to do- it's giving some one absolute power over your most sacred thoughts and feelings without knowing what they're going to do with it. It just doesn't make sense to me.

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RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 12:27:52 PM

RCdc

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Trust can exist without intimacy.
Intimacy without trust - for me, no, but then intimacy is subjective and one persons intimate act may not be what I consider to be such. So without defining ones intimacy, I can't answer as a general thought, only a personal one.

the.dark.

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RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 12:28:23 PM

mistoferin

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It would really depend upon how you define intimacy and even then it would be a personal thing. Many folks think of having sex as intimacy. In that definition, sure the two can exist without the other. For me intimacy is what occurs when I let someone "in" and share with them the inner thoughts and workings of my mind. So for me, trust and intimacy go hand in hand and can't exist seperately. Of course that is not true for everyone though as we have all met people who will spill their whole life story onto you moments after meeting them.

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RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 12:51:39 PM

metalmiss

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From: Croydon, UK
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i can have trust without intimacy, but i couldn't have intimacy without trust.
For me, the most important of the two has to be trust.. As it is a fundamental part of any relationship, platonic one's included.

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RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 1:26:45 PM

UncleNasty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizcgirl

For me, I have to trust some one before I can reveal the things I keep inside, the most secret parts of who I am. Giving that away without trust just seems a foolhardy thing to do- it's giving some one absolute power over your most sacred thoughts and feelings

For me it starts with honesty, not trust. There is no trust without honesty, and no intimacy without trust.

As for giving someone absolute power.... I don't see it that way. In sharing my "insides" with another I am taking a risk of being hurt, but that isn't the same as giving them my power. And its certainly true that you can't know someone is worthy of trust, or trustworthy, until there is something at stake.

I don't risk just being hurt when I expose myself to someone. I also risk being happy, being accepted, being loved. In my mind the biggest risk is in taking no risks.

I have confidence in my abilities to maintain my own power, and also in my abilities to heal when hurt. That helps a lot. If I knew how I got here I'd gladly share it. It wasn't always so - and I have great appreciation for being here now.

A quote from Erica Jong:

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is all its cracked to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, worth being brave for, worth risking everything for. And the truth is if you don't risk everything you risk even more. Life doesn't leave that many choices."

Uncle Nasty

(in reply to lizcgirl)

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RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 1:51:01 PM

ResidentSadist

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Emotional intimacy or physical intimacy? I could sport fuck someone I didn’t trust but I couldn’t fall in love with them.

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RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 2:32:32 PM

SlaveRayleene

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Since my Master died, I have 2 semi regular play partners, both of whom I'd trust my life with and one of whom I am intimate with as well. So, for me they can exist separately and together.

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RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 2:50:18 PM

OrrisKitten

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For me I think they can exist happily without one another.

I trust my best friend with every part of my life, yet could never EVER be intimate (even if I wanted to, he's gay) with him. I think there are different kinds of trust, just as there are different kinds of love. I love my best friend, but in a totally other way than I love my Dom.

I have been intimate with people I did not trust. I was not afraid of them, but when it came down to it I know they would flake before helping me, but that was fine for the moment it was in. I am not against casual things, but I also know that in those situations trust is not always there (I've also never had a "casual" BDSM thing before, and when it was brought up in a casual setting I tended to say no if I didn't trust them)

For my romantic/kinky relationships, though, I find that I need trust in order to maintain intimacy.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 10

RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 3:13:00 PM

MistressOfGa

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quote:

For me it starts with honesty, not trust. There is no trust without honesty, and no intimacy without trust.

H O N E S T Y ! I have nothing without it. If someone isn't honest with me, how can there be trust? Every relationship I have had has been built on trust. How do I get and receive trust? By being HONEST!!

I hate LIARS!!!!

MoGa

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RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 3:20:51 PM

mbes

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Yes, I can be intimate without trust by trusting myself (you may hurt me, but I will heal), and I can trust without being intimate.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

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RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 3:24:05 PM

yournewprincess

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Joined: 11/5/2007
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for me the trust has to come first. i need to be able to completely trust someone before i can be intimate with them at all.

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 13

RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 3:31:04 PM

RavenMuse

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Physical intimacy doesn't require much trust at all, emotional intimacy does....There are many types of 'relationship' and some of those don't have much intimacy at all.... but if trust is missing then it isn't any kind of relationship at all IMO... so Trust, for Me is the most important.

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And it must follow, as the night the day,
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Post #: 14

RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 4:00:28 PM

Evility

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There is more than one type of intimacy. I guess in some ways there are different types of trust, as well.

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RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 4:29:47 PM

RumpusParable

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For me, they are built together. Trust can't be gained without some level of risking, which at the same time builds intimacy between the two people.

You can't walk up to someone and trust them with the things about you that may cause them to make phonecalls to certain types of personnel. You meet someone and the two of you start sharing things, and the trust and intimacy starts to grow and deepen as the sharing of experience and thoughts goes further and further. Various people this happens with reach various levels of trust and intimacy that is then the definer of that relationship.

One level of trust and intimacy with one friend. A different with another. Or with one's individual family members. Or with one's spouse(s). There isn't just one level or intensity.

Additionally, they definitely can be had separately. Personally, as with most out there I think, I would prefer they go together. However, the reality is that they aren't necessary interlinked.

There are a *lot* of people out there that share their intimate, inner selves with another one-way or mutually where there is little to no trust in the relationship. Then there are those that trust but are still unable or unwilling to share their innermost thoughts and inclinations.

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RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 7:17:06 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Dark hit it for me- trust is not one all encompassing binary concept. I trust my partner to call when he'll be late. I also trust him to be late almost all the time.

I trust my boss to pay my salary on a regular basis, I'd never trust him to remember my birthday. I am not intimate with my boss on ANY level but I trust him on some levels.

I can have trust without intimacy, but intimacy does require trust.

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RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 8:38:19 PM

malloves69

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Joined: 9/15/2006
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trust comes first ..once you have developed that the itimacy is much better i belive

mal

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Post #: 18

RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/29/2008 9:14:10 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Physical intimacy doesn't require much trust at all, emotional intimacy does....

This is along the lines of what I was thinking. I can trust without intimacy. But I can't be emotionally intimate (and for me, being intimate is an emotional experience) without being vulnerable, and I can't be vulnerable without trusting.

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Good is the enemy of great.

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RE: Intimacy and Trust - 4/30/2008 6:04:05 AM

lanie38

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Joined: 9/14/2007
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I don't limit my intimacy with him based on trust...as someone else mentioned trust is subjective...do I trust him to never hurt me, always love me, always have my best interests at heart? I hope he does, but he's human and there are no guarantees...so I put the burden of trust on myself.

Intimacy for me, at least the kind I crave has much more to do with honesty, acceptance, commitment and devotion....

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Don't be so humble...you're not that great. ~ Golda Meir

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Post #: 20

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